THE ELITE IS HERE!

What more can be said? The guitarist from Chimaira, mixed with the drummer from Bleed the Sky, wrapped with the bassist of Ohio Sky, and topped with the singer from STEMM.

Still not convinced? Have a look!

Welcome to DRAMA THEATER - Sheesh!

John Lennon said it best is the song "God" when he stated, "The dream is over." he may not have been referring to the band of Dream Theater, but I think the phrase fits them now, considering that their former drummer Mike Portnoy has moved on to drum for that piece of shit OC group Avenged Sevenfold and DT is possibly crumbling before our eyes.


It's now become a battle of she said-she said whining and botching from DT singer James LaBrie and Portnoy. Word has it that "Bluebeard" felt hurt and disrespected because LaBrie wasn't crying when Portnoy decided to take a hike from the group and grab the brass ring with A7X. Honestly, who gives a shit about these two, or their bands? If I had my way, I'd throw them all in the East River without a life-preserver! I can't stand their music or senseless complaining, except that it gives me fodder to post and blog about.

During an appearance on the September 28, 2010 edition of the "Used Bin Radio" show, LaBrie was asked if he was "sad" over Portnoy's decision to leave Dream Theater:

"You know what?! I'm not sad at all. I've gotta be honest with you. I think that everyone out there needs to know that there's four guys in the band that are... We're excited, we're really looking forward to the next chapter. And I think one of the other things that everyone really has to remember is that there's four more-than-capable guys there. We're all extremely... I know everyone is out there going, 'Holy shit! Is this guy full of himself or what?' But I wanna say it like it is. There's four very capable people in the band, and we're all talented and we all know what we're doing, and we're all capable of doing everything and keeping Dream Theater exactly what it's been and bringing it to another level and bringing it to uncharted waters, but I think very exciting and fulfilling waters. So, no, we're not down. I can guarantee you none of us are down. We're actially pretty excited... and very positive."

Earlier today, a registered user of Portnoy's official forum asked the site's moderators if threads about LaBrie's upcoming solo tour were being deleted from the MikePortnoy.com site. Portnoy himself then chose to respond, writing, "I'm afraid your eyes are not playing tricks on you."

He continued, "I was willing to ignore that the [DREAM THEATER] guys insisted all [Mike Portnoy]-related stuff be removed from DreamTheater.net [DREAM THEATER's official web site].... but then on Monday reading the Blabbermouth headlines with James [LaBrie] insensitively proclaming they are 'not sad at all' about my departure from DREAM THEATER, I cannot in 'happy' standing promote his solo tour....

"I am so sad it comes to this, but I am even more shocked and hurt by James' completely disrespectful quote."


Says LaBrie:

"It seems there is a misunderstanding. When I said I was not sad with Mike's departure, it, unfortunately, leaves plenty of room to misconstrue such words. No one can tell you or me how to think and feel. Initially with Mike's departure I was extremely upset, down and shocked. But one needs to deal and work through these emotions in order to arrive at a more positive and optimistic place. That is where I am now and was when the interview took place. Let me put it more plain and simple. Life does not afford us the luxury to wallow in our sorrow. You have to deal with the situation at hand and make it a productive and positive endeavor. In other words, onward and upward. Mike made it perfectly clear why he chose the current path. I would much rather his words be the definitive answer. In the end, does it really matter what our views are? Other than human curiosity, it doesn't change a thing. I have said my piece and believe there is no room for misinterpretation. I will give no further weight to this subject; all has been said."

PUSSIES!!!! ALL OF YOU!!!! Just sayin'.....

Worst Interviewee Award: Scott Ian

For future reference, it might be a good idea if the "brains" behind Anthrax keep Scott Ian away from giving anymore interviews. Simply put, he comes off like a major douchebag and an uncaring, unfeeling fool with absolutely no focus, no vision, and no direction as to where the band will go next. It's obvious his priorities are no longer with Anthrax, but with his new pals in Fall Out Boy to form a new project called The Damned Things. The following exchange between Ian and the Miami New Times makes it painfully obvious that Anthrax is the furthest thing from his mind.


Can you say: "douche"?


Miami New Times: You had already recorded some of your upcoming album when Joey Belladonna rejoined the band as the singer. What are you going to do with the previous material? Is he going to re-record the vocals, or are you just going to write new material for him to sing?

Scott Ian: Both, all that. We're keeping some of it and Joey's going to re-sing it, and we're writing new stuff.

Miami New Times: Early track lists for the record included covers of songs by REFUSED and ALICE IN CHAINS. Will those still make it?

Scott Ian: We have no idea.

Miami New Times: So were those covers ever supposed to be part of the mix, or was that something totally made up on the Internet?

Scott Ian: Possibly. I don't know.

Miami New Times: Um, so will you be including any covers on the new album, or not?

Scott Ian: I don't know. Who gives a shit about cover songs?! We're so far away from that.

END


Yeah, Anthrax is so far away from doing covers that they'll still perform "Antisocial" (a cover by Trust) and "Got the Time" (a cover by Joe Jackson) in their sets. And what about the Pearl Jam cover "Brain of J" that was going to be on what would have been their latest release, Worship Music? I guess "Baldini" forgot about those, too.


Just sayin'.....

Save Nergal!

So many times I have been accused of using this blog to defame, insult, berate, and slander metal band members. And while it may be true in some cases, as I feel that many of them deserve a good verbal beatdown from Yours Truly, I have decided for this one time to do some good for the metal community for a change. I have decided to use my forum to spread awareness of leukemia and to help Behemoth frontman "Nergal", aka Adam Darski, in his fight to find a bone marrow in order to cure his affliction.



Adam "Nergal" Darski, the 33-year-old guitarist/vocalist from Poland's greatest extreme-metal export, Behemoth, has been diagnosed with a life-threatening form of leukemia, a cancer of blood-forming tissues of the bone marrow. The disease, for which Adam is currently receiving treatment at the hematology division of the Gdansk Medical University Hospital, has advanced to the point where he is in urgent need of a bone-marrow transplant. (A bone-marrow transplant is when special cells, called stem cells, that are normally found in the bone marrow are taken out, filtered, and given back either to the same person or to another person.) In light of this, Darski wants to remind everyone about the need to be on the marrow registry. The more people get tested and donate, the more of a chance for life there is for him and others in the same situation.

Every year, more than 10,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with leukemia or lymphoma, and a bone-marrow transplant from an unrelated person is their best or only hope for survival. There is no data available on how many people die waiting for a match, but only four out of 10 patients receive the needed transplant.

The best thing we can all do right now is learn about the marrow-donation process, not only help save one of metal's leaders, but to also do the same for countless others out there struggling with the same disease. To learn more about how you can register to donate marrow, go to www.marrow.org.

Fans wanting to help out, register for the marrow program, or who have questions on running a marrow drive may contact the organization Music Saves Lives by e-mail at iCare@musicsaveslives.com or by visiting Music Saves Lives online at www.musicsaveslives.org.

Robb gets "Robb-ed"

Guitarist/vocalist Robb Flynn of San Francisco Bay Area metallers Machine Head has posted the following message on the band's official web site:





"Today, Tuesday September 7th, between the hours of 1:15 p.m. and 3:15 p.m. PST while I was picking my son up from school, my house, which is located in the Martinez/Virginia Hills area of California, was broken into and many priceless items were stolen. Items include my wife's jewelry, laptops, wakeboards, cash, and most importantly four of my guitars, including the guitar that I recorded Machine Head's first album, 'Burn My Eyes', with. Also stolen was a guitar that is priceless to me that was a gift from late Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell. The cocksuckers even stole my son Zander's mini Flying V I got him for Christmas.

"I am offering a $1,000 reward for the return of the black Ibanez Strat along with many stickers, a 'Designated Drinker' sticker. Additionally I am also offering a $2,000 reward for the safe return of the blue Washburn Dimebolt prototype. An APB has been put out to every Guitar Center in Northern California and the police were able to get several fingerprints off of the two acoustics that the thieves handled, yet bizarrely left behind."

I guess the "fans" decided to fire back at Flynn for telling off the people of Oakland that they suck as a crowd. Karma is a bitch! But to rob a kid of his guitar is pretty low. Just sayin'......

Slash gets "sloshed" onstage

It's an oldie but a goodie. Slash gets tackled by some douchebag in Italy. It's a close-call for Slash, but unfortunately his guitar can't say the same thing.

Brenna Gray gives birth to girl

Congrats to Brenna Gray, wife of late Slipknot bassist Paul Gray, who gave birth to the couple's first child, a baby daughter named October Dedrick Gray, on Tuesday, August 17 at 11:10 p.m. October, who "looks very much like her daddy," weighed in at five pounds, 14 ounces and measured 19 inches long. According to a Slipknot spokesperson, the mother and the baby "are doing great."





I find it somewhat funny about a few things here. 1) The baby is name October, yet she was born in August. 2) Her middle name "Dedrick" has its first pronounced-syllable as "dead", as in, her father is ..... and 3) Her first and middle initials come out to be O.D., as in her father ..... on drugs. Coincidence? Why couldn't they give her a pormanteau of their names, like Paulenna or Brennaul, or perhaps something as simple, yet rather boring, like Paula? Do these parents want to see their kids stuffed in a locker, or beaten up and bullied because they made the mistake of giving their kid a stupid name?

In either case, I'm sure Paul would have been proud. However, I must admit that I feel nothing but sadness for the little girl, who going to grow up fatherless. Girls who grow up like that eventually become strippers or porn stars -- the kind of girl that members of Slipknot usually go for.

Fear Factory Tour Bus on Fire!

The distinguished metallers in Fear Factory got an alarming wake-up call this morning after a show in Sheffield, England, as one of the tires on their tour bus caught fire. The driver noticed smoke coming from one of the wheels when he stopped to investigate the trouble and saw that a fire had started. The driver immediately notified the sleeping FF members and road-crew and everyone got out safely, but watched in dismay and horror as their carriage burned away in the night. One of their crew members was actually still inside sleeping as everyone escaped, but one brave soul rushed back inside the burning vehicle and awoke his comrade, pulling him to safety. In either case, it is a huge loss for the band as they have lost of their equipment and their valuable belongings onboard. Fortunately, everyone survived and no lives were lost.

(from left to right: Burton C. Bell, Gene Hoglan, Byron Stroud, Dino Cazares)

But what could have caused a tire to suddenly burn the way it did? Was their foul play involved.... something SINISTER, perhaps? There are certain people within the community who aren't fans of guitarist Dino Cazares and have quite the bone to pick with him. Guys - and even a website - who have openly fought with or feuded with the man, such as:

Tommy Vext

or


Raymond Herrera


or


Christian Olde Wolbers


or


Roadrunner Records


or


MetalSucks.net


Or perhaps, it was karma laying the smackdown on bassist Byron Stroud who bamboozled fans into thinking that he'd return to sign autographs and instead changed his mind and stayed on the bus while disappointed fans stood waiting. Or could it be the dreaded "Metallica European curse"? You know, the one that took the life of beloved bassist Cliff Burton back in 1986 and thereby altering the thrash path for Metallica forever. It makes sense, after all, Fear Factory did spend some time supporting the venerable group in other parts of the world. Or, perhaps, some member decided to parade around the bus in corduroy pants and started the blaze by mistake.





Amateur footage by one of the members of Fear Factory of said blaze. It would have helped if the "genius" recording this video had turned the camera long-ways in order to fit within the YouTube perimeters! But, oh well!)

The "FEUD SERIES" Vol. 5: Steven Adler vs. Matt Sorum: "He's Got No Heart, No Soul, No Feel -- NO HEROIN!!!!"

Former reality-show star and supposedly sober crackhead/junkie Steven Adler is on the attack! This time, his intended target is the Melissa Ethridge-looking homo Matt Sorum, who stole the Guns N' Roses gig from Adler as he was kicked out of the band for his rampant drug abuse, eventually succumbing to a near-fatal drug-induced stroke. Now it seems that Adler is back in the saddle of rock-drumming and is voicing out his disdain for Sorum's work on what should have been his gig. But really, what does Adler have left that would matter at all to the world of rock anymore? Not a goddamn thing! The motive here is to sell records, of course, so he can score more smack and stick it his veins or up his nose. It's sour grapes from a pathetic, broken-down, beaten old man who has nothing left except a one-album legacy, a mediocre new group with Chip Z'Nuff, and a ton of debts.



vs.



When asked what he thought of Sorum's playing on GN'R's Use Your Illusions albums:

Adler: His were just half-assed, crappy versions. Nothing personal against the guy, but he's like a goddamn drum machine. He's got no heart; he's got no soul; he's got no feel. And as life and the years have shown obviously I'm not the easiest drummer to replace. All I know is, "Use Your Illusion" would have been bigger than "Appetite".

Whoa now! Bigger than Appetite for Destruction, the 1987 debut that has since sold 18,000,000 copies in the U.S. alone? Take the straw out of your nose and come correct, boy! UYI were pretty good collectively, but what makes you think that your drumming skills would have been any better? Unless you cut out all the melodramatic ballads, piano-playing, shortened some songs, and choir arias, I highly doubt you could have done any better. Axl and Slash would have still hated your guts and fired your dumb ass. And sure, Sorum isn't the most electric performer around, but at least he is saavy enough to just shut up and play and keep away from the vices long enough to produce music, unlike yourself, who pissed away a great opportunity just to get a quick fix and stick more junk up your damn schnoz.

