iPod Picks: Top Metal (and a Rock) Albums of 2011

Another year gone by, a year that saw quite a few new releases from bands of old and new -- some decent, some pretty metallic, and others just plain weird!

1) Machine Head (Locust)



The band that actually saw sales INCREASE top my list because they remain consistent and lost none of their brutal edge. While not as complete or compact as their previous effort, it's still the best release of the year.

2) Mastodon (The Hunter)



The hairy apes of Georgia pull out another stunner from their collective asses, aided and abetted by "Curl of the Burl", which sounds like an AIC throwaway track, but just might them their first Grammy.

3. Anthrax (Worship Music)



I really expect these NY old-timers to call it a day once and for all, but "failure" is evidently not in their vocabulary. Good for them, because WM is a solid effort and deserves proper kudos. For now, they've bought themselves a couple more years of shelf-life.

4. Megadeth (Th1rt3en)



Not the kind of release that was promised, but at this point, what more can we expect from Dave and company? It's a sincere statement that metal will never die and Megadeth, at this point, will not go away quietly.

5. Metallica (Beyond Magnetic)



Metallica has redeemed itself with this four-track EP after the universal-panning and bashing from both critics and fans. (Not by me, of course, see below.) Leftovers from the "Death Magnetic" sessions a couple years back make their glorious debut, and criminally, SHOULD have been discovered much sooner on that LP.

6. Chimaira (The Age of Hell)



The final release with the heart-and-soul guitarist-duo of Arnold and DeVries, as they flee into the refuge of Six Feet Under and are replaced by lackluster stand-ins, could (and should) be the swan song album that all bands hope to record before they call it a day.

7. Lou Reed and Metallica (Lulu)



I know with absolute certainly that I am alone in liking this album. What can I say..... I'm different and like eclectic music. Perhaps it would have worked better as an instrumental album without the lazy, invasive vocals by Reed and more noodling by Metallica, but some songs, especially on Side 2, evoke a dark ambient mood that is altogether bold and refreshing.

8. Red Hot Chili Peppers (I'm with You)



I'm stretching here, and though RHCP are by no means "metal", they earn a spot here just for their creativity and using, and reusing, a familiar formula and still making it sound fresh and original after the success of their last release, the massive "Stadium Arcadium", five years ago.

9. Korn (The Path of Totality)



Whatever "dub-step" is, really has no place in metal -- just ask the fans. But Korn is a different monster and can get away with it. While it sounds more like a conventional remix album than an new release of originality, it has its bright moments. To find them, however, requires many-repeated listens.

10. Lady Gaga (Born This Way)



Okay, truth be told, I just ran out of picks. T'WAS A VERY SLOW YEAR FOR METAL INDEED! I chose it only because there's a song called "Heavy Metal Lovers" on it, and also to piss off any pricks on here who disagree with me. SUCK IT, BITCHES!!!!! :-P

Where have I been?

Because I know everyone is dying to know what I've been up to, as I've been away from the "metal scene" for a while, Yours Truly and MetalBro4Life has been working hard getting his act together.... actually, more like his ACTING career together!

I've been forgoing and skipping several metal shows for several reasons: 1) The shows have been quite lame and spread out way too far from each other; 2) The bands nowadays suck ass, plus I was bored and tired of spending money on shitty shows; 3) Getting my career going -- oh yes, I belong to AFTRA now! Don't know what that is..... look it up; 4) Bad economy; 5) I needed to reevaluate myself and get away from the scene -- dare I say, grow up? In any case, I still love heavy metal music, but there are much better things out there for an ambitious, talented, young stud like myself to discover and conquer. And so far, I'm succeeding!

Don't worry, metal chumps, I will make my return to the scene shortly, and we can have plenty of time to catch up. I'm so looking forward to getting into it with the fans and bands again. After all, that -- along with acting -- is what I do best! +{:]:-)

TO MY FELLOW METALHEADS EVERYWHERE!!!

I recently came across a post that had my Metalliblog come under fire for denigrating and defaming the beloved members of the heavy metal community. Naturally, I was overwhelmed and pleased by the massive amount of people who responded -- obviously, I hit a nerve.

Surprisingly, some even defended my right to judge and critique how metal band members treat their fans on a 1-to-10 scale and write a caption that either supported or slagged them. The only thing I can say is a big THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to read and comment on my posts, though I think the feeble attacks about my looks and mental stability was rather boring, weak and lame.... oh, yes, and ultimately futile!

Still, I have to give myself a pat on the back for eliciting such a tremendous reaction from such a sad, pathetic bunch of ugly, uneducated, hygienically-challenge group of social twerps and losers and they have the nerve to say that I am the problem. Truth is, it will NEVER stop, and so long as I have breath in my body, and there are decent enough metal shows in town, I will be there to critique, badger, and piss-off every metalhead douchebag that goes to an NY show! 'Til then, suck my chocolate salty balls and gag on the stench!

