HOLY DOG SHIT! What a piece of shit show this is! Who the fuck is the douchebag behind this retarded excuse for an awards show? That would be Tom Beaujour and Josh Berstein! From the horrid show-opening skit by host Brian Posehn, along with Scott Ian, Vinnie Paul, and Ronnie James Dio, to the awkward cutaways to Sirius/XM host Jose Mangin going on like a spastic child, to the lame jokes by Posehn, to the badly-named categories (Honorary Headbanger????? To Kat Von D??????? Most Metal Athlete?????? To Carrot Top?????), to incessant *BLEEPS* from the bands constant use of profanity.... this was a potentially good idea gone horribly wrong! What had great potential to legitimize metal to the masses, and probably sounded good on paper, has become a ridiculously bad joke that has no one, especially me, laughing. Performances by Megadeth, Killswitch Engage, Hatebreed, Suicide Silence, and All That Remains were tepid and dismal at best. Some were edited and abridged, others just plain sucked!
As mentioned above, there are so many things wrong here. Lots of things are going to have to change if this show is to return for a second season. How about actually having nominations and actually reading them out like a true awards show instead of pathetic re-caps in little boxes. Also, get better bands to play instead of second-rate bands from Roadrunner Records' roster. And hire a director and producer with merit who specialize in creating a real metal show. Expand to two hours! Hire a better host that fans are familiar with! GODDAMN IT, DO I HAVE TO THINK OF EVERYTHING HERE?
To everyone involved, do us all a favor and forget next year. The 1st annual Revolver Golden Gods Awards is a disaster and should get a Razzie for Worst Awards Show Ever!
Show Grade: F
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Napalm Death w/ Kataklysm, Toxic Holocaust, Abigail Williams, Trap Them @ Blender - 4/11/09
And so concludes the trifecta of metal shows this week as I go one-on-one with Grindcore godfathers Napalm Death for the first time, making up for missing the March 24th show last year with DevilDriver, and the return of a couple old bands and seeing new ones. But as is usually the case with shows that perform at the Blender Theater at Gramercy, the crowd was pretty tame and not as volatile as the Kreator/Exodus show to nights before. Whether it's because of the theater's limited space, a lack of marquee band names, or just metalheads' antipathy towards Grindcore's ultra-explosive sonic power in favor of the more mainstream melodic-death sound, there wasn't enough energy or excitement from the crowd to really elevate this concert into anything more than a stop-gap show to whet our appetites for the upcoming Lamb of God show on May 8th. The following entries will explain exactly where my attention was at each set, and for once, I actually missed the crowd surfers and body-crashers.
TRAP THEM - Not bad, not good either? Set Rating: C
COLISEUM - Replacing Abigail Williams from this tour, this threesome from Kentucky did the best they could while putting up with hecklers and other distractions. The frontman talked a little too much, but the band was decent. Set Rating: C
TOXIC HOLOCAUST - Seen them three times already. Same shit, same gay-ass hairdo from Joel Grind, the one-man metal band. Set Rating: C+
KATAKLYSM - Finally we get some meat here! A strong quartet with a great presence and a mission statement which resounds ever so clearly into the dead brain cells of the few metalheads in attendance: WE ARE HERE TO KICK YOUR ASS! And for the most part, they did! Finally, after three lackluster sets, there is a band that moves the people into their pits and the occasional surfing over our heads. I'm still not sold on the idea of these guys ever truly commanding their own shows and may be forever the second-billing on any given tour, but at least they're the first band of the evening to make a sizable ripple this evening. I don't know their music, but at least I wasn't bored. Set Rating: B
NAPALM DEATH - After waiting a full year and less than a month for them to return, the UK-based Grindcore legends have made their way back to New York. Simply put, they were great. They played the right amount of songs in a short amount of time (which seems to be a big problem at Blender... remember the Soulfly show last year?) and made a big show out of a pretty dull night. From Barney's profound speeches of using your mind (a difficult task for any metalhead with the exception of yours truly), fuck religion, and live your life as you see fit, to many explosive, classic gems from 1987's Scum to this year's Time Waits for No Slave, the band spared no time in getting it started. Amped up on such blinding fury as "Silence Is Deafening," "Scum," "Siege of Power," "Suffer the Children," "Time Waits for No Slave," "It's a M.A.N.S. World," and the favorite closer and Dead Kennedys cover "Nazi Punks Fuck off," the raging children of metal slammed, banged, and thrashed their way into each other, hair whipping furiously as Mark "Barney" Greenway growls hungrily like a lion to unsuspecting prey.
As a band that's been doing this for well over 25 years, the other members - bassist Shane Embury, guitarist Mitch Williams, and drummer Danny Herrera - stand and/or sit comfortably in their designated spots, occasionally bobbing their heads and screaming into nearby mics, but the attention is obviously on Greenway, who shakes and trembles like a spastic child having a near-fatal seizure, which is all endearing and freightening at the same time. Watching a legendary band do what they do best is always a thrill, and the legendary Napalm Death was no different. Set Rating: A-
AFTER THE SHOW
Surprisingly, no one stayed after to meet any of the band members from any of the five bands, which was fine by me as I got to chat with all four members of Napalm Death and even performed a good deed for once. No stupid questions were asked, though looking back I really shsould have asked some. Instead, I was complimentary and polite to each member and in return they were also cordial and friendly. I found Shane to be a bit cold and detached, saying only a few words of "yes" and "thanks." Truthfully, the man is uglier in person than in pictures, making Ron Jeremy look like a male supermodel. But to his credit, he did accept a CD I gave him from unsigned Grindcore band Buckshot Facelift, who I had seen perform at Europa months ago, and promised to take a listen to it. I didn't think I'd get that far, but the dude actually took it. Mitch was friendly and good to chat with, though visibly drunk and tired from the show. We spoke here on MySpace quite often and we caught up on a few things. He asked about my acting, which is of course going well, and I found out that he teaches in game designing and had another child. Danny was friendly but struck me as being a bit shy and maybe the quiet one in the band, even moreso than Shane. And while I didn't ask him, I wonder how someone so fat as Danny can drum as fast as he can. And Mark, Barney, whatever... was actually a pretty level-headed and sweet lad. He is definitely a commanding frontman and very underrated, in my opinion. A good group of lads indeed!
Show Rating: B
TRAP THEM - Not bad, not good either? Set Rating: C
COLISEUM - Replacing Abigail Williams from this tour, this threesome from Kentucky did the best they could while putting up with hecklers and other distractions. The frontman talked a little too much, but the band was decent. Set Rating: C
TOXIC HOLOCAUST - Seen them three times already. Same shit, same gay-ass hairdo from Joel Grind, the one-man metal band. Set Rating: C+
KATAKLYSM - Finally we get some meat here! A strong quartet with a great presence and a mission statement which resounds ever so clearly into the dead brain cells of the few metalheads in attendance: WE ARE HERE TO KICK YOUR ASS! And for the most part, they did! Finally, after three lackluster sets, there is a band that moves the people into their pits and the occasional surfing over our heads. I'm still not sold on the idea of these guys ever truly commanding their own shows and may be forever the second-billing on any given tour, but at least they're the first band of the evening to make a sizable ripple this evening. I don't know their music, but at least I wasn't bored. Set Rating: B
NAPALM DEATH - After waiting a full year and less than a month for them to return, the UK-based Grindcore legends have made their way back to New York. Simply put, they were great. They played the right amount of songs in a short amount of time (which seems to be a big problem at Blender... remember the Soulfly show last year?) and made a big show out of a pretty dull night. From Barney's profound speeches of using your mind (a difficult task for any metalhead with the exception of yours truly), fuck religion, and live your life as you see fit, to many explosive, classic gems from 1987's Scum to this year's Time Waits for No Slave, the band spared no time in getting it started. Amped up on such blinding fury as "Silence Is Deafening," "Scum," "Siege of Power," "Suffer the Children," "Time Waits for No Slave," "It's a M.A.N.S. World," and the favorite closer and Dead Kennedys cover "Nazi Punks Fuck off," the raging children of metal slammed, banged, and thrashed their way into each other, hair whipping furiously as Mark "Barney" Greenway growls hungrily like a lion to unsuspecting prey.