Think about that the next time you're laying in the hospital from another coke-stroke, you haggard-looking old fool!

The "FEUD SERIES" Vol. 4: Max Cavalera vs. Andreas Kisser: Did Andreas Kill the Sepultura Reunion?

Yes, we know that Sepultura is still alive and kicking with a brand-new album, 2009's A-LEX, which I have purposely chosen NOT to listen to. Why? Because this isn't Sepultura.... it's not MY Sepultura! It's also not the RIGHT incarnation. I don't know Derick Green, nor do I care to know who he is, all I know is he is not the right man for the job. The job belonged to Maxipad Cavalera, who vacated the spot in 1996 after the band wanted to ousted ice-queen Gloria Cavalera, Max's wife, as their manager. It turns out that after all these years, Max wanted back in - or at least try to get a reunion of the original members to perform, which also included his ungrateful, scumbag brother Igor on drums and Paulo Xisto Jr. on bass for a possible one-off show or even a tour.

Quite possibly, at the expense of the current members of frontman Green and drummer Jean Dolabella, Kisser squashed any hope of that reunion. Cavalera claims to have tried his best, but ultimately failed. Perhaps Kisser was making a wise decision in this.... we all remember what happened to Anthrax when those Yankee fuckheads had that "Among the Living" tour back in 2005-2006 and they couldn't decide on the proper frontman for the job. In that mindset, Kisser was probably doing the right thing. But for the fans who want to see this happen, like myself, Kisser is a fucking douchebag!

vs.



Max had spoken to another douchebag from the PyroMusic.net about this:


"There were reports recently that you had been open to the possibility of the classic SEPULTURA lineup reuniting for a tour, but allegedly talks stalled. Can you shed some light on this perhaps?"

Max Cavalera: "Yeah, that was with Andreas (Kisser, guitars)... I thought the time was good, it would have been a good time for a reunion, everybody's alive, everybody's here. So I just decided to call him myself to see if we can get this reunion (happening that) a lot of people wanted to see, including my kids, my family, a lot of friends. I know a lot of friends in the whole world who wanted to see this reunion, I thought it'd be a good thing. So I call him and it didn't really go anywhere. He just demanded a lot of stuff, some unreal things, it was not... some of that was not even negotiable. So I just kind of hang up the phone and just say, "I'll try again later, some other time". So it kind of, with things like that now, we just... At least I try, you know, to the fans — I did try my best to get a reunion going, but I couldn't do it because Andreas didn't want to, you know? So gotta wait until next time."

"So try again in a couple of years' time then?"

Max Cavalera: "Yeah, let's see in a couple of years what will happen, maybe he'll change his mind and be more cool about it."

Like the man said, guess we're gonna have to wait in a couple years. Thanks, asshole!

The "FEUD SERIES" Vol. 3: Ozzy Osbourne vs. Bruce Dickinson: "Bruce Is A 'Cunt' Who Needs A Fuckin' Psychiatrist"

Remember back in 2005 at Ozzfest there was an incident involving two great metal legends initially having a war of words and slagging each other onstage to it becoming an ugly, egg-throwing scene involving Bruce Dickhead-son of Iron Maiden, who mocked and ridiculed the brain-damaged Ozzy night-after-night, and Sharon Osbourne, who had had enough of Dickinson's mouthing off of her man. So the old limey cunt got a couple of people together who systemically starting throwing (raw?) eggs at Iron Maiden. To the rest of the guys in Maiden, according to the limey cunt, they were great. But she was saving her venom for the real target - Dickhead-son! Sadly, the other guys in Maiden were casualties to the frontman's mouth and no one was spared. Best part of the night was when Sharon declared Bruce-Bruce to be: "a prick!" in front of a few thousand screaming fans.

vs.



Five years later, the news seems to have caught up with Ozzy once he finally came out of his coma. Limey fat-head and author Joel McIver of "The Quietus" sat down with Osbourne to discuss the incident.

Ozzy Osbourne: "You know what? Unbeknown to me, every night he was going on stage slagging me off. And that wasn't fair. If he didn't like the fuckin' tour, he should have said "I'm jumping [off] the fuckin' tour," but to go on stage and fuckin' slag me off for no reason… I'd never said a fuckin' bad thing to him. The bass player [Steve Harris] came round at the last gig and said "I'm sorry about Bruce," and I'm like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" Nobody had told me, you know. I said, "You know what? I don't understand what the fuck you're talking about here."

And so, I mean, Sharon got pissed off… it was nothing to do with me. I suppose Sharon got pissed off. I'll back my wife up to the hilt, but I didn't know what was going down. But you know what? [MAIDEN were getting] a few fuckin' quid out of that Ozzfest. If you've got something to talk to me about, be a man. Come to my face and say, "I think you're a fuckin' asshole." Don't be a fuckin' idiot. It's so pathetically childish.

Unfortunately the rest of the band had to suffer: I suppose they were pissed off with him. But it's wrong: I've never, ever, ever spoken to the guy… No, I tell a lie, one night they were about to go on stage and I didn't know anything was going down, and I said to them, "Have a good show, guys." But I don't like all that shit going down. If you don't like me, just say "I don't like you, I'm doing this festival but I think you're a cunt." That's all right. But to go on my stage and start slagging me off — that ain't fair. They weren't fucking slagging me off when they got paid every fucking night."

To this day I don't understand what the fuckin' beef was. I just don't get it. To go on the Ozzfest and slag [people] off, that's crazy. I really think he needs a fuckin' psychiatrist if he does that, he's fucking nuts. It's an irresponsible fuckin' thing to do. Sharon must have got pissed off with this cunt, you know."

Ozzy must really enjoy the fact that his old lady fights his battles for him, either because he is a big pussy, or is simply gracious enough to turn the other cheek and forget about it. In either case, it is disappointing when two well-respected groups of this genre take shots at one another rather than coming together. Still, can you imagine the image of eggs being hurled at Maiden right as they're playing the chorus of "Powerslave" and Dickhead-son gets it on the chin:

Tell me why I had to be a Powerslave/I don't wanna die, I'm a God/Why can't I live on/When the Life *SPLAT*


Sharon Osbourne calls Bruce Dickinson a nasty word!

The "FEUD SERIES" Vol. 2: Rob Zombie vs. Ozzy Osbourne: "Stop Stealing My Band Members, You Prick!"

As if to spark interest in his latest borefest Hellbilly Deluxe 2 this time around, Rob Zombie has gone on the attack of the legendary drug-addicted, mush-mouthed mumbler and so-called "prince of 'fucking' darkness" Ozzy Osbourne for stealing his bandmates. First, there was bassist Rob "Blasko" Nicholson, who escaped... I mean, joined up with Ozzy in 2006 to provide the low-end rumble after the spot was vacated by Robert Trujillo in 2003 for the more lucrative venture with Metallica.


vs.



Then, and most recently, drummer Tommy Clufetos jumped the Zombie ship in favor of being the new skinsman after Mike Bordin held the seat for nine years. My question is, did it ever occur to Mr. Zombie that maybe his music just doesn't cut it anymore? That he's just an awful Alice Cooper rip-off with very limited musical ability and appeal, and that perhaps Blasko and Clufetos wanted to stretch themselves - albeit mildly - and go for the brass ring with Osbourne? Osbourne may be a dinosaur, an old relic who can barely scare a group of old women at a Sunday church meeting, but at least he can produce cash - either through CD sales, book sales, or touring with Scamfest.... I mean, Ozzfest.

Personally, I think Rob has spent too much time fucking up the Halloween franchise to know what true rock and metal is. My advice is, if your band members are leaving you, then the fault and problem lies with YOU! If they're not good enough, or willing to hang, then it's their loss and you need find BETTER musicians who can do the job that their predecessors couldn't. Just sayin'....


Rob Zombie, trying to be diplomatic while slamming Ozzy Osbourne for stealing his band members.

The "FEUD SERIES" Vol. 1: Max Cavalera vs. Fred Durst: "Fred Was a Jackass!"

Recently, "Maxipad" Cavalera was interviewed by some douchebag for some shitrag magazine/website whatever-the-fuck about the latest SOULFLY offering, the lackluster and quite bloodless Omen, which saw the "Bob Marley of metal" team up with 'Roid-rager Greg Puciato of The Dillinger Escape Plan on one track ("Rise of the Fallen") and Prong's closet-case Tommy Victor on another ("Lethal Injection"). Cavalera has been known to generously share vocal duties with a variety of other artists, both metal and non-metal, in harmonious quarters. But there is one such person that he absolutely regrets doing a song with, and is it any surprise when that unlucky joker turns out to be LIMP BIZKIT frontman Fred Durst, who contributed to the song "Bleed" off of 1998's Soulfly. In true metal style, Cavalera doesn't hold back or mince words on his disappointment at working with a man who he refers to as "a jackass".



vs.


Question: In recent years you've been critical of your work with LIMP BIZKIT's Fred Durst on "Bleed" from your self-titled debut. Are there any collaborations you've been involved with that you regret now?

Max Cavalera: "Yeah, Fred Durst, you know, turned out to be a jackass later, but at the time that he did that he was cool. He wasn't like super-famous and the idea to use him was from the producer Ross Robinson, he was friends with LIMP BIZKIT. I didn't know the band, I just had a spot for the song "Bleed" and he said some guy could do some rapping on top of it. So I was like, "Alright, that's cool". I didn't know who LIMP BIZKIT was and then like a year later they were the biggest band on the planet. He also turned into a jackass, you know, so I was like, "Oh well, I've got this guy on my album now". At that time I didn't know... if it was today, I probably wouldn't be using him."



I once asked Cavalera after a show at Gramercy Theater in late 2008 when Soulfly were in New York about why he would lower his standards to someone so unmetal and vile as Fred Durst, and thereby soiling the legacy of Soulfly.

He told me, in his broken English:

"Fred really burned a lot of bridges with a lot of people in the business. I never had a problem with him directly, but I know a lot of people who would never want to work with him again because he is a jackass." Ouch... very ouch!

Fear Factory w/ 36 Crazyfists, After the Burial, Divine Heresy, Baptized in Blood @ Irving Plaza - 7/25/10

After years of inactivity and petty bickering between the original members of Fear Factory -- you know, that band with two white guys and two Spanish guys -- has returned to Irving Plaza with two more white guys and minus one Spanish guy. In case you were trying to keep up-to-date with the members, former drummer Raymond Herrera (the one Spanish guy) has been replaced by the zombified giant Gene Hoglan and former bassist Christian Olde-Wolbers was replaced by the wooly mammoth-looking Byron Stroud, and these guys join with original mainstays Burton C. (unt?) Bell and that other Spanish dude, the portly Dino Cazares. I wasn't around to see the original four perform, so I have nothing to compare last night's performance to, but from my vantage point, which was across all the douchebag yokels in the V.I.P. section, it was a pretty solid show.

The preliminary bands were capable and gave it their all, but there was nothing spectacular there. Baptized in Blood, After the Burial, and 36 Crazyfists (not too crazy about these fists) all belong on a bill in that horrid Summer Slaughter package, which I am happily going to skip this year, and don't belong on a bill of this caliber. Divine Heresy, who were actually second on the bill, is Dino Cazares' chance to warm himself up for the grand finale. Sadly, DH comes across to me as FF's bastard child or bratty little brother. After the shakeup with Tommy "Vext" Cummings, who seems to enjoy beating up on his bandmates' wives, like Jennifer Cazares, and was promptly fired, it doesn't seem that Divine Heresy will last much longer. It has been relegated to being nothing more than a side project for its participants with Cazares, as mentioned earlier, in Fear Factory and drummer Tim Yeung is filling in for Pete Sandoval in Morbid Angel, which leaves bassist Joe Payne and newest frontman, Travis Neal, with nothing to do but wait for everyone to come around. A member of the band even confessed to me that this was in fact Divine Heresy last tour, for a long time.... perhaps forever. Divine Heresy's performance is promising, but in the long run, I don't see them carrying on much longer.

Fear Factory starts with smoke and fog, a bit of ridiculous theatrics that signals nothing special but the arrival of the final act. The rotund body of Gene Hoglan is easily seen in the dark as he is lead to his drum kit, and the other three men - Bell, Stroud, and Cazares - take their place on the forefront as the crowd starts up madly even before they hit the first chord. They go through most of their catalogue, playing every incarnation of industrial metal, nu-metal, groove metal, death metal, and thrash while the pits break off into two separate areas. Fear Factory are able to sustain my interest for a while before the yawns and clock-watching begin for me. Granted, Fear Factory are NOT on my iPod and I am unfamiliar with their music, which will be rectified once I free up some space on my computer, but they are able to pepper their set with some songs that you can't help but bob your head too. I have to commend frontman Burton Bell for bringing up the BP issue in the Gulf Coast. He leads the chant of "BP must pay!" which fills the venue with cheers and applause. Even the neanderthals in the mosh-pits find time to stop kicking each other's asses long enough to chant and cheer as well. Bell, who didn't seem to want to divulge any information to me concerning his and Cazares' problems with Herrera and Olde-Wolbers as Raymond had and thereby making him look rather lame in my eyes, seems to channel his inner Hetfield rather well, but he loses his power and presence and shrink when the spotlight goes to the heavy-set Cazares and even heavier-set Hoglan. Fear Factory are not as devastating as I was led to believe, but they are good. I mean, they must be doing something right if Metallica chose them as their support act.

