Joey Jordison and his itchy vagina!

Recently, the Murderdolls were performing in some club in Bordeaux, France and seemed to throw a tantrum. Citing "technical difficulties" as the reason for his actions, Jordison was caught tossing his guitar aside and stomping offstage like the douchebag he is reported to be. My question is, what the fuck is he doing playing the guitar?



People pay money to see him play music, not to behave in an unprofessional manner as he did. If his guitar is giving him these problems, then perhaps he should stick to playing drums where he won't have to worry about "technical difficulties" and act like a complete asshole.

Honorable (and Dishonorable) Mentions of Metal/Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod

What list is complete without one of these after you just read the Top Ten of ANYTHING! I had to include some noteworthy releases of the past year from something other than the usual studio effort. The following are my picks of honorable mentions of releases that include live albums, singles, and soundtracks.


1. Coming Alive - Chimaira



Here's a live album that actually does it right. Start off with the fade-in sounds of the build-up chant of "CHIMAIRA!", then play the slow pulse and opening riff from "The Venom Inside" off of 2009's The Infection, crowd anticipation and cheering, take the stage and eventually kick the crowd in the balls with a blistering one-two punch of openers like the aforementioned "Venom" and 2007's Resurrection's aptly-titled -- wait for it! -- "Resurrection"! Some playful banter from vocalist Mark Hunter and the crowd lightens the frenetic pacing of the songs, and at one point, there's a funny moment when Hunter apologizes for accidentally spitting on a fan when he is kibitzing. The playing is ferocious and the players are even mightier. The DVD is an insightful look into the band's attempt at creating and getting The Infection off the ground, as well as a fond farewell, in retrospect, at their now-departed bassist Jim LaMarca. Well worth the buck you paid for.


2. Live at Grimey's - Metallica



The old warhorses of 'Tallica play their balls off in the cramped, sweaty quarters of a Nashville, Tennessee basement for their fans in anticipation of the 2008 release of Grammy-winner Death Magnetic. It's the boys going back to their old roots, playing tracks from their first five albums and having a good time. Some playful chatter from Jaymz and the crowd offer some laughs, but their keen playing makes up for Hetfield's sad yodel that has now taken over his once-fearsome growl.


3. "Black Rain" - Soundgarden



This recording, pulled from the Badmotorfinger sessions, sounds every bit as crushing and definitive of Soundgarden's sound in the early 90s. It holds up well today and comes as a sign that possibly the boys might get together and release some new material. A sharp compendium of what Soundgarden were all about when they mattered most.


4. "Sudden Death" - Megadeth



Sounds like a decent enough outtake from 2009's Endgame, but doesn't stack well as an offering from "Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock". It's Mustaine and company doing their best to keep their metal cred intact without sounding too extreme. But there isn't anything new here really.


5. "The Will to Survive" - Pantera



A demo found on the 20th anniversary release of 1990's seminal release Cowboys from Hell, it sounds more like a discarded extra filler from 1988's Power Metal-era glam days. Lots of falsetto wailings abound, and you start to remember that once upon a time, Phil Anselmo had a great voice - or at least, a scream - that rivaled Rob Halford's before drugs took it all away. Not good enough for CFH, but still rocks thanks to the ever-present Dimebag guitar licks.


DISHONORABLE MENTION

Jonah Hex: Revenge Gets Ugly EP - Mastodon



An overlong, overbearing, overindulgent example of pure rubbish that is not fit to wipe the asshole of any respectable person who dares to listen to it. It's shocking how disjointed and unlistenable this attempt at a mainstream soundtrack is when you realize it came from Mastodon. Sadly, they fail to capitalize on the "saviors of metal" tag and ultimately release a mishmash of soundscapes that tries too hard to reflect their progessive, sludgy mission statement while trying to please the Hollywood elite at the same time.

Stampede - Hellyeah



The jury is still out on this one.... since it's technically NOT EVEN IN MY IPOD.... but I'm sure it's exactly how I picture it: a bunch of cock-slinging, chick-humping, white-trash/redneck, barroom boogie rock disguised as southern metal courtesy of cattle baron and exploitator-supreme Vinnie Paul Abbott. Am I wrong about this?

The Top Metal/Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod

I know I'm about a month late in compiling this list, but let's face it, 2010 was a slow-ass, lackluster year for metal in terms of records, record sales, tours, and quality of live performances. To be honest, I didn't feel compelled to see a lot of shows or listen to any albums because everything has become lame, watered-down, and recycled. So, it is a MIRACLE that I was able to scrounge up a few albums of last year, listen to them again, dissect them, and finally blog about it. Believe me, it was no easy feat -- but, at last, it's finally done!

Here are my picks for Top Ten Metal & Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod.


