Metalliblog

iPod Picks: Top Metal (and a Rock) Albums of 2011

2011-12-31T19:17:00.001-08:00

Another year gone by, a year that saw quite a few new releases from bands of old and new -- some decent, some pretty metallic, and others just plain weird!

1) Machine Head (Locust)

The band that actually saw sales INCREASE top my list because they remain consistent and lost none of their brutal edge. While not as complete or compact as their previous effort, it's still the best release of the year.

2) Mastodon (The Hunter)

The hairy apes of Georgia pull out another stunner from their collective asses, aided and abetted by "Curl of the Burl", which sounds like an AIC throwaway track, but just might them their first Grammy.

3. Anthrax (Worship Music)

I really expect these NY old-timers to call it a day once and for all, but "failure" is evidently not in their vocabulary. Good for them, because WM is a solid effort and deserves proper kudos. For now, they've bought themselves a couple more years of shelf-life.

4. Megadeth (Th1rt3en)

Not the kind of release that was promised, but at this point, what more can we expect from Dave and company? It's a sincere statement that metal will never die and Megadeth, at this point, will not go away quietly.

5. Metallica (Beyond Magnetic)

Metallica has redeemed itself with this four-track EP after the universal-panning and bashing from both critics and fans. (Not by me, of course, see below.) Leftovers from the "Death Magnetic" sessions a couple years back make their glorious debut, and criminally, SHOULD have been discovered much sooner on that LP.

6. Chimaira (The Age of Hell)

The final release with the heart-and-soul guitarist-duo of Arnold and DeVries, as they flee into the refuge of Six Feet Under and are replaced by lackluster stand-ins, could (and should) be the swan song album that all bands hope to record before they call it a day.

7. Lou Reed and Metallica (Lulu)

I know with absolute certainly that I am alone in liking this album. What can I say..... I'm different and like eclectic music. Perhaps it would have worked better as an instrumental album without the lazy, invasive vocals by Reed and more noodling by Metallica, but some songs, especially on Side 2, evoke a dark ambient mood that is altogether bold and refreshing.

8. Red Hot Chili Peppers (I'm with You)

I'm stretching here, and though RHCP are by no means "metal", they earn a spot here just for their creativity and using, and reusing, a familiar formula and still making it sound fresh and original after the success of their last release, the massive "Stadium Arcadium", five years ago.

9. Korn (The Path of Totality)

Whatever "dub-step" is, really has no place in metal -- just ask the fans. But Korn is a different monster and can get away with it. While it sounds more like a conventional remix album than an new release of originality, it has its bright moments. To find them, however, requires many-repeated listens.

10. Lady Gaga (Born This Way)

Okay, truth be told, I just ran out of picks. T'WAS A VERY SLOW YEAR FOR METAL INDEED! I chose it only because there's a song called "Heavy Metal Lovers" on it, and also to piss off any pricks on here who disagree with me. SUCK IT, BITCHES!!!!! :-P

Where have I been?

2011-07-02T21:52:00.001-07:00

Because I know everyone is dying to know what I've been up to, as I've been away from the "metal scene" for a while, Yours Truly and MetalBro4Life has been working hard getting his act together.... actually, more like his ACTING career together!

I've been forgoing and skipping several metal shows for several reasons: 1) The shows have been quite lame and spread out way too far from each other; 2) The bands nowadays suck ass, plus I was bored and tired of spending money on shitty shows; 3) Getting my career going -- oh yes, I belong to AFTRA now! Don't know what that is..... look it up; 4) Bad economy; 5) I needed to reevaluate myself and get away from the scene -- dare I say, grow up? In any case, I still love heavy metal music, but there are much better things out there for an ambitious, talented, young stud like myself to discover and conquer. And so far, I'm succeeding!

Don't worry, metal chumps, I will make my return to the scene shortly, and we can have plenty of time to catch up. I'm so looking forward to getting into it with the fans and bands again. After all, that -- along with acting -- is what I do best! +{:]:-)

TO MY FELLOW METALHEADS EVERYWHERE!!!

2011-07-02T21:41:00.001-07:00

I recently came across a post that had my Metalliblog come under fire for denigrating and defaming the beloved members of the heavy metal community. Naturally, I was overwhelmed and pleased by the massive amount of people who responded -- obviously, I hit a nerve.

Surprisingly, some even defended my right to judge and critique how metal band members treat their fans on a 1-to-10 scale and write a caption that either supported or slagged them. The only thing I can say is a big THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to read and comment on my posts, though I think the feeble attacks about my looks and mental stability was rather boring, weak and lame.... oh, yes, and ultimately futile!

Still, I have to give myself a pat on the back for eliciting such a tremendous reaction from such a sad, pathetic bunch of ugly, uneducated, hygienically-challenge group of social twerps and losers and they have the nerve to say that I am the problem. Truth is, it will NEVER stop, and so long as I have breath in my body, and there are decent enough metal shows in town, I will be there to critique, badger, and piss-off every metalhead douchebag that goes to an NY show! 'Til then, suck my chocolate salty balls and gag on the stench!

Peace and love! +{:]:-)

Joey Jordison and his itchy vagina!

2011-01-28T15:52:00.001-08:00

Recently, the Murderdolls were performing in some club in Bordeaux, France and seemed to throw a tantrum. Citing "technical difficulties" as the reason for his actions, Jordison was caught tossing his guitar aside and stomping offstage like the douchebag he is reported to be. My question is, what the fuck is he doing playing the guitar?

People pay money to see him play music, not to behave in an unprofessional manner as he did. If his guitar is giving him these problems, then perhaps he should stick to playing drums where he won't have to worry about "technical difficulties" and act like a complete asshole.

Honorable (and Dishonorable) Mentions of Metal/Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod

2011-01-21T15:48:00.000-08:00

What list is complete without one of these after you just read the Top Ten of ANYTHING! I had to include some noteworthy releases of the past year from something other than the usual studio effort. The following are my picks of honorable mentions of releases that include live albums, singles, and soundtracks.

1. Coming Alive - Chimaira

Here's a live album that actually does it right. Start off with the fade-in sounds of the build-up chant of "CHIMAIRA!", then play the slow pulse and opening riff from "The Venom Inside" off of 2009's The Infection, crowd anticipation and cheering, take the stage and eventually kick the crowd in the balls with a blistering one-two punch of openers like the aforementioned "Venom" and 2007's Resurrection's aptly-titled -- wait for it! -- "Resurrection"! Some playful banter from vocalist Mark Hunter and the crowd lightens the frenetic pacing of the songs, and at one point, there's a funny moment when Hunter apologizes for accidentally spitting on a fan when he is kibitzing. The playing is ferocious and the players are even mightier. The DVD is an insightful look into the band's attempt at creating and getting The Infection off the ground, as well as a fond farewell, in retrospect, at their now-departed bassist Jim LaMarca. Well worth the buck you paid for.

2. Live at Grimey's - Metallica

The old warhorses of 'Tallica play their balls off in the cramped, sweaty quarters of a Nashville, Tennessee basement for their fans in anticipation of the 2008 release of Grammy-winner Death Magnetic. It's the boys going back to their old roots, playing tracks from their first five albums and having a good time. Some playful chatter from Jaymz and the crowd offer some laughs, but their keen playing makes up for Hetfield's sad yodel that has now taken over his once-fearsome growl.

3. "Black Rain" - Soundgarden

This recording, pulled from the Badmotorfinger sessions, sounds every bit as crushing and definitive of Soundgarden's sound in the early 90s. It holds up well today and comes as a sign that possibly the boys might get together and release some new material. A sharp compendium of what Soundgarden were all about when they mattered most.

4. "Sudden Death" - Megadeth

Sounds like a decent enough outtake from 2009's Endgame, but doesn't stack well as an offering from "Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock". It's Mustaine and company doing their best to keep their metal cred intact without sounding too extreme. But there isn't anything new here really.

5. "The Will to Survive" - Pantera

A demo found on the 20th anniversary release of 1990's seminal release Cowboys from Hell, it sounds more like a discarded extra filler from 1988's Power Metal-era glam days. Lots of falsetto wailings abound, and you start to remember that once upon a time, Phil Anselmo had a great voice - or at least, a scream - that rivaled Rob Halford's before drugs took it all away. Not good enough for CFH, but still rocks thanks to the ever-present Dimebag guitar licks.

DISHONORABLE MENTION

Jonah Hex: Revenge Gets Ugly EP - Mastodon

An overlong, overbearing, overindulgent example of pure rubbish that is not fit to wipe the asshole of any respectable person who dares to listen to it. It's shocking how disjointed and unlistenable this attempt at a mainstream soundtrack is when you realize it came from Mastodon. Sadly, they fail to capitalize on the "saviors of metal" tag and ultimately release a mishmash of soundscapes that tries too hard to reflect their progessive, sludgy mission statement while trying to please the Hollywood elite at the same time.

Stampede - Hellyeah

The jury is still out on this one.... since it's technically NOT EVEN IN MY IPOD.... but I'm sure it's exactly how I picture it: a bunch of cock-slinging, chick-humping, white-trash/redneck, barroom boogie rock disguised as southern metal courtesy of cattle baron and exploitator-supreme Vinnie Paul Abbott. Am I wrong about this?

The Top Metal/Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod

2011-01-21T14:34:00.000-08:00

I know I'm about a month late in compiling this list, but let's face it, 2010 was a slow-ass, lackluster year for metal in terms of records, record sales, tours, and quality of live performances. To be honest, I didn't feel compelled to see a lot of shows or listen to any albums because everything has become lame, watered-down, and recycled. So, it is a MIRACLE that I was able to scrounge up a few albums of last year, listen to them again, dissect them, and finally blog about it. Believe me, it was no easy feat -- but, at last, it's finally done!

Here are my picks for Top Ten Metal & Hard Rock Albums of 2010 on my iPod.

1. Deth Red Sabaoth - Danzig

Diva Danzig reclaims his dark crown once again by putting out an amazingly dark, moody, and rockin' album that harkens back to his glorious American Recordings days (c. 1988-1994) under the dynamic thumb of guru/producer Rick Rubin. There's enough sexual tension and ball-busting rock/metal found on "Ju Ju Bone", the thoughtful "On a Wicked Night", and "Black Candy", which are great examples that Danzig still has some blood left in him after years of dormancy.

2. Stone Temple Pilots - Stone Temple Pilots

After Weiland got bounced from Velvet Revolver and came back with his tail between his legs with the other guys from STP to (hopefully) recreate the magic of their grunge years, expectations were somewhat high when they reunited and eventually released their self-titled album after a seven-year hiatus. Fortunately for fans, the STP magic is still there! Gone are the grungy likeness of their Seattle compatriots and in place are a number of 60s pop-influenced rock that sounds uncannily modern and refreshing. It's a fun and breezy record and catchy as all hell, especially the radio-singles, and suggestively-titled "Between the Lines" and "Take a Load Off".

3. Relentless Retribution - Death Angel

No lie, but I just started hearing this song about two days ago and I'm only listening to it for the second time, but I can say that the right mix of the band's familiar thrash and some of it's newer, mellower heavy rock sound makes this a compelling album. The use of Rodrigo and Gabriela towards the end of "Claws in So Deep" is a pretty radical and bold choice to end a song after a couple minutes of thrash, but it works.

4 The Wörld Is Yours -Motörhead

It's Motörhead at their same, usual rockin' best. The formula hasn't changed, so true fans of the band won't be disappointed. Newer metal fans might not care about it, but it's a step up from 2008's Motörizer and probably one of the better albums of the year.

5. The Final Frontier - Iron Maiden

I wasn't too thrilled by this one. Frontman "Bruce Bruce" sounds rather bored by the sound of his own voice and the riffs are all too familiar and overworked, perhaps even overdone, but after a couple listens - as with all albums - it starts to grow on you. There's isn't one track on here that can be singled out really, but instead must be listened to from start to finish in order to be appreciated and enjoyed. Still, one has to wonder, could this album very well be Maiden's final frontier?

6. Exhibit B: The Human Condition - Exodus

Thrashin' goodness from the old boys of the Golden Gate city. However, it's way too long for its own good and can get pretty boring midway through. It's aimless and boorish at times, and with no breaks or stop-off points, it can get tedious. Exhibit A had more focus and aim, yet this one seems to run all over the place. Still, there's enough sonic brutality to keep fans happy and maintain the band's name among the high metal ranks of thrash.

7. Scream - Ozzy Osbourne

How much life does Ozzy really have left? If this album is any indication, perhaps a good ten year left, and I say that rather smugly. Ozzy follows up his last record 2007's Black Rain with a rather tepid offering. When you reach the halfway mark, you begin to understand why guitarist Zakk Wylde was eventually dumped in favor of something young, fresh and new... in this case, junior-leaguer Gus G. of Firewind. Let's at least rejoice in the fact that Ozzy didn't keep the old moniker "Soul Sucka" as the album's title -- even if Scream isn't any better or original, in both name and quality material.

8. Omen - Soulfly

Will there ever come a time when Max Cavalera DOESN'T use a guest-vocalist on one of his albums? Granted, the dude lacks proper English-speaking skills, but does that mean we have to suffer through another douchebag from another douchebag band to sing the words for him, and thereby pushing Mr. Cavalera's own contributions to backup singer? In this case, it's Greg Puciato of Dillinger Escape Plan who blows Cavalera away on the track "Rise of the Fallen", which really doesn't go anywhere except the incessant chant of its title. The production seems rushed, and given the recent turmoil in the press between former bassist Bobby Burns and the head-honcho (uh, yeah, I mean Cavalera), it's no wonder that the album loses a certain feeling of comradery and brotherhood that can be found in other releases. Omen feels somewhat stale and dated, but after a few listens, it really doesn't matter much.

9. Ironbound - Overkill

Starts off great and really works its magic, but Overkill just miss the mark at regaining some semblance of their glory. Some nice touches here and there, and they bring themselves into a fitting comparison to anything Exodus and Testament are doing right now, but I feel like at this point, can they come up with anything a little more original than the chant call of "Bring Me the Night" or "Ironbound" or the constant girly screams from "Blitz" Ellsworth? I seriously doubt it!

10. Audio Secrecy - Stone Sour

Pushing themselves ever closer to the mainstream, Stone Sour releases another example of Corey Taylor's desire to do just that! It's really a "take-it-or-leave-it" situation here. If you like the band, or a horny girl who wants to jump Taylor's bones (and I really can't understand WHY!), then you'll definitely cream your panties as he croons and warbles his way through this overlong and somewhat frustrating exercise of pain and misery, in light of the tragic death of Slipknot bandmate and bassist Paul Gray.

THE ELITE IS HERE!

2010-10-19T16:47:00.000-07:00

What more can be said? The guitarist from Chimaira, mixed with the drummer from Bleed the Sky, wrapped with the bassist of Ohio Sky, and topped with the singer from STEMM.

Still not convinced? Have a look!

Welcome to DRAMA THEATER - Sheesh!

2010-10-06T20:38:00.001-07:00

John Lennon said it best is the song "God" when he stated, "The dream is over." he may not have been referring to the band of Dream Theater, but I think the phrase fits them now, considering that their former drummer Mike Portnoy has moved on to drum for that piece of shit OC group Avenged Sevenfold and DT is possibly crumbling before our eyes.

It's now become a battle of she said-she said whining and botching from DT singer James LaBrie and Portnoy. Word has it that "Bluebeard" felt hurt and disrespected because LaBrie wasn't crying when Portnoy decided to take a hike from the group and grab the brass ring with A7X. Honestly, who gives a shit about these two, or their bands? If I had my way, I'd throw them all in the East River without a life-preserver! I can't stand their music or senseless complaining, except that it gives me fodder to post and blog about.

During an appearance on the September 28, 2010 edition of the "Used Bin Radio" show, LaBrie was asked if he was "sad" over Portnoy's decision to leave Dream Theater:

"You know what?! I'm not sad at all. I've gotta be honest with you. I think that everyone out there needs to know that there's four guys in the band that are... We're excited, we're really looking forward to the next chapter. And I think one of the other things that everyone really has to remember is that there's four more-than-capable guys there. We're all extremely... I know everyone is out there going, 'Holy shit! Is this guy full of himself or what?' But I wanna say it like it is. There's four very capable people in the band, and we're all talented and we all know what we're doing, and we're all capable of doing everything and keeping Dream Theater exactly what it's been and bringing it to another level and bringing it to uncharted waters, but I think very exciting and fulfilling waters. So, no, we're not down. I can guarantee you none of us are down. We're actially pretty excited... and very positive."

Earlier today, a registered user of Portnoy's official forum asked the site's moderators if threads about LaBrie's upcoming solo tour were being deleted from the MikePortnoy.com site. Portnoy himself then chose to respond, writing, "I'm afraid your eyes are not playing tricks on you."

He continued, "I was willing to ignore that the [DREAM THEATER] guys insisted all [Mike Portnoy]-related stuff be removed from DreamTheater.net [DREAM THEATER's official web site].... but then on Monday reading the Blabbermouth headlines with James [LaBrie] insensitively proclaming they are 'not sad at all' about my departure from DREAM THEATER, I cannot in 'happy' standing promote his solo tour....

"I am so sad it comes to this, but I am even more shocked and hurt by James' completely disrespectful quote."

Says LaBrie:

"It seems there is a misunderstanding. When I said I was not sad with Mike's departure, it, unfortunately, leaves plenty of room to misconstrue such words. No one can tell you or me how to think and feel. Initially with Mike's departure I was extremely upset, down and shocked. But one needs to deal and work through these emotions in order to arrive at a more positive and optimistic place. That is where I am now and was when the interview took place. Let me put it more plain and simple. Life does not afford us the luxury to wallow in our sorrow. You have to deal with the situation at hand and make it a productive and positive endeavor. In other words, onward and upward. Mike made it perfectly clear why he chose the current path. I would much rather his words be the definitive answer. In the end, does it really matter what our views are? Other than human curiosity, it doesn't change a thing. I have said my piece and believe there is no room for misinterpretation. I will give no further weight to this subject; all has been said."

PUSSIES!!!! ALL OF YOU!!!! Just sayin'.....

Worst Interviewee Award: Scott Ian

2010-09-30T21:06:00.001-07:00

For future reference, it might be a good idea if the "brains" behind Anthrax keep Scott Ian away from giving anymore interviews. Simply put, he comes off like a major douchebag and an uncaring, unfeeling fool with absolutely no focus, no vision, and no direction as to where the band will go next. It's obvious his priorities are no longer with Anthrax, but with his new pals in Fall Out Boy to form a new project called The Damned Things. The following exchange between Ian and the Miami New Times makes it painfully obvious that Anthrax is the furthest thing from his mind.

Can you say: "douche"?

Miami New Times: You had already recorded some of your upcoming album when Joey Belladonna rejoined the band as the singer. What are you going to do with the previous material? Is he going to re-record the vocals, or are you just going to write new material for him to sing?

Scott Ian: Both, all that. We're keeping some of it and Joey's going to re-sing it, and we're writing new stuff.

Miami New Times: Early track lists for the record included covers of songs by REFUSED and ALICE IN CHAINS. Will those still make it?

Scott Ian: We have no idea.

Miami New Times: So were those covers ever supposed to be part of the mix, or was that something totally made up on the Internet?

Scott Ian: Possibly. I don't know.

Miami New Times: Um, so will you be including any covers on the new album, or not?

Scott Ian: I don't know. Who gives a shit about cover songs?! We're so far away from that.

END

Yeah, Anthrax is so far away from doing covers that they'll still perform "Antisocial" (a cover by Trust) and "Got the Time" (a cover by Joe Jackson) in their sets. And what about the Pearl Jam cover "Brain of J" that was going to be on what would have been their latest release, Worship Music? I guess "Baldini" forgot about those, too.

Just sayin'.....

Save Nergal!

2010-09-07T22:04:00.001-07:00

So many times I have been accused of using this blog to defame, insult, berate, and slander metal band members. And while it may be true in some cases, as I feel that many of them deserve a good verbal beatdown from Yours Truly, I have decided for this one time to do some good for the metal community for a change. I have decided to use my forum to spread awareness of leukemia and to help Behemoth frontman "Nergal", aka Adam Darski, in his fight to find a bone marrow in order to cure his affliction.

Adam "Nergal" Darski, the 33-year-old guitarist/vocalist from Poland's greatest extreme-metal export, Behemoth, has been diagnosed with a life-threatening form of leukemia, a cancer of blood-forming tissues of the bone marrow. The disease, for which Adam is currently receiving treatment at the hematology division of the Gdansk Medical University Hospital, has advanced to the point where he is in urgent need of a bone-marrow transplant. (A bone-marrow transplant is when special cells, called stem cells, that are normally found in the bone marrow are taken out, filtered, and given back either to the same person or to another person.) In light of this, Darski wants to remind everyone about the need to be on the marrow registry. The more people get tested and donate, the more of a chance for life there is for him and others in the same situation.

Every year, more than 10,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with leukemia or lymphoma, and a bone-marrow transplant from an unrelated person is their best or only hope for survival. There is no data available on how many people die waiting for a match, but only four out of 10 patients receive the needed transplant.

The best thing we can all do right now is learn about the marrow-donation process, not only help save one of metal's leaders, but to also do the same for countless others out there struggling with the same disease. To learn more about how you can register to donate marrow, go to www.marrow.org.

Fans wanting to help out, register for the marrow program, or who have questions on running a marrow drive may contact the organization Music Saves Lives by e-mail at iCare@musicsaveslives.com or by visiting Music Saves Lives online at www.musicsaveslives.org.

Robb gets "Robb-ed"

2010-09-07T21:46:00.001-07:00

Guitarist/vocalist Robb Flynn of San Francisco Bay Area metallers Machine Head has posted the following message on the band's official web site:

"Today, Tuesday September 7th, between the hours of 1:15 p.m. and 3:15 p.m. PST while I was picking my son up from school, my house, which is located in the Martinez/Virginia Hills area of California, was broken into and many priceless items were stolen. Items include my wife's jewelry, laptops, wakeboards, cash, and most importantly four of my guitars, including the guitar that I recorded Machine Head's first album, 'Burn My Eyes', with. Also stolen was a guitar that is priceless to me that was a gift from late Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell. The cocksuckers even stole my son Zander's mini Flying V I got him for Christmas.

"I am offering a $1,000 reward for the return of the black Ibanez Strat along with many stickers, a 'Designated Drinker' sticker. Additionally I am also offering a $2,000 reward for the safe return of the blue Washburn Dimebolt prototype. An APB has been put out to every Guitar Center in Northern California and the police were able to get several fingerprints off of the two acoustics that the thieves handled, yet bizarrely left behind."

I guess the "fans" decided to fire back at Flynn for telling off the people of Oakland that they suck as a crowd. Karma is a bitch! But to rob a kid of his guitar is pretty low. Just sayin'......

Slash gets "sloshed" onstage

2010-08-23T01:01:00.001-07:00

It's an oldie but a goodie. Slash gets tackled by some douchebag in Italy. It's a close-call for Slash, but unfortunately his guitar can't say the same thing.

Brenna Gray gives birth to girl

2010-08-21T17:01:00.001-07:00

Congrats to Brenna Gray, wife of late Slipknot bassist Paul Gray, who gave birth to the couple's first child, a baby daughter named October Dedrick Gray, on Tuesday, August 17 at 11:10 p.m. October, who "looks very much like her daddy," weighed in at five pounds, 14 ounces and measured 19 inches long. According to a Slipknot spokesperson, the mother and the baby "are doing great."

I find it somewhat funny about a few things here. 1) The baby is name October, yet she was born in August. 2) Her middle name "Dedrick" has its first pronounced-syllable as "dead", as in, her father is ..... and 3) Her first and middle initials come out to be O.D., as in her father ..... on drugs. Coincidence? Why couldn't they give her a pormanteau of their names, like Paulenna or Brennaul, or perhaps something as simple, yet rather boring, like Paula? Do these parents want to see their kids stuffed in a locker, or beaten up and bullied because they made the mistake of giving their kid a stupid name?

In either case, I'm sure Paul would have been proud. However, I must admit that I feel nothing but sadness for the little girl, who going to grow up fatherless. Girls who grow up like that eventually become strippers or porn stars -- the kind of girl that members of Slipknot usually go for.

Fear Factory Tour Bus on Fire!

2010-08-05T15:20:00.001-07:00

The distinguished metallers in Fear Factory got an alarming wake-up call this morning after a show in Sheffield, England, as one of the tires on their tour bus caught fire. The driver noticed smoke coming from one of the wheels when he stopped to investigate the trouble and saw that a fire had started. The driver immediately notified the sleeping FF members and road-crew and everyone got out safely, but watched in dismay and horror as their carriage burned away in the night. One of their crew members was actually still inside sleeping as everyone escaped, but one brave soul rushed back inside the burning vehicle and awoke his comrade, pulling him to safety. In either case, it is a huge loss for the band as they have lost of their equipment and their valuable belongings onboard. Fortunately, everyone survived and no lives were lost.

(from left to right: Burton C. Bell, Gene Hoglan, Byron Stroud, Dino Cazares)

But what could have caused a tire to suddenly burn the way it did? Was their foul play involved.... something SINISTER, perhaps? There are certain people within the community who aren't fans of guitarist Dino Cazares and have quite the bone to pick with him. Guys - and even a website - who have openly fought with or feuded with the man, such as:

Tommy Vext

or

Raymond Herrera

or

Christian Olde Wolbers

or

Roadrunner Records

or

MetalSucks.net

Or perhaps, it was karma laying the smackdown on bassist Byron Stroud who bamboozled fans into thinking that he'd return to sign autographs and instead changed his mind and stayed on the bus while disappointed fans stood waiting. Or could it be the dreaded "Metallica European curse"? You know, the one that took the life of beloved bassist Cliff Burton back in 1986 and thereby altering the thrash path for Metallica forever. It makes sense, after all, Fear Factory did spend some time supporting the venerable group in other parts of the world. Or, perhaps, some member decided to parade around the bus in corduroy pants and started the blaze by mistake.

Amateur footage by one of the members of Fear Factory of said blaze. It would have helped if the "genius" recording this video had turned the camera long-ways in order to fit within the YouTube perimeters! But, oh well!)

The "FEUD SERIES" Vol. 5: Steven Adler vs. Matt Sorum: "He's Got No Heart, No Soul, No Feel -- NO HEROIN!!!!"

2010-07-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

Former reality-show star and supposedly sober crackhead/junkie Steven Adler is on the attack! This time, his intended target is the Melissa Ethridge-looking homo Matt Sorum, who stole the Guns N' Roses gig from Adler as he was kicked out of the band for his rampant drug abuse, eventually succumbing to a near-fatal drug-induced stroke. Now it seems that Adler is back in the saddle of rock-drumming and is voicing out his disdain for Sorum's work on what should have been his gig. But really, what does Adler have left that would matter at all to the world of rock anymore? Not a goddamn thing! The motive here is to sell records, of course, so he can score more smack and stick it his veins or up his nose. It's sour grapes from a pathetic, broken-down, beaten old man who has nothing left except a one-album legacy, a mediocre new group with Chip Z'Nuff, and a ton of debts.

vs.