AFTER THE SHOW

The cro-magnon-looking Fear Factory bassist Byron Stroud proves that he is a douchebag and pulls the usual trash-bag, rock-star move of promising fans that he'd return to sign autographs after putting away his gear on the bus. But, of course, he never returned. He deserves to get cancer and die.

I asked Burton C. Bell and it's apparent that the "C" stands for cunt. When I asked him why he and Cazares cannot seem to make peace with Herrera and Olde-Wolber, his only response was a juvenile "why?" and my response was "why not?". Wouldn't it make good business sense just to write better songs with the lineup that actually wrote GOOD SONGS? Whatever went down with these four morons has bruised their precious egos to the point of unforgiveness. Bell was right, I haven't walked a mile in his shoes, but I'm saavy enough to know that if something works I keep my mouth shut and let that shit roll. Okay, Bell, you be content playing second-fiddle to the big boys and you guys will always headline the mid-card bills. DICK!

And could Gene Hoglan look any more unhappy having fans? He and I have had issues in the past, and have since made up, but watching him interact with other fans is like watching a mindless zombie straggling around on the streets. He's kind enough to take pics and sign autographs, but there's too much huffing and puffing coming from him. I know he's a large guy and large people tend to huff and wheeze a lot, but his seemed more out of irritation than just being a fat guy.

It would have been nice to say hello to Dino Cazares, but apparently he seemed more content to spending the little time he had with his lady than say hello to his fans who pay to see him play. And what the fuck is up with this "VIVA MEXICO, CABRONES" bullshit? Dude, we know you're Spanish and you're proud, but must you get all these little spics in the crowd all riled up like animals in a zoo? I'm Spanish and even I was embarrassed when you said it not once, BUT TWICE! A simple thank-you would suffice, old man. Is Mexico a corrupt and crooked country to begin with? Why would you advocate such a country?

Baptized in Blood: C+
Divine Heresy: B
After the Burial: C+
36 Crazyfists: C
Fear Factory: B+

Show Grade: B

A Joke Named: Bloodclot!

John Joseph, frontman to hardcore "legends" the Cro-Mags, is still at it again -- acting like a retarded fool dancing around in his undies like some gay monkey to the sounds of Kool & the Gang's "Jungle Boogie." Here again, he's trying to impress his girlfriend who is no doubt hundreds of miles away vacationing, or perhaps escaping, in Europe. Here's the hypocrite as he truly is.

Jonathan Davis: FAGET (Is he or isn't he?)

I think the evidence speaks for itself.

Charred Walls of the Damned w/ The Hixon and The Smash Up @ Gramercy Theatre - 7/8/10

Just when I thought I'd be an hour late for the show and miss something really good, thankfully.... I didn't!

As I walked into the grimy halls of Gramercy, I hear the sounds of a band's set already in progress. I don't even know the band's name, nor does it really matter. Rather than listening and observing the band and the high-pitched squeals of their frontman, who obviously just got off work because he's still wearing his mechanic's uniform complete with his first name, I'm too busy absorbing my place in the venue to really take notice. Maybe had a certain "S" shuttle been working properly I would have caught these guys in their formative, perhaps tentative, set in time to give them a respectable grade.

My head is spinning and my brain is pulsing against the cranial walls of my skull as "The Smash Up" set up their gear onstage. Observing the crowd so far, it's obvious that the local acts, which includes New Jersey natives The Hixon, have invited their family and friends who, quite appropriately, come dressed in regular street clothes - by that I mean, non-black T-shirt without Slayer or Metallica on the front, and no faded blue jeans. It's good to see non-metal folk supporting their loved ones when danger is so very near! Looking at the two banner, you'd think these guys were something special. Given a cursory glance at their Wikipedia page, I found that they recorded a song that ended up on one of the "Saw" films soundtrack. But onstage, they have the same sonic appeal as every pussy screamo punk band playing today. Their Wiki page claims they're "post-punk" but it's a sad lie! What I am witnessing is an imperfect mix of all those bands on the Victory Records label with their sanctimonious Christian bullshit leanings thrust in my face. Maybe they're not a bad band normally, but they're certainly the wrong band performing on the wrong night tonight. Set Grade: C

One thing I really like about The Hixon is that they remind me of an underdog band. A grizzled, but still hungry band, with members who are pushing past their expiration date. Still, they continue to gain ground with the locals and some reputable friends who put them on their bill - case in point, tonight's show. I first saw them at a basement show at Fontana's and their gimmick pretty much the same at that night: Their burly frontman comes adorned with a gas mask and spiked gauntlets. He utters a primal growl and the band takes off. They play fast and furiously, only now it's in a wider space than Fontana's. But the players don't move around, remaining content to simply perform without any theatrics that might distract. They play like they're still practicing in the garage, especially since their focus seems to be on each other and admiring their respective prowess rather than on the small mass of people in the crowd who casually sip their Bud Light. Set Grade: B-







The Hixon







The Hixon








Don Jamieson


I wasn't too thrilled to see Fat-Pig Eddie Trunk and Small Dick/Big Balls Jim Florentine introducing the lackluster Don Jamieson onstage. The interlude with Jamieson seemed rather pointless but obvious only because he's tight with Richard Christy and Tim "Ripper" Owens. Looking like Wolverine from X-Men, complete with mangled hair and mutton chops, his jokes are recycled, especially his Twisted Sister/Alice Cooper/masturbating to Lita Ford jokes, and somewhat generic. But what else can he talk about? Can't do dirty jokes at an all-ages show, I guess, and for that matter his set lacks any sizable bite and it matters less because his jokes are irrelevant. He has to resort to dick jokes and the size of Owens, Tommy Lee, and even metal god Rob Halford. It gets old before it starts and Jamieson's set can't be over fast enough. Set Grade: C







Charred Walls of the Damned







Charred Walls of the Damned







Richard Christy soloing


Despite the distractions of the various Howard Stern workers, like marble-mouth JD Harmeyer and squealing and very homo High-Pitch Mike, Charred Walls of the Damned comes out swinging with a better arsenal of songs and presence that seems to finally lift the night slightly above ground. Admittedly, I didn't care for the self-titled album, which was good for your average metalhead but not enough to keep on my iTunes, but with the experience and command of Tim "Ripper" Owens and drummer Richard Christy, the set maintains my interest. Owens wears his usual attire - sunglasses, Monster Energy hat, and loads of screaming vocals - and commands the stage well, but as a commentator he should follow the crowd's advice: "Shut up and sing!" I will give him credit, however, for using my sunglasses - our little rock star injoke - to full effect during "See You in Hell" by Grim Reaper. I hope he wears them in good health. But despite the dwindling masses who, by the last two or three songs, had filed out of Gramercy, the band played on for the few 80 to 100 still left in attendance without missing a beat. Set Grade: B

On a side note.... what the fuck is up with another strange interlude involving Sirius/XM host Jose Mangin doing a rendition of Sepultura's "Territory"? Mangin is capable and fun and all, but he lacks the gravity, control, stamina and finesse that Max Cavalera has in order to pull it off with brutal, primal conviction. An "A" for effort but a "C+" in execution.

Despite many shoutouts, name-drops and random, sometimes pointless, guest appearances from metal community (Jose Mangin and woman-beater Tommy Vext) and Howard Stern universe (JD Harmeyer? High-Pitch Mike and Eric? Brian Phelan? Who gives a shit!), it ended up being a decent night after all.

Show Grade: B-

Vince Neil Arrested: THE MUGSHOT!

Get a good look at this piece of trash loser - the face of a washed-up, down-and-out, hack frontman.






Dude, it's like 1984 all over again! Only now, I'm rich!



Vince Neil, née Wharton, who in 1984 caused the death of Nicholas "Razzle" Dingley of Hanoi Rocks while intoxicated, was arrested for DUI yesterday in Las Vegas at about 11:15 p.m. Thankfully, no one was killed this time!

He was booked at the Clark County Detention Center and faces one count of DUI-Liquor. Neil has a September 27 court date. There was also an incident involving Neil in front of a Hilton Hotel where a fan said her camera was broken by the douchebag. Police are investigating that incident.







Hey! Look at my chompers! :•B



I am begging and pleading to the judge of this case to throw the goddamn book at him, lock his worthless, Eric Cartman-looking, fat ass away, and throw away the key. Save us our tax dollars, at least we wouldn't have to be subjected to any more shitty Crüe albums and even shittier solo work.

"Tattoos & Taquila" anyone? I didn't think so!

The "Big Four" @ Sonisphere - Sofia, Bulgaria - 6/22/10

After 25 years of feuds and fights, senseless bickering, he said/he saids, conflicting tour schedules, and near-collapses of their bands, the Thrash Class of '83 finally got their act together and gave the metal masses exactly what they've been clamoring for: Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax sharing the same stage in one night!

It almost happened back in 1991 during "Clash of the Titans" tour where three-fours of the Big Four, excluding Metallica, who were on the verge of superstardom that year with the release of their self-titled "Black Album," performed together on one stage. As huge as that tour was, fans knew that without Metallica, it just wasn't the same. For years after, everyone wanted to see these four titans hook up and play at least one show together, but with constant fighting and senseless bashing from all camps - King vs. Mustaine, King vs. Hammett, Mustaine vs. Hammett, Mustaine vs. Hetfield & Ulrich, King vs. Everybody, etc. - it looked like this tour would never come to fruition. No one knew that we would have to wait another 19 years before this event could finally happen! I can tell you, it was worth the fuckin' wait!

"Madhouse" by Anthrax

The bands - all of whom are mostly in their high-40s - blew all expectations away and sold the dream that so many of us had hoped and prayed would come! Anthrax, despite their constant bad choices and overall reckless stupidity - and I still think they should end it as a band once and for all - opened the show with a nice, though very typical, set of songs from the "Among the Living" period, which proved fitting with the return of that era's singer Joey Belladonna. Though Bush could have given Anthrax more bite, and Nelson some revitalization to the band, this kind of event needed and deserved Belladonna in the frontman's seat. "I Am the Law," "Caught in a Mosh," "Indians," and "Madhouse" don't sound the same without Joey B. Set Grade: B+

"Holy Wars/Peace Sells" by Megadeth

The rain began to pour over the Bulgarian masses as the dudes of 'Deth tore into "Holy Wars" and "Take No Prisoners" almost immediately. Just in time to join the fun, the always reliable Ellefson returns to provide the band with that bass crunch we remember so well. "Head Crusher" sounds even more brutal and devastating. Despite some rather stiffness from Mustaine, especially during solos, Chris Broderick picks up the pace and seems to outlast the venerable Mustaine during several songs. They close out their set with a fantastic melding of "Peace Sells" and scorching solos from "Holy Wars" in the face of the cool rain pouring down. Set Grade: B+

"World Painted Blood" by Slayer

Someone once said that if your band is going to take the stage, make sure you go on BEFORE Slayer, because they will blow you away with no chance of recovery. That may have been true years ago, but tonight they seemed rather sluggish and sedate. Understandable for Tom Araya, after numerous surgeries with his neck proved that his headbanging days were over, that doesn't explain why the King-Hanneman solos were flat and stale. Both men looked tired, beaten, and uninterested. Dave Lombardo, as always, rises above and takes command throughout "Angel of Death," "South of Heaven," "War Ensemble," and set-closer "Raining Blood". Out of all the bands, they seem to be the most lackluster and uninteresting. Still, they played the songs we, the fans, wanted to hear. Set Grade: B

"One" by Metallica

The only band who could take the reins and destroy Slayer off the stage is Metallica. It becomes apparent that Metallica doesn't have to be brutal and devastating lyrically or sonically, but just take control of the audience and let it all hang loose. Whereas Slayer are closed-in and remote, Metallica are open and invite you, the viewer, into their little party onstage. Metallica proves why it is the headliner and why the other three can never - and will never - eclipse them, and why they are in a league of their own. The songs are and the effects are great. Metallica prove they truly are the kings of metal once and for all. Set Grade: A-

"Am I Evil?" by The Big Four

And what about that jam set!!!!!! You have the members of Metallica, Megadeth and Anthrax, and Dave Lombardo from Slayer, jamming to Diamond Head's "Am I Evil?" together. It was perhaps the most indescribable moment in metal history. Just seeing everyone come out and hugging each other, smiling and patting each other on the back was a cool moment in itself. I mean, who would have thought to finally see James, Lars and Dave onstage! So much talent side-by-side, guns and guitars blazing, the drummers drumming, bassists booming, and vocalists trading off their duties! Fuckin' wow! It almost brings a tear to the eye just thinking about it!

However, did anyone else notice three noticable absences in the form of Araya, King, and Hanneman who typically opted not to participate in the jam-along. Typical and quite disappointing! This should be a sign that Slayer is coming to an end, and fittingly so. Slayer got their collective asses stomped by Lars and crew! Shocking to say, but quite fitting. My hat's off to Lombardo for forsaking his douchemates and joining his colleagues to perform in this historic moment. The three guys in Slayer don't come off tough and rebellious, but rather weak and antiquated!

Despite a near-ruined moment, the jam was perfect and the night was spectacular. We can only hope that before these four bands call it a day forever, that they at least bring that show over to the States. A fitting end to their career in their homeland.