1. Deth Red Sabaoth - Danzig



Diva Danzig reclaims his dark crown once again by putting out an amazingly dark, moody, and rockin' album that harkens back to his glorious American Recordings days (c. 1988-1994) under the dynamic thumb of guru/producer Rick Rubin. There's enough sexual tension and ball-busting rock/metal found on "Ju Ju Bone", the thoughtful "On a Wicked Night", and "Black Candy", which are great examples that Danzig still has some blood left in him after years of dormancy.


2. Stone Temple Pilots - Stone Temple Pilots



After Weiland got bounced from Velvet Revolver and came back with his tail between his legs with the other guys from STP to (hopefully) recreate the magic of their grunge years, expectations were somewhat high when they reunited and eventually released their self-titled album after a seven-year hiatus. Fortunately for fans, the STP magic is still there! Gone are the grungy likeness of their Seattle compatriots and in place are a number of 60s pop-influenced rock that sounds uncannily modern and refreshing. It's a fun and breezy record and catchy as all hell, especially the radio-singles, and suggestively-titled "Between the Lines" and "Take a Load Off".


3. Relentless Retribution - Death Angel



No lie, but I just started hearing this song about two days ago and I'm only listening to it for the second time, but I can say that the right mix of the band's familiar thrash and some of it's newer, mellower heavy rock sound makes this a compelling album. The use of Rodrigo and Gabriela towards the end of "Claws in So Deep" is a pretty radical and bold choice to end a song after a couple minutes of thrash, but it works.

4 The Wörld Is Yours -Motörhead



It's Motörhead at their same, usual rockin' best. The formula hasn't changed, so true fans of the band won't be disappointed. Newer metal fans might not care about it, but it's a step up from 2008's Motörizer and probably one of the better albums of the year.


5. The Final Frontier - Iron Maiden



I wasn't too thrilled by this one. Frontman "Bruce Bruce" sounds rather bored by the sound of his own voice and the riffs are all too familiar and overworked, perhaps even overdone, but after a couple listens - as with all albums - it starts to grow on you. There's isn't one track on here that can be singled out really, but instead must be listened to from start to finish in order to be appreciated and enjoyed. Still, one has to wonder, could this album very well be Maiden's final frontier?


6. Exhibit B: The Human Condition - Exodus



Thrashin' goodness from the old boys of the Golden Gate city. However, it's way too long for its own good and can get pretty boring midway through. It's aimless and boorish at times, and with no breaks or stop-off points, it can get tedious. Exhibit A had more focus and aim, yet this one seems to run all over the place. Still, there's enough sonic brutality to keep fans happy and maintain the band's name among the high metal ranks of thrash.


7. Scream - Ozzy Osbourne



How much life does Ozzy really have left? If this album is any indication, perhaps a good ten year left, and I say that rather smugly. Ozzy follows up his last record 2007's Black Rain with a rather tepid offering. When you reach the halfway mark, you begin to understand why guitarist Zakk Wylde was eventually dumped in favor of something young, fresh and new... in this case, junior-leaguer Gus G. of Firewind. Let's at least rejoice in the fact that Ozzy didn't keep the old moniker "Soul Sucka" as the album's title -- even if Scream isn't any better or original, in both name and quality material.


8. Omen - Soulfly



Will there ever come a time when Max Cavalera DOESN'T use a guest-vocalist on one of his albums? Granted, the dude lacks proper English-speaking skills, but does that mean we have to suffer through another douchebag from another douchebag band to sing the words for him, and thereby pushing Mr. Cavalera's own contributions to backup singer? In this case, it's Greg Puciato of Dillinger Escape Plan who blows Cavalera away on the track "Rise of the Fallen", which really doesn't go anywhere except the incessant chant of its title. The production seems rushed, and given the recent turmoil in the press between former bassist Bobby Burns and the head-honcho (uh, yeah, I mean Cavalera), it's no wonder that the album loses a certain feeling of comradery and brotherhood that can be found in other releases. Omen feels somewhat stale and dated, but after a few listens, it really doesn't matter much.


9. Ironbound - Overkill



Starts off great and really works its magic, but Overkill just miss the mark at regaining some semblance of their glory. Some nice touches here and there, and they bring themselves into a fitting comparison to anything Exodus and Testament are doing right now, but I feel like at this point, can they come up with anything a little more original than the chant call of "Bring Me the Night" or "Ironbound" or the constant girly screams from "Blitz" Ellsworth? I seriously doubt it!


10. Audio Secrecy - Stone Sour



Pushing themselves ever closer to the mainstream, Stone Sour releases another example of Corey Taylor's desire to do just that! It's really a "take-it-or-leave-it" situation here. If you like the band, or a horny girl who wants to jump Taylor's bones (and I really can't understand WHY!), then you'll definitely cream your panties as he croons and warbles his way through this overlong and somewhat frustrating exercise of pain and misery, in light of the tragic death of Slipknot bandmate and bassist Paul Gray.