As a band that's been doing this for well over 25 years, the other members - bassist Shane Embury, guitarist Mitch Williams, and drummer Danny Herrera - stand and/or sit comfortably in their designated spots, occasionally bobbing their heads and screaming into nearby mics, but the attention is obviously on Greenway, who shakes and trembles like a spastic child having a near-fatal seizure, which is all endearing and freightening at the same time. Watching a legendary band do what they do best is always a thrill, and the legendary Napalm Death was no different. Set Rating: A-
AFTER THE SHOW
Surprisingly, no one stayed after to meet any of the band members from any of the five bands, which was fine by me as I got to chat with all four members of Napalm Death and even performed a good deed for once. No stupid questions were asked, though looking back I really shsould have asked some. Instead, I was complimentary and polite to each member and in return they were also cordial and friendly. I found Shane to be a bit cold and detached, saying only a few words of "yes" and "thanks." Truthfully, the man is uglier in person than in pictures, making Ron Jeremy look like a male supermodel. But to his credit, he did accept a CD I gave him from unsigned Grindcore band Buckshot Facelift, who I had seen perform at Europa months ago, and promised to take a listen to it. I didn't think I'd get that far, but the dude actually took it. Mitch was friendly and good to chat with, though visibly drunk and tired from the show. We spoke here on MySpace quite often and we caught up on a few things. He asked about my acting, which is of course going well, and I found out that he teaches in game designing and had another child. Danny was friendly but struck me as being a bit shy and maybe the quiet one in the band, even moreso than Shane. And while I didn't ask him, I wonder how someone so fat as Danny can drum as fast as he can. And Mark, Barney, whatever... was actually a pretty level-headed and sweet lad. He is definitely a commanding frontman and very underrated, in my opinion. A good group of lads indeed!
Show Rating: B
Kreator w/ Exodus, Belphagor, Warbringer and Epicurean @ Nokia - 4/8/09
Without a doubt a great contender for best concert of the year! While I had reservations of Nazis... uh, I mean thrashers... Kreator headlining an American tour over Bay Area Yanks Exodus, there was no question who the stars were. As a combined tour (pun intended) de force, the aforementioned duo and their three tag-alongs made every cent of the $28.50-$30.00 ticket price that the hungry horde of ugly sweathogs shelled out for completely worth it! My neck is still fucked up from all the bodies crashing down on top of yours truly from Warbringer's medium-hot set to Kreator slam-banging, hate-filled, torture spot (although there was a surprising lull during Belphagor's set!) that it hurts to just type this. Still, despite all of the grunting gorillas and foul-smelling ogres pawing and grabbing at my Ralph Lauren velor jacket and Peter Grimm fedora hat the whole night, this was a perfect night for any thrash lover, new or old, and if you missed it.... kill yourself NOW!
EPICUREAN - I know nothing of these guys except random mentions in various metal rags, which really doesn't matter much unless you have something big going on with your music. Cursed with being the first band up, of course they had to face the weary-eyed gawkers and apathetic (and some pathetic) nods of approval or just possible general disinterest with nothing else to do but sway their corpulent and rotund bodies to the "typical" thrash-and-grab music being played. For the random mentions in Terrorizer magazine, they just seemed to come off very green and exactly what you get from an opening band. No believable confidence in themselves, but a lot of theatrical rage. Kudos to their Robb Flynn-lookalike bassist for showing some energy and flair. Set Rating: B-
WARBRINGER - For the third time in what feels like a three-month cycle, I witnessed these kids from California perform. This time they've moved out of the small confines of BB King and into the bigger venue that is Nokia, but not because their profile has gotten any higher - though they did manage to get Exodus mastermind Gary Holt to produce their second work, which should have gone into making Exhibition B instead, but more on that later - they just happen to land themselves with the right bands and the right tours. Call them the luckiest brats in metal, but luck can only get you so far.... these guys do have talent (in being retro) and a strong fanbase that was genuinely pleased to see them onstage. The first ripple in the crowd - i.e. mosh pits and crowd surfers - belonged to Warbringer who kept a pretty consistent and fun set going for a much longer period than the two previous shows I last saw them in. Unfortunately, the majority of the set for me was watching newly-crippled Nic Ritter, who broke his arm while drunk, sitting by the drum kit and coaching Epicurean's drummer (let's call him "Dude" since I don't care to know his name), who had the Herculean task of learning Warbringer's music within two days, and was actually pretty damn good. John Kevill, their always ready-to-kill frontman, ditched the "Hail Satanas" garbage schpiel from other shows and really planted himself well as a serious individual rather than as a silly little moppet from shows past. Even the photographer dorks like Frank "Porky" White and Ken of Piercing Metal were more than willing to spend their film in their favor. The bitter trio of Andy Carroll, Ben Bennett, and John Laux (sorry, fellas!) did their usual thrashing and grousing, especially Bennett, who seemed to perform in a foggy daze and learn rather buffoonish. (He may have smoked a bit too much weed or drank too much Vitamin D milk!) Laux, still wearing his cum-streaked hair stripe, looking like Slash buttfucked Sweeney Todd, was virtuositic and confident, while Carroll, looking ever so femme was just brutal. Set Rating: B+
BELPHAGOR - Just when you thought it'd get more brutal..... it suddenly stopped! Austrian black-death metallers Belphagor, who I had come to assume were this evil and blasphemous group of killers, were merely old, white men with funny accents and just making the usual noise that pleases many, but ultimately fails to move the crowd in a frenzy. No, wait, it did get crazy.... towards the end! Too little too late. My interest had waned considerably and was waiting for them to bring out the cane and pull these guys off the stage. For a bunch of scary dudes who talk about the Marquis de Sade and masturbating with a cross on a nun, they were rather tame and disappointing. At least Helmuth, their frontman, was a decent fellow despite being a stinky smoker! Set Rating: C+
EXODUS - Why, why, why, WHY..... are these guys second on the bill? I mean, this is America not Deutschland! We came for Exodus, right? To be honest, and this is according to my conversation with Gary Holt after the show, they were asked to come along and they agreed in favor of spreading their unholy gospel after releasing their unnecessary Let There Be Blood album last year and figured that after their jaunt in Europe that it would be a good idea to tour North America again. Good thing, too, since the hubbub over 2007's The Atrocity Exhibition: Exhibit A has since died down and we'll have to wait until 2010 for Exhibit B, and they may be at risk of losing momentum AGAIN! Anyone remember 1992's Force of Habit? No? I didn't think so! But fans will have nothing to fear, as Exodus are still that angry, muscular beast that it was born to be, aided by a tireless crew 40-year-olds who remain loyal and faithful to thrash music and its fans. No complaints here. Gary Holt solos and everyone gets a hard-on. He trades riffs with fellow guitarist Lee Altus and everyone cheers. Tom Hunting rocks Nokia and bodies start falling on top of me. You have to admire and love this intense passion, even if it means putting your neck and back in traction for a few weeks, and be thankful that these guys had the gumption and balls to get themselves clean from drugs and alcohol and go out one more time in a blaze of glory, almost paralleling fellow Bay Area thrashers Testament. Rob Dukes grunts, growls and groans like the rabid Mad Dog that he is and fans who didn't warm up to his inclusion in the band seem to be content with his presence, even if they prefer Steven Souza or the late Paul Baloff's corpse as a suitable frontman. They bring out the big guns here, lots of treats from their pinnacle album Bonded by Blood, such as the title song (of course!), "A Lesson in Violence" and "Piranha", before moving on to Exhibit A tunes like "Riot Act" and "Children of a Worthless God" and ending it with "Toxic Waltz" from 1989's Fabulous Disaster. It was Exodus of 1985 kicking ass in 2009 and we couldn't have been more satisfied. Set Rating: A