When asked what he thought of Sorum's playing on GN'R's Use Your Illusions albums:

Adler: His were just half-assed, crappy versions. Nothing personal against the guy, but he's like a goddamn drum machine. He's got no heart; he's got no soul; he's got no feel. And as life and the years have shown obviously I'm not the easiest drummer to replace. All I know is, "Use Your Illusion" would have been bigger than "Appetite".

Whoa now! Bigger than Appetite for Destruction, the 1987 debut that has since sold 18,000,000 copies in the U.S. alone? Take the straw out of your nose and come correct, boy! UYI were pretty good collectively, but what makes you think that your drumming skills would have been any better? Unless you cut out all the melodramatic ballads, piano-playing, shortened some songs, and choir arias, I highly doubt you could have done any better. Axl and Slash would have still hated your guts and fired your dumb ass. And sure, Sorum isn't the most electric performer around, but at least he is saavy enough to just shut up and play and keep away from the vices long enough to produce music, unlike yourself, who pissed away a great opportunity just to get a quick fix and stick more junk up your damn schnoz.

Think about that the next time you're laying in the hospital from another coke-stroke, you haggard-looking old fool!

The "FEUD SERIES" Vol. 4: Max Cavalera vs. Andreas Kisser: Did Andreas Kill the Sepultura Reunion?

2010-07-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, we know that Sepultura is still alive and kicking with a brand-new album, 2009's A-LEX, which I have purposely chosen NOT to listen to. Why? Because this isn't Sepultura.... it's not MY Sepultura! It's also not the RIGHT incarnation. I don't know Derick Green, nor do I care to know who he is, all I know is he is not the right man for the job. The job belonged to Maxipad Cavalera, who vacated the spot in 1996 after the band wanted to ousted ice-queen Gloria Cavalera, Max's wife, as their manager. It turns out that after all these years, Max wanted back in - or at least try to get a reunion of the original members to perform, which also included his ungrateful, scumbag brother Igor on drums and Paulo Xisto Jr. on bass for a possible one-off show or even a tour.

Quite possibly, at the expense of the current members of frontman Green and drummer Jean Dolabella, Kisser squashed any hope of that reunion. Cavalera claims to have tried his best, but ultimately failed. Perhaps Kisser was making a wise decision in this.... we all remember what happened to Anthrax when those Yankee fuckheads had that "Among the Living" tour back in 2005-2006 and they couldn't decide on the proper frontman for the job. In that mindset, Kisser was probably doing the right thing. But for the fans who want to see this happen, like myself, Kisser is a fucking douchebag!

vs.

Max had spoken to another douchebag from the PyroMusic.net about this:

"There were reports recently that you had been open to the possibility of the classic SEPULTURA lineup reuniting for a tour, but allegedly talks stalled. Can you shed some light on this perhaps?"

Max Cavalera: "Yeah, that was with Andreas (Kisser, guitars)... I thought the time was good, it would have been a good time for a reunion, everybody's alive, everybody's here. So I just decided to call him myself to see if we can get this reunion (happening that) a lot of people wanted to see, including my kids, my family, a lot of friends. I know a lot of friends in the whole world who wanted to see this reunion, I thought it'd be a good thing. So I call him and it didn't really go anywhere. He just demanded a lot of stuff, some unreal things, it was not... some of that was not even negotiable. So I just kind of hang up the phone and just say, "I'll try again later, some other time". So it kind of, with things like that now, we just... At least I try, you know, to the fans — I did try my best to get a reunion going, but I couldn't do it because Andreas didn't want to, you know? So gotta wait until next time."

"So try again in a couple of years' time then?"

Max Cavalera: "Yeah, let's see in a couple of years what will happen, maybe he'll change his mind and be more cool about it."

Like the man said, guess we're gonna have to wait in a couple years. Thanks, asshole!

The "FEUD SERIES" Vol. 3: Ozzy Osbourne vs. Bruce Dickinson: "Bruce Is A 'Cunt' Who Needs A Fuckin' Psychiatrist"

2010-07-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

Remember back in 2005 at Ozzfest there was an incident involving two great metal legends initially having a war of words and slagging each other onstage to it becoming an ugly, egg-throwing scene involving Bruce Dickhead-son of Iron Maiden, who mocked and ridiculed the brain-damaged Ozzy night-after-night, and Sharon Osbourne, who had had enough of Dickinson's mouthing off of her man. So the old limey cunt got a couple of people together who systemically starting throwing (raw?) eggs at Iron Maiden. To the rest of the guys in Maiden, according to the limey cunt, they were great. But she was saving her venom for the real target - Dickhead-son! Sadly, the other guys in Maiden were casualties to the frontman's mouth and no one was spared. Best part of the night was when Sharon declared Bruce-Bruce to be: "a prick!" in front of a few thousand screaming fans.

vs.

Five years later, the news seems to have caught up with Ozzy once he finally came out of his coma. Limey fat-head and author Joel McIver of "The Quietus" sat down with Osbourne to discuss the incident.

Ozzy Osbourne: "You know what? Unbeknown to me, every night he was going on stage slagging me off. And that wasn't fair. If he didn't like the fuckin' tour, he should have said "I'm jumping [off] the fuckin' tour," but to go on stage and fuckin' slag me off for no reason… I'd never said a fuckin' bad thing to him. The bass player [Steve Harris] came round at the last gig and said "I'm sorry about Bruce," and I'm like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" Nobody had told me, you know. I said, "You know what? I don't understand what the fuck you're talking about here."

And so, I mean, Sharon got pissed off… it was nothing to do with me. I suppose Sharon got pissed off. I'll back my wife up to the hilt, but I didn't know what was going down. But you know what? [MAIDEN were getting] a few fuckin' quid out of that Ozzfest. If you've got something to talk to me about, be a man. Come to my face and say, "I think you're a fuckin' asshole." Don't be a fuckin' idiot. It's so pathetically childish.

Unfortunately the rest of the band had to suffer: I suppose they were pissed off with him. But it's wrong: I've never, ever, ever spoken to the guy… No, I tell a lie, one night they were about to go on stage and I didn't know anything was going down, and I said to them, "Have a good show, guys." But I don't like all that shit going down. If you don't like me, just say "I don't like you, I'm doing this festival but I think you're a cunt." That's all right. But to go on my stage and start slagging me off — that ain't fair. They weren't fucking slagging me off when they got paid every fucking night."

To this day I don't understand what the fuckin' beef was. I just don't get it. To go on the Ozzfest and slag [people] off, that's crazy. I really think he needs a fuckin' psychiatrist if he does that, he's fucking nuts. It's an irresponsible fuckin' thing to do. Sharon must have got pissed off with this cunt, you know."

Ozzy must really enjoy the fact that his old lady fights his battles for him, either because he is a big pussy, or is simply gracious enough to turn the other cheek and forget about it. In either case, it is disappointing when two well-respected groups of this genre take shots at one another rather than coming together. Still, can you imagine the image of eggs being hurled at Maiden right as they're playing the chorus of "Powerslave" and Dickhead-son gets it on the chin:

Tell me why I had to be a Powerslave/I don't wanna die, I'm a God/Why can't I live on/When the Life *SPLAT*

Sharon Osbourne calls Bruce Dickinson a nasty word!

The "FEUD SERIES" Vol. 2: Rob Zombie vs. Ozzy Osbourne: "Stop Stealing My Band Members, You Prick!"

2010-07-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

As if to spark interest in his latest borefest Hellbilly Deluxe 2 this time around, Rob Zombie has gone on the attack of the legendary drug-addicted, mush-mouthed mumbler and so-called "prince of 'fucking' darkness" Ozzy Osbourne for stealing his bandmates. First, there was bassist Rob "Blasko" Nicholson, who escaped... I mean, joined up with Ozzy in 2006 to provide the low-end rumble after the spot was vacated by Robert Trujillo in 2003 for the more lucrative venture with Metallica.

vs.

Then, and most recently, drummer Tommy Clufetos jumped the Zombie ship in favor of being the new skinsman after Mike Bordin held the seat for nine years. My question is, did it ever occur to Mr. Zombie that maybe his music just doesn't cut it anymore? That he's just an awful Alice Cooper rip-off with very limited musical ability and appeal, and that perhaps Blasko and Clufetos wanted to stretch themselves - albeit mildly - and go for the brass ring with Osbourne? Osbourne may be a dinosaur, an old relic who can barely scare a group of old women at a Sunday church meeting, but at least he can produce cash - either through CD sales, book sales, or touring with Scamfest.... I mean, Ozzfest.

Personally, I think Rob has spent too much time fucking up the Halloween franchise to know what true rock and metal is. My advice is, if your band members are leaving you, then the fault and problem lies with YOU! If they're not good enough, or willing to hang, then it's their loss and you need find BETTER musicians who can do the job that their predecessors couldn't. Just sayin'....

Rob Zombie, trying to be diplomatic while slamming Ozzy Osbourne for stealing his band members.

The "FEUD SERIES" Vol. 1: Max Cavalera vs. Fred Durst: "Fred Was a Jackass!"

2010-07-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

Recently, "Maxipad" Cavalera was interviewed by some douchebag for some shitrag magazine/website whatever-the-fuck about the latest SOULFLY offering, the lackluster and quite bloodless Omen, which saw the "Bob Marley of metal" team up with 'Roid-rager Greg Puciato of The Dillinger Escape Plan on one track ("Rise of the Fallen") and Prong's closet-case Tommy Victor on another ("Lethal Injection"). Cavalera has been known to generously share vocal duties with a variety of other artists, both metal and non-metal, in harmonious quarters. But there is one such person that he absolutely regrets doing a song with, and is it any surprise when that unlucky joker turns out to be LIMP BIZKIT frontman Fred Durst, who contributed to the song "Bleed" off of 1998's Soulfly. In true metal style, Cavalera doesn't hold back or mince words on his disappointment at working with a man who he refers to as "a jackass".

vs.

Question: In recent years you've been critical of your work with LIMP BIZKIT's Fred Durst on "Bleed" from your self-titled debut. Are there any collaborations you've been involved with that you regret now?

Max Cavalera: "Yeah, Fred Durst, you know, turned out to be a jackass later, but at the time that he did that he was cool. He wasn't like super-famous and the idea to use him was from the producer Ross Robinson, he was friends with LIMP BIZKIT. I didn't know the band, I just had a spot for the song "Bleed" and he said some guy could do some rapping on top of it. So I was like, "Alright, that's cool". I didn't know who LIMP BIZKIT was and then like a year later they were the biggest band on the planet. He also turned into a jackass, you know, so I was like, "Oh well, I've got this guy on my album now". At that time I didn't know... if it was today, I probably wouldn't be using him."

I once asked Cavalera after a show at Gramercy Theater in late 2008 when Soulfly were in New York about why he would lower his standards to someone so unmetal and vile as Fred Durst, and thereby soiling the legacy of Soulfly.

He told me, in his broken English:

"Fred really burned a lot of bridges with a lot of people in the business. I never had a problem with him directly, but I know a lot of people who would never want to work with him again because he is a jackass." Ouch... very ouch!

Fear Factory w/ 36 Crazyfists, After the Burial, Divine Heresy, Baptized in Blood @ Irving Plaza - 7/25/10

2010-07-26T13:03:00.000-07:00

After years of inactivity and petty bickering between the original members of Fear Factory -- you know, that band with two white guys and two Spanish guys -- has returned to Irving Plaza with two more white guys and minus one Spanish guy. In case you were trying to keep up-to-date with the members, former drummer Raymond Herrera (the one Spanish guy) has been replaced by the zombified giant Gene Hoglan and former bassist Christian Olde-Wolbers was replaced by the wooly mammoth-looking Byron Stroud, and these guys join with original mainstays Burton C. (unt?) Bell and that other Spanish dude, the portly Dino Cazares. I wasn't around to see the original four perform, so I have nothing to compare last night's performance to, but from my vantage point, which was across all the douchebag yokels in the V.I.P. section, it was a pretty solid show.

The preliminary bands were capable and gave it their all, but there was nothing spectacular there. Baptized in Blood, After the Burial, and 36 Crazyfists (not too crazy about these fists) all belong on a bill in that horrid Summer Slaughter package, which I am happily going to skip this year, and don't belong on a bill of this caliber. Divine Heresy, who were actually second on the bill, is Dino Cazares' chance to warm himself up for the grand finale. Sadly, DH comes across to me as FF's bastard child or bratty little brother. After the shakeup with Tommy "Vext" Cummings, who seems to enjoy beating up on his bandmates' wives, like Jennifer Cazares, and was promptly fired, it doesn't seem that Divine Heresy will last much longer. It has been relegated to being nothing more than a side project for its participants with Cazares, as mentioned earlier, in Fear Factory and drummer Tim Yeung is filling in for Pete Sandoval in Morbid Angel, which leaves bassist Joe Payne and newest frontman, Travis Neal, with nothing to do but wait for everyone to come around. A member of the band even confessed to me that this was in fact Divine Heresy last tour, for a long time.... perhaps forever. Divine Heresy's performance is promising, but in the long run, I don't see them carrying on much longer.

Fear Factory starts with smoke and fog, a bit of ridiculous theatrics that signals nothing special but the arrival of the final act. The rotund body of Gene Hoglan is easily seen in the dark as he is lead to his drum kit, and the other three men - Bell, Stroud, and Cazares - take their place on the forefront as the crowd starts up madly even before they hit the first chord. They go through most of their catalogue, playing every incarnation of industrial metal, nu-metal, groove metal, death metal, and thrash while the pits break off into two separate areas. Fear Factory are able to sustain my interest for a while before the yawns and clock-watching begin for me. Granted, Fear Factory are NOT on my iPod and I am unfamiliar with their music, which will be rectified once I free up some space on my computer, but they are able to pepper their set with some songs that you can't help but bob your head too. I have to commend frontman Burton Bell for bringing up the BP issue in the Gulf Coast. He leads the chant of "BP must pay!" which fills the venue with cheers and applause. Even the neanderthals in the mosh-pits find time to stop kicking each other's asses long enough to chant and cheer as well. Bell, who didn't seem to want to divulge any information to me concerning his and Cazares' problems with Herrera and Olde-Wolbers as Raymond had and thereby making him look rather lame in my eyes, seems to channel his inner Hetfield rather well, but he loses his power and presence and shrink when the spotlight goes to the heavy-set Cazares and even heavier-set Hoglan. Fear Factory are not as devastating as I was led to believe, but they are good. I mean, they must be doing something right if Metallica chose them as their support act.

AFTER THE SHOW

The cro-magnon-looking Fear Factory bassist Byron Stroud proves that he is a douchebag and pulls the usual trash-bag, rock-star move of promising fans that he'd return to sign autographs after putting away his gear on the bus. But, of course, he never returned. He deserves to get cancer and die.

I asked Burton C. Bell and it's apparent that the "C" stands for cunt. When I asked him why he and Cazares cannot seem to make peace with Herrera and Olde-Wolber, his only response was a juvenile "why?" and my response was "why not?". Wouldn't it make good business sense just to write better songs with the lineup that actually wrote GOOD SONGS? Whatever went down with these four morons has bruised their precious egos to the point of unforgiveness. Bell was right, I haven't walked a mile in his shoes, but I'm saavy enough to know that if something works I keep my mouth shut and let that shit roll. Okay, Bell, you be content playing second-fiddle to the big boys and you guys will always headline the mid-card bills. DICK!

And could Gene Hoglan look any more unhappy having fans? He and I have had issues in the past, and have since made up, but watching him interact with other fans is like watching a mindless zombie straggling around on the streets. He's kind enough to take pics and sign autographs, but there's too much huffing and puffing coming from him. I know he's a large guy and large people tend to huff and wheeze a lot, but his seemed more out of irritation than just being a fat guy.

It would have been nice to say hello to Dino Cazares, but apparently he seemed more content to spending the little time he had with his lady than say hello to his fans who pay to see him play. And what the fuck is up with this "VIVA MEXICO, CABRONES" bullshit? Dude, we know you're Spanish and you're proud, but must you get all these little spics in the crowd all riled up like animals in a zoo? I'm Spanish and even I was embarrassed when you said it not once, BUT TWICE! A simple thank-you would suffice, old man. Is Mexico a corrupt and crooked country to begin with? Why would you advocate such a country?

Baptized in Blood: C+
Divine Heresy: B
After the Burial: C+
36 Crazyfists: C
Fear Factory: B+

Show Grade: B

A Joke Named: Bloodclot!

2010-07-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

John Joseph, frontman to hardcore "legends" the Cro-Mags, is still at it again -- acting like a retarded fool dancing around in his undies like some gay monkey to the sounds of Kool & the Gang's "Jungle Boogie." Here again, he's trying to impress his girlfriend who is no doubt hundreds of miles away vacationing, or perhaps escaping, in Europe. Here's the hypocrite as he truly is.

Jonathan Davis: FAGET (Is he or isn't he?)

2010-07-12T16:39:00.000-07:00

I think the evidence speaks for itself.

Charred Walls of the Damned w/ The Hixon and The Smash Up @ Gramercy Theatre - 7/8/10

2010-07-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I'd be an hour late for the show and miss something really good, thankfully.... I didn't!

As I walked into the grimy halls of Gramercy, I hear the sounds of a band's set already in progress. I don't even know the band's name, nor does it really matter. Rather than listening and observing the band and the high-pitched squeals of their frontman, who obviously just got off work because he's still wearing his mechanic's uniform complete with his first name, I'm too busy absorbing my place in the venue to really take notice. Maybe had a certain "S" shuttle been working properly I would have caught these guys in their formative, perhaps tentative, set in time to give them a respectable grade.

My head is spinning and my brain is pulsing against the cranial walls of my skull as "The Smash Up" set up their gear onstage. Observing the crowd so far, it's obvious that the local acts, which includes New Jersey natives The Hixon, have invited their family and friends who, quite appropriately, come dressed in regular street clothes - by that I mean, non-black T-shirt without Slayer or Metallica on the front, and no faded blue jeans. It's good to see non-metal folk supporting their loved ones when danger is so very near! Looking at the two banner, you'd think these guys were something special. Given a cursory glance at their Wikipedia page, I found that they recorded a song that ended up on one of the "Saw" films soundtrack. But onstage, they have the same sonic appeal as every pussy screamo punk band playing today. Their Wiki page claims they're "post-punk" but it's a sad lie! What I am witnessing is an imperfect mix of all those bands on the Victory Records label with their sanctimonious Christian bullshit leanings thrust in my face. Maybe they're not a bad band normally, but they're certainly the wrong band performing on the wrong night tonight. Set Grade: C

One thing I really like about The Hixon is that they remind me of an underdog band. A grizzled, but still hungry band, with members who are pushing past their expiration date. Still, they continue to gain ground with the locals and some reputable friends who put them on their bill - case in point, tonight's show. I first saw them at a basement show at Fontana's and their gimmick pretty much the same at that night: Their burly frontman comes adorned with a gas mask and spiked gauntlets. He utters a primal growl and the band takes off. They play fast and furiously, only now it's in a wider space than Fontana's. But the players don't move around, remaining content to simply perform without any theatrics that might distract. They play like they're still practicing in the garage, especially since their focus seems to be on each other and admiring their respective prowess rather than on the small mass of people in the crowd who casually sip their Bud Light. Set Grade: B-

The Hixon

The Hixon

Don Jamieson

I wasn't too thrilled to see Fat-Pig Eddie Trunk and Small Dick/Big Balls Jim Florentine introducing the lackluster Don Jamieson onstage. The interlude with Jamieson seemed rather pointless but obvious only because he's tight with Richard Christy and Tim "Ripper" Owens. Looking like Wolverine from X-Men, complete with mangled hair and mutton chops, his jokes are recycled, especially his Twisted Sister/Alice Cooper/masturbating to Lita Ford jokes, and somewhat generic. But what else can he talk about? Can't do dirty jokes at an all-ages show, I guess, and for that matter his set lacks any sizable bite and it matters less because his jokes are irrelevant. He has to resort to dick jokes and the size of Owens, Tommy Lee, and even metal god Rob Halford. It gets old before it starts and Jamieson's set can't be over fast enough. Set Grade: C

Charred Walls of the Damned

Charred Walls of the Damned

Richard Christy soloing

Despite the distractions of the various Howard Stern workers, like marble-mouth JD Harmeyer and squealing and very homo High-Pitch Mike, Charred Walls of the Damned comes out swinging with a better arsenal of songs and presence that seems to finally lift the night slightly above ground. Admittedly, I didn't care for the self-titled album, which was good for your average metalhead but not enough to keep on my iTunes, but with the experience and command of Tim "Ripper" Owens and drummer Richard Christy, the set maintains my interest. Owens wears his usual attire - sunglasses, Monster Energy hat, and loads of screaming vocals - and commands the stage well, but as a commentator he should follow the crowd's advice: "Shut up and sing!" I will give him credit, however, for using my sunglasses - our little rock star injoke - to full effect during "See You in Hell" by Grim Reaper. I hope he wears them in good health. But despite the dwindling masses who, by the last two or three songs, had filed out of Gramercy, the band played on for the few 80 to 100 still left in attendance without missing a beat. Set Grade: B

On a side note.... what the fuck is up with another strange interlude involving Sirius/XM host Jose Mangin doing a rendition of Sepultura's "Territory"? Mangin is capable and fun and all, but he lacks the gravity, control, stamina and finesse that Max Cavalera has in order to pull it off with brutal, primal conviction. An "A" for effort but a "C+" in execution.

Despite many shoutouts, name-drops and random, sometimes pointless, guest appearances from metal community (Jose Mangin and woman-beater Tommy Vext) and Howard Stern universe (JD Harmeyer? High-Pitch Mike and Eric? Brian Phelan? Who gives a shit!), it ended up being a decent night after all.

Show Grade: B-

Vince Neil Arrested: THE MUGSHOT!

2010-06-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

Get a good look at this piece of trash loser - the face of a washed-up, down-and-out, hack frontman.

Dude, it's like 1984 all over again! Only now, I'm rich!

Vince Neil, née Wharton, who in 1984 caused the death of Nicholas "Razzle" Dingley of Hanoi Rocks while intoxicated, was arrested for DUI yesterday in Las Vegas at about 11:15 p.m. Thankfully, no one was killed this time!

He was booked at the Clark County Detention Center and faces one count of DUI-Liquor. Neil has a September 27 court date. There was also an incident involving Neil in front of a Hilton Hotel where a fan said her camera was broken by the douchebag. Police are investigating that incident.

Hey! Look at my chompers! :•B

I am begging and pleading to the judge of this case to throw the goddamn book at him, lock his worthless, Eric Cartman-looking, fat ass away, and throw away the key. Save us our tax dollars, at least we wouldn't have to be subjected to any more shitty Crüe albums and even shittier solo work.

"Tattoos & Taquila" anyone? I didn't think so!

The "Big Four" @ Sonisphere - Sofia, Bulgaria - 6/22/10

2010-06-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

After 25 years of feuds and fights, senseless bickering, he said/he saids, conflicting tour schedules, and near-collapses of their bands, the Thrash Class of '83 finally got their act together and gave the metal masses exactly what they've been clamoring for: Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax sharing the same stage in one night!

It almost happened back in 1991 during "Clash of the Titans" tour where three-fours of the Big Four, excluding Metallica, who were on the verge of superstardom that year with the release of their self-titled "Black Album," performed together on one stage. As huge as that tour was, fans knew that without Metallica, it just wasn't the same. For years after, everyone wanted to see these four titans hook up and play at least one show together, but with constant fighting and senseless bashing from all camps - King vs. Mustaine, King vs. Hammett, Mustaine vs. Hammett, Mustaine vs. Hetfield & Ulrich, King vs. Everybody, etc. - it looked like this tour would never come to fruition. No one knew that we would have to wait another 19 years before this event could finally happen! I can tell you, it was worth the fuckin' wait!

"Madhouse" by Anthrax

The bands - all of whom are mostly in their high-40s - blew all expectations away and sold the dream that so many of us had hoped and prayed would come! Anthrax, despite their constant bad choices and overall reckless stupidity - and I still think they should end it as a band once and for all - opened the show with a nice, though very typical, set of songs from the "Among the Living" period, which proved fitting with the return of that era's singer Joey Belladonna. Though Bush could have given Anthrax more bite, and Nelson some revitalization to the band, this kind of event needed and deserved Belladonna in the frontman's seat. "I Am the Law," "Caught in a Mosh," "Indians," and "Madhouse" don't sound the same without Joey B. Set Grade: B+

"Holy Wars/Peace Sells" by Megadeth

The rain began to pour over the Bulgarian masses as the dudes of 'Deth tore into "Holy Wars" and "Take No Prisoners" almost immediately. Just in time to join the fun, the always reliable Ellefson returns to provide the band with that bass crunch we remember so well. "Head Crusher" sounds even more brutal and devastating. Despite some rather stiffness from Mustaine, especially during solos, Chris Broderick picks up the pace and seems to outlast the venerable Mustaine during several songs. They close out their set with a fantastic melding of "Peace Sells" and scorching solos from "Holy Wars" in the face of the cool rain pouring down. Set Grade: B+

"World Painted Blood" by Slayer

Someone once said that if your band is going to take the stage, make sure you go on BEFORE Slayer, because they will blow you away with no chance of recovery. That may have been true years ago, but tonight they seemed rather sluggish and sedate. Understandable for Tom Araya, after numerous surgeries with his neck proved that his headbanging days were over, that doesn't explain why the King-Hanneman solos were flat and stale. Both men looked tired, beaten, and uninterested. Dave Lombardo, as always, rises above and takes command throughout "Angel of Death," "South of Heaven," "War Ensemble," and set-closer "Raining Blood". Out of all the bands, they seem to be the most lackluster and uninteresting. Still, they played the songs we, the fans, wanted to hear. Set Grade: B

"One" by Metallica

The only band who could take the reins and destroy Slayer off the stage is Metallica. It becomes apparent that Metallica doesn't have to be brutal and devastating lyrically or sonically, but just take control of the audience and let it all hang loose. Whereas Slayer are closed-in and remote, Metallica are open and invite you, the viewer, into their little party onstage. Metallica proves why it is the headliner and why the other three can never - and will never - eclipse them, and why they are in a league of their own. The songs are and the effects are great. Metallica prove they truly are the kings of metal once and for all. Set Grade: A-

"Am I Evil?" by The Big Four

And what about that jam set!!!!!! You have the members of Metallica, Megadeth and Anthrax, and Dave Lombardo from Slayer, jamming to Diamond Head's "Am I Evil?" together. It was perhaps the most indescribable moment in metal history. Just seeing everyone come out and hugging each other, smiling and patting each other on the back was a cool moment in itself. I mean, who would have thought to finally see James, Lars and Dave onstage! So much talent side-by-side, guns and guitars blazing, the drummers drumming, bassists booming, and vocalists trading off their duties! Fuckin' wow! It almost brings a tear to the eye just thinking about it!