Trust me, it's going to happen!


Show Grade: A-

Danzig w/ Gorgeous Frankenstein and Seventh Void @ Nokia - 6/18/10

I wanted to wait until after the release of the latest Danzig offering, Deth Red Sabaoth, to make a fitting and decisive critique on this night's show.

After listening to the 52 minute serving of Danzig croons and blues-and-doom metal, it is quite possible to say that old Glenn has a bit of time left before he expires. At least, on record he does. Onstage, there's a lot of heavy breathing and, dare I say, WHEEZING! But even after 30 years, Diva Danzig remains pretty solid in his performance. This time, there isn't any spooky fog blowing in the air, or flames coming out from the floorboards, like at the Roseland Ballroom show two years ago. (Should we blame the economy for this particular downsizing?) With the help of Prong's Tommy Victor, former Samhain partner Steve Zing, and former Type O Negative drummer Johnny Kelly, the new music doesn't sound completely terrible. But it's a huge sigh of relief when they start busting out into "Twist of Cain," "Her Black Wings," "Am I Demon," and the always-favored "Mother". My favorite was the ever-spirited "Black Angel, White Angel". Set grade: B

Doyle Frankenstein's Gorgeous Frankenstein was shit! A boring piece of nostalgic trash that sucks the dick of the memory of Danzig-era Misfits. Set Grade: D+

And Seventh Void? The only thing I can really say is that Johnny and Kenny should be thankful they came up with this band just in time before Pete's death. SV, however, comes off sounding like pre-Superunknown Soundgarden, which I don't think is accidental. I think Hickey is even trying to LOOK like Chris Cornell from that time, complete with shaggy long hair and a cheesy porno mustache. Come up with some originality, fellas. Set Grade: C

Show Grade: B-


Glenn Danzig getting bitchslapped. (This is for not stopping to take pics with fans, you cunt!)








Seventh Void







Georgeous Frankenstein







Danzig







Danzig







Danzig







Me and Tommy Victor, trying to give me a hickey. (He was on something!)







Me and Steve Zing (He's a tiny dude!)


Me and Johnny Kelly, deserves a tea-bagging


Me and Chris Cornell... oops, I meant Kenny Hickey








Me and John Araya (Coolest mofo!)









Bass picks courtesy of John Araya

RATING: Metal Band Members

On a scale of 1 to 10, this is how I rate the many heavy metal bands, singers, guitarist, bassists, drummers, and keyboardists that I've had either the pleasure or utter regret of encountering over the last few months. Beware, the answers and scores may shock you. This is made for metal fans by a metal fan.


10 - MetalBro4Life
9 - Awesome dude
8 - Cool as a cucumber
7 - Nice enough guy
6 - Needs some work
5 - So-so
4 - Uh, oh... needs attitude adjustment
3 - Enter at your own risk
2 - Asshole alert
1 - What a dick... don't bother
0 - Fuck off and die, loser

Enjoy!


Chris Adler (Lamb of God drummer) - Big brother to Willie, a real cunt and loser. Very polite and friendly to fans. Seems to be the smartest member of the band. Will stay outside and chat, and will sign autographs and take pics, and unlike his brother he won't chide you for taking too long. Doesn't cry or whine about wanting to talk with his wife. Needs to cut off that nasty-looking billy-goat beard to look younger. 9


Willie Adler (Lamb of God guitarist) - Another humorless, ugly douchebag in the band. Doesn't seem to care that fans are waiting to meet him until after he's cried over his wife in Virginia, who's probably fucking the local milkman. Little brother to Chris, who is far more humble and polite. Gave me flack for taking a picture too long. 2


Ted Aguilar (Death Angel guitarist) - Good with fans and pleasant to chat with. A very good musician and playful onstage. 8


Mikael Åkerfeldt (Opeth singer and guitarist) - Very funny and playful frontman. Knows how to work the crowd and they seem to accept him. Seems friendly and polite offstage, though a bit guarded and quiet. Will sign stuff and take pics. Dresses like a dirty hippie - very unmetal-looking! 7


Fredrik Akesson (Opeth guitarist) - Fat and bloated member seems to match his ego somewhat. Very distant and humorless just because I thought he was previous guitarist Peter Lindgren. Grow up, dork! Needs a haircut and lose some weight. 5


Lee Altus (Exodus guitarist) - Quiet and prefers to be in the background, but plays like a star. Not much for chatter, but nice enough to give me a hug and a pic. Nothing much to say to him, unless you're familiar with his work in Heathen, which I'm not. 8


Chris Amott (Arch Enemy guitarist) - A lot more civilized and talented than his brother, the "Ginger Cunt." Sports the Johnny Rotten/Sex Pistols look rather well. Will sign autographs and takepics with fans. 7


Michael Amott (Arch Enemy guitarist) - WHAT A FUCKING CUNT! This douchebag almost pulled a diva act and I called his ugly, Ginger-looking ass on it by calling him a "douchebag" and we nearly got into a fight. Can't take criticism well. As a performer, he's not even in the top 20 best metal guitarists. The guy is an ass! 1


Phil Anselmo (Down singer) - The bad-ass, big-mouth of Pantera is really a sweet kid with no obvious pretension or bullshit. Promising to "take care" of fans who waited for nearly two hours to meet him, he signed every autograph, took every pic, chatted, and bro-hugged everyone. Not at all threatening, rude or boorish as some might believe. However, ditch the cigs, dude! 10


Christos Antoniou (Septic Flesh guitarist) - Not as warm and friendly and his brother Seth, but will still take pics and sign stuff for fans. Decent player, but very low on the ladder of technique. 6


Spiros Seth Antoniou (Septic Flesh singer and bassist) - A nice guy and very friendly to fans. Good idea since they're in need of a comeback. I've seen his type of showmanship from better frontmen, but at least he does well enough to sustain interest from the crowd. Will sign autographs and take pics. 9


John Araya (Thine Eyes Bleed bassist) - The brother of what's-his-name from that band that sings about hell, war, and blah-blah-blah. One of the most intelligent, soft-spoken, level-headed dudes in metal. A true bro! 10


Rob Arnold (Chimaira guitarist) - Nice, quiet guy. Will fulfill fan requests with pics and autographs. Didn't seem to mind that I didn't recognize him and seems to respond well to criticism and appreciate fans, such a rarity among metal bands. 10


Steve Asheim (Deicide drummer) - Seemed to be in a hurry, but was polite enough to chat briefly. A bit distant and doesn't have much to say. 7


Martin Axenrot (Opeth drummer) - Very quiet but still friendly enough to take pics and sign stuff for fans. Very good drummer, but refused to do a drum solo during Opeth's set. What a chump! 7


Stéphane Barbe (Kataklysm bassist) - Another great guy in this band - and this one's French! Nice enough to get me a beer from his band's bus, even if it was Bud Lite. Chatty and funny drunk. Got personal with me about his family life and his daughter back home, which was touching. No hint of ego or attitude. 10


Rob Barrett (Cannibal Corpse guitarist) - No complaints here really. Will take pics for fans. Friendly enough, but has a weird girlfriend, or perhaps she was just a New York groupie, so he shouldn't be blamed for having no taste in females. 7


Corey Beaulieu (Trivium guitarist) - Too big (or maybe fat) for his britches! Needs to come down to Earth and reality and realize that Trivium will never get past the starting gate, so to speak. Would rather talk to executives for Roadrunner (who he considers "friends") than chat with fans. A kid playing in a man's world, needs to learn a few more lessons. 5


Jeff Becerra (Possessed singer) - Poor guy manages to soldier on despite being stuck in a wheelchair. Puts on a great show, especially when he is inebriated, and seems to enjoy and revel in the loyal fanbase. Doesn't seem to talk much offstage or like to take pics unless you're with the NYDM (New York Death Militia). He can't remember the lyrics to his own songs! 7


Denis "Snake" Belanger (Voivod singer) - A fun and very friendly dude for a French-Canadian. Quite playful and will chat with fans. Somewhat of a legend in the metal community, though many people don't know that. 9


Nick Bellmore (Phantoms drummer) - Nice kid. Easy to talk to, even if nobody knows who he is. Friendly and polite to fans. Down-to-earth. 10


Frank Bello (Anthrax bassist) - Seems like a decent guy. May have had botox or even a facelift to keep his face from sagging, looks slightly feminine. Friendly guy and will chat with you, but count on it being a one-sided conversation as the dude loves to talk! A good bass player, too. 8


Fotis Benardo (Septic Flesh drummer) - Very cool cat. Friendly, respectful and quite humble. Not complaints here. Good to fans. 'Nuff said. 10


Ben Bennett (Warbringer bassist) - New gun in the band to replace Andy Laux, who just couldn't handle the pressures of being in a band... *cough cough* pussy! Interesting fellow with a wild, glazed look on his face from all the pot smoking. A one-man black metal outfit, which might mean he's a dick, but seemed cool and respectful towards me. Can be a bit dense and dissed my boys in Metallica. 8


Glen Benton (Deicide singer and bassist) - Satan himself seems to be a pretty laid-back and cool guy by day and a real piece of trash by night. A bit grumpy and a smoker - who deserves cancer - and not really friendly to fans after the show. Threatened to kick my teeth in when I heckled him, which was actually kind of funny! Shorter in person and has gotten fat and old. Not scary at all, just smoke and mirrors. 6


Chuck Billy (Testament and Dublin Death Patrol singer) - Friendly and giving man. Appreciates being alive after fighting cancer and grateful that fans come to see the band play even after a decade of inactivity. A big behemoth of a man, abnormally so! If you can handle waiting until all the other metalheads (and there are a lot!) ask their pointless questions, he'll be happy to talk with you and sign your shit. A bit guarded upon initial encounter, but the dude did face a life-threatening situation. 7


Troy Bleich (Into Eternity guitarist) - Typical Canadian, nice kid, but doesn't seem to recognize his own band members or their names. Polite and respectful, and will take pics. Very short in height. Deceptive little fucker. 7


Stu Block (Into Eternity singer) - Looks somewhat like Pepper Keenan, only somewhat less haggard-looking. Typical Canadian, nice enough guy, but seemed somewhat confused because I didn't know who he was. Honestly, who the fuck are Into Eternity? Will take pics. 7


Jan Axel "Hellhammer" Blomberg
(Mayhem drummer) - A friendly, perhaps too friendly, individual. Will accomodate fans with pictures and autographs. Very patient and funny guy. One of the best drummers in the metal community. Has nice hair and keeps in good shape for a little guy. 10


Randy Blythe (Lamb of God singer) - A creepy gargoyle who smokes like a chimney, but seems rather opinionated and has a lot on his mind. He's not what I'd call mean or rude, just weird! Could be an interesting person to talk to, if he wasn't so guarded and didn't act like a self-hating loner. Very short and skinny. 6


Paul Bostaph (Testament drummer) - Quiet, reclusive guy who seems to be pussy-whipped by his chirpy wife, who acts like a road manager instead of a wife. (She needs to shut the hell up!) Nice enough to sign stuff but has a rather aloof and chilly attitude that really doesn't sit well with me. Working with Slayer can do that to a person. 6


Jimmy Bower (Down drummer and Eyehategod guitarist) - Friendly to fans, despite being a smoker, and will politely acknowledge and chat with them. He actually hung out in line with fans and talked with them. Will sign autographs and take pics. Ditch the cigs, dude! 9


Derek Boyer (Suffocation bassist) - Gets way into the music and enjoys his work. Looks like he's taking a shit onstage, the way he squats down while playing. Nice, quiet guy. Will take your pic and sign autographs. 7


Kurt Brecht (D.R.I. singer) - One of elder statesmen of early crossover metal. The spell of aging hasn't been too kind to him, but he's still pleasant and good to talk to. No ego and will chat with fans. 8


Dave Brockie (GWAR singer) - Creepy dude, but friendly. Sick sense of humor. Will sign autographs and take pics. 7


Matt Brown (Seventh Void guitarist) - Another chap who flies under the radar but is truly a kind-hearted fellow and good to fans. Plays a big role in the development of Seventh Void and his committment to his instrument shows onstage. Will gladly take pics with fans. 9


Steve Brunner (Suicidal Tendencies and Infectious Grooves bassist) - Not bad for a black dude, he actually carries himself well in the metal world of bass-playing. Nice guy, will sign autographs and take pics. Not nice enough, though, to give a fan one of his Thundercats buttons. 8


Matt Brunson (Kingdom of Sorrow bassist) - Very quiet and moody, seemed annoyed that I didn't know who he was. Not much of a talker, but will sign autographs and take pictures. Looks rather silly with that funny-looking mustache that curls at the ends. 8


Tommy Buckley (Soilent Green and Crowbar drummer) - Fun-loving, cool guy and great drummer. Easy to talk to and will sign stuff for you. Likes pot, so if you have some, it might not be a bad idea to share it with him if you want him to really like you. Very upbeat person despite Hurricane Katrina destroying his home state. 9


Bobby Burns (Soulfly bassist) - Rikki Rockett turned Fred Durst. A good ol' boy with a polite Southern gentleman's disposition. Seems to like fans as he stays and chats it up with them. The most accessible member of the band. 10