KREATOR - And while I may have bitched and moaned over whoever decided to put the Krauts ahead of the Yanks, I have to be the first to say that Kreator were brutal! And just like I predicted a couple days ago, Kreator was far more talented and superior to their fellow Krauts in Destruction. Where as Destruction merely - and just bared - moved the crowd, Kreator nearly started a fucking riot! Pound after pound of fat, smelly, sweaty human flesh were going over the barricades! Mosh pits were in full swing! And yet, despite all this carnage going around, frontman Mille Petrozza, who stands about 4'6 in height, seemed to tower over this horde of chaos like a gleeful tyrantical king. And in fact, he started it all off with his titular song from Hordes of Chaos, released earlier this year, and the frenzy ensued. For 120 minutes, it didn't stop! While I tried in vain to protect my velor jacket and fedora hat and watch the band at the same time, I was busy fighting off Spics who were trying to muscle their way up to the barricade with me and security guards who were blocking my view. But I saw enough to know that I was watching something quite magical. There is a reason why Kreator have lasted as long as they have since 1985, or rather 1982 if you count their time as "Tormentor," and have such a strong support from fans - because they fail to disappoint them. If you want blood, you'll fucking get it at a Kreator show. Think of it as a walking torture rack.... at least, that's how Mille portrayed it as he constantly referred to it as "the Kreator." The setlist didn't disappoint either, especially when you consider that they had songs like "Riot of Violence," "Pleasure to Kill," "Phobia," "Extreme Aggression," "Coma of Souls," "People of the Lie," and "Violent Revolution" before ending it with a "Flag of Hate"/"Tormentor" combo. T'was a very sore but awesome set that rivaled Exodus in so many ways. Set Rating: A
AFTER THE SHOW - As the sweathogs and gorillas filed out of Nokia, I made my out and saw the embittered dynamic duo of Warbringer's Bennett and Carroll sulking in their van crying about New York parking! Bennett gulping Vitamin D milk in the driver's seat while Carroll mumbles something bitterly while taking a drag on his cigarette, something about not graduating high school, I think. After some playful banter and my increasing boredom of their lack of anything intelligent to talk about, I return and run into the rest of the Warbringer band, who seem to be in brighter spirits, though even they grouse about New York parking. Seriously, Kevill and Laux go off on tangents about the sucking parking laws like I have something to do with it. And, as always, it's great to hear feedback on my Rate the Bands blog, which they're not too shy in expressing. I found Ritter to be the most pleasant one of them all... truly a cool cat despite having a crippled arm.
Slowly but surely, members of the upper echelon billing come out. I get to spend several minutes chatting with Gary, Lee, and Tom of Exodus who have no problems hearing my criticism over their move to push Exhibit B back to October, which is when they'll start recording, to my confession of downloading their music for free. Holt and I, however, have a big dispute over downloading as opposed to buying hard copies, which affect the way bands tour. I merely pointed out that if a band is any good, then most definitely I would buy a hard copy of their album. I told him that I have no problems buying anything from Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, Anthrax, Pantera, Exodus and Testament.... simply because I find them to be that damn good and deserving of my $18.99. I also brought up the point that most fans can't even find certain bands because they're too brutal or too dark for mainstream stores - case in point, Lee Altus's former band Heathen, which you won't ever find at a Best Buy, Virgin, Circuit City, FYE, Sam Goody's, or Barnes & Noble, and that the 'Net is the only place that helps fans get exposed to that music. In the end, I told him that I make look and dress like a poser in my Ralph Lauren jacket, but in heart and spirit, I am a die-hard metal fan than any jackass neanderthal wearing stupid patches on his blue denim jacket. Being the upstanding guy that he is, he actually complimented my style and "likes the hat" after playfully tapping the top of it.
FUNNY - AND SHOCKING - MOMENT OF THE EVENING (OR: WHEN GARY HOLT SAYS THE DARNDEST THINGS!)
So-called vegetarian, or vegan, Gary Holt actually took a bite out of a chicken kebab from the street vendor! Shocking because if you know Gary, he is a strict vegetarian - which isn't very metal - and claims to never put any kind of meat in his mouth. Funny because right before he takes a chunk of chicken meat and puts it in his mouth, he says "I'm gonna hate myself for this!" but he can't even swallow it and the goddamn thing falls out of his mouth. Right after that he says "I need to get me a soy burger!" ????????? Gary Holt??????? A vegan wanting a soy fuckin' burger?????? When did our heroes suddenly become pussies? (Just kidding, Gary! ;)) Oh, and speaking of pussies, when I asked him what he thought of old bandmate Kirk Hammett being inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, he calls him a pussy! Classic. Fucking. Moment! Of course, he says he was joking, but that was a pretty long pause.
THE "WHAT THE FUCK" MOMENT OF THE EVENING
I saw Lee Altus bringing Bulgarian douchebag and my former show buddy Stefan, with his stupid glasses and big bubble head, and another jerkoff friend getting on the Exodus bus! While Lee and I had a great time chatting, I can't believe he would allow a zero and square like those two on the bus. I really think Lee brought them on the bus just to give blowjobs to the band members. That's the only thing Stefan's mouth is good for. In all honesty, I could have asked and gotten on that bus, but it was late and had plans in the morning. And besides, I've been on a few buses, and with headliners at that, not second billers.
Another WTF moment, Rob Dukes pulls the disappearing act on me. I guess he's too chicken-shit to talk to me like a man and decided to run off with his family and friends. What's funny is, as big and scary as he looks, he acts like a chick... mumbling under his breath about me at Paul Booth's party and then gives me fake smiles. Then, at the show, he tosses me a pick like we're bros again and then skips out as if to avoid me. What a puss!
TRINKETS
I managed to catch me an Exodus guitar pick thrown by my old nemesis Rob Dukes, who gave me the finger during their set, which compelled me to return the favor by giving him TWO MIDDLE FINGERS! After which he points to Holt, busy doing yet another scorching solo, while still staring at me with those maniacal eyes of his, and a body falls on top of my head. I guess Dukes really does care after all.... if only he'd be a man and unblock me already!