However, did anyone else notice three noticable absences in the form of Araya, King, and Hanneman who typically opted not to participate in the jam-along. Typical and quite disappointing! This should be a sign that Slayer is coming to an end, and fittingly so. Slayer got their collective asses stomped by Lars and crew! Shocking to say, but quite fitting. My hat's off to Lombardo for forsaking his douchemates and joining his colleagues to perform in this historic moment. The three guys in Slayer don't come off tough and rebellious, but rather weak and antiquated!

Despite a near-ruined moment, the jam was perfect and the night was spectacular. We can only hope that before these four bands call it a day forever, that they at least bring that show over to the States. A fitting end to their career in their homeland.

Trust me, it's going to happen!

Show Grade: A-

Danzig w/ Gorgeous Frankenstein and Seventh Void @ Nokia - 6/18/10

2010-06-25T19:35:00.000-07:00

I wanted to wait until after the release of the latest Danzig offering, Deth Red Sabaoth, to make a fitting and decisive critique on this night's show.

After listening to the 52 minute serving of Danzig croons and blues-and-doom metal, it is quite possible to say that old Glenn has a bit of time left before he expires. At least, on record he does. Onstage, there's a lot of heavy breathing and, dare I say, WHEEZING! But even after 30 years, Diva Danzig remains pretty solid in his performance. This time, there isn't any spooky fog blowing in the air, or flames coming out from the floorboards, like at the Roseland Ballroom show two years ago. (Should we blame the economy for this particular downsizing?) With the help of Prong's Tommy Victor, former Samhain partner Steve Zing, and former Type O Negative drummer Johnny Kelly, the new music doesn't sound completely terrible. But it's a huge sigh of relief when they start busting out into "Twist of Cain," "Her Black Wings," "Am I Demon," and the always-favored "Mother". My favorite was the ever-spirited "Black Angel, White Angel". Set grade: B

Doyle Frankenstein's Gorgeous Frankenstein was shit! A boring piece of nostalgic trash that sucks the dick of the memory of Danzig-era Misfits. Set Grade: D+

And Seventh Void? The only thing I can really say is that Johnny and Kenny should be thankful they came up with this band just in time before Pete's death. SV, however, comes off sounding like pre-Superunknown Soundgarden, which I don't think is accidental. I think Hickey is even trying to LOOK like Chris Cornell from that time, complete with shaggy long hair and a cheesy porno mustache. Come up with some originality, fellas. Set Grade: C

Show Grade: B-

Glenn Danzig getting bitchslapped. (This is for not stopping to take pics with fans, you cunt!)

Seventh Void

Georgeous Frankenstein

Danzig

Danzig

Danzig

Me and Tommy Victor, trying to give me a hickey. (He was on something!)

Me and Steve Zing (He's a tiny dude!)

Me and Johnny Kelly, deserves a tea-bagging

Me and Chris Cornell... oops, I meant Kenny Hickey

Me and John Araya (Coolest mofo!)

Bass picks courtesy of John Araya

RATING: Metal Band Members

2010-06-19T17:29:00.000-07:00

On a scale of 1 to 10, this is how I rate the many heavy metal bands, singers, guitarist, bassists, drummers, and keyboardists that I've had either the pleasure or utter regret of encountering over the last few months. Beware, the answers and scores may shock you. This is made for metal fans by a metal fan.

10 - MetalBro4Life
9 - Awesome dude
8 - Cool as a cucumber
7 - Nice enough guy
6 - Needs some work
5 - So-so
4 - Uh, oh... needs attitude adjustment
3 - Enter at your own risk
2 - Asshole alert
1 - What a dick... don't bother
0 - Fuck off and die, loser

Enjoy!

Chris Adler (Lamb of God drummer) - Big brother to Willie, a real cunt and loser. Very polite and friendly to fans. Seems to be the smartest member of the band. Will stay outside and chat, and will sign autographs and take pics, and unlike his brother he won't chide you for taking too long. Doesn't cry or whine about wanting to talk with his wife. Needs to cut off that nasty-looking billy-goat beard to look younger. 9

Willie Adler (Lamb of God guitarist) - Another humorless, ugly douchebag in the band. Doesn't seem to care that fans are waiting to meet him until after he's cried over his wife in Virginia, who's probably fucking the local milkman. Little brother to Chris, who is far more humble and polite. Gave me flack for taking a picture too long. 2

Ted Aguilar (Death Angel guitarist) - Good with fans and pleasant to chat with. A very good musician and playful onstage. 8

Mikael Åkerfeldt (Opeth singer and guitarist) - Very funny and playful frontman. Knows how to work the crowd and they seem to accept him. Seems friendly and polite offstage, though a bit guarded and quiet. Will sign stuff and take pics. Dresses like a dirty hippie - very unmetal-looking! 7

Fredrik Akesson (Opeth guitarist) - Fat and bloated member seems to match his ego somewhat. Very distant and humorless just because I thought he was previous guitarist Peter Lindgren. Grow up, dork! Needs a haircut and lose some weight. 5

Lee Altus (Exodus guitarist) - Quiet and prefers to be in the background, but plays like a star. Not much for chatter, but nice enough to give me a hug and a pic. Nothing much to say to him, unless you're familiar with his work in Heathen, which I'm not. 8

Chris Amott (Arch Enemy guitarist) - A lot more civilized and talented than his brother, the "Ginger Cunt." Sports the Johnny Rotten/Sex Pistols look rather well. Will sign autographs and takepics with fans. 7

Michael Amott (Arch Enemy guitarist) - WHAT A FUCKING CUNT! This douchebag almost pulled a diva act and I called his ugly, Ginger-looking ass on it by calling him a "douchebag" and we nearly got into a fight. Can't take criticism well. As a performer, he's not even in the top 20 best metal guitarists. The guy is an ass! 1

Phil Anselmo (Down singer) - The bad-ass, big-mouth of Pantera is really a sweet kid with no obvious pretension or bullshit. Promising to "take care" of fans who waited for nearly two hours to meet him, he signed every autograph, took every pic, chatted, and bro-hugged everyone. Not at all threatening, rude or boorish as some might believe. However, ditch the cigs, dude! 10

Christos Antoniou (Septic Flesh guitarist) - Not as warm and friendly and his brother Seth, but will still take pics and sign stuff for fans. Decent player, but very low on the ladder of technique. 6

Spiros Seth Antoniou (Septic Flesh singer and bassist) - A nice guy and very friendly to fans. Good idea since they're in need of a comeback. I've seen his type of showmanship from better frontmen, but at least he does well enough to sustain interest from the crowd. Will sign autographs and take pics. 9

John Araya (Thine Eyes Bleed bassist) - The brother of what's-his-name from that band that sings about hell, war, and blah-blah-blah. One of the most intelligent, soft-spoken, level-headed dudes in metal. A true bro! 10

Rob Arnold (Chimaira guitarist) - Nice, quiet guy. Will fulfill fan requests with pics and autographs. Didn't seem to mind that I didn't recognize him and seems to respond well to criticism and appreciate fans, such a rarity among metal bands. 10

Steve Asheim (Deicide drummer) - Seemed to be in a hurry, but was polite enough to chat briefly. A bit distant and doesn't have much to say. 7

Martin Axenrot (Opeth drummer) - Very quiet but still friendly enough to take pics and sign stuff for fans. Very good drummer, but refused to do a drum solo during Opeth's set. What a chump! 7

Stéphane Barbe (Kataklysm bassist) - Another great guy in this band - and this one's French! Nice enough to get me a beer from his band's bus, even if it was Bud Lite. Chatty and funny drunk. Got personal with me about his family life and his daughter back home, which was touching. No hint of ego or attitude. 10

Rob Barrett (Cannibal Corpse guitarist) - No complaints here really. Will take pics for fans. Friendly enough, but has a weird girlfriend, or perhaps she was just a New York groupie, so he shouldn't be blamed for having no taste in females. 7

Corey Beaulieu (Trivium guitarist) - Too big (or maybe fat) for his britches! Needs to come down to Earth and reality and realize that Trivium will never get past the starting gate, so to speak. Would rather talk to executives for Roadrunner (who he considers "friends") than chat with fans. A kid playing in a man's world, needs to learn a few more lessons. 5

Jeff Becerra (Possessed singer) - Poor guy manages to soldier on despite being stuck in a wheelchair. Puts on a great show, especially when he is inebriated, and seems to enjoy and revel in the loyal fanbase. Doesn't seem to talk much offstage or like to take pics unless you're with the NYDM (New York Death Militia). He can't remember the lyrics to his own songs! 7

Denis "Snake" Belanger (Voivod singer) - A fun and very friendly dude for a French-Canadian. Quite playful and will chat with fans. Somewhat of a legend in the metal community, though many people don't know that. 9

Nick Bellmore (Phantoms drummer) - Nice kid. Easy to talk to, even if nobody knows who he is. Friendly and polite to fans. Down-to-earth. 10

Frank Bello (Anthrax bassist) - Seems like a decent guy. May have had botox or even a facelift to keep his face from sagging, looks slightly feminine. Friendly guy and will chat with you, but count on it being a one-sided conversation as the dude loves to talk! A good bass player, too. 8

Fotis Benardo (Septic Flesh drummer) - Very cool cat. Friendly, respectful and quite humble. Not complaints here. Good to fans. 'Nuff said. 10

Ben Bennett (Warbringer bassist) - New gun in the band to replace Andy Laux, who just couldn't handle the pressures of being in a band... *cough cough* pussy! Interesting fellow with a wild, glazed look on his face from all the pot smoking. A one-man black metal outfit, which might mean he's a dick, but seemed cool and respectful towards me. Can be a bit dense and dissed my boys in Metallica. 8

Glen Benton (Deicide singer and bassist) - Satan himself seems to be a pretty laid-back and cool guy by day and a real piece of trash by night. A bit grumpy and a smoker - who deserves cancer - and not really friendly to fans after the show. Threatened to kick my teeth in when I heckled him, which was actually kind of funny! Shorter in person and has gotten fat and old. Not scary at all, just smoke and mirrors. 6

Chuck Billy (Testament and Dublin Death Patrol singer) - Friendly and giving man. Appreciates being alive after fighting cancer and grateful that fans come to see the band play even after a decade of inactivity. A big behemoth of a man, abnormally so! If you can handle waiting until all the other metalheads (and there are a lot!) ask their pointless questions, he'll be happy to talk with you and sign your shit. A bit guarded upon initial encounter, but the dude did face a life-threatening situation. 7

Troy Bleich (Into Eternity guitarist) - Typical Canadian, nice kid, but doesn't seem to recognize his own band members or their names. Polite and respectful, and will take pics. Very short in height. Deceptive little fucker. 7

Stu Block (Into Eternity singer) - Looks somewhat like Pepper Keenan, only somewhat less haggard-looking. Typical Canadian, nice enough guy, but seemed somewhat confused because I didn't know who he was. Honestly, who the fuck are Into Eternity? Will take pics. 7

Jan Axel "Hellhammer" Blomberg
(Mayhem drummer) - A friendly, perhaps too friendly, individual. Will accomodate fans with pictures and autographs. Very patient and funny guy. One of the best drummers in the metal community. Has nice hair and keeps in good shape for a little guy. 10

Randy Blythe (Lamb of God singer) - A creepy gargoyle who smokes like a chimney, but seems rather opinionated and has a lot on his mind. He's not what I'd call mean or rude, just weird! Could be an interesting person to talk to, if he wasn't so guarded and didn't act like a self-hating loner. Very short and skinny. 6

Paul Bostaph (Testament drummer) - Quiet, reclusive guy who seems to be pussy-whipped by his chirpy wife, who acts like a road manager instead of a wife. (She needs to shut the hell up!) Nice enough to sign stuff but has a rather aloof and chilly attitude that really doesn't sit well with me. Working with Slayer can do that to a person. 6

Jimmy Bower (Down drummer and Eyehategod guitarist) - Friendly to fans, despite being a smoker, and will politely acknowledge and chat with them. He actually hung out in line with fans and talked with them. Will sign autographs and take pics. Ditch the cigs, dude! 9

Derek Boyer (Suffocation bassist) - Gets way into the music and enjoys his work. Looks like he's taking a shit onstage, the way he squats down while playing. Nice, quiet guy. Will take your pic and sign autographs. 7

Kurt Brecht (D.R.I. singer) - One of elder statesmen of early crossover metal. The spell of aging hasn't been too kind to him, but he's still pleasant and good to talk to. No ego and will chat with fans. 8

Dave Brockie (GWAR singer) - Creepy dude, but friendly. Sick sense of humor. Will sign autographs and take pics. 7

Matt Brown (Seventh Void guitarist) - Another chap who flies under the radar but is truly a kind-hearted fellow and good to fans. Plays a big role in the development of Seventh Void and his committment to his instrument shows onstage. Will gladly take pics with fans. 9

Steve Brunner (Suicidal Tendencies and Infectious Grooves bassist) - Not bad for a black dude, he actually carries himself well in the metal world of bass-playing. Nice guy, will sign autographs and take pics. Not nice enough, though, to give a fan one of his Thundercats buttons. 8

Matt Brunson (Kingdom of Sorrow bassist) - Very quiet and moody, seemed annoyed that I didn't know who he was. Not much of a talker, but will sign autographs and take pictures. Looks rather silly with that funny-looking mustache that curls at the ends. 8

Tommy Buckley (Soilent Green and Crowbar drummer) - Fun-loving, cool guy and great drummer. Easy to talk to and will sign stuff for you. Likes pot, so if you have some, it might not be a bad idea to share it with him if you want him to really like you. Very upbeat person despite Hurricane Katrina destroying his home state. 9

Bobby Burns (Soulfly bassist) - Rikki Rockett turned Fred Durst. A good ol' boy with a polite Southern gentleman's disposition. Seems to like fans as he stays and chats it up with them. The most accessible member of the band. 10

Matt Byrne (Hatebreed drummer) - Very interesting individual. Quite sharp and smarter than he looks. Smiles a lot when he plays. Keeps to himself but is friendly enough to fulfill fan requests. Decent drummer, but there are better ones out there. 8

Chris Caffrey (Savatage/Trans-Siberian Orchestra guitarist) - Nice and friendly cat. Very warm and digs fans. Will sign autographs and take pics. A bit dopey when he's drunk, but who isn't? 9

Rob Caggiano (Anthrax guitarist) - A good fella with some pretty good guitar chops, but nothing out of this world. Look like he'd be difficult to talk to but seemed really cool and relaxed. Will take pics. 7

John Campbell (Lamb of God bassist) - A friendly fellow. Has a quick tongue and appreciates smart-asses like himself, or so he told me. Looks like he's in his 60s, despite being in his late 30s. A product of hard living and hard drinking, perhaps. Will sign autographs and take pictures with fans. Good attitude and sense of humor. 7

Phil Campbell (Motörad guitarist) - Pretty quiet and keeps to himself. Still friendly and will sign stuff and take pics, but don't expect much conversation. 7

Adam Carroll (Warbringer guitarist) - For a young kid with no high school diploma, he certainly is an intelligent and affable lad who seems genuine and kind enough to chat with fans for a long time and appreciates the support. Very down-to-earth and a pretty good guitarist. 10

Ben Carter (Evile drummer) - Can't believe this chap is a Brit as well. Looks like one of those guido douchebags from Jersey or Long Island, but is quite well-spoken and friendly despite his outward appearance. 9

Spike Cassidy (D.R.I. guitarist) - Very quiet, but still polite and will chat with you. Looks like a someone's dorky dad, but shreds better than any douchebag in metal today. Has a sick-looking guitar with pop culture cartoon stickers (Beavis, Bart Simpson) pasted on it. 8

Mark Castillo (Bury Your Dead drummer) -Such a brutally honest kid. Not afraid to share his feelings about the future of his band or his financial information. Great to talk to, though not exactly the most cheerful person in the world. Plays very well, maybe even too well for BYD. 8

Max Cavalera (Soulfly and Cavalera Conspiracy singer) - A direct opposite of his little brother Iggor. Not only a great performer and defender of the metal faith, but a really sweet, humble guy who went past security in order to appease his fans with pics. Seems to want to chat with fans, especially fellow Brazilians, and enjoys their adulation. Soft-spoken. 9

Richie Cavalera (Incite singer) - Max's little stepson is chip off the old block. Wild and out-of-control onstage. Likes to bang his head with the mic, which is always amusing, and the songs aren't bad at all. While a little more time and some focus, he may be a very good frontman yet. Nice guy and always seems to be in a good mood. Will talk with you and likes to hear any feedback, but after the show may be a little numb and walk past you. Not as spoiled as one might think just because his stepdad is Max Cavalera and his mom runs Roadrunner Records. 10

Rob Cavestany (Death Angel guitarist) - Like all the members of Death Angel, very good to fans and appreciates their support. Skilled musician and likes to fulfill fan requests. 8

Mark Choiniere (Throwdown guitarist) - Quiet guy, but not at all standoff-ish or cold. Nice enough to take pics, but not much to say to him except "hello" and "goodbye." 7

Johny Chow (Fireball Ministry bassist) - Not exactly a familiar face in the world of metal, but is really a standup and cool guy who will chat with you and happily fulfill any fan request, such as taking pics or signing autographs. Plays with a pic, instead of with fingers, but is still a rockin' player. Didn't mind being confused with Joe Duplantier, so there's no ego. Would've been a lot cooler had he helped get that douchebag Iggor Cavalera out of the bus. 4

Greg Christian (Testament bassist) - Dopey-looking, but very friendly person. Happy to hear praise and enjoys indulging in fan requests. Not much of a talker, but has a constant, pot-smoker's shit-eating grin on his face, which is a good sign. Great bassist and enjoys performing for the crowd. 8

Richard Christy (former Death and Iced Earth drummer) - Sounds and acts just like you'd expect from watching and listening to the Howard Stern radio show. Very sweet, humble guy with that creepy grin on his face. Nice enough to pose for pics and chat a lot. Claims he quit because there's just no money in metal drumming, but still plays on occasion. A bit dumb, though, but still is a great underrated drummer. 7

Mike Clark (Suicidal Tendencies guitarist) - Awesome, generous dude. A great and underrated guitar player with a big heart! Will talk with fans and sign autographs and/or take pics. Kind enough to give brief news on the new album, which is rare. A true bro in every sense of the word! 10

Ryan Clark (Bleed the Sky bassist) - Not as friendly or open as the other members of the band, but still good enough to sign stuff and take pics. Doesn't seem like he'd make "bass player of the year" any time soon, but he does his job well. 7

Louie Clemente (former Testament drummer) - Funny, little guy. Caused a hilarious scene when he was drunk, but nothing violent. Kind enough to take pics and sign stuff despite being so out of it that he couldn't stand straight. Still admired by Testament fans, but probably wouldn't have been recognized by fans had I not said something. 8

Gator Collier (Vital Remains bassist) - Another down-to-earth, friendly guy. Open to fans and will take pics and sign autographs. Too bad he's not more well-known for fans to appreciate. 9

Lyle Cooper (The Faceless drummer) - Nice kid. Looks like he's young enough to be my kid. Should be in school playing Tinker-Toys, not the drums. 7

Dallas Coyle (God Forbid guitarist) A lot cooler and humble than his brother Doc, and possibly a better guitarist. However, he should have sided with me over his asshole of a tour manager. Good with fans and will respond to messages on MySpace, no matter how vicious they may be - like mine. 7

Doc Coyle (God Forbid guitarist) - Arrogant prick and not that good a guitarist. Seems to get annoyed by fans very easily. Needs a reality check quick because he doesn't make the band, and the band pales in comparison to about 1,500 other metal bands out there. Fuck him! His wife likes to dress like a slut, almost like Ice-T's wife, Coco. 3

Scott Crochet (Soilent Green bassist) - Looks like a typical pothead and enjoys it. Brings a bag of potato chips with him just in case. Very upbeat despite Hurricane Katrina and polite. Likes to chat with fans and take pics. No ego and pretentious attitude, very down-to-earth. 9

Attila Csihar (Mayhem singer) - Creepy, quiet dude who likes to smoke on a pipe. Likes the ladies even more, especially the hookers and sluts that surround him. Will sign autographs and take pics. Cordial and polite, but not exactly Mr. Sunshine. Puts on a good show and is considered a great black metal singer. If they say so! 7

Austin D'Amond (Bleed the Sky drummer) - A true party-animal in every sense of the word. Funny kid and really cool to hang with. Loves to drink and plays drums like a maniac. Has a bad-ass tattoo on his chest of the Satanic-goat-with-exposable-tits-and-two-fingers-pointed-up. Likes to chat with fans, except no fans have yet to surface for Bleed the Sky yet. 10

Sharlee D'Angelo (Arch Enemy bassist) - Acts as Gossow's personal bodyguard, but is somewhat friendly. Doesn't say much. Decent player, but is most invisible player in the band - most bassists usually are! 6

Brann Dailor (Mastodon drummer) - This band is full of weirdos, but this one still has an unusual friendliness that teeters on the cold and distant side as well. Perhaps the suicide of his sister Skye may be factor in his social withdrawl from the world, but he is still open to fans and will sign autographs and take pictures for them. 8

Byron Davis (God Forbid singer) - Explosive frontman, but a cold motherfucker after the show. Wants to be alone and away from fans. Doesn't talk or even smile. I don't know if he's being humble or just snob. Either way, his attitude left me kinda cold. Don't expect much appreciation from this cat. 2

Mikkey Dee (Motorhead drummer) - Seems like a nice guy at first, but was rather impatient when taking a pic. Would rather get in his limo with his entourage than chat with fans. Why the fuck does he even get a limo? Great drummer with lots of power and precision, but his ego seems to outweigh his talents. Very disappointing. Needs to realize that fans want to see Lemmy, not Mikkey. 6

Matt DeVries (Chimaira guitarist) - Very friendly and open. Likes to chat with fans and tell you why he endorses ESP guitars. Will fulfill any fan requests. 9

Paul Di'Anno (former Iron Maiden singer) - This old man is still performing? GODDAMN! He's ancient, and without Maiden, who the fuck is he? He complained a lot about being "tired" despite fans waiting outside for hours to see him. Shut up, old man! 5

Dis (Incite guitarist) - I know what Dis is short for - Distant! A bit cold and a mean-looking dude, but is easily approachable and really cool. Good guitar player. 8

Alex Dominguez (Devastation bassist) - Another old Latino in the band, along with Elizondo and Tagle, that plays well and puts on a decent show. Will take pics and sign stuff, but unfortunately there are no fans from that era left. 8

Matt Drake (Evile singer) - A good kid. Quite mature for a boy whose band has already been dealt a tragic blow. 9

Ol Drake (Evile guitarist) - Like a his brother, he is a groovy cat. Must be a London thing. 9

Sammy Duet (Goatwhore guitarist) - Very friendly and warm. Happy to forgo making out with his girlfriend to sign stuff and take pics with fans. Nice enough to chat about the band and himself. Like Jasta, very short but has a great "metal"presence about him. 9

Max Duhamel (Kataklysm drummer) - Not as open or chatty as his other bandmates but wasn't rude or arrogant like most French people are. Nice enough to take pics and have a drink, but there seemed to be a slight distance. Perhaps he's shy, or likes to remain in the background. 7

Rob Dukes (Exodus singer) - Can be a nice guy if he's in a good mood. There's a reason why he has that huge scar on his bulldog face. Can be a bit of a dick and tends to lose interest if you have nothing interesting to say. Will take pics but you have to hurry or he will move on whether you like it or not. Not a great singer or frontman by any means, but provides Exodus with some much needed attitude. 6

Rodney Dunsmore (Devastation singer) - Pretty old now, but still performs well. Too bad it's not 1990 anymore. Pleasant guy. 7

Ben Dussault (Throwdown drummer) - Awesome person and sick drummer. Very cool and makes you feel like a buddy. Likes to hear from fans and get feedback. Will fulfill requests and talk endlessly about whatever is on your mind. Seems to be very intelligent and humble. 9

William DuVall (Alice in Chains singer and guitarist) - Lenny Kravitz... er... I mean, the new guy is 50/50. Sometimes he's good to fans one day, and the next day he will snub them. Needs to cut that nappy hair of his fast before a bird lands on it and makes a nest for itself. 7

David Ellefson (Megadeth/Hail! bassist) - "Junior" is a friendly dude and will sign autographs and take pics with fans. Went back to Megadeth with his tail between his legs, no doubt. Guess he needed some money badly! 7

Bobby "Blitz" Ellsworth (Overkill singer) - Really cool dude. Will sign autographs and take pics with fans. Seemed a little miffed when I alluded to getting an advanced copy of Overkill's latest album Ironbound and I told him that I thought it was a "decent" album. 9

Shane Embury (Napalm Death bassist) - A bit cold and distant. Needs a shave and possibly a shower. How is this dude married? Doesn't say much, but is probably a cool bloke if you can get past the icy exterior. Good enough to take a CD submission, so he gets points there. 7

Daniel Erlandsson (Carcass and Arch Enemy drummer) - What a dumb, humorless prick! Obviously has an issue with being confused with his brother, and possibly lives in his shadow. Decent drummer, but strikes me as a dull person. Needs to lighten up and not take things seriosuly. Will take pics and sign autographs - just don't call him Adrian, unless you want to see some fireworks. 5

Brian Eschbach (Black Dahlia Murder guitarist) - Another weirdo from BDM. A bit of a pussy, but at least he is good to fans. Likes to be controlling and piss off his bandmates. Suffers from Lead Singer's Disease, yet doesn't sing for the band. 3

Ben Falgoust (Goatwhore and Soilent Green singer) - Really nice guy. Down-to-earth and good to chat with. Seems to like fans and will sign autographs, too. Looks intimidating, but is a sweet guy. 9

Dani Filth (Cradle of Filth singer) - The little troll can't take a joke, especially when it's about his daughter. Seems rather impatient and a little conceded. Don't know why people like this kid or the band because their music kinda sucks. At least he's willing to sign autographs and take pics, but still needs to lighten up and chill. 7

Stephan Fimmers (Necrophagist bassist) - Another good dude who seems to appreciate fans that can tear themselves away from Muhammed Suicmez and show him props. Very cheerful and polite. 9

