Joey Jordison and his itchy vagina!

Recently, the Murderdolls were performing in some club in Bordeaux, France and seemed to throw a tantrum. Citing "technical difficulties" as the reason for his actions, Jordison was caught tossing his guitar aside and stomping offstage like the douchebag he is reported to be. My question is, what the fuck is he doing playing the guitar?



People pay money to see him play music, not to behave in an unprofessional manner as he did. If his guitar is giving him these problems, then perhaps he should stick to playing drums where he won't have to worry about "technical difficulties" and act like a complete asshole.

Honorable (and Dishonorable) Mentions of Metal/Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod

What list is complete without one of these after you just read the Top Ten of ANYTHING! I had to include some noteworthy releases of the past year from something other than the usual studio effort. The following are my picks of honorable mentions of releases that include live albums, singles, and soundtracks.


1. Coming Alive - Chimaira



Here's a live album that actually does it right. Start off with the fade-in sounds of the build-up chant of "CHIMAIRA!", then play the slow pulse and opening riff from "The Venom Inside" off of 2009's The Infection, crowd anticipation and cheering, take the stage and eventually kick the crowd in the balls with a blistering one-two punch of openers like the aforementioned "Venom" and 2007's Resurrection's aptly-titled -- wait for it! -- "Resurrection"! Some playful banter from vocalist Mark Hunter and the crowd lightens the frenetic pacing of the songs, and at one point, there's a funny moment when Hunter apologizes for accidentally spitting on a fan when he is kibitzing. The playing is ferocious and the players are even mightier. The DVD is an insightful look into the band's attempt at creating and getting The Infection off the ground, as well as a fond farewell, in retrospect, at their now-departed bassist Jim LaMarca. Well worth the buck you paid for.


2. Live at Grimey's - Metallica



The old warhorses of 'Tallica play their balls off in the cramped, sweaty quarters of a Nashville, Tennessee basement for their fans in anticipation of the 2008 release of Grammy-winner Death Magnetic. It's the boys going back to their old roots, playing tracks from their first five albums and having a good time. Some playful chatter from Jaymz and the crowd offer some laughs, but their keen playing makes up for Hetfield's sad yodel that has now taken over his once-fearsome growl.


3. "Black Rain" - Soundgarden



This recording, pulled from the Badmotorfinger sessions, sounds every bit as crushing and definitive of Soundgarden's sound in the early 90s. It holds up well today and comes as a sign that possibly the boys might get together and release some new material. A sharp compendium of what Soundgarden were all about when they mattered most.


4. "Sudden Death" - Megadeth



Sounds like a decent enough outtake from 2009's Endgame, but doesn't stack well as an offering from "Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock". It's Mustaine and company doing their best to keep their metal cred intact without sounding too extreme. But there isn't anything new here really.


5. "The Will to Survive" - Pantera



A demo found on the 20th anniversary release of 1990's seminal release Cowboys from Hell, it sounds more like a discarded extra filler from 1988's Power Metal-era glam days. Lots of falsetto wailings abound, and you start to remember that once upon a time, Phil Anselmo had a great voice - or at least, a scream - that rivaled Rob Halford's before drugs took it all away. Not good enough for CFH, but still rocks thanks to the ever-present Dimebag guitar licks.


DISHONORABLE MENTION

Jonah Hex: Revenge Gets Ugly EP - Mastodon



An overlong, overbearing, overindulgent example of pure rubbish that is not fit to wipe the asshole of any respectable person who dares to listen to it. It's shocking how disjointed and unlistenable this attempt at a mainstream soundtrack is when you realize it came from Mastodon. Sadly, they fail to capitalize on the "saviors of metal" tag and ultimately release a mishmash of soundscapes that tries too hard to reflect their progessive, sludgy mission statement while trying to please the Hollywood elite at the same time.

Stampede - Hellyeah



The jury is still out on this one.... since it's technically NOT EVEN IN MY IPOD.... but I'm sure it's exactly how I picture it: a bunch of cock-slinging, chick-humping, white-trash/redneck, barroom boogie rock disguised as southern metal courtesy of cattle baron and exploitator-supreme Vinnie Paul Abbott. Am I wrong about this?