Matt Byrne (Hatebreed drummer) - Very interesting individual. Quite sharp and smarter than he looks. Smiles a lot when he plays. Keeps to himself but is friendly enough to fulfill fan requests. Decent drummer, but there are better ones out there. 8


Chris Caffrey (Savatage/Trans-Siberian Orchestra guitarist) - Nice and friendly cat. Very warm and digs fans. Will sign autographs and take pics. A bit dopey when he's drunk, but who isn't? 9


Rob Caggiano (Anthrax guitarist) - A good fella with some pretty good guitar chops, but nothing out of this world. Look like he'd be difficult to talk to but seemed really cool and relaxed. Will take pics. 7


John Campbell (Lamb of God bassist) - A friendly fellow. Has a quick tongue and appreciates smart-asses like himself, or so he told me. Looks like he's in his 60s, despite being in his late 30s. A product of hard living and hard drinking, perhaps. Will sign autographs and take pictures with fans. Good attitude and sense of humor. 7


Phil Campbell (Motörad guitarist) - Pretty quiet and keeps to himself. Still friendly and will sign stuff and take pics, but don't expect much conversation. 7


Adam Carroll (Warbringer guitarist) - For a young kid with no high school diploma, he certainly is an intelligent and affable lad who seems genuine and kind enough to chat with fans for a long time and appreciates the support. Very down-to-earth and a pretty good guitarist. 10


Ben Carter (Evile drummer) - Can't believe this chap is a Brit as well. Looks like one of those guido douchebags from Jersey or Long Island, but is quite well-spoken and friendly despite his outward appearance. 9


Spike Cassidy (D.R.I. guitarist) - Very quiet, but still polite and will chat with you. Looks like a someone's dorky dad, but shreds better than any douchebag in metal today. Has a sick-looking guitar with pop culture cartoon stickers (Beavis, Bart Simpson) pasted on it. 8


Mark Castillo (Bury Your Dead drummer) -Such a brutally honest kid. Not afraid to share his feelings about the future of his band or his financial information. Great to talk to, though not exactly the most cheerful person in the world. Plays very well, maybe even too well for BYD. 8


Max Cavalera (Soulfly and Cavalera Conspiracy singer) - A direct opposite of his little brother Iggor. Not only a great performer and defender of the metal faith, but a really sweet, humble guy who went past security in order to appease his fans with pics. Seems to want to chat with fans, especially fellow Brazilians, and enjoys their adulation. Soft-spoken. 9


Richie Cavalera (Incite singer) - Max's little stepson is chip off the old block. Wild and out-of-control onstage. Likes to bang his head with the mic, which is always amusing, and the songs aren't bad at all. While a little more time and some focus, he may be a very good frontman yet. Nice guy and always seems to be in a good mood. Will talk with you and likes to hear any feedback, but after the show may be a little numb and walk past you. Not as spoiled as one might think just because his stepdad is Max Cavalera and his mom runs Roadrunner Records. 10


Rob Cavestany (Death Angel guitarist) - Like all the members of Death Angel, very good to fans and appreciates their support. Skilled musician and likes to fulfill fan requests. 8


Mark Choiniere (Throwdown guitarist) - Quiet guy, but not at all standoff-ish or cold. Nice enough to take pics, but not much to say to him except "hello" and "goodbye." 7


Johny Chow (Fireball Ministry bassist) - Not exactly a familiar face in the world of metal, but is really a standup and cool guy who will chat with you and happily fulfill any fan request, such as taking pics or signing autographs. Plays with a pic, instead of with fingers, but is still a rockin' player. Didn't mind being confused with Joe Duplantier, so there's no ego. Would've been a lot cooler had he helped get that douchebag Iggor Cavalera out of the bus. 4


Greg Christian (Testament bassist) - Dopey-looking, but very friendly person. Happy to hear praise and enjoys indulging in fan requests. Not much of a talker, but has a constant, pot-smoker's shit-eating grin on his face, which is a good sign. Great bassist and enjoys performing for the crowd. 8


Richard Christy (former Death and Iced Earth drummer) - Sounds and acts just like you'd expect from watching and listening to the Howard Stern radio show. Very sweet, humble guy with that creepy grin on his face. Nice enough to pose for pics and chat a lot. Claims he quit because there's just no money in metal drumming, but still plays on occasion. A bit dumb, though, but still is a great underrated drummer. 7


Mike Clark (Suicidal Tendencies guitarist) - Awesome, generous dude. A great and underrated guitar player with a big heart! Will talk with fans and sign autographs and/or take pics. Kind enough to give brief news on the new album, which is rare. A true bro in every sense of the word! 10


Ryan Clark (Bleed the Sky bassist) - Not as friendly or open as the other members of the band, but still good enough to sign stuff and take pics. Doesn't seem like he'd make "bass player of the year" any time soon, but he does his job well. 7


Louie Clemente (former Testament drummer) - Funny, little guy. Caused a hilarious scene when he was drunk, but nothing violent. Kind enough to take pics and sign stuff despite being so out of it that he couldn't stand straight. Still admired by Testament fans, but probably wouldn't have been recognized by fans had I not said something. 8


Gator Collier (Vital Remains bassist) - Another down-to-earth, friendly guy. Open to fans and will take pics and sign autographs. Too bad he's not more well-known for fans to appreciate. 9


Lyle Cooper (The Faceless drummer) - Nice kid. Looks like he's young enough to be my kid. Should be in school playing Tinker-Toys, not the drums. 7


Dallas Coyle (God Forbid guitarist) A lot cooler and humble than his brother Doc, and possibly a better guitarist. However, he should have sided with me over his asshole of a tour manager. Good with fans and will respond to messages on MySpace, no matter how vicious they may be - like mine. 7


Doc Coyle (God Forbid guitarist) - Arrogant prick and not that good a guitarist. Seems to get annoyed by fans very easily. Needs a reality check quick because he doesn't make the band, and the band pales in comparison to about 1,500 other metal bands out there. Fuck him! His wife likes to dress like a slut, almost like Ice-T's wife, Coco. 3


Scott Crochet (Soilent Green bassist) - Looks like a typical pothead and enjoys it. Brings a bag of potato chips with him just in case. Very upbeat despite Hurricane Katrina and polite. Likes to chat with fans and take pics. No ego and pretentious attitude, very down-to-earth. 9


Attila Csihar (Mayhem singer) - Creepy, quiet dude who likes to smoke on a pipe. Likes the ladies even more, especially the hookers and sluts that surround him. Will sign autographs and take pics. Cordial and polite, but not exactly Mr. Sunshine. Puts on a good show and is considered a great black metal singer. If they say so! 7


Austin D'Amond (Bleed the Sky drummer) - A true party-animal in every sense of the word. Funny kid and really cool to hang with. Loves to drink and plays drums like a maniac. Has a bad-ass tattoo on his chest of the Satanic-goat-with-exposable-tits-and-two-fingers-pointed-up. Likes to chat with fans, except no fans have yet to surface for Bleed the Sky yet. 10


Sharlee D'Angelo (Arch Enemy bassist) - Acts as Gossow's personal bodyguard, but is somewhat friendly. Doesn't say much. Decent player, but is most invisible player in the band - most bassists usually are! 6


Brann Dailor (Mastodon drummer) - This band is full of weirdos, but this one still has an unusual friendliness that teeters on the cold and distant side as well. Perhaps the suicide of his sister Skye may be factor in his social withdrawl from the world, but he is still open to fans and will sign autographs and take pictures for them. 8


Byron Davis (God Forbid singer) - Explosive frontman, but a cold motherfucker after the show. Wants to be alone and away from fans. Doesn't talk or even smile. I don't know if he's being humble or just snob. Either way, his attitude left me kinda cold. Don't expect much appreciation from this cat. 2


Mikkey Dee (Motorhead drummer) - Seems like a nice guy at first, but was rather impatient when taking a pic. Would rather get in his limo with his entourage than chat with fans. Why the fuck does he even get a limo? Great drummer with lots of power and precision, but his ego seems to outweigh his talents. Very disappointing. Needs to realize that fans want to see Lemmy, not Mikkey. 6


Matt DeVries (Chimaira guitarist) - Very friendly and open. Likes to chat with fans and tell you why he endorses ESP guitars. Will fulfill any fan requests. 9


Paul Di'Anno (former Iron Maiden singer) - This old man is still performing? GODDAMN! He's ancient, and without Maiden, who the fuck is he? He complained a lot about being "tired" despite fans waiting outside for hours to see him. Shut up, old man! 5


Dis (Incite guitarist) - I know what Dis is short for - Distant! A bit cold and a mean-looking dude, but is easily approachable and really cool. Good guitar player. 8


Alex Dominguez (Devastation bassist) - Another old Latino in the band, along with Elizondo and Tagle, that plays well and puts on a decent show. Will take pics and sign stuff, but unfortunately there are no fans from that era left. 8


Matt Drake (Evile singer) - A good kid. Quite mature for a boy whose band has already been dealt a tragic blow. 9


Ol Drake (Evile guitarist) - Like a his brother, he is a groovy cat. Must be a London thing. 9


Sammy Duet (Goatwhore guitarist) - Very friendly and warm. Happy to forgo making out with his girlfriend to sign stuff and take pics with fans. Nice enough to chat about the band and himself. Like Jasta, very short but has a great "metal"presence about him. 9


Max Duhamel (Kataklysm drummer) - Not as open or chatty as his other bandmates but wasn't rude or arrogant like most French people are. Nice enough to take pics and have a drink, but there seemed to be a slight distance. Perhaps he's shy, or likes to remain in the background. 7


Rob Dukes (Exodus singer) - Can be a nice guy if he's in a good mood. There's a reason why he has that huge scar on his bulldog face. Can be a bit of a dick and tends to lose interest if you have nothing interesting to say. Will take pics but you have to hurry or he will move on whether you like it or not. Not a great singer or frontman by any means, but provides Exodus with some much needed attitude. 6


Rodney Dunsmore (Devastation singer) - Pretty old now, but still performs well. Too bad it's not 1990 anymore. Pleasant guy. 7


Ben Dussault (Throwdown drummer) - Awesome person and sick drummer. Very cool and makes you feel like a buddy. Likes to hear from fans and get feedback. Will fulfill requests and talk endlessly about whatever is on your mind. Seems to be very intelligent and humble. 9


William DuVall (Alice in Chains singer and guitarist) - Lenny Kravitz... er... I mean, the new guy is 50/50. Sometimes he's good to fans one day, and the next day he will snub them. Needs to cut that nappy hair of his fast before a bird lands on it and makes a nest for itself. 7


David Ellefson (Megadeth/Hail! bassist) - "Junior" is a friendly dude and will sign autographs and take pics with fans. Went back to Megadeth with his tail between his legs, no doubt. Guess he needed some money badly! 7


Bobby "Blitz" Ellsworth (Overkill singer) - Really cool dude. Will sign autographs and take pics with fans. Seemed a little miffed when I alluded to getting an advanced copy of Overkill's latest album Ironbound and I told him that I thought it was a "decent" album. 9


Shane Embury (Napalm Death bassist) - A bit cold and distant. Needs a shave and possibly a shower. How is this dude married? Doesn't say much, but is probably a cool bloke if you can get past the icy exterior. Good enough to take a CD submission, so he gets points there. 7


Daniel Erlandsson (Carcass and Arch Enemy drummer) - What a dumb, humorless prick! Obviously has an issue with being confused with his brother, and possibly lives in his shadow. Decent drummer, but strikes me as a dull person. Needs to lighten up and not take things seriosuly. Will take pics and sign autographs - just don't call him Adrian, unless you want to see some fireworks. 5


Brian Eschbach (Black Dahlia Murder guitarist) - Another weirdo from BDM. A bit of a pussy, but at least he is good to fans. Likes to be controlling and piss off his bandmates. Suffers from Lead Singer's Disease, yet doesn't sing for the band. 3


Ben Falgoust (Goatwhore and Soilent Green singer) - Really nice guy. Down-to-earth and good to chat with. Seems to like fans and will sign autographs, too. Looks intimidating, but is a sweet guy. 9


Dani Filth (Cradle of Filth singer) - The little troll can't take a joke, especially when it's about his daughter. Seems rather impatient and a little conceded. Don't know why people like this kid or the band because their music kinda sucks. At least he's willing to sign autographs and take pics, but still needs to lighten up and chill. 7


Stephan Fimmers (Necrophagist bassist) - Another good dude who seems to appreciate fans that can tear themselves away from Muhammed Suicmez and show him props. Very cheerful and polite. 9


George Fisher (Cannibal Corpse singer) - The big, bad "Corpsegrinder" with the thickest neck in metal is actually a softee - after all, he plays "World of Warcraft" - and is good to fans. He will sign autographs and take pics. Doesn't really have much to say unless it's metal, WoW, or the color black. 7


Tony Foresta (Municipal Waste singer) - Complete filth and the epitome of trailer trash. Is more consumed with drinking, smoking weed, and acting like a douchebag instead of as a human being. HORRIBLE BODY ORDER! Doesn't like to bathe. Bisexual, tried to kiss me on the mouth! Disrespected the memory of Slipknot's Paul Gray by referring to him as "that fag from a Nu-Metal band" and he claims to want to fuck my mother's cunt and slit my throat. (I have all the messages from MySpace to prove it.) A true coward who can't fight his own battles and needs an entourage of pigs to fight for him - and even they hit like old ladies. Deserves to get shot, stabbed, and have his balls amputated. Karma will come back to bite him. -10