George Fisher (Cannibal Corpse singer) - The big, bad "Corpsegrinder" with the thickest neck in metal is actually a softee - after all, he plays "World of Warcraft" - and is good to fans. He will sign autographs and take pics. Doesn't really have much to say unless it's metal, WoW, or the color black. 7

Tony Foresta (Municipal Waste singer) - Complete filth and the epitome of trailer trash. Is more consumed with drinking, smoking weed, and acting like a douchebag instead of as a human being. HORRIBLE BODY ORDER! Doesn't like to bathe. Bisexual, tried to kiss me on the mouth! Disrespected the memory of Slipknot's Paul Gray by referring to him as "that fag from a Nu-Metal band" and he claims to want to fuck my mother's cunt and slit my throat. (I have all the messages from MySpace to prove it.) A true coward who can't fight his own battles and needs an entourage of pigs to fight for him - and even they hit like old ladies. Deserves to get shot, stabbed, and have his balls amputated. Karma will come back to bite him. -10

Fredrik Folkare (Unleashed guitarist) - Nothing special. A decent guitar player. Will sign autographs, but due to his bad English, doesn't talk much. Somewhat cold, perhaps shy. 7

Frost (Satyricon drummer) - Another creepy dude, which must run in the band, who doesn't speak a word of English but still is somewhat grateful for the adulation from fans. Looks like a faggier version of Motley Crue's Nikki Sixx but plays like Tommy Lee. 6

Andy Galeon (Death Angel drummer) - Not exactly a looker, but one helluva drummer. Was good enough to give me a drumstick. Good with fans but doesn't say a whole lot. 8

Chance Garnette (Skeletonwitch singer) - Fierce frontman who looks like he'll sacrifice you to Satan, but is in fact a down-to-earth, humble guy who appreciates his fans and like to chat. Won't give too much away about the next album, but was kind enough to mention that they're "getting it done." Enjoys the crowd and fans' appreciation. Definitely one of the coolest dudes around. 9

Nate Garnette (Skeletonwitch guitarist) - Reminds me of a great big grizzly bear, the complete opposite of his brother. Prefers to drive the band's van. Not as friendly as his brother Chance, but still good enough to take pics and appreciates fans' support. Looks more like he belongs with the road crew than with the band. 8

Steve Gibb (Kingdom of Sorrow and Crowbar guitarist) - A great guy. Very nice and cool guy to talk to. Happy to sign autographs and take pics. Good guitar player, too. 8

Jack Gibson (Exodus bassist) - Good enough to take pics and sign autograph. Like Altus, nothing much to say to him unless you're familiar with his work, which isn't a whole lot. 9

Christian Giesler (Kreator bassist) - Good-humored and friendly, definitely in the spirit of the common Kraut. Talks with fans and signs autographs. Will dish dirt and talk about upcoming Kreator projects, but within reason. Open to ideas, too. Doesn't mind stupid questions from fans and will answer them accordingly. 8

Steve Goldberg (Cephalic Carnage) - Nice guy and cool to talk to. Will take pics and sign stuff for fans. Has been around since 1992 with the band, but doesn't get the respect they deserve. 10

Angela Gossow (Arch Enemy singer) - The so-called "Diva Satanica" was actually sweet and didn't pull any cunty antics as reported. Looks like a someone's Granny with those glasses. Will chatwith fans and sign autographs, though I don't see the big deal about her. 8

Romain Goulon (Necrophagist drummer) - Nice guy. Very accomodating and good to chat with. The newest member of the band is humble and appreciates any fan who can tear himself away from Muhammed and give him props. 9

Joel Graham (Evile bassist) - The replacement of that other kid who passed away. Seems to have slipped into the role rather easily. Plays well and seems like a decent kid like the rest of them. 9

Mark "Barney" Greenway (Napalm Death singer) - That voice DOES NOT belong to that face.... and yet, it does! A very skilled frontman. Humorous and poetic, positive yet very brutal. Likes to recite social commentary in between melting your face off. Friendly and polite, acts like the common Limey from Birmingham - a bit aimless, probably has A.D.D. from the way he spazzes out onstage. Good guy, though. 9

Paolo Gregoletto (Trivium bassist) - Nice kid, too. Was feeling ill and still took pics. Keeps in touch with fans. Beaulieu could learn from him about treating fans better. 8

Joel Grind (Toxic Holocaust frontman and guitarist) - At first glance, he looks like he belongs in one of those pussy Glam bands from the 80s, but plays like he's in a real thrash band. Nice guy and doesn't seem to have an ego, but one-man bands usually mean they are overbearing and a control-freak. Needs to have a band with members - share the spotlight, douchebag! 7

Tomas Haake (Meshuggah drummer) - Grumpy, lumbering, grizzly dude seems to be a bit of a prick. Doesn't seem to pay any attention while fans talk to him. 5

Marten Hagstrom (Meshuggah guitarist) - Friendly guy. Talks to fans but smokes like a chimney. 7

Eric Harris (former Skeletonwitch bassist) - Same name as one of the Columbine shooters and not as open or relaxed as frontman Garnette or Hendrick, but still good enough to chat and fulfill fan requests. Plays well and appreciates kind praise, but seems to prefer a low profile. 7

Mitch Harris (Napalm Death guitarist) - Was very drunk when we met, but was still friendly and chatty. Actually seemed interested in hearing about MY LIFE.... A FIRST! 8

Matt Heafy (Trivium singer and guitarist) - Nice kid. Very friendly and polite. Lacks the real presence of a frontman for the future of metal, but rather mimics them - Hetfield, Flynn, etc. Will be happy to sign anything and takes photos. 7

Johnny Hedlund (Unleashed singer and bassist) - Big, giant dude who doesn't talk much. Supposed Nazi sympathizer, but didn't show any racial hatred towards me other than being quiet and taking a photo before heading off to get drunk or stoned. 6

Hank Hell (Seventh Void bassist) - A really cool dude! Like a really awesome older brother that you admire and look up to, and is always high on life... or perhaps on weed. Either way, there's no rockstar ego or douchebaggery here. Just a friendly fellow who is very gracious to fans. 9

Helmuth (Belphagor singer and bassist) - For a dude fronting a band that's supposedly "evil" and "satanic," he seems pretty friendly and happy. A smile from Helmuth????!!!!! A smoker, though. 7

Scott Hendrick (Skeletonwitch guitarist) - Another cool dude in the 'Witch group. Very easy to talk to and will keep in touch with you on MySpace. Very good player who seems to enjoy his work. 9

Danny Herrera (Napalm Death drummer) The one turd in the band. Seemed friendly at first, but either he's retarded or shy, or whatever, but he kind of got a little chilly after a while. He's Latino, after all, all spics are like that. How can a dude as fat as him drum so fast? Looks a bit like Andreas Kisser (Sepultura guitarist) if he stuffed his face with Hostess cupcakes. 6

Kenny Hickey (Type O Negative guitarist) - Friendly at first but quickly sours at the mention of Type O. Guess they're not a happy family, after all. Will take pics but doesn't have much to say and is a so-so guitar play. 5

Brent Hinds (Mastodon guitarist and singer) - Looks like the scariest member of the band, but was actually the most accessible and friendliest of all of them. Even with his girlfriend (or wife) nearby, he'll take pics, sign autographs, and chat with fans. A bit of hushed when he talks, but perhaps he doesn't like the sound of his own voice. In case, he's very open and down-to-earth, as long as you don't mention the whole VMAs/William Hudson incident to him. 9

Nick Hipa (As I Lay Dying guitarist) - A real down-to-earth, sweet kid. Takes his good Christian values to heart, very polite, friendly, and engages in all who surround him. Doesn't snub or ignore anyone, and will acknowledge you even if you simply pass by him. Takes pics and sign autographs. I'm not a big fan of AILD's music, but this kid is tops. 10

Terrance Hobbs (Suffocation guitarist) - Doesn't look like your typical metal guitarist, but certainly plays like one. Like all the other guys in Suffocation, he's very appreciative of fans' support and is happy to grant them with pictures and autographs. 8

Gene Hoglan (Dethklok drummer) - A legend who taught Dave Lombardo of Slayer everything he knows! Nuff said! Our encounter was not exactly a highlight of my life, but was in fact a depressive moment. Seemed to be very out of it, or "zombified" as he put it in our email, and just not in the mood to be friendly. A very tense and awkward encounter. A large, gargantuan person like Chuck Billy, but with very tiny hands. Despite the awkwardness, he was kind enough to sign stuff and take pics with fans and myself. Was also kind of enough to apologize to me later. 8

Gary Holt (Exodus guitarist) - Great guy! Very talented with the guitar, but especially very humble and grateful of his fans. Chatted in the bitter New York cold with me and others for a good ten minutes while the band stayed on the bus. Very personable and happy to sign autograph and take pictures with everyone. A man who deserves everything he gets. 10

Mark Hunter (Chimaira singer) - Not exactly the friendliest or chattiest person in the metal world, but perhaps that's just a persona he portrays. Does acknowledge and seems to appreciate fans. Count on the other members of Chimaira to be more open and friendly. 6

Tom Hunting (Exodus drummer) - Cold and humorless in the beginning, but turns out to be quite friendly and pleasant. Has the face of a grandmother's ass, though. Always with that ugly cunt of a girlfriend. 7

Maurizio Iacono (Kataklysm singer) - For all his scathing, hateful banter onstage, he's really a sweet, quiet and humble guy who is approachable and chatty offstage. Will happily sign stuff and take pics. Emigrated from Italy and now resides in Chicago, and is proud to be an American citizen. A formative frontman who made the band the only watchable thing during the snoozefest that was the Summer Slaughter Tour. 7

Scott Ian (Anthrax guitarist) - Seems like the years of inactivity have made Mr. Ian very jaded and bitter. Not totally rude, but very distant and cold, unless he knows you. Doesn't seem to like fans or want to really associate with them. Let's face it, he has nothing better to do than appearing on VH1 specials. Will take pics, just as long as he not distracted by his Blackberry. 1

Mike Inez (Alice in Chains bassist) - LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS GUY! This is how every rock star, movie star, or any type of celebrity should be like. Very seasoned and professional, yet very friendly, open, brotherly, warm, caring, and helpful. Cannot express how much this man rocks, both onstage and in person. 10

Jamey Jasta (Hatebreed singer) - Really sincere and appreciative of fans' support and praise. Good enough to chat with fans and shake hands, provided that security doesn't step in, and will sign autographs and take pics. His rhetoric can get a little annoying at times. Very short person with lots of attitude! 8

Steve Jones (The Faceless guitarist) - The token black guy of the group. Decent guitarist and seems like a nice kid, but much like the band's name, he's a faceless, nameless person in the big, bad metal world and does nothing to separate himself from other guitarists of his kind. The same can be said for the other members. Will take pics and sign stuff. 7

Blake Judd (Nachtmystium singer) - A supposed Nazi, if the media is to be believed, but is quite friendly and a soft-spoken guy. Needs to write more coherent songs, though. 7

Pepper Keenan (Down guitarist and Corrosion of Conformity singer/guitarist) - Looks burned-out, old and fat beyond his years. A bit of a prick. Has an attitude towards fans and seems to grouse at their requests. Doesn't seem to like engaging in conversation with fans and prefers smoking a cheap cigar instead. Needs to shave that beard off and give COC back to the original members. 6

Michael Keene (The Faceless guitarist) - Nice kid, but pretty bland and dull in person. An ok guitarist and blamed technical problems to the band's lousy set. Nothing special, much like the band, and sounds like all the other copycat deathcore bands that suck. Will sign things for fans and take pics. 7

Shaune Kelley (Hate Eternal guitarist) - Quiet, low-key guy is really a good-hearted fellow who is good enough to chat with and fulfill requests. Skilled and dedicated guitarist. Keeps in touch and genuinely appreciates fans' support. 8

Bill Kelliher (Mastodon guitarist and singer) - A bit of a weirdo, but unusually friendly. Will take pics but not much for conversation. Somewhat removed and cold, and likes to be drunk. Should climb the mountains of Georgia and stay up there with the rest of the band. 6

Johnny Kelly (Type O Negative and Seventh Void drummer) - Good guy. Decent drummer. Doesn't seem as doom-and-gloomy as one would expect, and is much more jovial and nicer to fans. 7

John Kempainen (Black Dahlia Murder guitarist) - Cool, humble guy who is very cool with fans and has a very easy-going way about him. However, being that he is a large-bodied fellow, he does smell! Not a good idea to get too close. Will take pics and sign autographs. 8

John Kevill (Warbringer singer) - Nice kid, but has a lot to learn about being a good frontman. A bit lame onstage with his Satanic jargon, but still puts on a decent show. Good enough to chat with his fans, but would probably be even greater with you provided that you have some weed on you. 8

Lemmy Kilmister (Motörhead singer and bassist) - He looks like a jaded man made of stone, and his nearly 35 years in the game definitely would suggest this, but he is actually quite friendly and cordial in person - we even held hands for five seconds just talking (don't ask)! If you can get past his entourage and the whores flocking around him, he can be pretty down-to-earth. And yes, the facial warts are real. 10

Sean Kinney (Alice in Chains drummer) - Started out as a friendly guy, but by the next day he revealed himself to be a snitch and a complete failure as a human being like Cantrell. Needs a nose job and take that stupid-looking nose-ring out of his beak. NEWSFLASH, buddy, it isn't 1993 anymore! 5

Andreas Kisser (Sepultura/Hail! guitarist) - Doesn't really say much, probably due to poor English like the Cavaleras brothers, but he'll sign autographs and take pics. I give him an extra point because he follows me on Twitter. 7

Ryan Knight (Arsis guitarist) - Turns out that he's really a cool guy after all. Just as open and humble as Martin and appreciates the fans, unless he's had another fight with his girlfriend. Still, a nice guy who is totally cool and could be fun to have a drink with. Good humored. He even enjoyed my little rant against him a few months back. Not a prima donna like frontman James Malone. 8

George Kollias (Nile drummer) - Very friendly and affable gentleman. Appreciates fans and happy to oblige any requests. Has a good sense of humor and is a really talented skinsman, one of the top 10 best metal drummers today. Has a hot girlfriend by the name of Ashley, but says they're just "friends." 8

Alexi Laiho (Children of Bodom singer and guitarist) - Drunk and short frontman who cares about nothing more than playing guitar and getting drunk with ugly groupies. Wears makeup and eyeliner like a woman and should stop now. Easy to get him when he's drunk, which is all the time. Takes criticism well, unlike many American musicians. 6

Jim LaMarca (Chimaira bassist) - Very friendly and cool guy. Will take pics and sign stuff, and may even plug his MySpace profile. 7

Tim Lambesis (As I Lay Dying singer) - A bit of a dork. Not as gracious or cool as bandmate Hipa, but good enough to take pics and sign autographs. Looks like an emo fag, but sings like a pretty capable metal singer. This kid has a long way to go to distinguish himself. 6

Michel "Away" Langevin (Voivod drummer) - Fierce drummer. Much like his bandmates, he is surprisingly quite friendly and willing to grant fan requests. 8

Eric Langlois (Cryptopsy bassist) - Nice guy and seems to like fans but prefers to drink more than talk. Typical Frenchman! 7

Roope Latvala (Children of Bodom guitarist) - Very funny drunk. Talkative and romantic towards the ladies, though some might think slightly creepy. According to him, he hates Opeth and their music. Nice to enough to share drinks (yuck!) and cigarettes with you. Will take pics and sign stuff, but needs a little guidance if he's drunk. 9

Tony Laureano (Dimmu Borgir and 1349 touring drummer) - An asshole. This fat, ugly loser who is considered one of the best young drummers today, even though no one recognizes him, is a prima donna and a jerk. Would rather smoke and chat on his cellphone than meet fans. Not worth anyone's time. Avoid him! 1

Andy Laux (Warbringer bassist) - What a douchebag! He couldn't handle the pressures of being in a band, quit, and comes back with an attitude. Not nearly as talented as his brother, or half-brother perhaps, and has nothing of interest to say. Better off drunk like the rest of them. Go back to school, kid, and leave the metal to the big boys. 4

John Laux (Warbringer guitarist) - Far surpasses his bandmates. A mix of Kirk Hammett and Slash, and not just because of his looks, that really brings Warbringer up from being just another retro-thrash band. Seems to be rather shy of attention and needs to loosen up and be glad that a kid his age has fans. 7

Chris Lawrence (Bury Your Dead guitarist) - Nice enough guy, but not much to talk about here. Somewhat boring but cool enough to chat and sign stuff for fans, much like the other members of BYD. A step above the pompous douchebag and band member Slim MacDonald. 7

Tony Lazaro (Vital Remains guitarist) - Looks like demon, but has the heart of an angel. For heavy-set, rough-looking dude he's quite friendly with fans and is willing to fulfill requests. The brains behind the band and very hands-on in the way of business by takes time out to check the merch sales himself. 9

Lenzig Leal (Cephalic Carnage singer) - A really cool guy. Been around for awhile, but no one seems to know who he is. Still a good sport about it and is good to fans. He, along with the band, deserve more respect and credit in the extreme metal community. 8

Evan Linger (Skeletonwitch bassist) - New kid on the block! Like the other members of the band, he's pretty good player and a suitable replacement for Eric Harris. Though not familiar to fans, he seems to be quite comfortable with the band. Good kid. 8

Chris Lollis (Nile bassist and Lecherous Nocturne guitarist) - Looks like a scary motherfucker, but is quite normal and friendly. Will sign stuff and take pics. Cannot join Nile officially due to contracts, but should be playing for much bigger bands than this. 7

Wayne Lozinak (Hatebreed guitarist) - Not as forceful a player as predecessor Sean Martin, but perhaps more friendly. Will sign autograaphs and take photos with fans, but not much of a talker. Must be a Boston thing! 6

Shannon Lucas (Black Dahlia Murder drummer) - Nice guy and like all the members of BDM is easily approachable with any request from fans. Paul Mazurkiewicz of Cannibal Corpse said he's a pretty good drummer, so that ain't too bad! 8

Brendan "Slim" MacDonald (Bury Your Dead guitarist) - Arrogant and bloated, both his body and ego. Didn't like his attitude and he came off like a jerk. Too fat to be a guitarist - looks kinda like a manatee onstage, and lacks the polish needed to play well. 3

James Malone (Arsis singer/guitarist) - A very sad guy. My heart weeps for this dude. Very skilled and talented performer, but somewhat insecure and depressed. Needs a big hug and be told that "everything is going to be okay" now and then. 9

Guy Marchais (Suffocation guitarist) - A bit reserved, but still good enough to be approachable and sign stuff for fans. Has a good sense of humor and plays the guitar very well. 8

Luis Marrufo (Incite bassist) - Nice guy. Good bassist who plays well and has fun onstage. Will sign stuff. 9

Noah Martin (former Arsis bassist) - Really nice, sweet and cool guy who loves and appreciates fans' support. Easy to talk to and will sign anything and take pics. Really humble and a skilled musician. Not a prima donna like frontman James Malone. 10

Tomas Masgard (Unleashed guitarist) - What is with these stupid Swedes? He's quiet, smokes like a chimney, but is good enough for pics and a quick chat. Nothing on his mind except getting drunk. 6

Mark Mitchell (Throwdown bassist) - Like the other Mark in the same band, nice enough to sign stuff and take pics, but nothing really to say. Doesn't seem too open, but that doesn't mean that he's... well, mean. Just say "thanks" and be on your way with this one. 7

Dan Mongrain (Voivod guitarist) - Polite and cordial. Claimed to be tired, which explained his quietness, but was still took pics with fans. 8

Jerry Montano (former Nothingface and HELLYEAH bassist) - A real solid dude. Would definitely like to have this guy in my corner during a fight. Undeservedly screwed over by Vinnie Paul, he deserves a lot better than what he's getting in the metal community. Support this dude. 8

Eric Moore (Suicidal Tendencies and Infectious Grooves drummer) - Not bad for a heavy-set black dude, he actually carries himself well in the field of heavy metal drumming. Looks like he belongs with the rap group D-12 than Suicidal Tendencies. He did this amazing thing during the drum interlude, a bit showoff-ish but still impressive. 7

Will Mortician (Mortician singer) - Not much of a singer or frontman. Very stiff and says nothing, in other words - strong, silent type. President of the NYDM. Lives in a fantasy world where the NYDM are like "The Warriors" from the film of the same name. Does take pics, but don't expect much verbal interaction. 5

Mark Morton (Lamb of God guitarist) - A humorless prick. Doesn't seem to really appreciate fans. Very quiet and unassuming. If he wasn't in this band, no one would give a fuck about him. Has the manners of a gorilla, which matches his playing ability. 2

Mike Muir (Suicidal Tendencies and Infectious Grooves singer) - Wow, age has truly worked against him! Fat and bald now, but performs like he's 20 again. Claimed to have bronchitis as an excuse to act like a prick to fans, but still came outside to sign autographs and take pics. Not as funny or charming as his onstage persona, but he holds some cache within the metal world, so to get him scores major points. 4

Frank Mullen (Suffocation singer) - Looks more like a frontman for a hardcore band than a death metal band, but still carries himself well. Gives the crowd what they want and they know what to expect. Friendly guy who is appreciative and amazed by the fan loyalty after all these years. Does a weird hand gesture onstage that makes him look somewhat retarded and gets old. 8

Derrick Nau (Skeletonwitch drummer) - A bit withdrawn and not as accessible as the other members of the band, but still willing to take pics and talk with fans. Good player, but I've seen much better. 8

Dan Nelson (Anthrax singer) - The new kid on the block has the makings of being one of the finest metal performers of this generation. A man who is all heart and shows no signs of ego, except a relaxed and very down-to-earth personality despite having the unenviable task of "steering the ship" for one of the most important metal bands in the game. A true metal brother who deserves respect. 10

Joe Nuñez (Soulfly drummer) - Seems like a nice guy at first, but upon closer inspection he shows that he can be a bit of an arrogant, ungrateful jerk, too. Not really bright, but still accomodating to fans, which is always a good thing. Doesn't seem bothered by Kerry King's comment dissing him about "his mommy not letting him join Slayer". 5

Harald Oimoen (D.R.I. bassist) - It's Krusty the Klown come to life! A very animated fellow and friendly. 9

Mark Osegueda (Death Angel frontman) - Really funny and talented singer and frontman. Nice guy and great with fans. Will chat with them and fulfill all requests. Quick with the jokes and good humored. Likes to show off his body, and comes off as a little gay at times, but he's still a cool guy. The complete opposite of Byron Davis of God Forbid. 10

John Outcalt (God Forbid bassist) - The one white dude in the band is also, and no joke, the most down-to-earth and approachable. Will fulfill any requests and take a joke of "being the one white guy" in the group, but you get the feeling he's heard that one before and is tired of it. Also the more vibrant performer onstage without showing off like that arrogant prick Doc Coyle. 9

Jack Owen (Deicide guitarist) - A real funny dude! Good-humored and treats fans well. Likes his beer and diet Coke but strikes me as a very sad, lonely fellow. He needs a big hug now and then. Could pass for Uncle Fester. 8

Ken Owen (former Carcass drummer) - Poor guy suffered a brain hemorrhage but still managed to play a quick drum solo pretty well. I didn't have the heart to ask him any provocative questions, especially since he's not in the band. Nice fellow who signed everyone's autographs and take pics with a kind smile. Definitely respected by everyone and showed respect to us all. Stayed outside for a while until everyone was satisfied. 9

Tim "Ripper" Owens (Former Judas Priest/Iced Earth and current Beyond Fear/Hail! singer) - At our first encounter, I thought he was an arrogant, old prick whose time had come and gone; but after a more thorough chat with him, it turns out that he is a sweet guy, a devoted family man, and a consummate performer onstage. Likes his fans and treats them well. 9

Aaron "Bubble" Patrick (Bury Your Dead bassist) - Very friendly and open guy. Has a silly nickname, but his personality is real and genuine. Appreciates fans' support and will chat with them while they wait in line. Very lively performer and enjoys playing. 10

Brian Patton (Soilent Green guitarist) - Weird guy, somewhat vacant and blank. No visible ego, just a feeling of distance from him. Recovering heroin addict. Much quieter than the others in SG, but still friendly and will sign stuff. 7

Dennis Pepa (former Death Angel bassist) - Playful musician onstage and good with fans offstage. Will sign stuff and takes pics. Doesn't mind closing a DUI incident which prohibited entry to Canada, so he can be personable. 8

Trevor Peres (Obituary guitarist) - Polite Southern redneck guy. Will sign autographs, as many Obituary CD booklets as you have, and take pics. Can chat a bit, but doesn't seem to have anything intelligent to talk about. Has a fourth child on the way. Pretty tough to look at sometimes, but metal is not about looks. 7

Dave Peters (Throwdown singer) - Really cool guy and down-to-earth. Has that Jasta-like appeal, a hardcore, true fan of the music and appreciative of fan support. At first, he refused to remove his sunglasses, which I thought he was acting like a diva, but it turned out had a nasty black eye. Turns out to be an approachable and likable dude. Comes off like another Anselmo clone, like Jasta, but is still a great performer and frontman - just needs to find his own identity. 8

Eric Peterson (Testament guitarist and DragonLord singer) - Very reserved to the point of being cold and withdrawn. Will sign stuff, but forget about talking to him. Doesn't have much to say except thanks. Somewhat bitter that Chuck Billy makes more money than he does, according to Revolver magazine interview, which really irritates me. Looks like someone's old grandmother. 4

Mille Petrozza (Kreator singer and guitarist) - Surprisingly, a very down-to-earth and humble guy. Even after being in the metal game for 25+ years he's still very friendly to fans and stays outside of the bus to chat and sign autographs and/or take pics. Part of a very rare and select few of elite and important frontmen/figures who also happens to be a cool person. 10

Corey Pierce (God Forbid drummer) - Another one in this group that has his head stuck up his ass. Doesn't really emote much gratitude or conversation. Will take pics and sign stuff, but with some huffing. Uses his cellphone as a way to avoid fans. 5

Matt Pike (High on Fire singer and guitarist) - Man, who decided to give this guy a bong? Totally wasted and incoherent pothead/drunk. Slobbered on my shirt when taking our pic together. Seems like a party, but might take it too far. Sloppy-looking and fat, he loves to perform shirtless and may cause you to lose your lunch. Friendly and playful, just don't feed him after midnight. 9

Dean Pleasants (Suicidal Tendencies and Infectious Grooves guitarist) - Not bad for a sort-of black guy in the field of metal guitars. A bit more quiet and reserved, but no less gracious than the other members of ST. Kind enough to give me another guitar pick despite the asshole security guard pocketing one for himself. Nice enough to take pics and sign autographs, but whined a bit about cold (buck up, pal, you're not in California!). 9