Peace and love! +{:]:-)

Joey Jordison and his itchy vagina!

Recently, the Murderdolls were performing in some club in Bordeaux, France and seemed to throw a tantrum. Citing "technical difficulties" as the reason for his actions, Jordison was caught tossing his guitar aside and stomping offstage like the douchebag he is reported to be. My question is, what the fuck is he doing playing the guitar?



People pay money to see him play music, not to behave in an unprofessional manner as he did. If his guitar is giving him these problems, then perhaps he should stick to playing drums where he won't have to worry about "technical difficulties" and act like a complete asshole.

Honorable (and Dishonorable) Mentions of Metal/Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod

What list is complete without one of these after you just read the Top Ten of ANYTHING! I had to include some noteworthy releases of the past year from something other than the usual studio effort. The following are my picks of honorable mentions of releases that include live albums, singles, and soundtracks.


1. Coming Alive - Chimaira



Here's a live album that actually does it right. Start off with the fade-in sounds of the build-up chant of "CHIMAIRA!", then play the slow pulse and opening riff from "The Venom Inside" off of 2009's The Infection, crowd anticipation and cheering, take the stage and eventually kick the crowd in the balls with a blistering one-two punch of openers like the aforementioned "Venom" and 2007's Resurrection's aptly-titled -- wait for it! -- "Resurrection"! Some playful banter from vocalist Mark Hunter and the crowd lightens the frenetic pacing of the songs, and at one point, there's a funny moment when Hunter apologizes for accidentally spitting on a fan when he is kibitzing. The playing is ferocious and the players are even mightier. The DVD is an insightful look into the band's attempt at creating and getting The Infection off the ground, as well as a fond farewell, in retrospect, at their now-departed bassist Jim LaMarca. Well worth the buck you paid for.


2. Live at Grimey's - Metallica



The old warhorses of 'Tallica play their balls off in the cramped, sweaty quarters of a Nashville, Tennessee basement for their fans in anticipation of the 2008 release of Grammy-winner Death Magnetic. It's the boys going back to their old roots, playing tracks from their first five albums and having a good time. Some playful chatter from Jaymz and the crowd offer some laughs, but their keen playing makes up for Hetfield's sad yodel that has now taken over his once-fearsome growl.


3. "Black Rain" - Soundgarden



This recording, pulled from the Badmotorfinger sessions, sounds every bit as crushing and definitive of Soundgarden's sound in the early 90s. It holds up well today and comes as a sign that possibly the boys might get together and release some new material. A sharp compendium of what Soundgarden were all about when they mattered most.


4. "Sudden Death" - Megadeth



Sounds like a decent enough outtake from 2009's Endgame, but doesn't stack well as an offering from "Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock". It's Mustaine and company doing their best to keep their metal cred intact without sounding too extreme. But there isn't anything new here really.


5. "The Will to Survive" - Pantera



A demo found on the 20th anniversary release of 1990's seminal release Cowboys from Hell, it sounds more like a discarded extra filler from 1988's Power Metal-era glam days. Lots of falsetto wailings abound, and you start to remember that once upon a time, Phil Anselmo had a great voice - or at least, a scream - that rivaled Rob Halford's before drugs took it all away. Not good enough for CFH, but still rocks thanks to the ever-present Dimebag guitar licks.


DISHONORABLE MENTION

Jonah Hex: Revenge Gets Ugly EP - Mastodon



An overlong, overbearing, overindulgent example of pure rubbish that is not fit to wipe the asshole of any respectable person who dares to listen to it. It's shocking how disjointed and unlistenable this attempt at a mainstream soundtrack is when you realize it came from Mastodon. Sadly, they fail to capitalize on the "saviors of metal" tag and ultimately release a mishmash of soundscapes that tries too hard to reflect their progessive, sludgy mission statement while trying to please the Hollywood elite at the same time.

Stampede - Hellyeah



The jury is still out on this one.... since it's technically NOT EVEN IN MY IPOD.... but I'm sure it's exactly how I picture it: a bunch of cock-slinging, chick-humping, white-trash/redneck, barroom boogie rock disguised as southern metal courtesy of cattle baron and exploitator-supreme Vinnie Paul Abbott. Am I wrong about this?

The Top Metal/Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod

I know I'm about a month late in compiling this list, but let's face it, 2010 was a slow-ass, lackluster year for metal in terms of records, record sales, tours, and quality of live performances. To be honest, I didn't feel compelled to see a lot of shows or listen to any albums because everything has become lame, watered-down, and recycled. So, it is a MIRACLE that I was able to scrounge up a few albums of last year, listen to them again, dissect them, and finally blog about it. Believe me, it was no easy feat -- but, at last, it's finally done!

Here are my picks for Top Ten Metal & Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod.


