Where do I begin? Well, let me start off by saying that I never thought in a million years that there would be any show that could top and maybe even surpass the Exodus show (2/4/08) or the Testament show (4/6/08), but indeed last night's show was much more celebratory (it's the last show before Death Angel heads over to Europe and start their tour there) and everyone from fans to the road crew to BB King employees - and, of course, myself - had a great time!
So much to report, so many people to apologize to (Ryan Knight of Arsis and Sirius's Jose Mangin), and many more to slam against (everyone in God Forbid, their bald, piece-of-shit asshole of a tour manager and James Malone of Arsis). Of course, I got to meet with the familiar local metalheads who come out to every metal performance at BB King's, some new faces and some who recognize me from HMN.com. Drinks were high and stupid me paid $5 for bottled water, which probably saved my life because by the end of the show I was dry as dirt. And the bands.... well, shall we begin!
First band up were a five dudes who I naturally never heard of. One of them, the guitarist, looked almost exactly like President Dubya, complete with stupid clueless face and snivelling smirk. Let me just say that I have no idea WHAT THE FUCK their name is! I heard something like C.T. Phantoms, or T.C. Fandom, or P.T. Barnum - or whatever the fuck! Don't worry, these guys won't be together for long judging by their constant bitching onstage! Yes, people, actual band-infighting onstage in front of everyone to see and it was hilarious. Once they got past their Midol moment, they actually started playing. And my verdict is they were actually good, but too much of this bitching is going to damage any chance of them going anywhere.
Next up were Martyrd, who I saw open up for Testament two months and five days ago. In that amount of time, they have become a lot more comfortable and in control of their shit. That's not to say that they didn't in the first place, but of the two performaces that I've seen from them, last night's was easily their best one. Their setlist remained the same. "Blue and Black," "Pressure," and "Soldier of Fortune" were played again, but that was fine. Mike, their follicily-challenged but superb guitarist was kind enough to come out and hand the crowd their CD for free, much like last time, which I got and have listened to, and bares listening to by people looking for the bands who like their thrash to be somewhat light but fun.
Light This City were supposed to be on the bill, but apparently they are no more as of last week. Big fucking deal! All I know about this band is that their singer was one of the many girls selected as "Hottest Chicks in Heavy Metal" in Revolver Magazine. I think what happened was the chick aka Laura Nichol finally grew a set of balls and the dudes in the band weren't too thrilled by it and called it quits.
Arsis! Another group of swinging-dicks who I had met once before at the Exodus show four months and seven days ago. Our encounter was too thrilling, seeing as I (stupidly) thought that guitarist Ryan Knight had given me the cold shoulder and disrespected me. For anyone who read that blog, I naturally went on a tear and had my own Midol moment. Anyway, I am happy to say that the "feud," which was really a one-sided affair, is over and I want to say that I love Ryan Knight in a totally non-faggot way. In that same way, I also love bassist Noah Martin and new drummer Alex Tomlin. These guys are not only becoming masters of their instruments and their craft of technical death metal, but are also kind of to stop loading their equipment for a good five minutes to talk with me and make amends. Notice, however, that I did not include frontman James Malone. For whatever reason, Mr. "Berklee College for Music in Boston" decided to skip helping his brothers in Arsis get their equipment from the venue and getting a chance to meet yours truly. Could it be a case of LSD (Lead Singer's Disease - notable victims of this affliction include David Lee Roth and Axl Rose)? Until I get a chance to meet Mr. Malone in person and ask him myself, I will assume so. But Ryan, Noah, and Alex are cool beans! Oh, yes, and their set was killer - short, but still killer!