Mike Portnoy (Dream Theater/Hail! drummer) - The poor old guy lost his dog, Bongo. Doesn't seem to like criticism. A bit oblivious to fans and it may be quite taxing for him to take pics with fans. A good drummer, but there are much better out there. 6

Greg Puciato (Dillinger Escape Plan singer) - Musclebound loudmouth is actually a nice humble guy and will chat with you, but just don't insult his girlfriend, who just happens to be a loud, obnoxious cunt. Insane frontman prone to diving into the crowd, jumping into the mosh-pit, and hanging upside-down in the rafters all while singing! Takes the term "performance-art" to a new level, despite the idiosyncratic noise they call "music." 8

Jaska Raatikainen (Children of Bodom drummer) - What a dickhead. Impatient and cold. Not very thankful in the least for fans who wait until 4am to meet him. Needs some prodding to get him to take pics or sign autographs. Not the brightest person in the band - and he was the sober one. 5

Sami Raatikainen (Necrophagist guitarist) - Very polite and cool. Looks like one of Anton LaVey's children. Seems to like fans just fine, if only fans would tear themselves away from cooing over Muhammed Suicmez. 9

Rob Rampy (D.R.I. drummer) - Creepy dude! Maybe he's shy, maybe he's retarded, but I wasn't too choked up about this guy. Talking to this guy was like talking to a corpse. A snooze! 5

Marc Reign (formerly Destruction drummer) - The sole member of the band with any balls to meet fans. A bit drunk and stupid to talk coherently, but still friendly and good enough to sign shit for fans. 8

Jürgen "Ventor" Reil (Kreator drummer) - A bit quiet and unassuming, but no less generous and friendly to fans like the other members of Kreator. A true drummer in every sense of the word - doesn't have a whole lot to say and no one's really looking for him. Still, a cool dude. 7

Nic Ritter (Warbringer drummer) - Another new gun in the band to replace Ryan Bates, who apparently couldn't get along with his bandmates and other people involved in Warbringer... *cough cough* asshole! Seems like a nice fellow, though I've been told is somewhat of a hothead and is prone to humiliating people who heckle the band. But still was pleasant and respectful towards me and nice enough to fulfill requests. 8

Marc Rizzo (Soulfly and Cavalera Conspiracy guitarist) - Surprisingly a very nice, sweet guy and skilled player. One ex-girlfriend of his had me believe that he was an arrogant jerk, but he came off as a bro. Likes chatting with fans and hearing feedback. Good sense of humor and doesn't mind trashing ex-girlfriends. 10

Noah Robinson (Bleed the Sky singer) - Don't know anything about him, but he is a down-to-earth kid. May or may not make it as part of BTS, and knows his and the band's limits, but loves performing and is cool to fans. 9

Hoya Roc (Madball bassist) - Big, heavy-set dude played rather well. Seemed to play from the heart for the crowd rather than just for himself - though I could be wrong. Nice guy in person and kind enough to sign autographs and take pics. 8

Erik Rutan (Hate Eternal singer/guitarist) - The uberproducer of death metal is pretty cool, though the death of his good friend Jared Anderson seems to have left him somewhat lost. If he's not distracted by the goings-on of the road crew and dealing with moving equipment, he'll be happy take pics and sign stuff. Thankfully, no one really knows who he is, so it will be easy to get what you want from him. 6

Derek Rydquist (The Faceless singer) - How can a geek like this dude be a growler for band? And with a nickname like "Demon Carcass"? You gotta be fucking kidding me! Looks are definitely deceiving here. Nice guy, though. Seems to be live without pretention or ego and acts like a normal kid. 6

Snake Sabo (former Skid Row guitarist) - Now the manager of Down (when the fuck did this happen?), the former axman of New Jersey pop-metal douchers Skid Row is a pretty cool guy. I didn't recognize him until someone pointed him out. Will sign stuff and take pics gladly, but of course, I'm sure he's glad anyone recognizes him. 10

Karl Sanders (Nile guitarist) - Like Toler-Wade, another person who just doesn't "look" like they belong in metal. A fat, albino-looking dude (and if he ever cut his hair would probably look like Curly from the "Three Stooges") who keeps to himself and says very little. Despite this, he has a decent following among fans and is a very skilled musician. Will sign stuff and take pics. 5

Ralph Santolla (Obituary guitarist) - Another humorless prick that can't take a joke. Takes himself way too seriously. Will take a pic but you better do it fast because he has zero patience if he doesn't know you. May be friendly to some, but you'll have to lick his balls for him to warm up to you. Smoker who needs to get cancer fast! Obituary would do well to bring back Allen West at this point. 4

Satyr (Satyricon singer) - An ego-maniac, who takes his stage name from the band's name, who prances around the stage in skin-tight pants, with noticable bulge, like a fairy. So desperately tries to be like Rob Halford or Ihsahn but fails. Creepy fellow will sign stuff and take pics, but you have to be quick before he disappears into a taxicab. 6

Anders Schultz (Unleashed drummer) - This dude is really tough to look at! Don't look too closely in his eyes or you'll be hypnotized. A decent drummer. Will sign autographs and take pics but a bore to talk to. 7

Gil Sharone (former Dillinger Escape Plan drummer) - Quite possible the oddest-looking chap in metal. Dresses like a queer, but is a skilled drummer. Claims to have invented the glow-in-the-dark drum kit. Seems like a nice guy but a bit of a wallflower and prefers to be invisible, the folly of most drummers. 7

Silenoz (Dimmu Borgir guitarist) - Much like most of the other Euro-trash bands, he's a friendly, cordial and upbeat person who is good to fans and appreciates their support. Dresses like a cowboy, even though he's Norwegian and should be dressed like a Viking or caveman like the other members. 9

Jade Simonetto (Hate Eternal drummer) - Baby-faced kid plays like a fuckin' monster. Young, but very good player. Will sign stuff and chat with you a bit, but seems somewhat distant and reserved, not as open with fans. 7

Rat Skates (former Overkill drummer) - Metal drummer turned filmmaker is a pretty cool, down-to-earth guy with no attitude. Likes to talk a lot and good enough to sign autographs for fans with Overkill memorabilia, even though he is no longer is the band. Quit because he couldn't keep up with Overkill and continue drumming at such a fast pace anymore. 9

Alex Skolnick (Testament and Alex Skolnick Trio guitarist) - Friendly and talkative chap. Appreciates that fans wait an hour or so until he leaves the venue and is happy to sign shit and take pics. A bit of a bubble-brain, possibly from too much pot-smoking, but still a warm guy that had even the black security guards impressed. 8

Mike Smith (Suffocation drummer) - Besides being a black drummer in a popular death metal band, he is also a cool guy and pretty down-to-earth. Can play drums with the best of them. 8

Zak Sofaly (Incite drummer) - The boy is an animal onstage, banging on his kit like there's no tomorrow. Very touchy-feely and a smoker. FILTHY! But he is a humble, good-natured kid. Good to talk to and will sign stuff, though not exactly on the MVP list. 7

Matt Sorum (Velvet Revolver drummer) - Reminds me of Melissa Etheridge with his lesbo-looking frosted hairdo. Nice enough guy, though. 8

Pete Steele (Type O Negative singer and bassist) - The tall, misogynistic, Lurch-sounding/looking, Playgirl coverboy is actually a pretty friendly and even-keel guy. Has a extremely crazy sense of humor, which shows in his songwriting, and is very open with fans. Will sign autographs and take pics. Nothing seems to bother or offend him, and always has a witty retort for everything. 9

Bill Steer (Carcass guitarist) - Great guy and a great sense of humor! Nice enough to take pics, sign autographs, and answer pointlessly ridiculous questions. The complete opposite of his Carcass bandmates. Not a bad guitarist, either. 10

Trevor Strnad (Black Dahlia Murder singer) - Bloated singer who likes taking his shirt off and showing off his sweaty man-tits. Reminds one of Barney Greenway of Napalm Death when the glasses come off. A sweet guy, if somewhat touchy-feely, especially when he's drunk. I wonder about him! (He pinched my nipple!) Was kind enough to show me the tour bus. Has a funny last name and should be glad there isn't an "s" at the end of it. 8

Muhammed Suicmez (Necrophagist singer/guitarist) - The leader of the pack is no Nazi at all. Friendly and accomodating when asked to take three separate photos without any complaining. Balding, which is why he wears a baseball cap. Fans seems to genuinuely like him and the feeling is mutual as he spends time with them. Will take pics and sign autographs. 9

Fidel Tagle (Devastation drummer) - Likes to wear his sunglasses at night, probably out of ego or whatever, but his time has expired anyway. Decent enough player but seems somewhat cold and distant than the other members. 7

Donald Tardy (Obituary drummer) - Very friendly and appreciative of support from fans. A far cry from his brother John in the appreciation department. He likes to get his equipment offstage first before taking pics and greeting fans. 8

John Tardy (Obituary singer) - Seems a bit moody offstage and somewhat disconnected from the audience onstage. Doesn't rap with the crowd or show much appreciation. Decent singer, but lousy frontman. Will take pics, but with much huffing and puffing from his part. 6

Myke Terry (Bury Your Dead singer) - Nice guy, but very blank and disconnected. Possibly lacks confidence in himself or the band. Seems to just go through the motions of life and deals with it. Performs well enough. 7

Fredrik Thordendal (Meshuggah guitarist) - Seems to be the less surly one of the bunch. Good to fans, but doesn't bare any real importance to the world of metal. 7

Dallas Toler-Wade (Nile singer) - Somewhat reserved, but will still take pics and sign stuff. A odd-looking fellow who, much like Devin Townsend, has a bizarre skullet and just doesn't "look" like they belong in metal, but should be a standup comedian working at cheap strip clubs. Fierce vocalist, but limited in providing any stage antics or performance. 7

Alex Tomlin (former Arsis drummer) - New kid in town. Seems to enjoy the Arsis ride and is cool with fans. Slammin' drummer and easy to chat with and seems to like fans. Humble and personable. Not a prima donna like frontman James Malone. 9

Jeff Tuttle (Dillinger Escape Plan guitarist) - Decent kid who's happy to meet fans and take a pic. Like most of the members of DEP he lacks a lot of verbal skills, and doesn't seem to be quite as smart as Wilson. 7

Tommy Victor (Prong singer/guitarist and Danzig guitarist - A bit stupid. This dude doesn't seem to be playing with a full deck. Was definitely sipping some Jesus juice or on crack earlier in the evening. Was good enough to take a pic, but it took several inquiries just to get his attention. Likes to cuddle, though. 6

Jeff Walker (Carcass singer and bassist) - Much like Bill Steer, a very nice guy with a great sense of humor - a sick one, at that - and kind enough to answer pointlessly stupid and provocatively disrespectful questions. Good enough to sign autographs and take pics. 9

Justin Warrick (Bleed the Sky guitarist) - Super-cool kid and not bad as a musician. Know the limitations of his band but remains undeterred. Likes fans and will chat and take pics. Loves to drink and would probably be fun to hang out with at a bar. 10

Frank Watkins (Obituary bassist) - Another fucking smoker, but is a decent guy. Will chat a bit and sign shit for you. Not a great bass player, but still a decent guy. 7

Alex Webster (Cannibal Corpse bassist) - Everything you heard about this man is true. A ridiculously friendly and warm dude. Chats with fans and will be happy to fulfill any requests. More musicians should be this personable and real. 10

Ben Weinman (Dillinger Escape Plan guitarist) - Known to be difficult to work with, and a bit eccentric, but is actually a nice guy and very communicative. Will talk with fans and sign stuff. A maniac onstage but seems to be quiet and withdrawn offstage. A decent guitarist. 8

Ryan "Bart" Williams (Black Dahlia Murder bassist) - Seems to be the only member in the band not to be on something of the chemical kind. Not that great as a bass player, but does his job. Will sign autographs for fans. 7

Liam Wilson (Dillinger Escape Plan bassist) - A bit of a weirdo... I mean eccentric. Dresses like a mental patient and seems to like it that way. Decent bassist, but nothing to write home about. Will take pics and sign stuff. 7

Scott Wily (Vital Remains singer) - Nice guy, but very quiet. Tried to pull me up on stage and join the fun. 8

Kirk Windstein (Down guitarist and Crowbar singer/guitarist) - A great sense of humor and personality belies the outwardly gruff, grungy, and grumpy exterior of this man. Will fulfill fan requests. Like to keep his girlfriend nearby for some reason. 10

Kip Winger (Winger singer/guitarist) - What kind of dumbass wears his sunglasses at night! Only an arrogant, washed-up prick, I guess. Will sign autographs and take pics but doesn't connect with fans. Who cares, since he is part of that whole Pop-Metal shit era! 4

Janne Wirman (Children of Bodom keyboardist) - Baby-faced and somewhat smug-looking. Not too impressive as a musician, but a nice enough kid. Somewhat distant or perhaps just shy. Apologized for having fans wait outside the bus while he got drunk. Signed autographs and took pics. 7

Tim Yeung (Vital Remains/Divine Heresy drummer) - Really cool, down-to-earth guy. May look like an arrogant prick but really likes chatting. One of the few people in metal who actually has a brain and uses it well. A big sports-car enthusiast and a great drummer. 10

Sami Yli-Sirniö (Kreator guitarist) - Nice guy, though somewhat quiet and reserved. Will sign autographs, provided that fans recognize him. Looks like a reject from E'Nuff Z'Nuff, but plays like an ace guitar hero. 8

Joey Z (Life of Agony guitarist) - A really cool dude. Full of life and warm energy. Happily will take pics and sign autographs for fans. Seems really humbled and down-to-earth. 7

Steve Zing (Danzig bassist) - The first and only musician to ask the fans "How was the show?" and "Did you have a good time?" which is quite refreshing. A decent bassist who really stacks up well with the other members. 9

The BIG FOUR: Can You Say "Awkward"?

2010-06-17T10:57:00.000-07:00

Look at that body language! Can Hetfield get any further away from the rest of these guys? What, did someone forget to shower and had some bad BO or something? You'd think that standing next to Scott Ian, who is perhaps the closest thing he has to a friend amongst the three of them, would make him a bit more comfortable. (Perhaps it's Ian that has the BO! You know, Jews do stink!) Not really newsworthy, but it bears viewing.

(from left to right: Kerry King, Dave Mustaine, Scott Ian, James Hetfield)

Oh, but wait! Here's another pic of the four of them actually having a good time with one another. I guess some of that ice has seemingly melted, or at the very least thawed.

(from left to right: Kerry King, Dave Mustaine, Scott Ian, James Hetfield)

The BIG FOUR: Together at Last!

2010-06-16T00:12:00.001-07:00

This is what it's all about, kiddies! The Sonisphere festival has begun and the Big Four of Thrash Metal have arrived!

Imagine, one room could possibly hold the likes - and combined egos - of Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer (minus Hanneman in the first picture below), and Anthrax without the floor collapsing from under them! This is truly an epic moment and a rare display of metal talent gathered together - 25 years in the making, and here's your first peek at the bands FINALLY playing nice with one another and actually enjoying each other's presence.

(But, being the cynic that I am, let's see how long this goodwill lasts before they start name-calling and ego-tripping like the prima donnas that they truly are!)

(from left to right: Frank Bello, Tom Araya, Robert Trujillo, James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett, Lars Ulrich, Kerry King, David Ellefson, Charlie Benante, Dave Mustaine, Scott Ian, Joey Belladonna, Dave Lombardo, Rob Caggiano, Shawn Drover, Chris Broderick)

(Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax in one room!)

Scott Ian: Doesn't Care about Fans!

2010-06-15T12:26:00.000-07:00

The German edition of Metal Hammer magazine conducted an interview with ANTHRAX guitarist Scott Ian on June 4, 2010 at the Rock Am Ring festival in Nürburgring, Germany. When asked about the frustration ANTHRAX fans have felt over the numerous singer changes the band has undergone over the course of the last five years, Ian replied, "TRUTHFULLY, I DON'T CARE!"

Wow, dude! THANKS! That little declaration makes us all proud to be fans of Anthrax. You have anything else to add to that?

Watch this interview here (copy/paste): http://www.metal-hammer.de/Anthrax_Video_Interview_Scott_Ian_Gesang_Posten_Joey_Belladonna.html

"I don't think people should worry so much about what's going on in the band. I understand being a fan and I understand loving a band and being dedicated to a band, 'cause I'm a huge fan of many bands. But I don't have any control over whether or not FAITH NO MORE's gonna make a new record. I want FAITH NO MORE to make a new record, but I can't control that, [so] I don't worry about it. There's bigger things to worry about in life. So if you're a fan of the band and you like what we do, just have faith that eventually we're gonna make a record and it's gonna be a great record. I don't think we've ever let anyone down in the last 26 years of making records and touring. Yes, I understand it's taken us a while to get to a new album, because we've been through some crazy circumstances, but that's just the set of circumstances we're in, and there's no reason for us to rush anything. That would be the biggest mistake, 'cause if we rush something now, then we risk putting something bad, and then the fans would really be upset."

DUDE! Who are you kidding? ANTHRAX have been dead and irrelevant since 1993's Sound of White Noise when you pricks couldn't muster and sustain enough manpower and ability to ride past the grunge era! Instead, you decided to follow along like sheep with no direction of your own - and ended up screwing yourselves! And like you really give a damn about fans being upset? Oh, wait, but you just said you DON'T care what we think, and now you're concerned about making a bad record that we - THE FANS - might not be happy with?

Pick a side and stay there, you stupid asshole! Or I guess you're just content with playing poker and singing in another band with those faggots from Fall Out Boy instead? I rest my case.

Eyehategod w/ Brutal Truth, Nachtmystium, Black Anvil and Tombs @ Europa - 6/12/10

2010-06-14T15:05:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday I got to witness NOLA sludge metal band EYEHATEGOD for the first time playing to a cramped and packed house of rabid, slobbering metalheads. The always haggard-looking Jimmy "Sour" Bower, known as the drummer for other NOLA metal band Down, played guitar this time and actually played quite as well as he does on drums, is backed by his other bandmates consisting of the deeply-closeted Mike Williams (vocals), (former?) heroin junkie Brian Patton (guitar), the freakishly-looking Gary Mader (bass) and Joey LaCaze (drums), who reminds me of an angry Porky Pig, play a violent mixture of distorted, bluesy sludge and amped-up doom, all while spouting words of unrest, dissent, and revolution, especially from the portly LaCaze, who ironically refers to the cops as "pigs" from a microphone near his drum set.

At times, the comedic moments arise when Williams, who looks like a sloppier version of Slayer's Dave Lombardo, banters on about raping and pillaging the bar, and encouraging everyone to "get gay in the bathroom with your buddy. It's all good - it's hedonism!" Funny, but classless. And while such encouragement may bring up laughs and amusement, the overpriced admission to get in is nothing to laugh about, considering some lackluster performances. EHG do well enough as musicians, but they should leave the comedy and revolutionary talk to the pros. Set Grade: B-

BRUTAL TRUTH still can't pick up any slack and despite having a new album released last year - 2009's Evolution Through Revolution - one can't help but tune out from the out-of-sync rhythm and unconscionable chaos that one is force to endure when they take the stage. Frontman Kevin Sharp tries to be clever and witty, but comes off like the big dumb redneck from Atlanta that he is. The Scarecrow, aka Dan Lilker, still looks as gaunt and emaciated as ever. A rather dull set indeed. Set Grade: C

NACHTMYSTIUM once again build slight momentum and quickly lose it before their set is done. Sadly, judging by Revolver's girly-looking head-of-photography Jimmy Hubbard and his creepy, douchey drooling over frontman Blake Judd, we may see more of this Chicago band in the pages of that shitrag Revolver magazine again! Set Grade: C

And what of BLACK ANVIL and TOMBS? Didn't see them and I didn't care to see them, so there's nothing to write about. Let's just say they were the lucky ones!

Show Grade: C+

Bam Margera: Beaten up!

2010-06-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

Apparently, early Saturday morning at around 2am, "Jackass" douchebag Bam Margera was beaten by a 59-year-old woman who was wielding a baseball bat and proceeded to assault the skater. From what I know, he survived the attack and is currently being treated at Chester County Hospital while the woman is charged with one count of aggravated assault. The incident occurred outside his bar, The Note, where apparently there was a fight, which led to the woman attacking Margera in the back of the head with the bat.

For all we know, the woman was probably testing the kid out since he's been known to take shots in the head and balls at times, or perhaps it was a stunt gone horribly wrong. Either way, personally, I think he got what he deserved and had it coming! The chump is basically stealing my gig and does absolutely nothing for the world of metal. I think he got off easy, in my opinion. Bam Margera is NOT COOL!

Peace between Yours Truly and Kip Winger!

2010-06-05T15:35:00.000-07:00

I recently had a good conversation with our man Winger and we came to a mutual understanding that allowed us to lay down our guns and make peace. I came to the realization that I am dealing with a very sharp, quick-witted and a truly deep individual in Mr. Charles Frederick "Kip" Winger, much brighter and respectable than I had given him credit for. And while I am still not a fan of his earlier pop-metal, balletic tunes of the early 90s, I am a great fan of classical and symphonic music and recently found myself enjoying his "Ghosts" EP to be a surprisingly moving and remarkable piece of work. It's available on iTunes for $7.99.

And so I hereby recant my earlier harsh criticism for Mr. Winger and commend him on moving away from his past indiscretions with what is termed "metal" and finding a new - and proper - home in classical/symphonic composition.

Me and Kip Winger

Kristoffer Infante vs. Kip Winger

2010-06-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

We all remember that unpleasant time period around the late 80s/early 90s period when what passed for "heavy metal" was a bunch of douchebags in makeup, with big hair, and singing cheesy love ballads that cemented their legacy forever. Thankfully, the grunge revolution wiped away any and all posers who dared to call themselves "metal", with the exception of a few survivors who, unfortunately, refuse to die quietly - i.e. Mötley Crüe, Bret Michaels, etc.

With the help of Beavis and Butt-Head, from 1993 to 1997, we realized just how lame and pathetic these posers were even at the height of their power and we laughed and never forgot their names because the bands were printed on their shirts. The cool bands were Metallica (on Beavis) and AC/DC (on Butt-Head), while the band that had the unfortunate task of being recognized on uber-dork Stewart was the pirouette-spinning, purple-color wearing, pop-rock act Winger. As we all know Winger is SO NOT COOL! I mean, "Seventeen"????? Is that really the best they could do? Apparently so, as nothing else of any significant importance has come from them since! Oh yeah, there was that Playgirl spread where he posed..... with his CLOTHES ON! Not that I'm trying to sound like I really care, but if you have the opportunity to show your goods to the world, then why not fucking show it!!!!! Another example of this dude's lameness! At least Pete Steele had the balls (no pun intended) to pose for the magazine. And if they paid me the right amount, I would totally do the same!

When I learned that the nearly 50-years-old Kip Winger was doing Facebook, I guess that explains his long inactivity trying to pick up young girls on the 'Net, I figured I would pose that all-important question to him that all musicians and artists should be able to answer: "What great significance do you present to the world of music?" Not realizing the importance of such a question - must be an ego thing - he slaps me with basically a "cannot be disturbed by such silly things" kind of attitude. And next thing I know, I'm trading verbal blows with an old man who should be concentrating on getting his career back on track.

To further add to his increasing lameness, he justifies himself by talking about his accomplishments at a young age, banging girls and becoming a success by the time he reached 30. Big whoop! You had one, maybe two, hits on the radio, but ultimately you failed to become something that will last forever. Instead, you've become a sad trend, a passing phase.... like a bad hangover after a long, hard night of partying. What is most sad is that Kip Winger doesn't see that. He doesn't know when to say "I fucked up!" or "I quit!" when he should have done so right after the first two chords from "Smells Like Teen Spirit" were played.

To his credit, old Grandpa Winger is involved in some symphonic project called "Ghosts"..... oooooooo! I can't wait to NOT hear it!

But what kind of writer would I be if I didn't share our conversation with you, my loyal readers. So here is our current discussion on Facebook between yours truly and Kip Winger. From turning out hit singles to doing absolutely nothing with your time but argue about past glories. Enjoy!

Between Kip Winger and You:

Kristoffer Infante
June 1 at 11:46am

What is your "great significance" or importance to the world of rock music? What have you accomplished that is worth remembering?

Kip Winger
June 1 at 12:31pm

I love ignorant people like you! lol
As if you actually know who I am or what I do.
Why dont you teach me something! lol..
I'm all ears .. or how about this, you go on itunes
and tell me exactly what I'm doing in the 119th measure of
my Ghosts, my string symphony.
Someone like you , who takes the time to make a comment like this, Brains couldn't power a go cart around the inside of a cheerio.

Good luck Krisoffer... hahahaha...
KW

Kristoffer Infante
June 1 at 12:40pm

Why do you still make music? You're no longer relevant or important in music, you never were and never will again - thanks to Metallica and Nirvana. When it comes right down to it, you're just some old, irrelevant dinosaur.

Go practice on your pirouettes, fruity! LMAO!

Your MetalBro4Life,

- Kristoffer

Kip Winger
June 1 at 3:46pm

Dear Kristoffer,

Is that the best you can do?

So let me get this straight, You actually take the time to find me on Facebook, just to say something derogatory (that means: tending to lessen the merit or reputation of a person or thing; disparaging; depreciatory: a derogatory remark.- in case your too illiterate to know such a big word). What kind of person does something so stupid? Unless your infatuated in someway, hahaha.. and then has a need to tell me you on your way to L.A. like a little boy beating his chest.. "look at me"
What a fucking idiot..

I'd love to meet you in person...!! when I was your age I was already the biggest selling act on Atlantic... what the fuck has taken you so long?

When you grow up and realize what the entertainment business actually is, hopefully you'll look back at your pre-pubescent action here and realize that life isn't so easy.

And whether you want to acknowledge it or not, I am still having many successes outside of my band Winger. who if someone blindfolded you and your prejudice, and actually listened to what I'm doing now you would like it, not that I care, because the world doesn't need anymore people like you to randomly seek out others to spread hate and prejudice..
you might as well just go join Al Qaeda.

Good luck ...

wow...

I hope you feel better now

p.s. why dont you random ask some of your facebook friends ie: Dave Ellefson, one of my good friends and ask what HE thinks of my CURRENT music... or are you too afraid to find out...

Kristoffer Infante
June 1 at 4:15pm

We did actually meet once, outside the McGraw-Hill building when you were doing some interview for Eddie Trunk or some other douchebag. Frankly, I wasn't impressed by you. Who wears their sunglasses at night except an untalented has-been with a serious complex of not being able to let go of his "fame."