The Top Metal/Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod

I know I'm about a month late in compiling this list, but let's face it, 2010 was a slow-ass, lackluster year for metal in terms of records, record sales, tours, and quality of live performances. To be honest, I didn't feel compelled to see a lot of shows or listen to any albums because everything has become lame, watered-down, and recycled. So, it is a MIRACLE that I was able to scrounge up a few albums of last year, listen to them again, dissect them, and finally blog about it. Believe me, it was no easy feat -- but, at last, it's finally done!

Here are my picks for Top Ten Metal & Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod.


1. Deth Red Sabaoth - Danzig



Diva Danzig reclaims his dark crown once again by putting out an amazingly dark, moody, and rockin' album that harkens back to his glorious American Recordings days (c. 1988-1994) under the dynamic thumb of guru/producer Rick Rubin. There's enough sexual tension and ball-busting rock/metal found on "Ju Ju Bone", the thoughtful "On a Wicked Night", and "Black Candy", which are great examples that Danzig still has some blood left in him after years of dormancy.


2. Stone Temple Pilots - Stone Temple Pilots



After Weiland got bounced from Velvet Revolver and came back with his tail between his legs with the other guys from STP to (hopefully) recreate the magic of their grunge years, expectations were somewhat high when they reunited and eventually released their self-titled album after a seven-year hiatus. Fortunately for fans, the STP magic is still there! Gone are the grungy likeness of their Seattle compatriots and in place are a number of 60s pop-influenced rock that sounds uncannily modern and refreshing. It's a fun and breezy record and catchy as all hell, especially the radio-singles, and suggestively-titled "Between the Lines" and "Take a Load Off".


3. Relentless Retribution - Death Angel



No lie, but I just started hearing this song about two days ago and I'm only listening to it for the second time, but I can say that the right mix of the band's familiar thrash and some of it's newer, mellower heavy rock sound makes this a compelling album. The use of Rodrigo and Gabriela towards the end of "Claws in So Deep" is a pretty radical and bold choice to end a song after a couple minutes of thrash, but it works.

4 The Wörld Is Yours -Motörhead



It's Motörhead at their same, usual rockin' best. The formula hasn't changed, so true fans of the band won't be disappointed. Newer metal fans might not care about it, but it's a step up from 2008's Motörizer and probably one of the better albums of the year.


5. The Final Frontier - Iron Maiden



I wasn't too thrilled by this one. Frontman "Bruce Bruce" sounds rather bored by the sound of his own voice and the riffs are all too familiar and overworked, perhaps even overdone, but after a couple listens - as with all albums - it starts to grow on you. There's isn't one track on here that can be singled out really, but instead must be listened to from start to finish in order to be appreciated and enjoyed. Still, one has to wonder, could this album very well be Maiden's final frontier?


6. Exhibit B: The Human Condition - Exodus



Thrashin' goodness from the old boys of the Golden Gate city. However, it's way too long for its own good and can get pretty boring midway through. It's aimless and boorish at times, and with no breaks or stop-off points, it can get tedious. Exhibit A had more focus and aim, yet this one seems to run all over the place. Still, there's enough sonic brutality to keep fans happy and maintain the band's name among the high metal ranks of thrash.


7. Scream - Ozzy Osbourne



How much life does Ozzy really have left? If this album is any indication, perhaps a good ten year left, and I say that rather smugly. Ozzy follows up his last record 2007's Black Rain with a rather tepid offering. When you reach the halfway mark, you begin to understand why guitarist Zakk Wylde was eventually dumped in favor of something young, fresh and new... in this case, junior-leaguer Gus G. of Firewind. Let's at least rejoice in the fact that Ozzy didn't keep the old moniker "Soul Sucka" as the album's title -- even if Scream isn't any better or original, in both name and quality material.


8. Omen - Soulfly



Will there ever come a time when Max Cavalera DOESN'T use a guest-vocalist on one of his albums? Granted, the dude lacks proper English-speaking skills, but does that mean we have to suffer through another douchebag from another douchebag band to sing the words for him, and thereby pushing Mr. Cavalera's own contributions to backup singer? In this case, it's Greg Puciato of Dillinger Escape Plan who blows Cavalera away on the track "Rise of the Fallen", which really doesn't go anywhere except the incessant chant of its title. The production seems rushed, and given the recent turmoil in the press between former bassist Bobby Burns and the head-honcho (uh, yeah, I mean Cavalera), it's no wonder that the album loses a certain feeling of comradery and brotherhood that can be found in other releases. Omen feels somewhat stale and dated, but after a few listens, it really doesn't matter much.