CONCLUSION
A great show that made Destruction's set the night before look like a day at an old folks home. Where they were tepid and meek, the men of Kreator, Exodus, Belphagor, Warbringer, and even Epicurean stood tall and proud and we were all the more satisfied. Show Grade: A
EPICUREAN - I know nothing of these guys except random mentions in various metal rags, which really doesn't matter much unless you have something big going on with your music. Cursed with being the first band up, of course they had to face the weary-eyed gawkers and apathetic (and some pathetic) nods of approval or just possible general disinterest with nothing else to do but sway their corpulent and rotund bodies to the "typical" thrash-and-grab music being played. For the random mentions in Terrorizer magazine, they just seemed to come off very green and exactly what you get from an opening band. No believable confidence in themselves, but a lot of theatrical rage. Kudos to their Robb Flynn-lookalike bassist for showing some energy and flair. Set Rating: B-
WARBRINGER - For the third time in what feels like a three-month cycle, I witnessed these kids from California perform. This time they've moved out of the small confines of BB King and into the bigger venue that is Nokia, but not because their profile has gotten any higher - though they did manage to get Exodus mastermind Gary Holt to produce their second work, which should have gone into making Exhibition B instead, but more on that later - they just happen to land themselves with the right bands and the right tours. Call them the luckiest brats in metal, but luck can only get you so far.... these guys do have talent (in being retro) and a strong fanbase that was genuinely pleased to see them onstage. The first ripple in the crowd - i.e. mosh pits and crowd surfers - belonged to Warbringer who kept a pretty consistent and fun set going for a much longer period than the two previous shows I last saw them in. Unfortunately, the majority of the set for me was watching newly-crippled Nic Ritter, who broke his arm while drunk, sitting by the drum kit and coaching Epicurean's drummer (let's call him "Dude" since I don't care to know his name), who had the Herculean task of learning Warbringer's music within two days, and was actually pretty damn good. John Kevill, their always ready-to-kill frontman, ditched the "Hail Satanas" garbage schpiel from other shows and really planted himself well as a serious individual rather than as a silly little moppet from shows past. Even the photographer dorks like Frank "Porky" White and Ken of Piercing Metal were more than willing to spend their film in their favor. The bitter trio of Andy Carroll, Ben Bennett, and John Laux (sorry, fellas!) did their usual thrashing and grousing, especially Bennett, who seemed to perform in a foggy daze and learn rather buffoonish. (He may have smoked a bit too much weed or drank too much Vitamin D milk!) Laux, still wearing his cum-streaked hair stripe, looking like Slash buttfucked Sweeney Todd, was virtuositic and confident, while Carroll, looking ever so femme was just brutal. Set Rating: B+
BELPHAGOR - Just when you thought it'd get more brutal..... it suddenly stopped! Austrian black-death metallers Belphagor, who I had come to assume were this evil and blasphemous group of killers, were merely old, white men with funny accents and just making the usual noise that pleases many, but ultimately fails to move the crowd in a frenzy. No, wait, it did get crazy.... towards the end! Too little too late. My interest had waned considerably and was waiting for them to bring out the cane and pull these guys off the stage. For a bunch of scary dudes who talk about the Marquis de Sade and masturbating with a cross on a nun, they were rather tame and disappointing. At least Helmuth, their frontman, was a decent fellow despite being a stinky smoker! Set Rating: C+
EXODUS - Why, why, why, WHY..... are these guys second on the bill? I mean, this is America not Deutschland! We came for Exodus, right? To be honest, and this is according to my conversation with Gary Holt after the show, they were asked to come along and they agreed in favor of spreading their unholy gospel after releasing their unnecessary Let There Be Blood album last year and figured that after their jaunt in Europe that it would be a good idea to tour North America again. Good thing, too, since the hubbub over 2007's The Atrocity Exhibition: Exhibit A has since died down and we'll have to wait until 2010 for Exhibit B, and they may be at risk of losing momentum AGAIN! Anyone remember 1992's Force of Habit? No? I didn't think so! But fans will have nothing to fear, as Exodus are still that angry, muscular beast that it was born to be, aided by a tireless crew 40-year-olds who remain loyal and faithful to thrash music and its fans. No complaints here. Gary Holt solos and everyone gets a hard-on. He trades riffs with fellow guitarist Lee Altus and everyone cheers. Tom Hunting rocks Nokia and bodies start falling on top of me. You have to admire and love this intense passion, even if it means putting your neck and back in traction for a few weeks, and be thankful that these guys had the gumption and balls to get themselves clean from drugs and alcohol and go out one more time in a blaze of glory, almost paralleling fellow Bay Area thrashers Testament. Rob Dukes grunts, growls and groans like the rabid Mad Dog that he is and fans who didn't warm up to his inclusion in the band seem to be content with his presence, even if they prefer Steven Souza or the late Paul Baloff's corpse as a suitable frontman. They bring out the big guns here, lots of treats from their pinnacle album Bonded by Blood, such as the title song (of course!), "A Lesson in Violence" and "Piranha", before moving on to Exhibit A tunes like "Riot Act" and "Children of a Worthless God" and ending it with "Toxic Waltz" from 1989's Fabulous Disaster. It was Exodus of 1985 kicking ass in 2009 and we couldn't have been more satisfied. Set Rating: A
KREATOR - And while I may have bitched and moaned over whoever decided to put the Krauts ahead of the Yanks, I have to be the first to say that Kreator were brutal! And just like I predicted a couple days ago, Kreator was far more talented and superior to their fellow Krauts in Destruction. Where as Destruction merely - and just bared - moved the crowd, Kreator nearly started a fucking riot! Pound after pound of fat, smelly, sweaty human flesh were going over the barricades! Mosh pits were in full swing! And yet, despite all this carnage going around, frontman Mille Petrozza, who stands about 4'6 in height, seemed to tower over this horde of chaos like a gleeful tyrantical king. And in fact, he started it all off with his titular song from Hordes of Chaos, released earlier this year, and the frenzy ensued. For 120 minutes, it didn't stop! While I tried in vain to protect my velor jacket and fedora hat and watch the band at the same time, I was busy fighting off Spics who were trying to muscle their way up to the barricade with me and security guards who were blocking my view. But I saw enough to know that I was watching something quite magical. There is a reason why Kreator have lasted as long as they have since 1985, or rather 1982 if you count their time as "Tormentor," and have such a strong support from fans - because they fail to disappoint them. If you want blood, you'll fucking get it at a Kreator show. Think of it as a walking torture rack.... at least, that's how Mille portrayed it as he constantly referred to it as "the Kreator." The setlist didn't disappoint either, especially when you consider that they had songs like "Riot of Violence," "Pleasure to Kill," "Phobia," "Extreme Aggression," "Coma of Souls," "People of the Lie," and "Violent Revolution" before ending it with a "Flag of Hate"/"Tormentor" combo. T'was a very sore but awesome set that rivaled Exodus in so many ways. Set Rating: A
AFTER THE SHOW - As the sweathogs and gorillas filed out of Nokia, I made my out and saw the embittered dynamic duo of Warbringer's Bennett and Carroll sulking in their van crying about New York parking! Bennett gulping Vitamin D milk in the driver's seat while Carroll mumbles something bitterly while taking a drag on his cigarette, something about not graduating high school, I think. After some playful banter and my increasing boredom of their lack of anything intelligent to talk about, I return and run into the rest of the Warbringer band, who seem to be in brighter spirits, though even they grouse about New York parking. Seriously, Kevill and Laux go off on tangents about the sucking parking laws like I have something to do with it. And, as always, it's great to hear feedback on my Rate the Bands blog, which they're not too shy in expressing. I found Ritter to be the most pleasant one of them all... truly a cool cat despite having a crippled arm.
Slowly but surely, members of the upper echelon billing come out. I get to spend several minutes chatting with Gary, Lee, and Tom of Exodus who have no problems hearing my criticism over their move to push Exhibit B back to October, which is when they'll start recording, to my confession of downloading their music for free. Holt and I, however, have a big dispute over downloading as opposed to buying hard copies, which affect the way bands tour. I merely pointed out that if a band is any good, then most definitely I would buy a hard copy of their album. I told him that I have no problems buying anything from Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, Anthrax, Pantera, Exodus and Testament.... simply because I find them to be that damn good and deserving of my $18.99. I also brought up the point that most fans can't even find certain bands because they're too brutal or too dark for mainstream stores - case in point, Lee Altus's former band Heathen, which you won't ever find at a Best Buy, Virgin, Circuit City, FYE, Sam Goody's, or Barnes & Noble, and that the 'Net is the only place that helps fans get exposed to that music. In the end, I told him that I make look and dress like a poser in my Ralph Lauren jacket, but in heart and spirit, I am a die-hard metal fan than any jackass neanderthal wearing stupid patches on his blue denim jacket. Being the upstanding guy that he is, he actually complimented my style and "likes the hat" after playfully tapping the top of it.
FUNNY - AND SHOCKING - MOMENT OF THE EVENING (OR: WHEN GARY HOLT SAYS THE DARNDEST THINGS!)