Son, you haven't been relevant since 1991, nearly 20 years! I'm surprised that you haven't applied for Social Security.... or maybe you have! In either case, I doubt you have lasted this long through royalties with Cooper or your solo act. "Seventeen"? Is that really the best YOU can do? Guess so, since nothing else worthwhile has come since. Your future so far is being on VH1, last I saw, where you make a little gripe about Ulrich throwing darts at you, which is so awesome! Metallica > Winger

And speaking of which, why do you think everyone is infatuated with you? First you think it's Lars and now you accuse me? Hahahaha! Quite laughable, about as laughable as your ballet steps. And I love classical music, as well as rock and metal, but I doubt whatever you do is Four Seasons quality. Prove me wrong, where can I download your music for free?

Any other questions?

How are those pirouettes coming along? What color is your toutou? :-)

Kip Winger
June 2 at 11:57am

God, there is no hope for you..

I feel sorry for you..
later,,
k

Kristoffer Infante
June 2 at 12:27pm

Seriously? That's still the best you can do? How old are you again? Aren't you pushing 50 already? Why are you still making music in a young man's game. I'm sure it must be fun playing in the old folks home basement, just like when you were playing in your mother's basement as an ugly little kid, right? And yet you're bickering back and forth like a real "professional" would do. You must have nothing better to do with yourself, poor old man.

How does it feel to be a has-been? And to have your name attached to Stewart from Beavis and Butthead? The entire world laughs at you, old man, get over it! Your time in the sun is through, sweetheart. Mine is just beginning.

Peace!

Another MySpace message from Tony Foresta

2010-05-29T12:07:00.001-07:00

Saturday 29 May, 2010 2:42PM
From: Tony Foresta online now!
Subject: RE: Here's what YOU need to do

i'm gonna marry paul gray's bitch and be that baby's step daddy and i'm gonna raise him pretty much just listening to municipal waste and grow into a big strong macho man to make you his bitch in prison. i'm going to make you wish you were never born, you fucked with the wrong person, that you will see for yourself. see, you've been telling me about all the things you've done to me, but what i have in store for you is a secret. you better watch your back BUDDY

i'm going to make you drown in your own blood!

Tony "Cock-smoker" Foresta

Tony Foresta showing cracks!

2010-05-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

The war of words between yours truly and resident douchebag Foresta has started to cool as of today and is beginning to sound more like a plea for help, or at the very least, waving the white flag in surrender. But why should I stop speaking out against untalented, good-for-nothing, ne'er-do-wells like Foresta, who dig themselves into a grave and wonder why they get shit on.

For those of you who weren't aware of the story the first time, which I posted already, just hours after the announcement of Slipknot bassist Paul Gray's passing, Foresta referred to Gray as "that FAG from Slipknot" and went on to say "who cares!" to yours truly in a MySpace message. In the end, Foresta acted very unprofessionally and needs to man up and accept his mistakes.

On that note, here's the latest message from Foresta via MySpace to yours truly just this morning:

Tony "the Butt-Pirate" Foresta

"just please stop spreadin this shit about me, all i said was slipknot sucks and that he was the FAG who played in the band and who cares since they suck, i never said i was glad he was dead, but i'll be glad when you're dead. here's what you need to do:

1) stop spreading stuff about me

2) just meet me in person and fight one on one, i'll rip your hideous nasty face off and then i'm gonna fuck your mother. i will bet that next time we're in your area that you pussy out and never show up... you're way too big of a wuss to just finally fight me again so you'll never show up. i'd be really surprised if you did. come fight, i will rip you to shreds. you're a towelhead and a schmuck.

-- big bad Tone"

My only response..... HAHAHAHAHA! Seriously, people, I couldn't write better drama or dialogue than this, and I'm quite the talented screenwriter myself.

But let me leave this to Foresta and anyone else who reads this to think about. There is a little girl on her way to being born into this cruel and wretched world, and she won't have a father to welcome her and protect her from it. Someone's son, husband, and father is gone and will never come back!

Think about that before you start casting stones at people!

Paul Gray Interview Unmasked

2010-05-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

I never got a chance to meet him, but I always heard he was a decent guy. This candid video shows him unmasked and real. At 6:35, it shows just what kind of a guy he was and what the fans meant to him. RIP, Paul Gray!

Me vs. Tony Foresta: THE FEUD BEGINS!

2010-05-24T10:59:00.000-07:00

If there was ever a bigger douchebag in the world of metal, his name would have to be Tony Foresta, a sloppy, smelly, untalented, insecure, pathetic and weak human being who fronts a lame retro-thrash band called "Municipal Waste-of-Time". When you watch this band perform, you can see every band that they've ripped off from the past. Everything from crossover heroes DRI and Suicidal Tendencies to thrash titans Exodus, Testament, and the Big Four. Whenever you go to a MW show, there is always the hint of the foulest BO, sweat, stank breath, and ham sandwich in the air, enough to make you gag and dry-heave. Foresta is more than willing to eat up your vomit, too.

Tony "the Butt-Pirate" Foresta

At the Fontana's show this past Saturday, Foresta tried every trick in the book to get under my skin. From putting on my black fedora to trying to kiss me on the lips - yes, apparently Foresta swings that way, as well, to which I responded with a swift smack across the head and face, and ample amounts of my venom (actually, spit) - the greasy doucher tried in vain to piss me off. The clincher was when after the show, the midget twerp had the nerve to knock my Corona out of my hand and walk away like a chump. Mind you, he wasn't so brave and bold when he was alone!

The fugly Tony "the Butt-Pirate" Foresta

I went outside to confront him and like a typical rat trapped in a corner, he has his friends fight for him. Long story short, I fought with five or so sweaty, stinky, ugly bastards, who have to suck on Foresta's Hep-C infested cock just to get into shows, and I was taken down but never out. The twerp hides himself in Fontana's until I go away because he's not man enough and doesn't have the balls to fight me.

"Dick is okay by me! Cum is good for the skin!"

Here are a few of the messages the dumb bastard left on my MySpace page:

Message #1 (Insecurity rears its ugly head; in Foresta's case, its ugly face):

Since I am the king, and my band is the greatest metal band of all time, I never have to fight my own battles, I'll always have friends and body guards to destroy people like YOU! HOWEVER... next time I am going to personally rip your ugly face off so I dare you to go to any of our shows again. Thats right I invite you because next time I am going to destroy you!!!!!!! I WANT TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF

Message #2 (Oooooo! A threat!)

i'm going to slit your fucking throat!!!!!

Message #3 (boring!)

municipal waste is gonna destroy you!

Message #4 (after admitting that his band is bigger than his current label and should be at a better label):

then we'll just find an even bigger label to get on. they're not going to listen to you and are not going to believe you.

was it you who made this page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Municipal-Waste-sucks-balls/114228221944905
i'll be taking YOU to court for that mother fucker!!!!!!!!!!

municipal waste is the best thrash band of all time and we are going to rip your face off on stage and put your head on a stick and all our thousands of fans will annihilate your corpse!

your mom is a cunt and i fuck that cunt for a penny!

- tony

Message #5 (He gives up, but still shows much insecurity and inadequacy, and goes into childish name-calling again):

i've had enough, you are a fucking dead man, i'll make sure your acting career is over, you think i don't have connections? i'll make sure you never get into sag, aftra, etc...

i'm a big famous singer, i've been in metal magazines, i've toured europe, australia, you're just a background extra actor and a complete loser and i laugh at you! next time MW is in new york, or any state where you're willing to drive to, i'm ready to fight, this time one on one, no friends fighting my battles, because i know i can punch your retarded looking face in. you're such a fag!

MUNICIPAL WASTE IS GONNA KICK YOUR ASS

and i don't believe you for one second that the anti-mw facebook page isn't you, bullshit.

you're a fag, fuck off

Message #6 (Delusions of grandeur):

well if it was me who died it would be a lot huger world wide news than dio and then all MW fans would find out about you and kick your ass for me vengence

Message #7 (Slamming the recently-deceased Paul Gray of Slipknot):

Stop mentioning Paul Gray, i just googled him and it's the fag from slipknot!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!? YOU JUST CALLED ME GAY, OBVIOUSLY YOURE THE ONE WHO'S GAY IF YOU THINK SHITTY NU METAL IS GOOD

END OF MESSAGES

Such a sad state of affairs when we have losers like this kid talking smack about a deceased and respected musician in the metal community. I hope Earache can wake and realize that they have a potential psychopath in their ranks and quickly dump him in a psych ward - PRONTO!

If you hate Municipal Waste, as much as others do, please visit:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Municipal-Waste-sucks-balls/114228221944905
Your support is greatly appreciated!

Ronnie James Dio: 7/10/42 - 5/16/10

2010-05-17T11:25:00.000-07:00

Admittedly, I was never a huge Dio fan in terms of his music. I was never big into songs about wizards, demons, children of higher power, etc., and power metal squealings can be quite tiresome after a while. I don't own any of his solo records, or his work with Elf or Rainbow, just the post-Ozzy Sabbath records and the latest Heaven & Hell album, 2009's The Devil You Know. I don't claim to be an expert on Dio and won't pretend to be. I can only say that Ronnie James Dio, born Ronald James Padanova, was a little man with an epic voice and, from what I've read from those who knew him well, he had a heart and spirit that matched that epic voice.

I never got a chance to meet Dio or see him performing live. I never got to shake his hand, or take a photo with him, or even ask him questions about life and its absurdities. The man who, as Chris Jericho smugly called him "the guy who looks like Carla from Cheers," was a gentleman in a business run by assholes. While most bands have been at it for only a few short years, such as Lamb of God and Mastodon, are miserable and embittered scumbags, Dio was a consummate professional with over 50 years under his belt and was always known to be supportive to everyone who met him. I only wish that I could have thanked him, not so much for his music but for his humanity.

No one can ever say it was harder except Dio, and very few have shown humility and respect the way he has to newcomers. We should never forget his great gift as a performer, and his warmth and compassion for his peers. We may have lost a great singer on Earth, but Heaven just got itself another fantastic addition to that "Great Big Metal Band in the Sky."

R.I.P. Ronnie. These horns are for you! \m/ \m/

Ronnie James Dio (1942-2010)

Phil and Kirk: A KISS BETWEEN "BROS"?

2010-05-14T05:50:00.000-07:00

Frankly, I'm speechless.... but in a good way! In light of many working class heroes and "rock gods" in the metal community coming out and being proud of their gayness, such as Priest's Rob Halford, who still maintain a devout following even among the heavily homophobic salad-tossers in the community, it's good to see that the long-winded ramblings and chest-pounding machoness of Phil Anselmo have fallen by the wayside and can show man-to-man love with the equally grizzly Kirk Windstein, his bandmate and brother in Down.

Adding more fuel to the fire to Phil Anselmo and his certain "ways" such as showing off his cock to many of his predominantly male friends and allowing many to comment, Kirk included, on the size, length, and girth to Anselmo schlonger. Regardless, it gives pause to anyone who would never expect these two to lock lips, for whatever the reason may be. Is this for shock value, a la Metallica's Kirk Hammett and Lars Ulrich's infamous 1996 "tonguing" kiss? Or is it a simple case of "bro-love" among buddies who have known each other since they were kids, which to me sounds like something from out of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. Hell, they could have been drunk and playing "Truth or Dare" for all we know.

Regardless, if this chips away at the pathetic and tired homophobia that is still running rampant in the country, and metal is slowly embracing gays into the fold, then I'm all for it! Kirk and Phil, thank you for taking that brave first step! Have a ball and don't forget to glove it up! \m/

Jerry Montano: SCREWED OVER!

2010-05-11T16:18:00.000-07:00

How much of a piece of trash is Vinnie Paul Abbott? Well, ask Jerry Montano, who knows it all too well. It's an old subject that begs to be repeated here. Back in 2007, the metal/hard rock supergroup know as HELLYEAH - still, quite possibly the dumbest, lamest, and just plain STUPID name given to any band - released an album called.... wait for it..... HELLYEAH! and the world of southern-comfort rock was born.

Along the way something happened, and rumors and speculation concerning Montano's dismissal from the band ignited a firestorm of gossip. One report is that he threatened to shoot everyone at the Vinnie Paul's dive bar/strip club, The Clubhouse, which mirrored the same fate as Abbott's deceased brother Dimebag Darrell only a couple years before. Other reports say that it was a fight between him and former Nothingface bandmate Tom Maxwell, and then another altercation with Sterling Winfield, who mixed and produced albums in the past for Pantera and recently for HELLYEAH. But the truth, at least according to Montano, was something far more conniving and ruthless on the part of Vinnie Paul.

Getting drunk with Montano

Apparently, the bloated drummer wanted Damageplan bassist Bob "Zilla" Kakaha to join the band and forcing Montano out after a squabble between Montano's lady-friend and another female patron. Seizing the perfect opportunity to let the former bassist go, the spin was that it was all Montano's fault for being drunk, violent and too belligerent to continue working with. Montano was out and Kakaha was in. I met up with Montano a couple weeks ago at a New York bar and the dude seemed nice enough and quite non-threatening, even if he'll accept your drinks without offering you one... and I tend to question his choice of friends, among those being a little troll by the name of Jeremy who seems to follow him everywhere and possibly licks Montano's nuts. But Montano's confession to me suggests and even parallels the exact sae thing told to me by Rita Haney-Abbott, aka Dimebag's Hag, back in 2008.

So drunk I can barely walk w/ Montano

Vinnie Paul is a ruthless, greedy douchebag and he is willing to backstab and buttfuck his bandmates should the convenience arise. Shame on Vinnie Paul! To paraphrase what I told Cantrell at the AIC show, it should have been Vinnie Paul instead of Dimebag! But for all we know, Montano is perhaps the one who is lying and probably deserved to get sacked. I did have a couple drinks and for a moment he opened up to me, seemingly good-natured and honest. He doesn't have time for such petty bickering and, through and through, is a perfect gentleman. At the moment, he's hard at work on something called "Down and Dirty," and whether it elevates him beyond the status and metal/rock rank of HELLYEAH is anyone's guess, but I can assure you one thing, it can't be any worse than "Stampede" and that god-awful album cover! WHEW!

The few, the proud, THE ELITE! (Or: When Chimaira is asleep!)

2010-05-11T16:04:00.000-07:00

Your first glimpse into the future - The Elite! GET SOME, BOYS!

(From Left to right) Mike Drury, TJ Frost, Rob Arnold, and Austin D'Amond.

Mike Inez: MARRIED MAN!

2010-05-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

Congratulations go to the always-humble and very classy Mr. Mike Inez who married his fiancee and long girlfriend Sydney Kelly recently. Despite being in a band with a girly-looking, arrogant, blond-haired jackass with an overinflated ego who will always live in the shadow of his deceased singer, and a snitch of a drummer, the always-respected and respectful Mr. Inez still finds a way to go the distance and treat his fans like family. May you and your new bride find the happiness you so richly deserve. Congrats, Cuz!

Inez, with new bride Kelly, and Matt Sorum (or possibly Melissa Ethridge).

Blood of the MASTODON?

2010-05-11T15:27:00.000-07:00

We all know Brent Hinds is a weird guy. But nothing can be weirder that his recent actions at shows of late which showed the hairy co-frontman/co-guitarist ating more erratic and showing signs that perhaps the pressure is getting to him. On top of Bill Kelliher getting sidetracked due to pancreatitis, and having an all-around douchebag like Troy Sanders around, it's likely that Mastodon may in fact be crumbling and tearing at the seams. Trouble in paradise, no doubt.

Here's an eyewitness account of Hinds's actions at this past weekend's show in Oakland that has some people wondering about Hinds and his state of mental health.

“Brent seemed off from the beginning, staggering a bit and not stepping up to sing his lines. I’m pretty sure he damn near collapsed at least once. Troy once ran to the mic, nearly pushing Brent over, in an effort to sing Brent’s lines. Brent continued to throw in wild solos where there should be words, throwing his guitar around and running off stage. While there seemed to be major technical issues, mostly with his monitor from what I could tell, he became less and less involved in the performance to the point where he even stopped playing and simply yelled in to the mic something around the lines of ‘I love heavy metal…..No I don’t.’ Even more telling, he managed to screw up the intro to a song (that I can’t remember right now) to the point where Brann was looking through his cymbals in hopes of figuring out what was happening. He eventually completely lost his composure, throwing down a mic stand and storming off stage.

After roughly a 20 minute delay consisting of the keyboard player playing the same three notes for 10 minutes, and then realizing issues and perhaps showing more professionalism than I thought possible for a stand-in, started changing things up, trying different chords and rhythms, anything to try to keep the crowd from losing their interest completely. The band finally re-took the stake, sans Brent, thanked the audience for being there, and asked if we wanted one more. Bringing out another mic stand, Bill sang backups to ”Blood and Thunder” and gracefully let the show die out into the night with no trace of Brent.”

Overkill w/ Vader, God Dethroned, Warbringer, Evile, and Woe of Tyrants @ Nokia - 5/1/10

2010-05-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

You'd think that after years of being an "almost, but never quite there" metal band that they would have given it all up and called it a day. But the remaining Overkill members Bobby "Blitz" Ellsworth and D.D. Verni don't know when to quit, and why should they? Do we really want to leave the legacy of thrash metal into the hands of junior leaguers like the other bands on the bill?

I mean, bands like Warbringer and Evile fit into a specific niche that is neither progressive or viable. All they serve is a throwback to the good ol' days. But what irritates me is the fact that these kids weren't even alive when this shit was hot! It comes off very second-hand. I watched Warbringer go from little pups opening at small clubs like BB King to suddenly becoming every metal band's de facto new wave thrashers. And while they have skill, they just don't go for the brass ring. At least frontman John Kevill doesn't childishly scream out "Hail Satanas!" anymore. God, that was lame!

Evile are a nice bunch of limey chaps, but much like Warbringer, their music serves no purpose but instill a sense of nostalgia from a time they knew nothing about. Again, second-handed! But the crowd digs them and I guess they have a place in metal, but it won't be on my iPod unless I hear something new and exciting. Till then, I won't hold my breath.

I didn't see Woe of Tyrants, but the name just screams "amateur" and is an obvious opening act. Judging from the people I asked at the show, apparently I didn't miss a thing. God Dethroned were decent, but no big thrills here. And Vader had their flashes of brilliance here and there, but they couldn't make me stop texting on my iPhone long enough to absorb their set. It happens!

And Overkill! For a bunch of old warhorses like these guys, who have been together since the year I was born, I was quite impressed! They played early stuff like my favorite "Hello from the Gutter" to newer tracks like "Bring Me the Night" and "Ironbound" to the closer "Fuck You". I didn't care to look at Bobby Ellsworth shirtless and bony, skipping about like Robert Plant, but he had thenright attitude and spirit to make it fun while the little metalheads douchers were crushing each other in the pits. I think the old hens in Overkill have a couple more years left in them before they get sent to the glue factory.

All this and a bomb threat in Times Square afterwards! A chaotic night with (very) old thrash meets younger and regurgitated thrash. However, I would have liked it for Ellsworth and Verni to leave the family and the attitude (at least in Verni's case) at be civil to fans. I came close to putting him in his place in front of his wife and daughter, but acquiesed. This was most certainly a much better gathering than watching Chris Jericho posing like a rock god and that novelty act he calls a band.... what was their name again? Faggy?

Show Grade: B

Evile

Warbringer

Vader

Yours truly and Bobby Ellsworth (Overkill)

Yours truly and D.D. Verni (Overkill)

Catching Andrew W.K. off-guard at Best Buy - 3/25/10

2010-04-29T18:03:00.001-07:00

I got to meet up with Andrew W.K. at Best Buy a couple days ago. No amount of rudeness seems to faze him and he's a genuinely good kid who really LOVES to hug people!

John Joseph: The Lonely and the Creepy

2010-04-29T17:49:00.000-07:00

Don't know whether to chock this up to being drunk, high, or just plain stupid, but here's a couple clips of CRO-MAGS/BLOODCLOT frontman, and all-around Mr. know-it-all/motormouth hypocrite John Joseph McGowan talking to his girlfriend.... or boyfriend..... on a webcam. Seriously, lonely old people can be so pathetic sometimes! ENJOY!

FOZZY: A Novelty Act Gone Horribly Wrong!

2010-04-29T06:21:00.001-07:00

Admittedly, I am not a FOZZY fan, nor am I a Chris Jericho fan of wrestling. The loudmouth, conceited, bloated self-prclaimed "Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla" (does he still call himself that?) tries with all his might to be a decent frontman and instead comes off like a suitable clown in the same vain as his WWE character.

My expections of last night's show in BB King were not high to begin with, and true to form, FOZZY did not deliver. Instead, we're seeing Jericho (aka Chris Irvine) pretend to be a metal god and failing miserably. From his microphone coming apart to his opening his shirt and exposing a very noticable beer gut, it becomes painfully obvious that Jericho is trying to segue himself away from Vince McMahon's school of torture in pursuit of childhood fantasies. He should stick to his former vocation and leave the music to the pros who know how it's done.

Somehow Jericho has developed some credibility with the metal community when Vinnie Paul, fat and bloated drummer of Hellyeah and formerly of Pantera and Damageplan, comes out onstage with a tray of cocktails for the band. He even delivers a brief speech saying that FOZZY are "alright," which isn't much of an endorsement coming from a crook like Vinnie Paul Abbott. Jericho hangs on to the likes of Dream Theater drummer Mike Portnoy, who performs drum duties, on their final number, as if to demonstrate more of FOZZY faux metal credibility.

Oh, did I mention he namedrops like crazy? He brings up Anthrax mastermind and local idiot Charlie Benante is in the house, as well as Anthrax flunky Frank Bello and former captain Joey Belladonna, who performed with a previous band earlier. Solidifying Jericho's attempt into metal history is the validation from the ubiquitous appearance of portly and the always-annoying radio host Eddie Trunk and pet stoolie Don Jamieson, minus Jim Florentine (the former Mr. Robin Quivers).

At one time, they even pay homage to the much-maligned Nü Metal genre by pogoing and pronouncing Korn-style vocals, courtesy of guitarist Rich Ward. All in all, FOZZY is not fun or funny. They have musical ability, with the exception of Jericho who tried in vain to channel his inner Rob Halford during the encore to Judas Priest's "Freewheel Burning". Needless to say, it was a lousy night indeed - overpriced and very overplayed - and should be forgotten quickly! FOZZY have no hope of ever being taken seriously and should just stop now. Your 15 minutes are up!

Set Grade: C

"Huh? Where am I?"

"I can sing better than you can!"

Tim "Ripper" Owens: Never too old to rock!

2010-04-18T17:59:00.000-07:00

Forget that shit movie with Marky Mark lip-synching to Dio-penned music wrapped around a goopy love story with Rachel from "Friends" as the love-interest, the real Tim "Ripper" Owens is humble man who takes pride in his work. He bleeds, he sweats, he screams metal and rock! He has had his ups and downs, playing to arenas with popular metal bands to fronting small club acoustic shows in his hometown, inviting his fans to chill and have a beer with him (on you, of course).

He's perhaps the busiest man in the game, too! There's his own solo band, and Beyond Fear, as well as the all-stars troupe Hail with many luminaries (too many to mention), and reknowned prick Yngwie Malsteen. Ripper, who is already in his 40s, plays with joviality and an intense electricity that is refreshing. Judas Priest be damned! When the 90s whupped their asses, Ripper was the only person to keep them afloat long enough to contact Rob Halford and eventually jettison Owens in favor of a reunion that eventually proved fruitful. In any case, rather than wallow in self-pity, Mr. Owens soldiered on and joined Iced Earth, gaining more momentum and maintaining his metal street cred within the circles as the new millennium was in full swing.

Tim "Ripper" Owens is proof that you can rise up, fall down, get back up, continue moving forward, and take charge again. Grab 'em by the balls and hold 'em until they pass out, I think he once said. (Or perhaps Rob Halford said it.) That's the one thing that shit movie didn't tell you, which completely minimizes the significance and courage that Owens instills in the common man. There aren't too many of those around anymore.

Blackgates is Dan Nelson's reclaim to fame! (Eat this, Anthrax!)

2010-04-18T17:22:00.000-07:00

The first glimpses of Dan Nelson's new big-band project are started to take shape. Nelson, as we all know as the former frontman of that dreaded sinking-ship of a band called Anthrax from 2007-2009, has emerged with a new group of dudes with 'tudes! And he's brought some ample manpower to back him up. PAUL BOSTAPH!!!!! Yeah, that dude from a couple bands you may know as TESTAMENT, EXODUS.... oh yeah, and you may have heard of SLAYER, perhaps? Not too sure of the other two guys flanking Nelson and Bostaph, but they look pretty sick (and I mean that in a good way).

My first impression, based on this photo of the band, was of a Seattle grunge-style Black Sabbath, or Alice in Chains from back in the day. (It might just be the color tone of the pic, though.) I wish I could say that I've heard some tracks, but Nelson assures me that everything is coming along nicely and "to expect something very unexpected"! No doubt we'll probably get to see and hear Blackgates before those dinosaur douchers in 'Thrax can release "Worship Music" (GOD, I HATE THAT TITLE!!!!) in time.

At this point, my money's on Blackgates! Hang 'em high! \m/

Dem's Be Fightin' Words: Raymond Herrera speaks about his verbal smackdown on Dino Cazares!

2010-04-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, I posted a brief spat between Divine Heresy/Fear Factory guitarist Dino Cazares and Arkaea drummer Raymond Herrera from Facebook that sounded quite childish and gay, but quite entertaining. Since then, I tried to make contact with both men to see where the animosity laid and why all the mudslinging, why couldn't these two spics just let bygones be bygones. Of the two, only Herrera responded to my query and here's what he said:

"you call it mudslinging, i call it being honest, the day it was official that i was not going to be in the band anymore, it felt like i had a huge weight lifted off my back, i could care less what burton c dumbell or fat ass have to say, i would explain the entire situation, but i heard that decibel magazine did a proper write up on the whole thing. there is no animosity at all from me end, i just refuse to have built a brand for twenty years only to see burt keep changing his mind and continously bringing the brand down by doing so.

"maybe you just didn't see what was going on when this all went down around 2002..here is a quick recap. dino and burt could not and would not get a long, they couldn't even be in the same room, then burt quit. roadrunner wouldn't accept the breakup, so i had to get burt back on board, but he would not with dino in the band, so i made an executive decision and had to fire dino, because burt didnt have the balls to do it himself, the only difference is that i sat down with dino and told him to his face that he was fired and why and how we could come to an agreement on how things would go moving forward.

"Burt on the other hand, makes a bunch of silly decisions and just gets rid of me and christian without a call or email or nothing, i heard from gene hoglan that he got a call from burt...there my friend, lies the difference, i have the balls to tell people how i feel, burt is too much of a fuckin pussy. your words are easier said than done my friend."

This round, so far, belongs to Ray-Ray!

Remembering Peter Steele!