1. Deth Red Sabaoth - Danzig



Diva Danzig reclaims his dark crown once again by putting out an amazingly dark, moody, and rockin' album that harkens back to his glorious American Recordings days (c. 1988-1994) under the dynamic thumb of guru/producer Rick Rubin. There's enough sexual tension and ball-busting rock/metal found on "Ju Ju Bone", the thoughtful "On a Wicked Night", and "Black Candy", which are great examples that Danzig still has some blood left in him after years of dormancy.


2. Stone Temple Pilots - Stone Temple Pilots



After Weiland got bounced from Velvet Revolver and came back with his tail between his legs with the other guys from STP to (hopefully) recreate the magic of their grunge years, expectations were somewhat high when they reunited and eventually released their self-titled album after a seven-year hiatus. Fortunately for fans, the STP magic is still there! Gone are the grungy likeness of their Seattle compatriots and in place are a number of 60s pop-influenced rock that sounds uncannily modern and refreshing. It's a fun and breezy record and catchy as all hell, especially the radio-singles, and suggestively-titled "Between the Lines" and "Take a Load Off".


3. Relentless Retribution - Death Angel



No lie, but I just started hearing this song about two days ago and I'm only listening to it for the second time, but I can say that the right mix of the band's familiar thrash and some of it's newer, mellower heavy rock sound makes this a compelling album. The use of Rodrigo and Gabriela towards the end of "Claws in So Deep" is a pretty radical and bold choice to end a song after a couple minutes of thrash, but it works.

4 The Wörld Is Yours -Motörhead



It's Motörhead at their same, usual rockin' best. The formula hasn't changed, so true fans of the band won't be disappointed. Newer metal fans might not care about it, but it's a step up from 2008's Motörizer and probably one of the better albums of the year.


5. The Final Frontier - Iron Maiden



I wasn't too thrilled by this one. Frontman "Bruce Bruce" sounds rather bored by the sound of his own voice and the riffs are all too familiar and overworked, perhaps even overdone, but after a couple listens - as with all albums - it starts to grow on you. There's isn't one track on here that can be singled out really, but instead must be listened to from start to finish in order to be appreciated and enjoyed. Still, one has to wonder, could this album very well be Maiden's final frontier?


6. Exhibit B: The Human Condition - Exodus



Thrashin' goodness from the old boys of the Golden Gate city. However, it's way too long for its own good and can get pretty boring midway through. It's aimless and boorish at times, and with no breaks or stop-off points, it can get tedious. Exhibit A had more focus and aim, yet this one seems to run all over the place. Still, there's enough sonic brutality to keep fans happy and maintain the band's name among the high metal ranks of thrash.


7. Scream - Ozzy Osbourne



How much life does Ozzy really have left? If this album is any indication, perhaps a good ten year left, and I say that rather smugly. Ozzy follows up his last record 2007's Black Rain with a rather tepid offering. When you reach the halfway mark, you begin to understand why guitarist Zakk Wylde was eventually dumped in favor of something young, fresh and new... in this case, junior-leaguer Gus G. of Firewind. Let's at least rejoice in the fact that Ozzy didn't keep the old moniker "Soul Sucka" as the album's title -- even if Scream isn't any better or original, in both name and quality material.


8. Omen - Soulfly



Will there ever come a time when Max Cavalera DOESN'T use a guest-vocalist on one of his albums? Granted, the dude lacks proper English-speaking skills, but does that mean we have to suffer through another douchebag from another douchebag band to sing the words for him, and thereby pushing Mr. Cavalera's own contributions to backup singer? In this case, it's Greg Puciato of Dillinger Escape Plan who blows Cavalera away on the track "Rise of the Fallen", which really doesn't go anywhere except the incessant chant of its title. The production seems rushed, and given the recent turmoil in the press between former bassist Bobby Burns and the head-honcho (uh, yeah, I mean Cavalera), it's no wonder that the album loses a certain feeling of comradery and brotherhood that can be found in other releases. Omen feels somewhat stale and dated, but after a few listens, it really doesn't matter much.


9. Ironbound - Overkill



Starts off great and really works its magic, but Overkill just miss the mark at regaining some semblance of their glory. Some nice touches here and there, and they bring themselves into a fitting comparison to anything Exodus and Testament are doing right now, but I feel like at this point, can they come up with anything a little more original than the chant call of "Bring Me the Night" or "Ironbound" or the constant girly screams from "Blitz" Ellsworth? I seriously doubt it!


10. Audio Secrecy - Stone Sour



Pushing themselves ever closer to the mainstream, Stone Sour releases another example of Corey Taylor's desire to do just that! It's really a "take-it-or-leave-it" situation here. If you like the band, or a horny girl who wants to jump Taylor's bones (and I really can't understand WHY!), then you'll definitely cream your panties as he croons and warbles his way through this overlong and somewhat frustrating exercise of pain and misery, in light of the tragic death of Slipknot bandmate and bassist Paul Gray.