So-called vegetarian, or vegan, Gary Holt actually took a bite out of a chicken kebab from the street vendor! Shocking because if you know Gary, he is a strict vegetarian - which isn't very metal - and claims to never put any kind of meat in his mouth. Funny because right before he takes a chunk of chicken meat and puts it in his mouth, he says "I'm gonna hate myself for this!" but he can't even swallow it and the goddamn thing falls out of his mouth. Right after that he says "I need to get me a soy burger!" ????????? Gary Holt??????? A vegan wanting a soy fuckin' burger?????? When did our heroes suddenly become pussies? (Just kidding, Gary! ;)) Oh, and speaking of pussies, when I asked him what he thought of old bandmate Kirk Hammett being inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, he calls him a pussy! Classic. Fucking. Moment! Of course, he says he was joking, but that was a pretty long pause.
THE "WHAT THE FUCK" MOMENT OF THE EVENING
I saw Lee Altus bringing Bulgarian douchebag and my former show buddy Stefan, with his stupid glasses and big bubble head, and another jerkoff friend getting on the Exodus bus! While Lee and I had a great time chatting, I can't believe he would allow a zero and square like those two on the bus. I really think Lee brought them on the bus just to give blowjobs to the band members. That's the only thing Stefan's mouth is good for. In all honesty, I could have asked and gotten on that bus, but it was late and had plans in the morning. And besides, I've been on a few buses, and with headliners at that, not second billers.
Another WTF moment, Rob Dukes pulls the disappearing act on me. I guess he's too chicken-shit to talk to me like a man and decided to run off with his family and friends. What's funny is, as big and scary as he looks, he acts like a chick... mumbling under his breath about me at Paul Booth's party and then gives me fake smiles. Then, at the show, he tosses me a pick like we're bros again and then skips out as if to avoid me. What a puss!
TRINKETS
I managed to catch me an Exodus guitar pick thrown by my old nemesis Rob Dukes, who gave me the finger during their set, which compelled me to return the favor by giving him TWO MIDDLE FINGERS! After which he points to Holt, busy doing yet another scorching solo, while still staring at me with those maniacal eyes of his, and a body falls on top of my head. I guess Dukes really does care after all.... if only he'd be a man and unblock me already!
CONCLUSION
A great show that made Destruction's set the night before look like a day at an old folks home. Where they were tepid and meek, the men of Kreator, Exodus, Belphagor, Warbringer, and even Epicurean stood tall and proud and we were all the more satisfied. Show Grade: A
Destruction w/ Krisiun and Mantic Ritual @ BB King - 4/7/09
I decided to ditch my showcase after getting totally sloshed off of the white wine provided for us. Seeing as I was starting to disturb everyone with "Space Oddity" by David Bowie, I decided to leave and go to where I should have been all along... at BB King, watching Kraut thrashers Destruction attempt to tear the roof off the club. Sadly, they missed it. And sadly, I missed Krisiun and Mantic Ritual and had to pay $27 just see Destruction. I'm sure that Krisiun and Mantic Ritual were nothing to write home about. At one point, while one of Krisiun's members was filming with a camera, I confessed on-camera that I had missed their set and had other important things, like my showcase, to do instead of seeing them perform. The dude said they'd be back in September. Whether I'll be there to see them perform remains to be seen.
DESTRUCTION - A typically dull set. No excitement or real energy from the crowd since I still had my fedora hat on my head for the entire hour-and-a-half set, and no good songs to distinguish among the 25+ years in the Kraut band's canon. Instead, I spend the night SUCKING on Ring-Pops (soooo fucking good!), PISSING on the barricade (yes, I was that drunk!), and SPITTING on my enemies at the club - YES, I WAS FUCKING SPITTING ON PEOPLE!!!! And I swear when I say that some old broad actually said she enjoyed seeing me do that! For all of Schmier's schmaltzy speeches about how much he loves New York and all of us metalheads, he failed to come through in the end and greet fans. The same for that ugly, horseface old man, Mike Sifringer, who looks like a bag of bones with faggoty Glam hair and playing his instrument just like how old people fuck - tired and sloppy. Marc Reign, the only member of the band that I met, was a bit of douche, kind of drunk and dismissive of fans. Someone should put these guys in an oven instead of the Jews. Set Rating: C
Good thing, though, is that I'm drunk! I've been drunk for several hours now and hopefully I can forget this one-off night with these Kraut losers and focus on their better peers Kreator, along with Exodus, tomorrow night. Stay tuned, bitches!
DESTRUCTION - A typically dull set. No excitement or real energy from the crowd since I still had my fedora hat on my head for the entire hour-and-a-half set, and no good songs to distinguish among the 25+ years in the Kraut band's canon. Instead, I spend the night SUCKING on Ring-Pops (soooo fucking good!), PISSING on the barricade (yes, I was that drunk!), and SPITTING on my enemies at the club - YES, I WAS FUCKING SPITTING ON PEOPLE!!!! And I swear when I say that some old broad actually said she enjoyed seeing me do that! For all of Schmier's schmaltzy speeches about how much he loves New York and all of us metalheads, he failed to come through in the end and greet fans. The same for that ugly, horseface old man, Mike Sifringer, who looks like a bag of bones with faggoty Glam hair and playing his instrument just like how old people fuck - tired and sloppy. Marc Reign, the only member of the band that I met, was a bit of douche, kind of drunk and dismissive of fans. Someone should put these guys in an oven instead of the Jews. Set Rating: C
Good thing, though, is that I'm drunk! I've been drunk for several hours now and hopefully I can forget this one-off night with these Kraut losers and focus on their better peers Kreator, along with Exodus, tomorrow night. Stay tuned, bitches!
1349 w/ Annunaki @ BB King - 3/2/09
After being severely disappointed by 1349's set at the Carcass reunion show last year, I was hesitant to see the Norwegian black metal crew again in a smaller venue with only one other band on the bill. But since I was invited, I figured, why the hell not? Maybe it was because of the bitter cold and snow outside or the lack of interest, but there was maybe 30 or so people by the time the first band took the stage. In the beginning, as I chatted briefly with Annunaki's frontman Tony Stanziano, who seemed rather preoccupied with ticket sales and attendance, I assured him that he should be glad the current group of rejects were there to see them take the stage again after a year away from performing at this very venue. I told him that he should be glad to play for 20 people who knew his music and respected it than have 100 people staring at you with their arms crossed and showing apathy for your work.
ANNUNAKI - Coming from the ashes of Bloodfeast, this group definitely still has the chops needed to take the stage's limited quarters. With blazing guitar solos and blasphemous rhetoric against Jesus, the few strong in attendance seemed very pleased, but I already saw this before with Bloodfeast. Where's the change, other than the band's name? Where's the freshness? Don't get me wrong, the players are good, but they don't seem to have that much stage charisma to set them apart from the other local death/thrash groups who perform at Europa each month. The good news is, they do have a following, be it just a cult following or curious observers, but they do give the 20 or so I the crowd what hey want. And while I can't say for sure they're ready for labels just yet, they can be happy knowing that their music is appreciated by people that outnumbers the fingers on their hands. Set Rating: B-
1349 - Well, my fears came true, I was disappointed by the black metal lords from Norway. Like Cradle of Filth before them, I thought the theatrics were lame, the makeup very laughable, and the songs too slow. Despite the constant yellings of some cunt in the crowd about "sucking her stinking twat" I was not amused or impressed by 1349. Not much else say except, please stay in Norway and never come back. ALL SCANDINAVIAN METAL NEEDS TO CEASE..... NOW! Oh, and Tony Laureano is still a fat fuck! Seting Rating: C-
WHO'S IN THE CROWD?