2010-04-15T10:41:00.000-07:00

Let us remember Pete Steele for what he is best known for, the way he was, the way we all would like to remember him forever. Yes, a Playgirl model! To all you dudes to jerk off to and all you chicks to finger yourselves to.

My gift to you all. It's how he would have wanted it. Enjoy, fuckerz!

:-P

Peter Steele
R.I.P. 1962-2010

WANTED: Dave Brockie - Pedophile!

2010-04-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

Beware! This man who calls himself Dave Brockie has been known to kidnap children and repeatedly sodomize them and steal their candy. This ugly, horrible-looking, vomit-inducing pervert is sick and is known to go by the name of "Oderus" with a bunch of space douchebags who call themselves GWAR and should be shot onsight!

Dino Cazares vs. Raymond Herrera

2010-03-27T15:20:00.001-07:00

In one corner we have Dino Cazares, guitarist for Fear Factory, Divine Heresy, Asesino, and Brujeria; in the other we have Raymond Herrera, drummer for Arkaea and creator of Cocaine Energy Drink. Both are slagging each other like high school girls in an online bitchslap that is happening on Facebook. The gloves are coming off, the claws are coming out. I don't know about the rest of you, but I find this fucking hilarious, entertaining as hell, and somewhat slightly pathetic.

Here's what our two metal princesses had to say.

Raymond Herrera:

stuck in dallas airport due to bad weather, oh well it could be worse, i could still be in fear factory.

Dino Cazares:

Don't know If any of you have read Raymond Herrera's bitter post he said "it's better to be stuck in a Dallas airport then to be in FF" Trust me Burt and I are happy not having those two guys in the band for many reasons but here's two. First reason: have you heard the ARGAYEA cd ? Second reason: we have Gene "the atomic clock" Hoglan in the band!

Alice in Chains w/ Middle Class Rut @ Terminal 5, Day 1 - 3/8/10

2010-03-11T18:16:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start this review with a biased opinion. Some of you might agree with me and some of you might not; either way, my view on this individual is precis and clear: JERRY CANTRELL IS A FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! This ugly, old, girly-looking cunt is a goddamn hooligan! And let me also say that it pains me to say it since I am a huge AIC fan, have championed them against detractors for countless years going all the way back to the 90s, and selecting their latest album Black Gives Way to Blue as my pick for No. 1 album of 2009.

What went down was a gross example of rock-star attitude at its most bloated and reprehensible! Cantrell has the nerve to ignore all requests for photos with fans, remaining silent as he mechanically autographs fans' ticket stubs. I, personally, ask this fuckhead to take a picture three times and he doesn't say a single goddamn word! So I do the most controversial and volatile thing anyone can do, and I yell at that blonde, long-haired faggot and I say loudly and clearly for everyone to hear: "It should have been you instead of Layne!" With that, Cantrell leaps out of the van and screams aloud: "Who said that?" not knowing that it was yours truly. Unfortunately, drummer and Mr. Giganto-schnoz-Beakface, or Sean Kinney as some of you may know him as, points me out like a little bitch-snitch and Cantrell proceeds to confront me. Naturally, I stand my ground and tell off Cantrell for disrespecting his fans. His excuse was "I'm sick!" and throws something at me like a little bitch. (Kinney also claimed that he was sick but was still good enough to take a photo with fans.) Hey, Jerry, there are "No Excuses" for douchebaggery, you punk! His actions and attitude that night, which actually occurred on Day 2 (March 9), was uncalled for and disappointing. My only regret is that I didn't record that goddamn incident and post it on YouTube!

With that said, the first of two nights with Alice in Chains was dynamite! After missing them at the one-off show at Irving Plaza, I managed to get myself in to this show thanks to a member of the AIC crew, who shall remain nameless. The two nights at Terminal 5 were sold-out and fans both young and old waited anxiously to catch the Seattle grunge troop take the stage and fire away with classics and newer, instant classics. One-by-one, the hits and filler hits kept coming and everyone was in unison for the next two hours singing along and having a great time. People were smoking weed, smoking regular cigarettes, sweating, and singing some more. At times, William DuVall and that blonde fag Cantrell traded off singing duties quite seemlessly, while Mike Inez, a gentleman of the highest order, rattled the venue with some genuine bass. The night was fierce and began with an menacing intro that included a screen that depicted the heart, featured on the cover of BGWTB, throbbing to the sound of a heartbeat and the silhouettes of the band members, and culminating with a devastating, yet confident, setlist:

"All Secrets Known"
"It Ain't Like That"
"Again"
"Check My Brain"
"Them Bones"
"Dam That River"
"Rain When I Die"
"Your Decision"
"Got Me Wrong"
"We Die Young"
"Last of My Kind"
"Nutshell"
"Sickman"
"Lesson Learned"
"Acid Bubble"
"Love, Hate, Love"
"Would?"
"No Excuses"

Encore:

"Man in the Box"
"Rooster"

It seemed like an endless night of hard-hitting rock 'n' roll and a welcome return to the new Alice in Chains. And while Layne Staley is still sorely missed, which would have better served the Cantrell-fronted songs rather than the DuVall trade-offs, it is clear that this band is looking forward with no regrets, no excuses, and no turning back.

MIDDLE CLASS RUT - From Sacramento, CA, this duo of guitarist/singer and drummer - SANS BASSIST - invoke a pretty infectious, though somewhat incoherent, punk/noise rock/rockabilly groove with even funnier songs like "Fuck Off" and "Suck My Balls." Cobain would be proud. Set Grade: B

ALICE IN CHAINS - 90s Seattle grunge icons roar back with a vengeance and reward the crowd with old favorites and newer favorites. It's just two bad that some of their members - Cantrell and Kinney - are complete douchebags! Set Grade: A

Show Grade: A-

Kreator w/ Voivod, Nachtmystium, Evile, Lazarus A.D. @ Nokia Theatre - 3/6/10

2010-03-10T10:31:00.000-08:00

Around this same time last year, Kreator stormed the Nokia Theatre with an all-different, somewhat lackluster, roster of bands to promote their latest release 2009's Hordes of Chaos. For me, what saves the night from an otherwise decent showing by thrash upstarts Lazarus A.D. and Evile, and an incoherently noisy set by psychedelic-black metallers Nachtmystium, is legendary Canadian prog-thrash band Voivod, out on the road in the U.S. for the first time in a long time to promote last year's supposedly last album Infini. Frontman Denis "Snake" Belanger treats the set like a kindergartener plays on the playground, from stomping around the stage like a retarded robot to leading the crowd in unison during "Astronomy Domine" like a symphony composer, Snake keeps a very wily-looking, mad scientist smile on his face throughout. The other 40-something band members, tear it up with the constant thumping and crunch of their 80s thrash and later progressive material, while at one point, bassist Jean-Yves "Blacky" Theriault eats spilled Cheetios from floor.

Kreator follow it up nicely, though somewhat typically. Frontman Mille Petrozza commands the crowd to raise the "flag of hate" (repeatedly), screams and growls, and plays a ripping set of familiar classics. But while I admire Kreator for their contribution to metal, then seems to be something very stagnant about this performance. Maybe I was just more impressed by Voivod's set, but Kreator just didn't live up to the headliner status this time around. I will say though that Mille and rest of the guys were still all-around good guys, though drummer Jürgen "Ventor" Reil is in serious and desperate need for a dentist!

LAZARUS A.D. - To quote a certain song by The Who: "The kids are alright." Set Grade: B-

EVILE - A new band with a new bassist. I can't tell the difference, but a swell bunch of mates. Set Grade: B-

NACHTMYSTIUM - Still incoherent and mindnumbingly dull. Set Grade: C+

VOIVOD - Fun and spirited performances by the band. They should be out on tour more often. Set Grade: B+

KREATOR - A solid set, if somewhat typical. Set Grade: B

VOIVOD SETLIST

"Voivod"
"The Unknown Knows"
"Ripping Headaches"
"Tornado"
"Overreaction"
"Tribal Convictions"
"Global Warning"
"Missing Sequences"
"Astronomy Domine"

Show Grade: B

Decade of Metal: 2000-2009

2010-02-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

On Dec 31, 1999, no planes came crashing out of the sky, nuclear bombs went off or microwave ovens tried to eat anyone. However, times were about to change and in the metal scene change was already well underway. Let us take a stroll through the decade in metal that was.

Many of the 90s big names like Emperor and Pantera prepared to give their last venomous scream dying off in the wake of ever diminishing interest in the metal scene that had plagued the 90s. In the year 2000 a band named “Limp Bizkit” came out with an album called "Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavoured Water" and in a storm nu-metal took over the public perception of heavy music, changing the face of metal irreparably. Although nu-metal had already been pioneered by Korn, bands like Deftones, Disturbed, Mudvayne and Linkin Park all had breakout releases in 2000.

However, underneath this movement was a small American snowball that with help from such prototypical bands like Unearth was to become metalcore. You see, 2000 also saw the release of albums by bands such as Killswitch Engage and Lamb of God - emerging names that would dominate zine covers and awards for the rest of the decade. Combining the melodic death metal of the Swedes, hardcore punk, breakdowns and musicianship absent from their nu-metal brothers, so great was the trend in these new metalcore (and diversity, with bands such as Lamb of God moving firmly into metal territory) that it birthed its own tag - the New Wave of American Heavy Metal, or NWOAHM, to match the NWOBHM, which rose to prominence in the early 80s.

The early 00s were also a time for a select few special bands to rise out of the coming scene stagnation that happens to any popular scene. Mastodon, with its sludge and technical death metal background seemed an unlikely candidate for metal super-stardom. But the clash created a progressive groove thrash monster that sucker punched fans in 2004 with the release "Leviathan," bringing attention to a band that would be highly praised for future releases.

In fact, when the staff of Metal Underground were polled on the best album and newcomer of the decade, Mastodon's three latest releases and the band itself both dominated the votes. Unfortunately, getting people to agree on the best of a whole decade (a decidedly long time) was like herding cats. Everyone from Norther to Ihsahn to Anaal Nathrakh got a vote for best newcomer with Trivium eventually topping the points - even so with only three coinciding votes.

In terms of meteoric rises however, after a successful sophomore effort called "Sonic Firestorm," a novelty guitar game called Guitar Hero launched a power metal band called DragonForce into the world’s spotlight. With lightning speed output it became clear that in the 00s, solos were back in style. On the other end of the spectrum an oddball wall of sound called Sunn O))) was making an unbearable bass heavy racket to neighbors across the globe. While forms of drone music had existed previously, the amalgamation of doom metal with ambient experimentation caused a bubbling and brewing that lurched out of nowhere in the early to mid 00s bringing with it plenty of interesting drone infused sludge bands. In fact, a huge number of doom/sludge/ambient bands merged with elements of drone as the once separate fields experimented with freakish fusions.

Back on the main track, as nu-metal fell out of favor as an out of date trend (bar Slipknot and a select other few), the NWOAHM rose in prominence reaching a peak in the mid 00s. Trivium's "Ascendancy" album probably serves as a flagstaff for the scene, which by this time was burgeoning with bands trying to join the crowd. However, 2005 also saw the birth of a new scene taking its cues from those revolutionaries of the metalcore scene. With the buzz surrounding Job For A Cowboy's "Doom" EP came deathcore, a mixture of metalcore and death grind given a new vocal twist (soon to be named pig-squeal or bree vocals) and heavy on breakdowns. Since that release, deathcore and metalcore has dominated the last 5 years of emerging bands with even metal stalwarts like Cryptopsy trying their hands (to decidedly dismal response).

There is no doubt however that the emerging trends of metalcore and deathcore have driven a spike into the metal community. On one side the so called elitists who have been defending holy territory like rabid dogs since the 90s, and on the other a new generation of people genuinely influenced by beloved metal legends but who stray from the roots of metal into mainstream waters or new trends. But despite differences we trudge on together, perhaps most noticeably against the defining music trend and much maligned of the decade; Emo. Like a Trojan horse wearing girls jeans, attempting to infiltrate the walls of metal with such acts as Bullet For My Valentine and Atreyu, metalheads have largely decided to open fire as oppose to open gates.

Black metal seemed to be increasingly split into two camps as the 00s went on. On one hand, the constant source of Norwegian bands keeping true with Immortal influenced blast beat demolitions came slow and steady. On the other hand, the Americans were stewing their own concoction of misery and melancholy. Depressive black metal as it became known taking cues from Burzum emerged from the early 00s USBM (United States Black Metal) bands like Xasthur, Leviathan, Draguar, Weakling and more. This unholy offshoot also made waves by creating unheard of mixtures with funeral doom metal and sludge.

Aside from new fusions, the deciding feeling in the metal scene of the last decade was one of retroactive longing. The 80s were the heyday when metal kicked ass and took names with limits of speed and aggression constantly being expanded. So what became of this resurgence in the interest of old metal bands? The thrash revival of course! While admittedly worshiping and sometimes dubiously recreating the original sound of mid 80s thrash bands, bands like Evile, Warbringer, Bonded By Blood and more were warmly welcomed into the metal community, as deep down most metalheads hold within a deep desire to return to the glory days of the 80s.

And as it turned out, so did the 80s bands. Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax all made serious attempts at blotting out the 90s with vicious new releases, and at the drop of a hat fallen heroes such as Atheist, Pestilence, Forbidden, At The Gates, Exhorder and many more reformed to enjoy the belated legacy they had created. Along with the return to 80s metal ethic, was a return to the complexity of thrash bands in belated reaction to the simplistic groove and nu-metal music that had clouded the late 90s/early 00s.

Folk and heathen metal had a considerable boost in popularity compared to the 90s, with bands like Primordial, Eluveitie, Finntroll and more making their traditional infused mark. Doom stayed noticeably away from all of this experimentation, choosing instead returning to its basement to concentrate on honing in on the traditional elements of the genre. Likewise, other than the Nintendo metal of DragonForce, power metal stayed the true metal course.

Other mini trends? Pirate bands, inhuman super clicky drums, relentlessly copying At The Gates riffs, increased interest in trolls and Vikings, Ozzy Osbourne becoming known as less of a rock god and more of a shaky Tourettes sufferer, ambient black metal (read: one guy in his bedroom), ninja and gorillas invading pits, the rise of kvlt and tr00 and br00tal, the Grammys still sucking, Devin Townsend losing hair and the proportional increase in the "skullet" as a fashionable haircut, masked bands, increasing tightening of pants from the Limp Bizkit era, and Lemmy refusing to stop rocking. Good on ya Lemmy.

We’re already well into 2010 now, we wait with bated breath to see what you have in store.

Charred Walls of the Damned Release Party @ Fontana's - 2/2/10

2010-02-02T20:05:00.000-08:00

It's a night of celebration for metal as Tim "Ripper" Owens, former singer of Judas Priest and Iced Earth, and Richard Christy, former drummer of Death and current resident "funnyman" on the Howard Stern Show, come together to promote the release of their self-titled album, "Charred Walls of the Damned." It's a somewhat interesting affair as metalheads and fans of all kinds, class and style mixing with the gross and depraved, come out to meet the pair and get the obligatory autograph after paying $10 for the CD.

The evening boasts some familiar faces in metal: Metal Blade honcho Brian Slagel makes an appearance, as do "That Metal Show" co-host Don Jamieson; Sirius/XM host Jose Mangin; Savatage and Trans-Siberian Orchestra guitarist Chris Caffrey; Lisa G. of Howard 100 News; and former Uranium host Juliya C., all of which I would hardly call "celebities," but definitely a night of familiar faces. There's free Pab's Blue Ribbon and free admission to a couple metal bands playing downstairs, which is always good... free, that is! A good make-up for the admirable performance at the Hail! show at BB King, and despite the fact that Owens dislikes me after my scathing review of the show, to which he sent a vicious letter to me on Facebook, he is still pleasant and cordial. Richard Christy, still sloppy and drunk, is also polite and courteous despite my comments concerning his parents at Duff's. It's a metal night indeed!

The three bands who performed were: The Judas Syndrome), The Hixon, and Javelina. I wonder why the Hixon are playing second instead of last since there are obviously the better of the three and have way more mileage and musical polish - ironic since this is metal we're talking about here. I had a chance to mingle and kibitz for a few seconds with the band when I drunkenly (of course) spill my beer on myself and my iPhone. Very down-to-earth and sweet bunch of dudes for a group who play hellish music, which I mean in a very positive way. By the end of the Hixon's set, it's immediately overtaken by Owens and Christy and they play a rousing spin of Judas Priest's "Living After Midnight" (of course it has to be Priest). In the end, comedian Don Jamieson is singing loudly and obnoxiously like a true metalhead, careless and extremely dopey, like fellow comedian and metal friend Jim Breuer would do. He, too, is also pretty cool and respectful. Brian Slagel, who I stupidly and drunkenly thought to be a homosexual, admits to having a girlfriend. He spends his time talking to a barfly than drinking, though he does order another glass of red wine. He is still friendly, sweet dude, despite having the exceptional title as CEO and Chairman of a reknown record label.

While Owens is boozing it up with Caffrey and Jamieson after a rousing set, I work up enough balls and courage to face my online target and get all the bad blood and hurt feelings out. We spend fifteen minutes chatting with one another, interrupted a few times by various bar patrons, and Owens is surprisingly even more candid, polite, open, and cordial than before. We discuss our online differences with him defending his Hail! bandmates incessantly, recognizing them as great guys and nice to fans. His delivery is passionate and I believe he truly loves playing in this band and its figureheads. The one thing he could have done better was address me by name, or at least ask me my name, and maybe buy me a drink. Truth be told, I come away having newfound respect for our man Owens; and not simply because he's "Ripper," but because he acted and treated me with respect, like man, when we could have just as easily taken our beef outside and fought like men. I'm definitely interested in what new project he has in store next.

I leave around 1am while everyone is still there carousing and for once I feel like part of the crew. Chris Caffrey and Don Jamieson show me some love and respect while chatting with Owens, and both Brian Slagel and Jose Mangin are generous and attentive to me. I didn't care for Richard Christy, who was somewhat slippery, but we did at least exchange pleasantries earlier. It was a great evening of metal celebration and mending fences at the same time. In the process, I think I found my new metal hangout joint - Fontana's!

Evening Grade: A-

Hail! (w/ Age of Evil) @ BB King - 1/26/10

2010-02-01T22:55:00.000-08:00

It was a cold night in Hail! as hundreds of old-school and new-guard metal fans flocked to the venerable venue to see the eclectic metal supergroup take center stage. Fronted by the jilted former Judas Priest singer, Tim "Ripper" Owens, and flanked by a who's who of metal superstars, including former Megadeth whipping-boy David Ellefson on bass, Sepultura slop-dog Andreas Kisser on guitar, and Dream Theater douchebag on drums Mike Portnoy, the crew actually pull off a decent show with some well-executed covers.

The anticipation builds from the anxious crowd and you're expecting metal warriors to rip apart the stage, but instead, we get Owens, dressed like someone's old dad trying to look cool and "metal" again with his sunglasses but instead looks like a washed-up has-been singing with his equally old friends like the "good ol' days." Owens did the wise thing and finally removed them! Ellefson looks positively thrash-ready, but someone should let him known that it's 2010, not 1990! His playing is fine, but maybe that's why he no longer plays in Megadeth.... because his style of playing is obsolete and worn out. Kisser looks like the only true metal warrior onstage, perhaps because he is the least likely person to be in this band. Honestly, what the fuck is Kisser doing in this band? What does Sepultura's death-thrash have in common with any of the other members' previous affiliated bands? NOTHING! Kisser doesn't belong in this group, and his sharp guitar chops and shredding make it painfully obvious... that, and the fans' complete lack of interest in him. Portnoy does his usual boasting and guffawing on the drums, showing off and being a smug douchebag. I guess it helps when you're a part of an equally arrogant and ambitious outfit like Dream Theater. Truth be told, Portnoy is a bore and his playing puts me to sleep. His blue beard, an obvious homage to Dimebag Darrell, is probably the only thing worthwhile about this guy. He takes many cues from his buddy Benante from Anthrax, another dickhead! He should choose his associations better!

But the songs are what's most important here. No originals, just covers! It's surprising that a band of this pedigree can, at times, be dwarfed by the songs they play. I admire Owens for tackling some greats, from Maiden to Sabbath, Pantera to Metallica, Dio to Priest. It's starts off with the Motörhead classic "Ace of Spades" and continues well into the next song, Sepultura's "Territory," which Owens lacks in the primal growl of Max Cavalera. Still, the night is young and they invite "special guests" like Bobby "Blitz" Ellsworth, of Overkill, to sing on Motörhead's "Overkill" and Chris Caffrey, of Savatage, to play guitar on UFO's "Light Out" and Metal Church's "Metal Church." Frank Bello, of Anthrax, jams a little bit on bass to Kiss's "Cold Gin" followed by the Anthrax cover of "Got the Time" by Joe Jackson. All this and more capped off with Metallica's "The Four Horsemen" and "Whiplash," Slayer's "South of Heaven" and Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills" before calling it a night.

This was my first encounter with all the members of Hail! and for the most part I enjoyed watching the old metal vets get together and jam to their favorite bands like excited little boys. I guess my disappointment lies in the fact that they act like jaded and conceited old men who are weary and battle-scarred from years of touring and recording and seem to indulge fans as fans, rather than kindred spirits. These guys are not jerks, but if given some success on the scale of, let's say, Metallica... then they just might be!

HAIL! - Four metal vets plus special guests equal decent show! Now bring out some original recordings! Set Grade: B

Show Grade: B

Set List:

"Ace of Spades" - Motörhead
"Territory" - Sepultura
"Grinder" - Judas Priest
"Stand Up and Shout" - Dio
"Balls to the Wall" - Accept
"Mouth for War"/"Walk" - Pantera
"Neon Knights" - Black Sabbath
"Wrathchild" - Iron Maiden
"Lights Out" - UFO (Chris Caffrey of Savatage on guitar)
"Metal Church" - Metal Church (Chris Caffrey of Savatage on guitar)
"Green Manalishi" - Judas Priest (Fleetwood Mac) (Chris Caffrey of Savatage on guitar)
"Highway to Hell"/"TNT" - AC/DC (Bobby Ellsworth of Overkill on vocals)
"Overkill" - Motörhead (Bobby Ellsworth of Overkill on vocals; Frank Bello of Anthrax on bass)
"Cold Gin" - Kiss (Frank Bello of Anthrax on bass)
"Got the Time" - Joe Jackson (Frank Bello of Anthrax on bass)
"Run to the Hills" - Iron Maiden
"The Four Horsemen" - Metallica
"Symptom of the Universe" - Black Sabbath
"South of Heaven" - Slayer
"Refuse/Resist" - Sepultura
"Whiplash" - Metallica

Me and Tim Owens (Hail!)

Me and Andreas Kisser (Sepultura/Hail!)

Me and David Ellefson (Hail!)

Me and Mike Portnoy (Dream Theater/Hail!)

Me and Bobby Ellsworth (Overkill)

Me and Paul Di'Anno

Arch Enemy (w/ Exodus, Arsis & Mutiny Within) @ Nokia Theatre - 1/22/10

2010-01-28T12:13:00.001-08:00

For those of you who don't know, I nearly got into a fight with that fugly, Ginger-looking freak Michael Amott of Arch Enemy. The guy acted like a fucking turd and was about to pull the diva routine again (the first time being at the Carcass reunion show back in 2008 at the same venue, no less) by refusing to sign autographs or take pics with fans until I stepped in and called him a "douchebag." Incensed by this, he drops his bags, turns around, and actually confronts me by putting his hands on me. Witnessed by dozens of fans from the show, I told Amott to get his filthy, Euro-trash hands off me before it would go down badly. My plan worked as Amott returned to his bus, dropped of his bags, and eventually came back out to meet the group of fans waiting outside. Looking back, I should have laid Amott out for putting his Albino fingers on me, but why ruin an almost great night dominated by the great Exodus, who absolutely destroyed Arch Enemy.

The night opened fairly well with Mutiny Within, who took their melodic death growls to familiar heights and seemed to go over well with the crowd. At times, the singer and bassist seemed to connect with two douchers in the front row who were headbanging in delight at the junior-leaguers' attempt at being heavy. But Mutiny Within remind me of why certain bands never reach that next plateau. They're not strong enough to go that extra mile.

Arsis, however, came out swinging. After frontman James Malone's troubles with bulimia and numerous cancellations which cost Arsis much exposure, the new team come out quite confident and assure in themselves that their music is the real deal. Malone's constantly eyes the front row to make sure that everyone is having a good time. It isn't until "We Are the Nightmare" that business really picks up.

But that business belongs to Exodus, the obvious stars of the night, though surprisingly not the headliners. For the second consecutive time, the Bay Area thrashers play second fiddle to a foreign headliner (the first being Kreator last year), yet manage to come out as the favorite band of the evening. With all the flying bodies and walls of death surrounding the venue, there was no question that Exodus were at the top of their game. The members of the band connected with the front row, and myself, and we all became one happy family as the band charged through open "Bonded by Blood," chanted through the chorus of "Children of a Worthless God" and closing out with "Toxic Waltz." Frontman Dukes and I even shared a moment at the end of the set, full of sweaty embraces and laughter.

The members of Arch Enemy take their positions to the soundtrack of some conqueror's theme, befitting of some past European war hundreds of years ago, but the presentation is not. Rather than some ravenous she-beast, frontwoman Angela Gossow comes off more like a mildly angry child throwing a tantrum while turning on all the closeted dykes in the crowd. Sure, her growls are fierce and she deserves some measure of respect, but her chest-thumping like a man (careful she doesn't pop an implant) and schmaltzy speeches to the crowd is laughable and awkward. Bands should just shit the fuck up and play, not give speeches.

MUTINY WITHIN - Junior leaguers who want to play with the big boys. With a name like that, you won't get far! Just ask Dirge Within. Set Grade: C+

ARSIS - Lots of tricky fretboarding and noodling heralds a welcome return to a pretty good band that came dangerously close to ending. Set Grade: B

EXODUS - What can be said? The old masters of metal, and frontman Rob Dukes, make an example clear: If it ain't broke, why fix it? Set Grade: B+

ARCH ENEMY - The so-called "Diva Satanica" and the Swedish meatballs who act as her backup band seem to have bitten off more then they can chew by having to follow the footsteps of Exodus. Set Grade: B

Michael Amott is a cunt and fucking loser, and I wish cancer on him! If you want to piss him off, call him a "douchebag" and prepare to throw down. Just sayin'.... And what the fuck is up with Rob Dukes skipping out like that while the other members of Exodus take the time to meet fans?