9. Ironbound - Overkill



Starts off great and really works its magic, but Overkill just miss the mark at regaining some semblance of their glory. Some nice touches here and there, and they bring themselves into a fitting comparison to anything Exodus and Testament are doing right now, but I feel like at this point, can they come up with anything a little more original than the chant call of "Bring Me the Night" or "Ironbound" or the constant girly screams from "Blitz" Ellsworth? I seriously doubt it!


10. Audio Secrecy - Stone Sour



Pushing themselves ever closer to the mainstream, Stone Sour releases another example of Corey Taylor's desire to do just that! It's really a "take-it-or-leave-it" situation here. If you like the band, or a horny girl who wants to jump Taylor's bones (and I really can't understand WHY!), then you'll definitely cream your panties as he croons and warbles his way through this overlong and somewhat frustrating exercise of pain and misery, in light of the tragic death of Slipknot bandmate and bassist Paul Gray.

THE ELITE IS HERE!

What more can be said? The guitarist from Chimaira, mixed with the drummer from Bleed the Sky, wrapped with the bassist of Ohio Sky, and topped with the singer from STEMM.

Still not convinced? Have a look!

Welcome to DRAMA THEATER - Sheesh!

John Lennon said it best is the song "God" when he stated, "The dream is over." he may not have been referring to the band of Dream Theater, but I think the phrase fits them now, considering that their former drummer Mike Portnoy has moved on to drum for that piece of shit OC group Avenged Sevenfold and DT is possibly crumbling before our eyes.


It's now become a battle of she said-she said whining and botching from DT singer James LaBrie and Portnoy. Word has it that "Bluebeard" felt hurt and disrespected because LaBrie wasn't crying when Portnoy decided to take a hike from the group and grab the brass ring with A7X. Honestly, who gives a shit about these two, or their bands? If I had my way, I'd throw them all in the East River without a life-preserver! I can't stand their music or senseless complaining, except that it gives me fodder to post and blog about.

During an appearance on the September 28, 2010 edition of the "Used Bin Radio" show, LaBrie was asked if he was "sad" over Portnoy's decision to leave Dream Theater:

"You know what?! I'm not sad at all. I've gotta be honest with you. I think that everyone out there needs to know that there's four guys in the band that are... We're excited, we're really looking forward to the next chapter. And I think one of the other things that everyone really has to remember is that there's four more-than-capable guys there. We're all extremely... I know everyone is out there going, 'Holy shit! Is this guy full of himself or what?' But I wanna say it like it is. There's four very capable people in the band, and we're all talented and we all know what we're doing, and we're all capable of doing everything and keeping Dream Theater exactly what it's been and bringing it to another level and bringing it to uncharted waters, but I think very exciting and fulfilling waters. So, no, we're not down. I can guarantee you none of us are down. We're actially pretty excited... and very positive."

Earlier today, a registered user of Portnoy's official forum asked the site's moderators if threads about LaBrie's upcoming solo tour were being deleted from the MikePortnoy.com site. Portnoy himself then chose to respond, writing, "I'm afraid your eyes are not playing tricks on you."

He continued, "I was willing to ignore that the [DREAM THEATER] guys insisted all [Mike Portnoy]-related stuff be removed from DreamTheater.net [DREAM THEATER's official web site].... but then on Monday reading the Blabbermouth headlines with James [LaBrie] insensitively proclaming they are 'not sad at all' about my departure from DREAM THEATER, I cannot in 'happy' standing promote his solo tour....

"I am so sad it comes to this, but I am even more shocked and hurt by James' completely disrespectful quote."