I saw local tavern keeper Jimmy Duff escorting some girls by the bar. None of them were attractive in the least, but I guess, as long as Duff gets his nut is fine by him. I didn't speak to him, as I am waiting until my six-month ban from his bar is complete, but couldn't take my attention away from him as 1349 were playing onstage. Far more fascinating to me than the band was seeing how long as unkempt his beard has become since I last saw him at the bar's opening in December. Duff's Beard Rating: D+
ANNUNAKI - Coming from the ashes of Bloodfeast, this group definitely still has the chops needed to take the stage's limited quarters. With blazing guitar solos and blasphemous rhetoric against Jesus, the few strong in attendance seemed very pleased, but I already saw this before with Bloodfeast. Where's the change, other than the band's name? Where's the freshness? Don't get me wrong, the players are good, but they don't seem to have that much stage charisma to set them apart from the other local death/thrash groups who perform at Europa each month. The good news is, they do have a following, be it just a cult following or curious observers, but they do give the 20 or so I the crowd what hey want. And while I can't say for sure they're ready for labels just yet, they can be happy knowing that their music is appreciated by people that outnumbers the fingers on their hands. Set Rating: B-
1349 - Well, my fears came true, I was disappointed by the black metal lords from Norway. Like Cradle of Filth before them, I thought the theatrics were lame, the makeup very laughable, and the songs too slow. Despite the constant yellings of some cunt in the crowd about "sucking her stinking twat" I was not amused or impressed by 1349. Not much else say except, please stay in Norway and never come back. ALL SCANDINAVIAN METAL NEEDS TO CEASE..... NOW! Oh, and Tony Laureano is still a fat fuck! Seting Rating: C-
WHO'S IN THE CROWD?
I saw local tavern keeper Jimmy Duff escorting some girls by the bar. None of them were attractive in the least, but I guess, as long as Duff gets his nut is fine by him. I didn't speak to him, as I am waiting until my six-month ban from his bar is complete, but couldn't take my attention away from him as 1349 were playing onstage. Far more fascinating to me than the band was seeing how long as unkempt his beard has become since I last saw him at the bar's opening in December. Duff's Beard Rating: D+
Cradle of Filth w/ Satyricon and Septic Flesh @ Nokia Theater - 2/27/09
I don't go to too many black metal show and there are several reasons why, though I won't bore anyone with details. I can appreciate some of the artists and the music of this spirited genre, but there are much stronger, more potent, and "realisitic" types of metal out there that are far better. Last night I went to see these bands perform for the first time, and for better or worse, I was impressed by the turnout from the usual 500-1,000 metalheads I always see at shows in town who will see ANY show provided that it has the word "metal" in it. Being that it was a black metal show, of course, there were the usual freaks with all the piercings and shit all over their already-ugly faces, the usual wannabe vampires, goth twerps, and industrial rejects were also in attendance, but also a lot of Hispanic and Latino folks who came from the same crowd as the Dimmu Borgir show last year.
The show was violent and crazy, with tons of sweaty, greasy people pushing and shoving to see Cradle of Filth and Satyricon performing their brand of blasphemous darkness before the waiting crowd before them. At several times through their respective sets, my pin-striped fedora hat kept getting knocked off my head because of all the flying bodies being tossed around. I didn't expect to see, and literally feel, so much passion for these bands. I mean, I can understand for a legendary band to receive such adulation.... but Cradle of Filth? Satyricon? Hardly legendary! Are we that enamored by evil and Satan and the almighty blackness that we will line up around the corner all the way down to 45th and 46th St. just to see a midget from the UK lead a band of fellow ragamuffin dressed like rejects from Transylvania or two dudes from Norway (Satyr and Frost of Satyricon) who look like they're dressed and ready for a gay fashion show? Well, the meatheads... I mean, metalheads... seem to enjoy them. But much like 80s Glam, these guys are nothing more than posers dressed in black. Did they play well? Some of them did. Was I entertained? There were moments. But following on my diatribe of Eurotrash metal, there was plenty of it to be shared and last night's show proves that our (American) interests now lie with anything remotely European, no matter how lame and contrived they may be.
SEPTIC FLESH - The only band that really kept some semblance of anything remotely metal and they built on the strength of their musical quality. These death metallers, from Athens, Greece, had the difficult task of opening the show. Lucky for them, and perhaps because of their earlier endeavors into metal before splitting in 2003, they played a pretty brutal set that got mosh-pits started and the bodies flying right into the waiting arms of the surly security guards. They released a new album called Communion, which came out last year, and played a couple songs from it. Many people in the crowd seemed to have listened to the album a few times as they were yelling out title tracks and singing along in unison. Whenever singer/bassist Spiros "Seth" Antoniou lifted his instrument up, the crowd went nuts. At times, drummer Fotis Benardo would stand and point a stick at the crowd and they were on their feet. It was apparent that the crowd was on their side and we were witnessing the a pretty decent band coming back into their own again. A good mix of brutality and musicianship elevates this band as the "best opening metal band" that I've seen in a long time. Set Rating: B
SATYRICON - My knowledge of this band could fit a thimble. As with so-called "Norwegian black metal" bands, I expected to see some really evil shit when this band took the stage. From what I had seen in their videos, these guys meant business and I expected blood, fire, pentagrams, and baphomet goats hanging everywhere... but, of course, this wasn't a Gorgoroth show! So instead, the only thing remotely "evil" on stage was the mic stand encased in a wooden riser resembling a devil's pitchfork. When frontman Satyr took the stage, looking like he just came from a industry party or a fashion show, with his hair slicked back in brilliantine and dressed in tight black pants, which prominently showed off his bulge, and all black metal credibility went right out the window. At times, the dude even smiled! No one smiles in black metal! But I have to give him props as a frontman, the man can command the crowd and he seems to enjoy making them rally behind his cries as he tosses one choral part after another. Frost, the drummer, was a fucking animal - think Tommy Lee but with the zombified face of Mick Mars - as he continuously battered his drum kit like it owned him money. He was fun to watch! I wished there was more to go on, but Satyricon seem like their pretty comfortable to play it safe or at least not go far enough. Satyr, who I believe to be the brains behind the band, likes to prowl around on stage, playing a cross between Rob Halford and David Bowie, slithering yet maintaining at least one foot on a monitor to show off his dominance. Decent set, but hardly what I'd call "evil". Set Rating: B-
CRADLE OF FILTH - Much like Satyricon, these guys are about scary as Halloween costume. Even when they bring out a mic stand with skeletal remains wrapped around it, there is nothing remotely black or metal for this set. What is scary is that throughout the hour-and-a-half set, I nearly get decapitated by flying limbs coming down on my neck and almost getting crushed by charged-up maniacs against the barricades. (Such is the risk for being a fan of metal.) Fighting off dudes trying to squeeze between you and the other person next to you was tougher than whatever Cradle of Filth threw at the crowd. I'm not too familiar with them either other than people either casually like them or really hate them and that frontman Dani Filth has appeared on Bam Margera's now-defunct TV show Viva La Bam. Dani is not as good a frontman as Satyr, but for all his 4'6 height, he commands the crowd's attention as he croons along with keyboardist Rosie Smith and literally screams like a little girl, which is apparently a trademark of his, to open every song. The others in the band play well, though no one really takes a moment to shine and really strut their stuff, relying on Dani's theatrics to carry them until the very last song. I wouldn't call them lazy, but their lack of commitment pretty much sums up their respective places within the band. Set Rating: B
AFTER THE SHOW - I got to meet Mike Gitter, Roadrunner's A&R man, face-to-face for the first time and found him to be an interesting fellow. A bit guarded but still cordial enough to extend a hand and allow a brief chat between us. Underneath his Hugo Boss attire and businessman exterior, he strikes me as a man who still has a bit of the old fanboy within him, even if the years as a suit has made him a bit soft, as he prefers VIP treatment over sweating it out amongst the other metalheads like I do, and that anyone who wants to be in the music business can learn a lot from him. When we discuss about his past as a magazine writer, I can't help but notice that a part of him wishes he could do it again as he continually casts his eyes downward, remembering those years when his hair was long and he was a reckless kid who spent mommy's money going to shows. He is definitely someone who can tell me the ins and outs of writing for metal. And while he may come off as a bit of the jaded suit, there is a nice guy in there who could be a fine mentor for the right person willing to learn.