Next, God Forbid! Man, talk about being greatly disappointed by a band after they have delivered such a brutal and electric performance and then it turns out they're a couple of douchebags! Yes, DOUCHEBAGS! And I thought Ryan Knight was cold? You try talking to Bad Brains reject and God Forbid frontman Byron Davis and see what you get. Fuck him! Okay, so he and the rest of GF did pose for pics with me, but a little more verbal contact with your fans is greatly appeciated. Instead, he decides he wants to just chill and smoke and whatever, which is fine, but crack a fucking smile and say "thanks" to the people who see your fat ass sweating, you dumb gorilla! And fuck Mr. "Wanna Be Stud Guitarist Supreme" Doc Coyle, another stupid poser who seems to be so caught up in himself to know that he is shit without me and the fans. To be honest, I didn't even know any of these guys' names! Who the fuck are God Forbid, other than being that metal band "with a bunch of blacks and that one white guy" who, by the way, should be playing for Molly Hatchet instead of God Forbid. Fuck their drummer, Corey, another arrogant punk who spend the entire time on his iPhone chatting to nobody! Hell, HE is nobody. John, the only white guy in the band, was a lot cooler - and no, not because he's white - and was a lot nicer, but he, too, didn't feel the need to chat with anyone. And Dallas Coyle, well, funny story here was I got into it verbally with their prick of a tour manager, some dumb bald fuck who got mad at me because he happened to be chatting with some other guy and I see Dallas coming and I yelled to him. I told the bald prick to "chill the fuck out" and respect people more, especially the fans. Dallas stepped in before the bald prick manager could say anything and I sort of got into with Dallas and told him that he should learn some manners and respect for people. Dallas said it wasn't his job to care and that "he's going through shit." Who gives a fuck? I go through shit, but I still give me courtesy and show respect. Anyway, God Forbid played well, but they're antipathetic attitude rubbed me the wrong way - so I say: FUCK YOU, GOD FORBID! They should known more as "God Forbids Douchebags."
And now, the last act - DEATH ANGEL! A great bunch of guys who, after 20 years of playing Bay Area thrash, show humility, respect, love, and appreciation for their fans and everything they have, unlike God Forbid, who've been around less than half of Death Angel's lengthy tenure. I said to myself that these chinks have their work cut out for them, but they rose to the challenge and indeed kicked the shit out of GF's set. Playing great shit from their amazing new album "Killing Season" and some songs from their old albums - they've only released five studio albums in total - the night belonged to Death Angel, and rightfully so. Mark Osegueda is a consummate showman and frontman, even telling me (jokingly) that I was a "mighty handsome young lad" in front of a hundred hormone-charged metalheads, and delivers a fun hour long set that could have gone all night. He backed by an amazing group of young-looking guns (I swear these dudes are in their late 30s/early 40s, but they look like kids!) with guitarists Rob Cavestany and Ted Aguilar, bassist Dennis Pepa, and drummer Andy Galeon. The crowd really enjoyed them, and they did not disappoint. At one time, some guys from the road crew, including Steve the Sound Tech decided to feed the boys some Crowne and other forms of liquor while the members of Death Angel kept playing. That was fun and funny! And though, I have a major issue with germs, as these guys were sharing the bottle with one another without wiping the top, I wouldn't have mind drinking some and sharing in on the fun myself. Maybe next time!
TRINKETS! OH, THE TRINKETS!
- God Forbid's setlist (big fuckin' deal, it's not Death Angel's setlist!)
- Andy Galeon's drumstick (which some cocksucker tried to take from me, but shoved his stupid ass and reclaimed it. He put up little resistance.)
- Three guitar picks total (I gave three more to my buddies in the front row.)
- Two free bottles of Poland Springs water (After paying $5 for the first one, I was given one by the BB King staff and then I stole another one off an amp.)
And of course, I did get to meet and make amends with Sirius Hard Attack's Jose Mangin, which for anyone who read my Testament show blog, I did blast and put down for being a corporate sellout and douchebag, but it turns out he is a much cooler person than I gave him credit for. Maybe it just wasn't the right time, but maybe some day down the road we will work on something on-air for Hard Attack. Stay tuned! Oh, yeah, and I met Juliya C. formerly of the Fuse channel program "Uranium" and got a little close with her. But, from what I heard of her, she gets it on with everyone in the band, and I'm not about to have a dude's or several dudes' sloppy seconds. (I know what the C is for... CUNT!) Oh, and I can't forget to mention that I met the lovely Denise, who documented the upcoming DVD for Cannibal Corpse.... oh, yeah, and God Forbid. She's a great girl and I look forward to working with her and seeing her work real soon.
So, my friends, it ends! Another tour finished for one band and another begins for a couple more. A great night spent with friends, bands, douchebags, and several other people here and there. I have to ask this question again, why would anyone NOT love metal?
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