Says LaBrie:

"It seems there is a misunderstanding. When I said I was not sad with Mike's departure, it, unfortunately, leaves plenty of room to misconstrue such words. No one can tell you or me how to think and feel. Initially with Mike's departure I was extremely upset, down and shocked. But one needs to deal and work through these emotions in order to arrive at a more positive and optimistic place. That is where I am now and was when the interview took place. Let me put it more plain and simple. Life does not afford us the luxury to wallow in our sorrow. You have to deal with the situation at hand and make it a productive and positive endeavor. In other words, onward and upward. Mike made it perfectly clear why he chose the current path. I would much rather his words be the definitive answer. In the end, does it really matter what our views are? Other than human curiosity, it doesn't change a thing. I have said my piece and believe there is no room for misinterpretation. I will give no further weight to this subject; all has been said."

PUSSIES!!!! ALL OF YOU!!!! Just sayin'.....

Worst Interviewee Award: Scott Ian

For future reference, it might be a good idea if the "brains" behind Anthrax keep Scott Ian away from giving anymore interviews. Simply put, he comes off like a major douchebag and an uncaring, unfeeling fool with absolutely no focus, no vision, and no direction as to where the band will go next. It's obvious his priorities are no longer with Anthrax, but with his new pals in Fall Out Boy to form a new project called The Damned Things. The following exchange between Ian and the Miami New Times makes it painfully obvious that Anthrax is the furthest thing from his mind.


Can you say: "douche"?


Miami New Times: You had already recorded some of your upcoming album when Joey Belladonna rejoined the band as the singer. What are you going to do with the previous material? Is he going to re-record the vocals, or are you just going to write new material for him to sing?

Scott Ian: Both, all that. We're keeping some of it and Joey's going to re-sing it, and we're writing new stuff.

Miami New Times: Early track lists for the record included covers of songs by REFUSED and ALICE IN CHAINS. Will those still make it?

Scott Ian: We have no idea.

Miami New Times: So were those covers ever supposed to be part of the mix, or was that something totally made up on the Internet?

Scott Ian: Possibly. I don't know.

Miami New Times: Um, so will you be including any covers on the new album, or not?

Scott Ian: I don't know. Who gives a shit about cover songs?! We're so far away from that.

END


Yeah, Anthrax is so far away from doing covers that they'll still perform "Antisocial" (a cover by Trust) and "Got the Time" (a cover by Joe Jackson) in their sets. And what about the Pearl Jam cover "Brain of J" that was going to be on what would have been their latest release, Worship Music? I guess "Baldini" forgot about those, too.


Just sayin'.....

Save Nergal!

So many times I have been accused of using this blog to defame, insult, berate, and slander metal band members. And while it may be true in some cases, as I feel that many of them deserve a good verbal beatdown from Yours Truly, I have decided for this one time to do some good for the metal community for a change. I have decided to use my forum to spread awareness of leukemia and to help Behemoth frontman "Nergal", aka Adam Darski, in his fight to find a bone marrow in order to cure his affliction.



Adam "Nergal" Darski, the 33-year-old guitarist/vocalist from Poland's greatest extreme-metal export, Behemoth, has been diagnosed with a life-threatening form of leukemia, a cancer of blood-forming tissues of the bone marrow. The disease, for which Adam is currently receiving treatment at the hematology division of the Gdansk Medical University Hospital, has advanced to the point where he is in urgent need of a bone-marrow transplant. (A bone-marrow transplant is when special cells, called stem cells, that are normally found in the bone marrow are taken out, filtered, and given back either to the same person or to another person.) In light of this, Darski wants to remind everyone about the need to be on the marrow registry. The more people get tested and donate, the more of a chance for life there is for him and others in the same situation.

Every year, more than 10,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with leukemia or lymphoma, and a bone-marrow transplant from an unrelated person is their best or only hope for survival. There is no data available on how many people die waiting for a match, but only four out of 10 patients receive the needed transplant.

The best thing we can all do right now is learn about the marrow-donation process, not only help save one of metal's leaders, but to also do the same for countless others out there struggling with the same disease. To learn more about how you can register to donate marrow, go to www.marrow.org.

Fans wanting to help out, register for the marrow program, or who have questions on running a marrow drive may contact the organization Music Saves Lives by e-mail at iCare@musicsaveslives.com or by visiting Music Saves Lives online at www.musicsaveslives.org.