Fredrik Folkare (Unleashed guitarist) - Nothing special. A decent guitar player. Will sign autographs, but due to his bad English, doesn't talk much. Somewhat cold, perhaps shy. 7


Frost (Satyricon drummer) - Another creepy dude, which must run in the band, who doesn't speak a word of English but still is somewhat grateful for the adulation from fans. Looks like a faggier version of Motley Crue's Nikki Sixx but plays like Tommy Lee. 6


Andy Galeon (Death Angel drummer) - Not exactly a looker, but one helluva drummer. Was good enough to give me a drumstick. Good with fans but doesn't say a whole lot. 8


Chance Garnette (Skeletonwitch singer) - Fierce frontman who looks like he'll sacrifice you to Satan, but is in fact a down-to-earth, humble guy who appreciates his fans and like to chat. Won't give too much away about the next album, but was kind enough to mention that they're "getting it done." Enjoys the crowd and fans' appreciation. Definitely one of the coolest dudes around. 9


Nate Garnette (Skeletonwitch guitarist) - Reminds me of a great big grizzly bear, the complete opposite of his brother. Prefers to drive the band's van. Not as friendly as his brother Chance, but still good enough to take pics and appreciates fans' support. Looks more like he belongs with the road crew than with the band. 8


Steve Gibb (Kingdom of Sorrow and Crowbar guitarist) - A great guy. Very nice and cool guy to talk to. Happy to sign autographs and take pics. Good guitar player, too. 8


Jack Gibson (Exodus bassist) - Good enough to take pics and sign autograph. Like Altus, nothing much to say to him unless you're familiar with his work, which isn't a whole lot. 9


Christian Giesler (Kreator bassist) - Good-humored and friendly, definitely in the spirit of the common Kraut. Talks with fans and signs autographs. Will dish dirt and talk about upcoming Kreator projects, but within reason. Open to ideas, too. Doesn't mind stupid questions from fans and will answer them accordingly. 8


Steve Goldberg (Cephalic Carnage) - Nice guy and cool to talk to. Will take pics and sign stuff for fans. Has been around since 1992 with the band, but doesn't get the respect they deserve. 10


Angela Gossow (Arch Enemy singer) - The so-called "Diva Satanica" was actually sweet and didn't pull any cunty antics as reported. Looks like a someone's Granny with those glasses. Will chatwith fans and sign autographs, though I don't see the big deal about her. 8


Romain Goulon (Necrophagist drummer) - Nice guy. Very accomodating and good to chat with. The newest member of the band is humble and appreciates any fan who can tear himself away from Muhammed and give him props. 9


Joel Graham (Evile bassist) - The replacement of that other kid who passed away. Seems to have slipped into the role rather easily. Plays well and seems like a decent kid like the rest of them. 9


Mark "Barney" Greenway (Napalm Death singer) - That voice DOES NOT belong to that face.... and yet, it does! A very skilled frontman. Humorous and poetic, positive yet very brutal. Likes to recite social commentary in between melting your face off. Friendly and polite, acts like the common Limey from Birmingham - a bit aimless, probably has A.D.D. from the way he spazzes out onstage. Good guy, though. 9


Paolo Gregoletto (Trivium bassist) - Nice kid, too. Was feeling ill and still took pics. Keeps in touch with fans. Beaulieu could learn from him about treating fans better. 8


Joel Grind (Toxic Holocaust frontman and guitarist) - At first glance, he looks like he belongs in one of those pussy Glam bands from the 80s, but plays like he's in a real thrash band. Nice guy and doesn't seem to have an ego, but one-man bands usually mean they are overbearing and a control-freak. Needs to have a band with members - share the spotlight, douchebag! 7


Tomas Haake (Meshuggah drummer) - Grumpy, lumbering, grizzly dude seems to be a bit of a prick. Doesn't seem to pay any attention while fans talk to him. 5


Marten Hagstrom (Meshuggah guitarist) - Friendly guy. Talks to fans but smokes like a chimney. 7


Eric Harris (former Skeletonwitch bassist) - Same name as one of the Columbine shooters and not as open or relaxed as frontman Garnette or Hendrick, but still good enough to chat and fulfill fan requests. Plays well and appreciates kind praise, but seems to prefer a low profile. 7


Mitch Harris (Napalm Death guitarist) - Was very drunk when we met, but was still friendly and chatty. Actually seemed interested in hearing about MY LIFE.... A FIRST! 8


Matt Heafy (Trivium singer and guitarist) - Nice kid. Very friendly and polite. Lacks the real presence of a frontman for the future of metal, but rather mimics them - Hetfield, Flynn, etc. Will be happy to sign anything and takes photos. 7


Johnny Hedlund (Unleashed singer and bassist) - Big, giant dude who doesn't talk much. Supposed Nazi sympathizer, but didn't show any racial hatred towards me other than being quiet and taking a photo before heading off to get drunk or stoned. 6


Hank Hell (Seventh Void bassist) - A really cool dude! Like a really awesome older brother that you admire and look up to, and is always high on life... or perhaps on weed. Either way, there's no rockstar ego or douchebaggery here. Just a friendly fellow who is very gracious to fans. 9


Helmuth (Belphagor singer and bassist) - For a dude fronting a band that's supposedly "evil" and "satanic," he seems pretty friendly and happy. A smile from Helmuth????!!!!! A smoker, though. 7


Scott Hendrick (Skeletonwitch guitarist) - Another cool dude in the 'Witch group. Very easy to talk to and will keep in touch with you on MySpace. Very good player who seems to enjoy his work. 9


Danny Herrera (Napalm Death drummer) The one turd in the band. Seemed friendly at first, but either he's retarded or shy, or whatever, but he kind of got a little chilly after a while. He's Latino, after all, all spics are like that. How can a dude as fat as him drum so fast? Looks a bit like Andreas Kisser (Sepultura guitarist) if he stuffed his face with Hostess cupcakes. 6


Kenny Hickey (Type O Negative guitarist) - Friendly at first but quickly sours at the mention of Type O. Guess they're not a happy family, after all. Will take pics but doesn't have much to say and is a so-so guitar play. 5


Brent Hinds (Mastodon guitarist and singer) - Looks like the scariest member of the band, but was actually the most accessible and friendliest of all of them. Even with his girlfriend (or wife) nearby, he'll take pics, sign autographs, and chat with fans. A bit of hushed when he talks, but perhaps he doesn't like the sound of his own voice. In case, he's very open and down-to-earth, as long as you don't mention the whole VMAs/William Hudson incident to him. 9


Nick Hipa (As I Lay Dying guitarist) - A real down-to-earth, sweet kid. Takes his good Christian values to heart, very polite, friendly, and engages in all who surround him. Doesn't snub or ignore anyone, and will acknowledge you even if you simply pass by him. Takes pics and sign autographs. I'm not a big fan of AILD's music, but this kid is tops. 10


Terrance Hobbs (Suffocation guitarist) - Doesn't look like your typical metal guitarist, but certainly plays like one. Like all the other guys in Suffocation, he's very appreciative of fans' support and is happy to grant them with pictures and autographs. 8


Gene Hoglan (Dethklok drummer) - A legend who taught Dave Lombardo of Slayer everything he knows! Nuff said! Our encounter was not exactly a highlight of my life, but was in fact a depressive moment. Seemed to be very out of it, or "zombified" as he put it in our email, and just not in the mood to be friendly. A very tense and awkward encounter. A large, gargantuan person like Chuck Billy, but with very tiny hands. Despite the awkwardness, he was kind enough to sign stuff and take pics with fans and myself. Was also kind of enough to apologize to me later. 8


Gary Holt (Exodus guitarist) - Great guy! Very talented with the guitar, but especially very humble and grateful of his fans. Chatted in the bitter New York cold with me and others for a good ten minutes while the band stayed on the bus. Very personable and happy to sign autograph and take pictures with everyone. A man who deserves everything he gets. 10


Mark Hunter (Chimaira singer) - Not exactly the friendliest or chattiest person in the metal world, but perhaps that's just a persona he portrays. Does acknowledge and seems to appreciate fans. Count on the other members of Chimaira to be more open and friendly. 6


Tom Hunting (Exodus drummer) - Cold and humorless in the beginning, but turns out to be quite friendly and pleasant. Has the face of a grandmother's ass, though. Always with that ugly cunt of a girlfriend. 7


Maurizio Iacono (Kataklysm singer) - For all his scathing, hateful banter onstage, he's really a sweet, quiet and humble guy who is approachable and chatty offstage. Will happily sign stuff and take pics. Emigrated from Italy and now resides in Chicago, and is proud to be an American citizen. A formative frontman who made the band the only watchable thing during the snoozefest that was the Summer Slaughter Tour. 7


Scott Ian (Anthrax guitarist) - Seems like the years of inactivity have made Mr. Ian very jaded and bitter. Not totally rude, but very distant and cold, unless he knows you. Doesn't seem to like fans or want to really associate with them. Let's face it, he has nothing better to do than appearing on VH1 specials. Will take pics, just as long as he not distracted by his Blackberry. 1


Mike Inez (Alice in Chains bassist) - LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS GUY! This is how every rock star, movie star, or any type of celebrity should be like. Very seasoned and professional, yet very friendly, open, brotherly, warm, caring, and helpful. Cannot express how much this man rocks, both onstage and in person. 10


Jamey Jasta (Hatebreed singer) - Really sincere and appreciative of fans' support and praise. Good enough to chat with fans and shake hands, provided that security doesn't step in, and will sign autographs and take pics. His rhetoric can get a little annoying at times. Very short person with lots of attitude! 8


Steve Jones (The Faceless guitarist) - The token black guy of the group. Decent guitarist and seems like a nice kid, but much like the band's name, he's a faceless, nameless person in the big, bad metal world and does nothing to separate himself from other guitarists of his kind. The same can be said for the other members. Will take pics and sign stuff. 7


Blake Judd (Nachtmystium singer) - A supposed Nazi, if the media is to be believed, but is quite friendly and a soft-spoken guy. Needs to write more coherent songs, though. 7


Pepper Keenan (Down guitarist and Corrosion of Conformity singer/guitarist) - Looks burned-out, old and fat beyond his years. A bit of a prick. Has an attitude towards fans and seems to grouse at their requests. Doesn't seem to like engaging in conversation with fans and prefers smoking a cheap cigar instead. Needs to shave that beard off and give COC back to the original members. 6


Michael Keene (The Faceless guitarist) - Nice kid, but pretty bland and dull in person. An ok guitarist and blamed technical problems to the band's lousy set. Nothing special, much like the band, and sounds like all the other copycat deathcore bands that suck. Will sign things for fans and take pics. 7


Shaune Kelley (Hate Eternal guitarist) - Quiet, low-key guy is really a good-hearted fellow who is good enough to chat with and fulfill requests. Skilled and dedicated guitarist. Keeps in touch and genuinely appreciates fans' support. 8


Bill Kelliher (Mastodon guitarist and singer) - A bit of a weirdo, but unusually friendly. Will take pics but not much for conversation. Somewhat removed and cold, and likes to be drunk. Should climb the mountains of Georgia and stay up there with the rest of the band. 6

Johnny Kelly (Type O Negative and Seventh Void drummer) - Good guy. Decent drummer. Doesn't seem as doom-and-gloomy as one would expect, and is much more jovial and nicer to fans. 7


John Kempainen (Black Dahlia Murder guitarist) - Cool, humble guy who is very cool with fans and has a very easy-going way about him. However, being that he is a large-bodied fellow, he does smell! Not a good idea to get too close. Will take pics and sign autographs. 8


John Kevill (Warbringer singer) - Nice kid, but has a lot to learn about being a good frontman. A bit lame onstage with his Satanic jargon, but still puts on a decent show. Good enough to chat with his fans, but would probably be even greater with you provided that you have some weed on you. 8


Lemmy Kilmister (Motörhead singer and bassist) - He looks like a jaded man made of stone, and his nearly 35 years in the game definitely would suggest this, but he is actually quite friendly and cordial in person - we even held hands for five seconds just talking (don't ask)! If you can get past his entourage and the whores flocking around him, he can be pretty down-to-earth. And yes, the facial warts are real. 10


Sean Kinney (Alice in Chains drummer) - Started out as a friendly guy, but by the next day he revealed himself to be a snitch and a complete failure as a human being like Cantrell. Needs a nose job and take that stupid-looking nose-ring out of his beak. NEWSFLASH, buddy, it isn't 1993 anymore! 5


Andreas Kisser (Sepultura/Hail! guitarist) - Doesn't really say much, probably due to poor English like the Cavaleras brothers, but he'll sign autographs and take pics. I give him an extra point because he follows me on Twitter. 7


Ryan Knight (Arsis guitarist) - Turns out that he's really a cool guy after all. Just as open and humble as Martin and appreciates the fans, unless he's had another fight with his girlfriend. Still, a nice guy who is totally cool and could be fun to have a drink with. Good humored. He even enjoyed my little rant against him a few months back. Not a prima donna like frontman James Malone. 8


George Kollias (Nile drummer) - Very friendly and affable gentleman. Appreciates fans and happy to oblige any requests. Has a good sense of humor and is a really talented skinsman, one of the top 10 best metal drummers today. Has a hot girlfriend by the name of Ashley, but says they're just "friends." 8