ASSHOLE OF THE EVENING
I finally witnessed a band member acting every bit the arrogant, scum-sucking, piece of Eurotrash that I expected to meet. With the lame excuse of "eating dinner" - which was only a fucking pizza crust! - he refused to take photographs or sign pictures for any fan who would ask, yet waiting by the bus for all to see him as he chatted away with pale, malnourished roadie. This douchebag in question is Dave Pybus, bassist for Cradle of Filth. He flat out told me and others around that "I don't care if I'm being an asshole. I'm eating dinner. If I take a picture with you, then I have to take one with him, and him, and then everyone. Write on the internet that I'm an asshole." And that's just what I'm doing. As someone who hates this kind of shitty, rude behavior, I called his broke, limey ass out in front of everyone there. People who paid $25-$27 to see this jackass performing, rather sloppily mind you, and yet he's going to tell us that he doesn't care about the same fans who buy their shitty merch so he can snack on that pizza crust? FUCK HIM! I told Pybus that he was trash and that he deserves to choke on his pizza crust for denying his fans like that! Then, as if to rationalize his decision, he tells me that he's just a "hired gun" and that Dani "takes all the money anyway" so he couldn't care less. Again, I fired back with more insults about his character and his music-playing and he immediately went inside the bus and stayed there. GOOD! Pybus is a talentless scumbag and he knows it. I wouldn't be surprised if he's done this before to other fans but this was definitely the first time anyone's called his ass out. I think all bands and musicians should appreciate fans for paying to see them put on a show, even one as lousy as last night's. Though, to be perfectly honest, it felt great putting that limey cocksucker in his place.... even if the band is signed to Roadrunner.
Ran into Anthrax guitarist and resident cavman Rob Caggiano, who had seen the show and is apparently friends with Gitter.... at least on MySpace. Caggiano was a bit weird, but given my recent history with Anthrax, I'm not really surprised or bothered by his behavior. His loss!
And I got to hang out with the guys of Septic Flesh who were super cool, especially Fotis and Seth. Satyr looked creepy in person and Frost was even creepier, but both were friendly and good enough to take pictures for fans. Dani was the only one, other than Rosie, to take pictures and sign autographs for fans. But I have to say that the other remaining members of CoF, Paul Allender and Martin Skaroupka, are douchebags for promising to come back out and then remaining on the bus and not coming back out. While I understand they're tired or whatever, don't promise fans that you'll be right out and then be a fucking asshole and stay on the bus. In truth, I couldn't give a rat's ass about any of the members of CoF, except that they - or at least Dani, but quite marginally - give me some metal credibility. I didn't know who any of them were and don't really care. (Of course, if you've seen my collage of me and metal bands, you know that I'm quite the collector!)
CONCLUSION
And so wraps another show. Neither scary, evil or dark, but lame, cartoonish, and otherwise a bit pointless. Though I have to give props to Septic Flesh for coming out as the opening band and kicking some fucking ass! See you guys later this year.
Show Rating: B-
The show was violent and crazy, with tons of sweaty, greasy people pushing and shoving to see Cradle of Filth and Satyricon performing their brand of blasphemous darkness before the waiting crowd before them. At several times through their respective sets, my pin-striped fedora hat kept getting knocked off my head because of all the flying bodies being tossed around. I didn't expect to see, and literally feel, so much passion for these bands. I mean, I can understand for a legendary band to receive such adulation.... but Cradle of Filth? Satyricon? Hardly legendary! Are we that enamored by evil and Satan and the almighty blackness that we will line up around the corner all the way down to 45th and 46th St. just to see a midget from the UK lead a band of fellow ragamuffin dressed like rejects from Transylvania or two dudes from Norway (Satyr and Frost of Satyricon) who look like they're dressed and ready for a gay fashion show? Well, the meatheads... I mean, metalheads... seem to enjoy them. But much like 80s Glam, these guys are nothing more than posers dressed in black. Did they play well? Some of them did. Was I entertained? There were moments. But following on my diatribe of Eurotrash metal, there was plenty of it to be shared and last night's show proves that our (American) interests now lie with anything remotely European, no matter how lame and contrived they may be.
SEPTIC FLESH - The only band that really kept some semblance of anything remotely metal and they built on the strength of their musical quality. These death metallers, from Athens, Greece, had the difficult task of opening the show. Lucky for them, and perhaps because of their earlier endeavors into metal before splitting in 2003, they played a pretty brutal set that got mosh-pits started and the bodies flying right into the waiting arms of the surly security guards. They released a new album called Communion, which came out last year, and played a couple songs from it. Many people in the crowd seemed to have listened to the album a few times as they were yelling out title tracks and singing along in unison. Whenever singer/bassist Spiros "Seth" Antoniou lifted his instrument up, the crowd went nuts. At times, drummer Fotis Benardo would stand and point a stick at the crowd and they were on their feet. It was apparent that the crowd was on their side and we were witnessing the a pretty decent band coming back into their own again. A good mix of brutality and musicianship elevates this band as the "best opening metal band" that I've seen in a long time. Set Rating: B
SATYRICON - My knowledge of this band could fit a thimble. As with so-called "Norwegian black metal" bands, I expected to see some really evil shit when this band took the stage. From what I had seen in their videos, these guys meant business and I expected blood, fire, pentagrams, and baphomet goats hanging everywhere... but, of course, this wasn't a Gorgoroth show! So instead, the only thing remotely "evil" on stage was the mic stand encased in a wooden riser resembling a devil's pitchfork. When frontman Satyr took the stage, looking like he just came from a industry party or a fashion show, with his hair slicked back in brilliantine and dressed in tight black pants, which prominently showed off his bulge, and all black metal credibility went right out the window. At times, the dude even smiled! No one smiles in black metal! But I have to give him props as a frontman, the man can command the crowd and he seems to enjoy making them rally behind his cries as he tosses one choral part after another. Frost, the drummer, was a fucking animal - think Tommy Lee but with the zombified face of Mick Mars - as he continuously battered his drum kit like it owned him money. He was fun to watch! I wished there was more to go on, but Satyricon seem like their pretty comfortable to play it safe or at least not go far enough. Satyr, who I believe to be the brains behind the band, likes to prowl around on stage, playing a cross between Rob Halford and David Bowie, slithering yet maintaining at least one foot on a monitor to show off his dominance. Decent set, but hardly what I'd call "evil". Set Rating: B-
CRADLE OF FILTH - Much like Satyricon, these guys are about scary as Halloween costume. Even when they bring out a mic stand with skeletal remains wrapped around it, there is nothing remotely black or metal for this set. What is scary is that throughout the hour-and-a-half set, I nearly get decapitated by flying limbs coming down on my neck and almost getting crushed by charged-up maniacs against the barricades. (Such is the risk for being a fan of metal.) Fighting off dudes trying to squeeze between you and the other person next to you was tougher than whatever Cradle of Filth threw at the crowd. I'm not too familiar with them either other than people either casually like them or really hate them and that frontman Dani Filth has appeared on Bam Margera's now-defunct TV show Viva La Bam. Dani is not as good a frontman as Satyr, but for all his 4'6 height, he commands the crowd's attention as he croons along with keyboardist Rosie Smith and literally screams like a little girl, which is apparently a trademark of his, to open every song. The others in the band play well, though no one really takes a moment to shine and really strut their stuff, relying on Dani's theatrics to carry them until the very last song. I wouldn't call them lazy, but their lack of commitment pretty much sums up their respective places within the band. Set Rating: B
AFTER THE SHOW - I got to meet Mike Gitter, Roadrunner's A&R man, face-to-face for the first time and found him to be an interesting fellow. A bit guarded but still cordial enough to extend a hand and allow a brief chat between us. Underneath his Hugo Boss attire and businessman exterior, he strikes me as a man who still has a bit of the old fanboy within him, even if the years as a suit has made him a bit soft, as he prefers VIP treatment over sweating it out amongst the other metalheads like I do, and that anyone who wants to be in the music business can learn a lot from him. When we discuss about his past as a magazine writer, I can't help but notice that a part of him wishes he could do it again as he continually casts his eyes downward, remembering those years when his hair was long and he was a reckless kid who spent mommy's money going to shows. He is definitely someone who can tell me the ins and outs of writing for metal. And while he may come off as a bit of the jaded suit, there is a nice guy in there who could be a fine mentor for the right person willing to learn.