Alexi Laiho (Children of Bodom singer and guitarist) - Drunk and short frontman who cares about nothing more than playing guitar and getting drunk with ugly groupies. Wears makeup and eyeliner like a woman and should stop now. Easy to get him when he's drunk, which is all the time. Takes criticism well, unlike many American musicians. 6


Jim LaMarca (Chimaira bassist) - Very friendly and cool guy. Will take pics and sign stuff, and may even plug his MySpace profile. 7


Tim Lambesis (As I Lay Dying singer) - A bit of a dork. Not as gracious or cool as bandmate Hipa, but good enough to take pics and sign autographs. Looks like an emo fag, but sings like a pretty capable metal singer. This kid has a long way to go to distinguish himself. 6


Michel "Away" Langevin (Voivod drummer) - Fierce drummer. Much like his bandmates, he is surprisingly quite friendly and willing to grant fan requests. 8


Eric Langlois (Cryptopsy bassist) - Nice guy and seems to like fans but prefers to drink more than talk. Typical Frenchman! 7


Roope Latvala (Children of Bodom guitarist) - Very funny drunk. Talkative and romantic towards the ladies, though some might think slightly creepy. According to him, he hates Opeth and their music. Nice to enough to share drinks (yuck!) and cigarettes with you. Will take pics and sign stuff, but needs a little guidance if he's drunk. 9


Tony Laureano (Dimmu Borgir and 1349 touring drummer) - An asshole. This fat, ugly loser who is considered one of the best young drummers today, even though no one recognizes him, is a prima donna and a jerk. Would rather smoke and chat on his cellphone than meet fans. Not worth anyone's time. Avoid him! 1


Andy Laux (Warbringer bassist) - What a douchebag! He couldn't handle the pressures of being in a band, quit, and comes back with an attitude. Not nearly as talented as his brother, or half-brother perhaps, and has nothing of interest to say. Better off drunk like the rest of them. Go back to school, kid, and leave the metal to the big boys. 4


John Laux (Warbringer guitarist) - Far surpasses his bandmates. A mix of Kirk Hammett and Slash, and not just because of his looks, that really brings Warbringer up from being just another retro-thrash band. Seems to be rather shy of attention and needs to loosen up and be glad that a kid his age has fans. 7


Chris Lawrence (Bury Your Dead guitarist) - Nice enough guy, but not much to talk about here. Somewhat boring but cool enough to chat and sign stuff for fans, much like the other members of BYD. A step above the pompous douchebag and band member Slim MacDonald. 7


Tony Lazaro (Vital Remains guitarist) - Looks like demon, but has the heart of an angel. For heavy-set, rough-looking dude he's quite friendly with fans and is willing to fulfill requests. The brains behind the band and very hands-on in the way of business by takes time out to check the merch sales himself. 9


Lenzig Leal (Cephalic Carnage singer) - A really cool guy. Been around for awhile, but no one seems to know who he is. Still a good sport about it and is good to fans. He, along with the band, deserve more respect and credit in the extreme metal community. 8


Evan Linger (Skeletonwitch bassist) - New kid on the block! Like the other members of the band, he's pretty good player and a suitable replacement for Eric Harris. Though not familiar to fans, he seems to be quite comfortable with the band. Good kid. 8


Chris Lollis (Nile bassist and Lecherous Nocturne guitarist) - Looks like a scary motherfucker, but is quite normal and friendly. Will sign stuff and take pics. Cannot join Nile officially due to contracts, but should be playing for much bigger bands than this. 7


Wayne Lozinak (Hatebreed guitarist) - Not as forceful a player as predecessor Sean Martin, but perhaps more friendly. Will sign autograaphs and take photos with fans, but not much of a talker. Must be a Boston thing! 6


Shannon Lucas (Black Dahlia Murder drummer) - Nice guy and like all the members of BDM is easily approachable with any request from fans. Paul Mazurkiewicz of Cannibal Corpse said he's a pretty good drummer, so that ain't too bad! 8


Brendan "Slim" MacDonald (Bury Your Dead guitarist) - Arrogant and bloated, both his body and ego. Didn't like his attitude and he came off like a jerk. Too fat to be a guitarist - looks kinda like a manatee onstage, and lacks the polish needed to play well. 3


James Malone (Arsis singer/guitarist) - A very sad guy. My heart weeps for this dude. Very skilled and talented performer, but somewhat insecure and depressed. Needs a big hug and be told that "everything is going to be okay" now and then. 9


Guy Marchais (Suffocation guitarist) - A bit reserved, but still good enough to be approachable and sign stuff for fans. Has a good sense of humor and plays the guitar very well. 8


Luis Marrufo (Incite bassist) - Nice guy. Good bassist who plays well and has fun onstage. Will sign stuff. 9


Noah Martin (former Arsis bassist) - Really nice, sweet and cool guy who loves and appreciates fans' support. Easy to talk to and will sign anything and take pics. Really humble and a skilled musician. Not a prima donna like frontman James Malone. 10


Tomas Masgard (Unleashed guitarist) - What is with these stupid Swedes? He's quiet, smokes like a chimney, but is good enough for pics and a quick chat. Nothing on his mind except getting drunk. 6


Mark Mitchell (Throwdown bassist) - Like the other Mark in the same band, nice enough to sign stuff and take pics, but nothing really to say. Doesn't seem too open, but that doesn't mean that he's... well, mean. Just say "thanks" and be on your way with this one. 7


Dan Mongrain (Voivod guitarist) - Polite and cordial. Claimed to be tired, which explained his quietness, but was still took pics with fans. 8


Jerry Montano (former Nothingface and HELLYEAH bassist) - A real solid dude. Would definitely like to have this guy in my corner during a fight. Undeservedly screwed over by Vinnie Paul, he deserves a lot better than what he's getting in the metal community. Support this dude. 8

Eric Moore (Suicidal Tendencies and Infectious Grooves drummer) - Not bad for a heavy-set black dude, he actually carries himself well in the field of heavy metal drumming. Looks like he belongs with the rap group D-12 than Suicidal Tendencies. He did this amazing thing during the drum interlude, a bit showoff-ish but still impressive. 7


Will Mortician (Mortician singer) - Not much of a singer or frontman. Very stiff and says nothing, in other words - strong, silent type. President of the NYDM. Lives in a fantasy world where the NYDM are like "The Warriors" from the film of the same name. Does take pics, but don't expect much verbal interaction. 5


Mark Morton (Lamb of God guitarist) - A humorless prick. Doesn't seem to really appreciate fans. Very quiet and unassuming. If he wasn't in this band, no one would give a fuck about him. Has the manners of a gorilla, which matches his playing ability. 2


Mike Muir (Suicidal Tendencies and Infectious Grooves singer) - Wow, age has truly worked against him! Fat and bald now, but performs like he's 20 again. Claimed to have bronchitis as an excuse to act like a prick to fans, but still came outside to sign autographs and take pics. Not as funny or charming as his onstage persona, but he holds some cache within the metal world, so to get him scores major points. 4


Frank Mullen (Suffocation singer) - Looks more like a frontman for a hardcore band than a death metal band, but still carries himself well. Gives the crowd what they want and they know what to expect. Friendly guy who is appreciative and amazed by the fan loyalty after all these years. Does a weird hand gesture onstage that makes him look somewhat retarded and gets old. 8


Derrick Nau (Skeletonwitch drummer) - A bit withdrawn and not as accessible as the other members of the band, but still willing to take pics and talk with fans. Good player, but I've seen much better. 8


Dan Nelson (Anthrax singer) - The new kid on the block has the makings of being one of the finest metal performers of this generation. A man who is all heart and shows no signs of ego, except a relaxed and very down-to-earth personality despite having the unenviable task of "steering the ship" for one of the most important metal bands in the game. A true metal brother who deserves respect. 10


Joe Nuñez (Soulfly drummer) - Seems like a nice guy at first, but upon closer inspection he shows that he can be a bit of an arrogant, ungrateful jerk, too. Not really bright, but still accomodating to fans, which is always a good thing. Doesn't seem bothered by Kerry King's comment dissing him about "his mommy not letting him join Slayer". 5


Harald Oimoen (D.R.I. bassist) - It's Krusty the Klown come to life! A very animated fellow and friendly. 9


Mark Osegueda (Death Angel frontman) - Really funny and talented singer and frontman. Nice guy and great with fans. Will chat with them and fulfill all requests. Quick with the jokes and good humored. Likes to show off his body, and comes off as a little gay at times, but he's still a cool guy. The complete opposite of Byron Davis of God Forbid. 10


John Outcalt (God Forbid bassist) - The one white dude in the band is also, and no joke, the most down-to-earth and approachable. Will fulfill any requests and take a joke of "being the one white guy" in the group, but you get the feeling he's heard that one before and is tired of it. Also the more vibrant performer onstage without showing off like that arrogant prick Doc Coyle. 9


Jack Owen (Deicide guitarist) - A real funny dude! Good-humored and treats fans well. Likes his beer and diet Coke but strikes me as a very sad, lonely fellow. He needs a big hug now and then. Could pass for Uncle Fester. 8


Ken Owen (former Carcass drummer) - Poor guy suffered a brain hemorrhage but still managed to play a quick drum solo pretty well. I didn't have the heart to ask him any provocative questions, especially since he's not in the band. Nice fellow who signed everyone's autographs and take pics with a kind smile. Definitely respected by everyone and showed respect to us all. Stayed outside for a while until everyone was satisfied. 9


Tim "Ripper" Owens (Former Judas Priest/Iced Earth and current Beyond Fear/Hail! singer) - At our first encounter, I thought he was an arrogant, old prick whose time had come and gone; but after a more thorough chat with him, it turns out that he is a sweet guy, a devoted family man, and a consummate performer onstage. Likes his fans and treats them well. 9


Aaron "Bubble" Patrick (Bury Your Dead bassist) - Very friendly and open guy. Has a silly nickname, but his personality is real and genuine. Appreciates fans' support and will chat with them while they wait in line. Very lively performer and enjoys playing. 10


Brian Patton (Soilent Green guitarist) - Weird guy, somewhat vacant and blank. No visible ego, just a feeling of distance from him. Recovering heroin addict. Much quieter than the others in SG, but still friendly and will sign stuff. 7


Dennis Pepa (former Death Angel bassist) - Playful musician onstage and good with fans offstage. Will sign stuff and takes pics. Doesn't mind closing a DUI incident which prohibited entry to Canada, so he can be personable. 8


Trevor Peres (Obituary guitarist) - Polite Southern redneck guy. Will sign autographs, as many Obituary CD booklets as you have, and take pics. Can chat a bit, but doesn't seem to have anything intelligent to talk about. Has a fourth child on the way. Pretty tough to look at sometimes, but metal is not about looks. 7


Dave Peters (Throwdown singer) - Really cool guy and down-to-earth. Has that Jasta-like appeal, a hardcore, true fan of the music and appreciative of fan support. At first, he refused to remove his sunglasses, which I thought he was acting like a diva, but it turned out had a nasty black eye. Turns out to be an approachable and likable dude. Comes off like another Anselmo clone, like Jasta, but is still a great performer and frontman - just needs to find his own identity. 8


Eric Peterson (Testament guitarist and DragonLord singer) - Very reserved to the point of being cold and withdrawn. Will sign stuff, but forget about talking to him. Doesn't have much to say except thanks. Somewhat bitter that Chuck Billy makes more money than he does, according to Revolver magazine interview, which really irritates me. Looks like someone's old grandmother. 4


Mille Petrozza (Kreator singer and guitarist) - Surprisingly, a very down-to-earth and humble guy. Even after being in the metal game for 25+ years he's still very friendly to fans and stays outside of the bus to chat and sign autographs and/or take pics. Part of a very rare and select few of elite and important frontmen/figures who also happens to be a cool person. 10


Corey Pierce (God Forbid drummer) - Another one in this group that has his head stuck up his ass. Doesn't really emote much gratitude or conversation. Will take pics and sign stuff, but with some huffing. Uses his cellphone as a way to avoid fans. 5


Matt Pike (High on Fire singer and guitarist) - Man, who decided to give this guy a bong? Totally wasted and incoherent pothead/drunk. Slobbered on my shirt when taking our pic together. Seems like a party, but might take it too far. Sloppy-looking and fat, he loves to perform shirtless and may cause you to lose your lunch. Friendly and playful, just don't feed him after midnight. 9


Dean Pleasants (Suicidal Tendencies and Infectious Grooves guitarist) - Not bad for a sort-of black guy in the field of metal guitars. A bit more quiet and reserved, but no less gracious than the other members of ST. Kind enough to give me another guitar pick despite the asshole security guard pocketing one for himself. Nice enough to take pics and sign autographs, but whined a bit about cold (buck up, pal, you're not in California!). 9


Mike Portnoy (Dream Theater/Hail! drummer) - The poor old guy lost his dog, Bongo. Doesn't seem to like criticism. A bit oblivious to fans and it may be quite taxing for him to take pics with fans. A good drummer, but there are much better out there. 6


Greg Puciato (Dillinger Escape Plan singer) - Musclebound loudmouth is actually a nice humble guy and will chat with you, but just don't insult his girlfriend, who just happens to be a loud, obnoxious cunt. Insane frontman prone to diving into the crowd, jumping into the mosh-pit, and hanging upside-down in the rafters all while singing! Takes the term "performance-art" to a new level, despite the idiosyncratic noise they call "music." 8


Jaska Raatikainen (Children of Bodom drummer) - What a dickhead. Impatient and cold. Not very thankful in the least for fans who wait until 4am to meet him. Needs some prodding to get him to take pics or sign autographs. Not the brightest person in the band - and he was the sober one. 5


Sami Raatikainen (Necrophagist guitarist) - Very polite and cool. Looks like one of Anton LaVey's children. Seems to like fans just fine, if only fans would tear themselves away from cooing over Muhammed Suicmez. 9


Rob Rampy (D.R.I. drummer) - Creepy dude! Maybe he's shy, maybe he's retarded, but I wasn't too choked up about this guy. Talking to this guy was like talking to a corpse. A snooze! 5


Marc Reign (formerly Destruction drummer) - The sole member of the band with any balls to meet fans. A bit drunk and stupid to talk coherently, but still friendly and good enough to sign shit for fans. 8


Jürgen "Ventor" Reil (Kreator drummer) - A bit quiet and unassuming, but no less generous and friendly to fans like the other members of Kreator. A true drummer in every sense of the word - doesn't have a whole lot to say and no one's really looking for him. Still, a cool dude. 7


Nic Ritter (Warbringer drummer) - Another new gun in the band to replace Ryan Bates, who apparently couldn't get along with his bandmates and other people involved in Warbringer... *cough cough* asshole! Seems like a nice fellow, though I've been told is somewhat of a hothead and is prone to humiliating people who heckle the band. But still was pleasant and respectful towards me and nice enough to fulfill requests. 8


Marc Rizzo (Soulfly and Cavalera Conspiracy guitarist) - Surprisingly a very nice, sweet guy and skilled player. One ex-girlfriend of his had me believe that he was an arrogant jerk, but he came off as a bro. Likes chatting with fans and hearing feedback. Good sense of humor and doesn't mind trashing ex-girlfriends. 10


Noah Robinson (Bleed the Sky singer) - Don't know anything about him, but he is a down-to-earth kid. May or may not make it as part of BTS, and knows his and the band's limits, but loves performing and is cool to fans. 9


Hoya Roc (Madball bassist) - Big, heavy-set dude played rather well. Seemed to play from the heart for the crowd rather than just for himself - though I could be wrong. Nice guy in person and kind enough to sign autographs and take pics. 8


Erik Rutan (Hate Eternal singer/guitarist) - The uberproducer of death metal is pretty cool, though the death of his good friend Jared Anderson seems to have left him somewhat lost. If he's not distracted by the goings-on of the road crew and dealing with moving equipment, he'll be happy take pics and sign stuff. Thankfully, no one really knows who he is, so it will be easy to get what you want from him. 6


Derek Rydquist (The Faceless singer) - How can a geek like this dude be a growler for band? And with a nickname like "Demon Carcass"? You gotta be fucking kidding me! Looks are definitely deceiving here. Nice guy, though. Seems to be live without pretention or ego and acts like a normal kid. 6


Snake Sabo (former Skid Row guitarist) - Now the manager of Down (when the fuck did this happen?), the former axman of New Jersey pop-metal douchers Skid Row is a pretty cool guy. I didn't recognize him until someone pointed him out. Will sign stuff and take pics gladly, but of course, I'm sure he's glad anyone recognizes him. 10


Karl Sanders (Nile guitarist) - Like Toler-Wade, another person who just doesn't "look" like they belong in metal. A fat, albino-looking dude (and if he ever cut his hair would probably look like Curly from the "Three Stooges") who keeps to himself and says very little. Despite this, he has a decent following among fans and is a very skilled musician. Will sign stuff and take pics. 5



Ralph Santolla (Obituary guitarist) - Another humorless prick that can't take a joke. Takes himself way too seriously. Will take a pic but you better do it fast because he has zero patience if he doesn't know you. May be friendly to some, but you'll have to lick his balls for him to warm up to you. Smoker who needs to get cancer fast! Obituary would do well to bring back Allen West at this point. 4


Satyr (Satyricon singer) - An ego-maniac, who takes his stage name from the band's name, who prances around the stage in skin-tight pants, with noticable bulge, like a fairy. So desperately tries to be like Rob Halford or Ihsahn but fails. Creepy fellow will sign stuff and take pics, but you have to be quick before he disappears into a taxicab. 6


Anders Schultz (Unleashed drummer) - This dude is really tough to look at! Don't look too closely in his eyes or you'll be hypnotized. A decent drummer. Will sign autographs and take pics but a bore to talk to. 7


Gil Sharone (former Dillinger Escape Plan drummer) - Quite possible the oddest-looking chap in metal. Dresses like a queer, but is a skilled drummer. Claims to have invented the glow-in-the-dark drum kit. Seems like a nice guy but a bit of a wallflower and prefers to be invisible, the folly of most drummers. 7


Silenoz (Dimmu Borgir guitarist) - Much like most of the other Euro-trash bands, he's a friendly, cordial and upbeat person who is good to fans and appreciates their support. Dresses like a cowboy, even though he's Norwegian and should be dressed like a Viking or caveman like the other members. 9


Jade Simonetto (Hate Eternal drummer) - Baby-faced kid plays like a fuckin' monster. Young, but very good player. Will sign stuff and chat with you a bit, but seems somewhat distant and reserved, not as open with fans. 7


Rat Skates (former Overkill drummer) - Metal drummer turned filmmaker is a pretty cool, down-to-earth guy with no attitude. Likes to talk a lot and good enough to sign autographs for fans with Overkill memorabilia, even though he is no longer is the band. Quit because he couldn't keep up with Overkill and continue drumming at such a fast pace anymore. 9


Alex Skolnick (Testament and Alex Skolnick Trio guitarist) - Friendly and talkative chap. Appreciates that fans wait an hour or so until he leaves the venue and is happy to sign shit and take pics. A bit of a bubble-brain, possibly from too much pot-smoking, but still a warm guy that had even the black security guards impressed. 8


Mike Smith (Suffocation drummer) - Besides being a black drummer in a popular death metal band, he is also a cool guy and pretty down-to-earth. Can play drums with the best of them. 8


Zak Sofaly (Incite drummer) - The boy is an animal onstage, banging on his kit like there's no tomorrow. Very touchy-feely and a smoker. FILTHY! But he is a humble, good-natured kid. Good to talk to and will sign stuff, though not exactly on the MVP list. 7


Matt Sorum (Velvet Revolver drummer) - Reminds me of Melissa Etheridge with his lesbo-looking frosted hairdo. Nice enough guy, though. 8


Pete Steele (Type O Negative singer and bassist) - The tall, misogynistic, Lurch-sounding/looking, Playgirl coverboy is actually a pretty friendly and even-keel guy. Has a extremely crazy sense of humor, which shows in his songwriting, and is very open with fans. Will sign autographs and take pics. Nothing seems to bother or offend him, and always has a witty retort for everything. 9


Bill Steer (Carcass guitarist) - Great guy and a great sense of humor! Nice enough to take pics, sign autographs, and answer pointlessly ridiculous questions. The complete opposite of his Carcass bandmates. Not a bad guitarist, either. 10


Trevor Strnad (Black Dahlia Murder singer) - Bloated singer who likes taking his shirt off and showing off his sweaty man-tits. Reminds one of Barney Greenway of Napalm Death when the glasses come off. A sweet guy, if somewhat touchy-feely, especially when he's drunk. I wonder about him! (He pinched my nipple!) Was kind enough to show me the tour bus. Has a funny last name and should be glad there isn't an "s" at the end of it. 8


Muhammed Suicmez (Necrophagist singer/guitarist) - The leader of the pack is no Nazi at all. Friendly and accomodating when asked to take three separate photos without any complaining. Balding, which is why he wears a baseball cap. Fans seems to genuinuely like him and the feeling is mutual as he spends time with them. Will take pics and sign autographs. 9


Fidel Tagle (Devastation drummer) - Likes to wear his sunglasses at night, probably out of ego or whatever, but his time has expired anyway. Decent enough player but seems somewhat cold and distant than the other members. 7


Donald Tardy (Obituary drummer) - Very friendly and appreciative of support from fans. A far cry from his brother John in the appreciation department. He likes to get his equipment offstage first before taking pics and greeting fans. 8


John Tardy (Obituary singer) - Seems a bit moody offstage and somewhat disconnected from the audience onstage. Doesn't rap with the crowd or show much appreciation. Decent singer, but lousy frontman. Will take pics, but with much huffing and puffing from his part. 6


Myke Terry (Bury Your Dead singer) - Nice guy, but very blank and disconnected. Possibly lacks confidence in himself or the band. Seems to just go through the motions of life and deals with it. Performs well enough. 7


Fredrik Thordendal (Meshuggah guitarist) - Seems to be the less surly one of the bunch. Good to fans, but doesn't bare any real importance to the world of metal. 7


Dallas Toler-Wade (Nile singer) - Somewhat reserved, but will still take pics and sign stuff. A odd-looking fellow who, much like Devin Townsend, has a bizarre skullet and just doesn't "look" like they belong in metal, but should be a standup comedian working at cheap strip clubs. Fierce vocalist, but limited in providing any stage antics or performance. 7


Alex Tomlin (former Arsis drummer) - New kid in town. Seems to enjoy the Arsis ride and is cool with fans. Slammin' drummer and easy to chat with and seems to like fans. Humble and personable. Not a prima donna like frontman James Malone. 9


Jeff Tuttle (Dillinger Escape Plan guitarist) - Decent kid who's happy to meet fans and take a pic. Like most of the members of DEP he lacks a lot of verbal skills, and doesn't seem to be quite as smart as Wilson. 7


Tommy Victor (Prong singer/guitarist and Danzig guitarist - A bit stupid. This dude doesn't seem to be playing with a full deck. Was definitely sipping some Jesus juice or on crack earlier in the evening. Was good enough to take a pic, but it took several inquiries just to get his attention. Likes to cuddle, though. 6


Jeff Walker (Carcass singer and bassist) - Much like Bill Steer, a very nice guy with a great sense of humor - a sick one, at that - and kind enough to answer pointlessly stupid and provocatively disrespectful questions. Good enough to sign autographs and take pics. 9


Justin Warrick (Bleed the Sky guitarist) - Super-cool kid and not bad as a musician. Know the limitations of his band but remains undeterred. Likes fans and will chat and take pics. Loves to drink and would probably be fun to hang out with at a bar. 10


Frank Watkins (Obituary bassist) - Another fucking smoker, but is a decent guy. Will chat a bit and sign shit for you. Not a great bass player, but still a decent guy. 7


Alex Webster (Cannibal Corpse bassist) - Everything you heard about this man is true. A ridiculously friendly and warm dude. Chats with fans and will be happy to fulfill any requests. More musicians should be this personable and real. 10


Ben Weinman (Dillinger Escape Plan guitarist) - Known to be difficult to work with, and a bit eccentric, but is actually a nice guy and very communicative. Will talk with fans and sign stuff. A maniac onstage but seems to be quiet and withdrawn offstage. A decent guitarist. 8


Ryan "Bart" Williams (Black Dahlia Murder bassist) - Seems to be the only member in the band not to be on something of the chemical kind. Not that great as a bass player, but does his job. Will sign autographs for fans. 7


Liam Wilson (Dillinger Escape Plan bassist) - A bit of a weirdo... I mean eccentric. Dresses like a mental patient and seems to like it that way. Decent bassist, but nothing to write home about. Will take pics and sign stuff. 7


Scott Wily (Vital Remains singer) - Nice guy, but very quiet. Tried to pull me up on stage and join the fun. 8


Kirk Windstein (Down guitarist and Crowbar singer/guitarist) - A great sense of humor and personality belies the outwardly gruff, grungy, and grumpy exterior of this man. Will fulfill fan requests. Like to keep his girlfriend nearby for some reason. 10


Kip Winger (Winger singer/guitarist) - What kind of dumbass wears his sunglasses at night! Only an arrogant, washed-up prick, I guess. Will sign autographs and take pics but doesn't connect with fans. Who cares, since he is part of that whole Pop-Metal shit era! 4


Janne Wirman (Children of Bodom keyboardist) - Baby-faced and somewhat smug-looking. Not too impressive as a musician, but a nice enough kid. Somewhat distant or perhaps just shy. Apologized for having fans wait outside the bus while he got drunk. Signed autographs and took pics. 7


Tim Yeung (Vital Remains/Divine Heresy drummer) - Really cool, down-to-earth guy. May look like an arrogant prick but really likes chatting. One of the few people in metal who actually has a brain and uses it well. A big sports-car enthusiast and a great drummer. 10


Sami Yli-Sirniö (Kreator guitarist) - Nice guy, though somewhat quiet and reserved. Will sign autographs, provided that fans recognize him. Looks like a reject from E'Nuff Z'Nuff, but plays like an ace guitar hero. 8


Joey Z (Life of Agony guitarist) - A really cool dude. Full of life and warm energy. Happily will take pics and sign autographs for fans. Seems really humbled and down-to-earth. 7


Steve Zing (Danzig bassist) - The first and only musician to ask the fans "How was the show?" and "Did you have a good time?" which is quite refreshing. A decent bassist who really stacks up well with the other members. 9