ASSHOLE OF THE EVENING
I finally witnessed a band member acting every bit the arrogant, scum-sucking, piece of Eurotrash that I expected to meet. With the lame excuse of "eating dinner" - which was only a fucking pizza crust! - he refused to take photographs or sign pictures for any fan who would ask, yet waiting by the bus for all to see him as he chatted away with pale, malnourished roadie. This douchebag in question is Dave Pybus, bassist for Cradle of Filth. He flat out told me and others around that "I don't care if I'm being an asshole. I'm eating dinner. If I take a picture with you, then I have to take one with him, and him, and then everyone. Write on the internet that I'm an asshole." And that's just what I'm doing. As someone who hates this kind of shitty, rude behavior, I called his broke, limey ass out in front of everyone there. People who paid $25-$27 to see this jackass performing, rather sloppily mind you, and yet he's going to tell us that he doesn't care about the same fans who buy their shitty merch so he can snack on that pizza crust? FUCK HIM! I told Pybus that he was trash and that he deserves to choke on his pizza crust for denying his fans like that! Then, as if to rationalize his decision, he tells me that he's just a "hired gun" and that Dani "takes all the money anyway" so he couldn't care less. Again, I fired back with more insults about his character and his music-playing and he immediately went inside the bus and stayed there. GOOD! Pybus is a talentless scumbag and he knows it. I wouldn't be surprised if he's done this before to other fans but this was definitely the first time anyone's called his ass out. I think all bands and musicians should appreciate fans for paying to see them put on a show, even one as lousy as last night's. Though, to be perfectly honest, it felt great putting that limey cocksucker in his place.... even if the band is signed to Roadrunner.
Ran into Anthrax guitarist and resident cavman Rob Caggiano, who had seen the show and is apparently friends with Gitter.... at least on MySpace. Caggiano was a bit weird, but given my recent history with Anthrax, I'm not really surprised or bothered by his behavior. His loss!
And I got to hang out with the guys of Septic Flesh who were super cool, especially Fotis and Seth. Satyr looked creepy in person and Frost was even creepier, but both were friendly and good enough to take pictures for fans. Dani was the only one, other than Rosie, to take pictures and sign autographs for fans. But I have to say that the other remaining members of CoF, Paul Allender and Martin Skaroupka, are douchebags for promising to come back out and then remaining on the bus and not coming back out. While I understand they're tired or whatever, don't promise fans that you'll be right out and then be a fucking asshole and stay on the bus. In truth, I couldn't give a rat's ass about any of the members of CoF, except that they - or at least Dani, but quite marginally - give me some metal credibility. I didn't know who any of them were and don't really care. (Of course, if you've seen my collage of me and metal bands, you know that I'm quite the collector!)
CONCLUSION
And so wraps another show. Neither scary, evil or dark, but lame, cartoonish, and otherwise a bit pointless. Though I have to give props to Septic Flesh for coming out as the opening band and kicking some fucking ass! See you guys later this year.
Show Rating: B-
Meshuggah's show w/ Cynic and The Faceless @ Irving Plaza 2/19/09
So I went Back to the Fillmore and managed to get myself in after all dUring the Last coupLe songS of Cynic's set. Needless to say, tHe place was packed and for the fIrst Time since Opeth's show at Nokia last year, I DID NOT get to the front barricades. Instead, I had to content myself with the scrubs and pussies up in the balcony and watch the remainder of the show there. NOT GOOD!
CYNIC - Don't know their music and don't care. Right off the bat, I give them at least a Set Rating: B-/C+
MESHUGGAH - Crowd went nuts as expected, though I don't why! Much better shows than tonight haven't sold out as quickly as this one did - THREE FUCKIN' WEEKS! Apparently, they were recording a DVD for the show, though I doubt that's why someone's elbow was in my face the whole set. These guys, who've been around since 1987, definitely know their way around a stage and especially Jens Kidman, the bald-fuck of a singer, know how to get these sweaty, greasy douchebags riled up. I'll be honest, I don't like Swedish Euro-trash metal and I'm not a huge fan of Meshuggah.... some songs are okay at best, though I enjoy the sheer brutality of "Bleed"'s guitar riffs and seven-minute barrage of noise. I can say that their stage presence is palpable and deserving of frontliner billing, but overall they were just okay and failed to really incite much dominance than I've seen in the past, like Metallica at Nassau (honestly, who can fucking compare to them?) or Max Cavalera in whatever band incarnation he's presently in. Much like Opeth and Children of Bodom though very different in musical approach, Meshuggah are entertaining and fun for whoever likes them and delivers more bang for their buck, but I would have been content to stay home and bitch about why I missed them than to pay what I paid to see them live and then bitch about why they failed to truly impress me. Set Rating: B
AFTER THE SHOW - As the sweaty hogs collected their coats and junks, I managed to get a couple pics with Meshuggah - Marten, Fredrik and Tomas - and two members of The Faceless, who I last saw at the borefest called Summer Slaughter last year. I had a verbal spat with a, sort-of but not-really, show buddy, who is becoming more arrogant and cocky everytime I see him. Naturally, I verbally bitch-slapped him and put him in his place like the dog he is. I find myself increasingly disliking these people, though I really and truly try hard to keep a friendly and familiar face.... but it's becoming so hard!
Show Grade: B-
CYNIC - Don't know their music and don't care. Right off the bat, I give them at least a Set Rating: B-/C+
MESHUGGAH - Crowd went nuts as expected, though I don't why! Much better shows than tonight haven't sold out as quickly as this one did - THREE FUCKIN' WEEKS! Apparently, they were recording a DVD for the show, though I doubt that's why someone's elbow was in my face the whole set. These guys, who've been around since 1987, definitely know their way around a stage and especially Jens Kidman, the bald-fuck of a singer, know how to get these sweaty, greasy douchebags riled up. I'll be honest, I don't like Swedish Euro-trash metal and I'm not a huge fan of Meshuggah.... some songs are okay at best, though I enjoy the sheer brutality of "Bleed"'s guitar riffs and seven-minute barrage of noise. I can say that their stage presence is palpable and deserving of frontliner billing, but overall they were just okay and failed to really incite much dominance than I've seen in the past, like Metallica at Nassau (honestly, who can fucking compare to them?) or Max Cavalera in whatever band incarnation he's presently in. Much like Opeth and Children of Bodom though very different in musical approach, Meshuggah are entertaining and fun for whoever likes them and delivers more bang for their buck, but I would have been content to stay home and bitch about why I missed them than to pay what I paid to see them live and then bitch about why they failed to truly impress me. Set Rating: B
AFTER THE SHOW - As the sweaty hogs collected their coats and junks, I managed to get a couple pics with Meshuggah - Marten, Fredrik and Tomas - and two members of The Faceless, who I last saw at the borefest called Summer Slaughter last year. I had a verbal spat with a, sort-of but not-really, show buddy, who is becoming more arrogant and cocky everytime I see him. Naturally, I verbally bitch-slapped him and put him in his place like the dog he is. I find myself increasingly disliking these people, though I really and truly try hard to keep a friendly and familiar face.... but it's becoming so hard!
Show Grade: B-
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