Show Grade: B

Me and Angela Gossow (Arch Enemy)

Me and Michael Amott (Arch Enemy)

Me and Chris Amott (Arch Enemy)

Me and Sharlee D'Angelo (Arch Enemy)

Me and Daniel Erlandsson (Arch Enemy)

Me and Gary Holt (Exodus)

Me and Lee Altus (Exodus)

Me and Jack Gibson (Exodus)

Me and Tom Hunting (Exodus)

Me and James Malone (Arsis)

D.R.I. (w/ Inhuman and Rumpelstiltskin Grinder) @ Gramercy Theater - 1/17/10

2010-01-21T17:09:00.000-08:00

Question: Who in their right mind would come up with the idea to have a metal show at 10pm? Better question: Who would expect anyone to show up at a metal show at that hour? The brazen powers-that-be, that's who! If it's a metal show, they will come! The hordes of sweaty, smelly, greasy, horned-up freaks will come at all hours to see a legendary thrash/punk act bring the house down.

For D.R.I., who haven't released a single record in the last 15 years, the mission is rather simple. They blaze through nearly 20, maybe 30, songs with lightning-fast speed. The crowd throws empty or crushed beer cans at them onstage, and many deliriously-minded morons proceed to jump onto the stage and to stagedive back into the crowd. The night was full of that old-time punk/metal religion, a fight between two barrel-chested skinheads broke out early in their set, which is always fun to watch, and the air reeked of blood, sweat, and ham sandwiches. D.R.I. make jokes about the raucous crowd, though at one point frontman Kurt Brecht gets annoyed at one dude in the crowd who is continuously throwing cans at them and challenges him to come up onstage.

Despite the tension in the air, the band play on with familiar classics like opener "Who Am I" to closer "The Five Year Plan." All this in time for their reissue of 1987's Crossover, but what we really need is a new D.R.I. album! And while that may not happen any time soon, it was good to see these old men in their proper element and still whoopin' some ass.

RUMPELSTILTSKIN GRINDER - From the dive bars of Europa to the bigger dive bars of Gramercy, these kids are moving on up! Too bad their music hasn't changed. Set Grade: C+

INHUMAN - Hank Hell's other group away from the Kenny Hickey-fronted Seventh Void. Pretty chaotic and groovy stuff. Set Grade: B-

D.R.I. - The familiar Thrash-and-Grab outfit of the 80s haven't lost their touch despite 15 years of inactivity. Despite baggy eyes, gray hair, and changing times, the boys never miss a beat. And Spike Cassidy's guitar, bedecked with stickers and decals of pop culture and cartoons (Bart Simpson, Beavis), is still the coolest-looking axe I've seen! Set Grade: B+

Show Grade: B

Me and Kurt Brecht

Me and Spike Cassidy

Me and Harald O.

Me and Rob Rampy

My Chat with Corey Beaulieu (Trivium) and the firing of Travis Smith!

2010-01-13T01:18:00.000-08:00

This is my chat with Corey Beaulieu of Trivium telling me exactly what the status is for drummer Travis Smith within the band. For fans of the band, prepare to be heartbroken. For detractors of the band, prepare to rejoice!

9:16pmKristoffer
Why so bored!? Don't you have a girlfriend to hang out with?

Or a boyfriend maybe?

9:18pmCorey

nope

or no one i care to hang out with haha

9:18pmKristoffer

Well, Hulk Hogan's o TNA wrestling right now

And Bret Hart returns to WWE Raw tonight as well

9:19pmCorey

haha nice

9:19pmKristoffer

I'm stuck in school now

9:19pmCorey

oh shit

9:20pmKristoffer

Doing online stuff, pretty boring as well

Hogan's on Spike and Hart's on USA channels, respectively

9:21pmKristoffer

Guess you don't need me anymore, huh? Hahaha!

9:26pmKristoffer

So what's all this about Travis quitting the band?

9:27pmCorey

we parted ways

9:28pmKristoffer

Any particular reason?

Lemme guess....

He couldn't handle life on the road?

Or too much temptation?

9:29pmCorey

it was alot of things.. biggest thing was his playing was getting bad

9:29pmKristoffer

Wow!

Honestly, I never noticed

;-)

9:29pmCorey

and add on other things it was best to replace it

9:30pmKristoffer

The only time I saw you guys with him was at Family Values in '07 in West Palm Beach

So who do you have now?

As a replacement, that is

9:31pmCorey

weve had a new guy for a couple months

9:31pmKristoffer

I must ask you....

when are you guys going to bust out of the whole Metallica/Machine Head junior-leaguers status?

9:33pmKristoffer

I see potential in you fellas, but it's tough to say that you guys will lead the torch when Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer and Anthrax are put out to pasture

As of right now, the future belongs to Lamb of God, Machine Head, Mastodon, and Slipknot

9:36pmKristoffer

C'mon, bro, I ask because I care

9:36pmCorey

there wasnt a question in that

9:37pmKristoffer

even though I wasn't thrilled by how you acted at the Fillmore gig

Yes there was

I asked you when are you guys in Trivium going to break out and break away from being junior versions of Metallica and Machine Head

9:38pmCorey

next album

9:38pmKristoffer

You're sure?

Isn't that what you guys said about "Shogun"?

9:39pmKristoffer

Or was Roadrunner doing all the talking for you?

9:40pmCorey

hahano

9:40pmKristoffer

I'm friend, kid, and a potential fan

I just want to understand where your heads are at and where does Trivium fit in the evolution of heavy metal

9:43pmCorey

im jumping off here gotta run to the store! talk later

9:43pmKristoffer

okay, later, kid

9:54pmCorey is offline.

My Top 10 Best Concerts (and Honorable & Dishonorable Mentions) of 2009

2010-01-11T02:38:00.000-08:00

Here are the gigs of 2009 that I had the pleasure, and displeasure, of attending - a total of 18 metal concerts this past year.

BEST CONCERTS OF 2009

1. Metallica (w/ Machine Head & The Sword) @ Nassau Coliseum - January 29, 2009

2. Lamb of God (w/ As I Lay Dying, Children of Bodom, God Forbid & Municipal Waste) @ Roseland Ballroom - May 5, 2009

3. Dethklok (w/ Mastodon, Converge & High on Fire) @ Hammerstein Ballroom - October 30, 2009

4. Hatebreed (w/ Cannibal Corpse, Unearth, Born of Osiris & Hate Eternal) @ Nokia Theatre - December 18, 2009

5. Metallica (w/ Lamb of God & Volbeat) @ Madison Square Garden - November 14, 2009

6. Down (w/ Melvins & Weedeater) @ Nokia Theatre - September 11, 2009

7. Type O Negative (w/ Seventh Void, Destrophy) @ Nokia Theatre - October 22, 2009

8. Motorhead (w/ Reverend Horton Heat & Nashville Pussy) @ Roseland Ballroom - September 9, 2009

9. Cro-Mags @ Santos Party House - December 29, 2009

10. Trivium (w/ Chimaira & Whitechapel) @ The Fillmore - November 5, 2009

TOP 5 HONORABLE MENTIONS

1. Kreator (w/ Exodus, Belphagor & Warbringer) @ Nokia Theatre - April 8, 2009

2. Soulfly (w/ Prong) @ Blender Theater - October 19, 2009

3. Napalm Death (w/ Kataklysm) @ Blender Theater - April 11, 2009

4. Deicide @ BB King - July 5, 2009

5. Mayhem @ The Fillmore - May 21, 2009

TOP 4 DISHONORABLE MENTIONS

1. Necrophagist (Summer Slaughter Tour) @ The Fillmore - July 19, 2009

2. Destruction (w/ Krisiun & Mantic Ritual) @ BB King - April 7, 2009

3. Cradle of Filth (w/ Satyricon) @ Nokia Theatre - February 27, 2009

4. 1349 (w/ Annunaki) @ BB King - March 2, 2009

Decimation of the Nation Tour w/ Hatebreed, Cannibal Corpse, Unearth, Born of Osiris, Hate Eternal @ Nokia Theatre - 12/18/09

2009-12-22T20:01:00.000-08:00

The "Decimation of the Nation" tour winds down with only three dates left and for some, like myself, this is the last "big" show of the year, and what a way to end it! Despite the oncoming snowstorm, which eventually caused the cancellation of the last show in Philly, fans flocked to the Nokia Theater to see the odd pairing of metal/hardcore hybrids Hatebreed and Tampa death metal legends Cannibal Corpse, plus Metal Blade youngsters Unearth, Born of Osiris and Hate Eternal (which Corpse bassist Alex Webster had played on their latest album "Fury and Flames").

The night started very slowly from Hate Eternal, who perform like an awkward "power trio" since the departure of guitarist Shaune Kelley, who brought a combination of grit, brutal force and technique to the otherwise mind-numbing noise and incomprehensible lyrics coming from frontman and Ron Perlman-looking reject Erik Rutan, and Webster, who was replaced by someone who had absolutely no business being onstage. The crowd seemed content to stay put without going absolutely bonkers despite several attempts from Rutan to get the crowd to lose it. His "come-ons!" seemed to draw more heckles than actual movement. If heckling was a movement, then he got what he wanted. In the short time they spent onstage, only one boy had the balls to actually crowd-surf, and even he fell on his ass because nobody was interested enough in keeping him up.

Born of Osiris didn't fare much better. Their keyboardist kept preening around like a fag peacock with bright feathers while the other members just played without any real heart behind it. They were probably the most forgettable in the entire lineup.

Unearth, who I consider to be the junior league versions of the Big Four like Trivium, were better until their little douchebag of a guitar player Ken Susi had nothing better to do expect spit water in the air righ before each song! I can't tell you how put off and disgusted I was at this little no-talent turd with nothing special to offer the band or its fans except posturing and posing. Advice to Unearth - dump this losers fast! How about I come over and spit in his face? Then maybe I could have enjoyed myself more. Once all the junior leaguers left the stage, the real meat and potatoes metal too over! T

While Cannibal Corpse lives up to the hype, I can't help but feel slightly disappointed. Not necessarily in them or their playing, but the lack of pandemonium coming from the crowd behind me. I expect flying bodies and broken bones, but even the mighty Corpse didn't "kill" the crowd as expected. I did enjoy it when frontman George Fisher made a dedication speech "to all the horny bitches" in Nokia, causing many loud squeals from the females in attendance, right before going into "Fucked with a Knife". Fisher seems especially comfortable with demonstrating his masterbatory skills during "I Cum Blood" or putting the microphone between his giant thighs which might indicate the length of his cock, which from my vantage point looked rather small. The Corpse wrapped it up with the satisfyingly typical "Hammer Smashed Face" and soon left the stage. The gracious and always-friendly Alex Webster tossed bottles of water to the thirsty crowd, one of which I managed to catch.

Once Hatebreed took the stage, it was apparent that these guys were the one they wanted to catch. But I wasn't blown away by Hatebreed that much! I yawned, in fact, which caused guitarist Frank Novinec to yell "C'mon! Wake up!" at me. Sadly, it didn't work. But I did enjoy their familiar tunes such as "Defeatist", "I Will Be Heard", "This Is Now", "To the Threshold", "Destroy Everything", a cover of Slayer's "Ghosts of War", and "In Ashes They Shall Reap" from the new album. Still, I wasn't completely won over.

HATE ETERNAL - The loss of guitarist Shaune Kelley and minus Alex Webster on bass really saps the energy completely. Set Grade: C

BORN OF OSIRIS - A complete bore. The band that doesn't belong anywhere near or on this bill. Back to the garage with you all. Set Grade: C-

UNEARTH - Fire that Susi punk and maybe you'll get somewhere.... oh yeah, and write better songs. Set Grade: C+

CANNIBAL CORPSE - Should have headlined! Above average performances could have been better if the players moved around and had some fun with it. Still, they don't disappoint. Set Grade: B

HATEBREED - Solid, if somewhat one-note. The sugary-sweet, "I will persevere and survive" attitude should be left in a self-help book, not onstage. And Jasta, this isn't a karate class or a 80s dance club, knock it off with those lame jump kicks. Set Grade: B-

Show Grade: B-

Metallica w/ Lamb of God & Volbeat, Day 1 @ Madison Square Garden - 11/14/09

2009-11-20T11:16:00.000-08:00

It was nearly ten months ago that I finally got to see my favorite metal band of all time, the one band that actually got me into the metal scene, performing live before yours truly. At Nassau Coliseum, Metallica played an amazing show filled with lasers, multi-colored flames, and of course, some killer 'Tallica classics and newer ones from their latest album. Here at MSG, it's pretty much the same thing here - the lasers, the flames, the killer tunes both old and new (some would say they played too many newer songs), the electricity in the air and anticipation from the sold-out crowd - but make no mistake, Metallica owned the Garden and proved that they are still the kings of metal and heavy (or hard) rock! My guess is that anyone who had a bad thing to say about Metallica before tonight were promptly silenced.

On this leg of the tour, Volbeat have replaced The Sword while Lamb of God have replaced Machine Head. As with the Nassau show back in January, the first two bands failed to really impress or excite me. Again, much like in the case of The Sword and Machine Head, the sheer size of the stage and the magnitude of the acoustics booming throughout arena, seemed to completely swallow up show-openers Volbeat and, surprisingly, second-tiers Lamb of God. It wasn't until the headliners Metallica took the stage and business began to pick up. Needless to say, Metallica delivered! Mosh pits took form almost immediately as the first riffs from "That Was Just Your Life" began to play throughout the Garden. What surprised me the most was that the pits kept moving even during a couple of the slower, less thrashy songs. Though, in all honesty, from my vantage point, the pits looked quite tame and pitiful by comparison to others I've seen. Either way, when they played "Sad But True", people were on their feet! When they played the familiar but still somewhat obscure, Diamond Head cover in "Helpless", they were on thir feet! Even during another cover, Bob Seger's "Turn the Page", people were on their feet AND singing along!

Of course, there were some rough parts. For example, frontman James Hetfield constantly rapping to the audience about being "part of the Metallica family" and "your love makes us feel really good" came off more like schmaltzy begging, like an employee pleading to his boss for a raise, rather than firm salutations and good wishes. Watching Lars Ulrich slinking and swaggering around the stage, teasing fans with cups of water and middle fingers really rubbed me the wrong way. I guess he's just keeping up the perceptions as how the media and former fans/haters view him as: a greedy, arrogant businessman pretending to be and posing as a drummer. And at times, the songs tend to drag along endlessly, as some newbie Metallica fans who aren't yet familiar with their music look quite bored and confused. In the end, when they drop their black Death Magnetic beach balls during "Seek & Destroy" again, both newbie and Metallica veterans are on their feet as the set ends after two hours of ear-splitting metal. Yes, the boys still got it!

VOLBEAT - Danish group playing (and sound like) Clutch-style rock. I wasn't impressed. These guys are mediocre at best and will remain as show-openers forever. Set Grade: C

LAMB OF GOD - Virginian thrashers who played all the right songs and made all the right moves, but an antipathic crowd of macho frat-boy, homophobic college jocks more interested in the heavy rock sounds of Godsmack or Disturbed, prove that LoG are not ready for the mainstream like Metallica, and may never will. Set Grade: B-

METALLICA - Another great show, but lacks the same dramatic and unexpected element that made the Nassau show so special. High energy performances from the band and an enthusiastic reaction from the sold-out crowd prove that Metallica are still masters of.... well, you know. Set Grade: B+

Overall Show Grade: B

Trivium w/ Chimaira, Whitechapel and Dirge Within @ The Fillmore - 11/5/09

2009-11-09T10:43:00.001-08:00

Much like the last show I went to, this was the first time I saw at least three of the four bands performing live this evening - Dirge Within, Chimaira, and Metallica Lite.... I mean, Trivium - at the always packed and always body-odor-smelling venue, the Fillmore. Jammed in the front row by the usual hundreds-plus sweaty, smelly, ugly and uneducated losers that I spend a good four-five hours fending off flying bodies, there really wasn't much anticipation for me in the beginning. I mean, Dirge Within? Who? And Whitechapel? Another lame, ragtag group coming from this piece-of-shit genre "deathcore"? Who cares! The real reason the pimply-faced youths are here is to see Chimaira, who played a very lackluster set surprisingly, and headliners Metallica Jr. - I mean, Trivium - who play their best impression of 13-year-old kids playing their favorite Machine Head tunes with their own brand of Disney Pop Thrash. But for a junior-league night like tonight, it wasn't a complete waste of time.

DIRGE WITHIN - Yet another band fronted by another Anselmo clone, though this night is populated by those, this Chicago group wasn't all that distasteful. They had enough groove-driven, thrashy riffs that would make the ghosts of Pantera proud. The frontman borrows much of the Anselmo confidence by placing a foot on the monitor and trying, in vain, to start early mosh pits. Still, the energy from the crowd seems rather positive and may prove to develop a following someday in the future. Set Grade: B-

WHITECHAPEL - This is the second time I had the misfortune of seeing these Metal Blade little leaguers, the first being at last year's "Summer Slaughter" borefest. This time around, nothing has changed except the continued growth of my disdain for "deathcore" and all these goddamn untalented kids who invest our small metal market with this shit! To paraphrase Marilyn Manson's "Great Big White World" in order to describe the two times I've seen Whitechapel, "nothing changes, nothing grows." I swear, I could take that first performance and compare it to tonight's show and it would be the same show. The same incoherent songs, the same clothes they wore, and the same faggoty bouncing that they do.... especially from their fat-ass bassist. Like Converge before, these assholes have no place on tonight's bill, or any bill for that matter. I think Slagel would be wise to drop these pricks so they can corrode another label who deserve it.... like Victory Records! Set Grade: C-

CHIMAIRA - So now we get to the big, bad, tough-guy six-man team from Ohio whose entire back catalogue is best suited for the brutal, uncivilized dwellings of MMA and UFC arenas. Playing off their new release "The Infection" which kicks off with "The Venom Inside", the band starts off with high energy, but gradually dissipates rather quickly. I really expected to have people landing on my head, dudes next to me punching me in the face, and just all-around insanity and mayhem. But of course, this is a Chimaira set, not Cannibal Corpse. Judging from bassist Jim LaMarca's constant "come on" and "wake up" from stage, I think other people in the crowd weren't very impressed, either. I realize that the band doesn't play to the audience but for themselves. Guitarists Rob Arnold and Matt DeVries play in their zone, their own headspace, rather than really play for those who come to see them. I think frontman Mark Hunter would be the first to admit that the band plays for themselves and fuck everyone else if they don't like it. And because of that, the crowd loses interest and gives a big fuck you right back at you, Mark. Set Grade: B

TRIVIUM - Personally, I can't understand how guys like "Baby Metallica" can earn the respect and eventual tour slots with the likes of Metallica, Megadeth (Gigantour), Slayer (Unholy Alliance), and Machine Head or develop an appeal from the metal masses. Sure, Matt Heafy is a nice kid and comes off like a capable frontman, especially when it comes to rapping with the crowd, a la Hetfield, but these guys barely muster anything truly their own except their own fanboy fantasies. Sure, the ugly pigs who come to their shows think they're cute and have to drag their pathetic boyfriends to come with them, and maybe there is some musical appeal there, but I can't get past the fact that they are "trying" to be like their heroes. The substitute for absent drummer Travis Smith seemed to be having a difficult time playing the drums and keeping the sweat out of his eyes, which was about the only thing remotely amusing. Set Grade: B-

AFTER THE SHOW - The fuckheads of Chimaira bailed out on meeting fans, much to their disappointment, but were rewarded with the members of Trivium instead, which isn't that great a trade-off really. Bassist Paolo Gregoletto confided in me that he was sick and needed to go to sleep, but was decent enough to take a pic with me, the only one to do so, and Matt Heafy, looking like ever so effeminate and delicate like a Japanese Geisha girl in his satin scarf and coat, braved the cold to take pics and sign autographs. But my biggest gripe and eventual target for my venom of the evening went to Corey "FatFuck" Beaulieu. The portly, absent-minded kid seemed more content to schmooze with Roadrunne Records bigwig assholes than chat with fans. Sure, he signed autographs and took pics, but when it came to gift-giving by yours truly, he simply took it and without so much as a "thank-you" (until i reminded him) went back in the bus and stayed for several minutes. When he came back out alone, I asked him for my gift back. Shocked and confused, he handed me back the gift and apologized. Still, not willing to let it go, I proceed to tell him to be more appreciative to fans and not to be an ignorant douchebag. Just then, his phone rings and HE TAKES THE FUCKING CALL!!!!!! In doing so, he reinforces exactly what I am yelling at him about. So I wish him luck on the next album and tell him to go fuck himself before departing. It felt good doing so!

Show Grade: B-

Dethklok & Mastodon w/ Converge and High on Fire @ Hammerstein Ballroom - 10/30/09

2009-11-02T12:52:00.000-08:00

Tonight was an opportunity to finally get to see what all the fuss was about concerning Dethklok, who had a sold-out show last year at Nokia, and Mastodon, who also had a sold-out earlier this year at the Fillmore. As an admirer of the latter's latest Crack the Skye and great indifference to the former band altogether, as well as to the cartoon "Metalocalypse" itself, and in response to both bands' sold-out shows, when I heard that they were touring together I immediately got my tickets at the first local date to see them. Naturally and almost immediately this date was sold-out, which led to the 29th to open up for an extra date. Once I got in there, I expected a decent show and boy, did I get it! However, I will say that much of it had to do with the use of a screen in the background which led to some visual stimulation and thereby amping the sonic stimulation from the bands up to 11. Not to say that they cheated, but I would really like to compare tonight's show with another show involving Dethklok and Mastodon WITHOUT a screen in the background. I guarantee you the results would be vastly different!

HIGH ON FIRE - Riding the wave of their latest release Death Is This Communion, the stoner trio led by Matt Pike seem to get the night going. The crowd seems to dig the vibe and indeed Pike is enjoying himself, however not one joint is sparked! I can't you what songs were played because I'm not what you would call an HOF fan, but I can say that they warmed the crowd up nicely and were rewarded with ample cheers from the audience. Great energy and chaotic focus helps to sell HOF as possible stoner gods. Set Rating: B

CONVERGE - Off of their latest release Axe to Fall, this foursome seem to pick up the slack quite well, but they come off as the unlikely band on the bill - every tour has one of these - and they seem more comfortable on the Warped Tour than here. Frontman Jacob Bannon seems to enjoy bouncing around like a flea, which is what he reminded me of, swinging his arms around, waving, more bouncing and jumping, even more waving, and eventually screaming into the mic. At certain times, he reminded of Dillinger Escape Plan's singer Greg Puciato, almost as if they went to the same band camp and learned the same stage maneuvers from the same frontman handbook. The rest of the band played well, but the screeching noise that this band makes.... call it "Grindcore Jr.".... doesn't do anything for me except to start blogging on my iPhone. I don't anyone in the audience were that impressed either. Set Grade: C+

MASTODON - So finally it came down to the band I was most interested in seeing. A band whose entire back catalogue can go down the toilet or trash compactor and never see the light of day with the exception of their latest and quite possibly greatest release, the epic conceptual piece called Crack the Skye, which thankfully and expectedly was played in full from start to finish. From the opening riffs of "Oblivion" to the 13-minute closer of "The Last Baron", Mastodon played an incredible live set that featured, as mentioned above earlier, a widescreen of animation stills perhaps from the album booklet (I wouldn't know, I downloaded the album for free!) full of beautiful colors and what looked like silent films from 1900-1927, though I highly doubt these were actual films.... though I could be wrong, too. Brent Hinds even dressed the part, decked out in tight silver astro-pants and an Afro wig, adding to kooky, psychedelic vibe that Mastodon is known for. Once the band has finishing playing the entire seven-track album, they go right into playing one song from the last three albums, 2006's Blood Mountain, 2004's Leviathan, and 2002's Remission, before calling it a night. Again, I have to stress that they were helped greatly by the screen behind them, though not to take away from their abilities as a band. However, in the future, I would like to see if Mastodon can still hold up their own without the use of gimmicks and electronics and rely on the use of their instruments instead. But tonight, they get a pass. Set Grade: A

DETHKLOK - Promoting their latest release, Dethalbum II, the "band" led by Metalocalypse creator Brendon Small, more like a Mike Judge wannabe, makes use of the jumbo screen in the back just as Mastodon had used earlier to the full effect of engrossing and putting the already worn-out group of metalheads into a trance before they realize that four old men are really the brains and fingers behind Dethklok and not five animated men and decide to go home in tears. In reality, the screen actually makes great use of interludes when the band goes off to recoup, using episodic vignettes of past or maybe new episodes from the TV show. At the beginning, there's a moment where Jack Black is in character onscreen to promote the release of the heavy metal video game "Brutal Legend", which really isn't all that funny nor does it make me want to buy the game any faster, though believe me I shall! As a band, the old men on stage are actually pretty good! It helps to legendary thrash metal drummer Gene Hoglan to lend credibility, as well as Mike Keneally (who?) and Bryan Beller (no really, who?) to keep it going. Even Small, who does his best James Hetfield poses like some 40-year-old geek still living with his mother, looks like he knows what he is doing. But like I said about Mastodon, I would like to see Dethklok stripped (not MTV Unplugged style) of all its theatrics and background screen, and just be a band that plays. Guaranteed they would crumble and fail. But tonight, like Mastodon, they get a pass. Set Grade: A

AFTER THE SHOW - So after a rousing evening of satisfying my curiosity as to the appeal of the latter two bands, I decided to make my way out and introduce myself. I decided to skip meeting High on Fire and Converge and made my way to meet the members of Mastodon.

I spot guitarist and part-time vocalist Brent Hinds busy kissing his girlfriend (or wife) and catching up with friends. When we meet, he is friendly enough and we chat a bit before getting photos and going our separate ways. It begins to sour, however, when later I bring up the whole VMAs/William Hudson assault which left Hinds in bad shape. He bitterly tells me that he didn't have any money to pursue a lawsuit and thereby receiving justice for himself. Quite sad, actually. I try to get a picture with Troy Sanders, who behaves like a complete bitch and refuses to take pictures with yours truly, citing that "I don't do pics, man" and "I'm sick" as his excuse. Though as he is telling me this, I did manage to get a pic of him, which I'm not too satisfied with. I told him he should appreciate his fans more and I proceeded to call Sanders an "asshole" and a "douchebag" to his face, which he was not too thrilled about, but it made me feel much better. Next time will be different, and he'll be the one begging for a picture with me. Brann Dailor, who I had met earlier in the day at a Sam Ash signing, seems somewhat mellow and cautious about who he speaks to. I ask him random questions about this supposed film the band is trying to put together based on Crack the Skye which, in my opinion, will NEVER see the light of day. I ask him about his sister Skye, who at 14 committed suicide, on which the album is named for. Like the others, he seems somewhat taken aback and even annoyed by the questions, which isn't surprising or new to me. Bill Kelliher, who I had met the might before outside Hammerstein and was drunk off his mind, recognized me from an awful message I sent him on Facebook earlier in the day about his erratic behavior the night before, and playfully poked me in my belly. He seemed to also lose patience with me as I berated him with questions that were provocative and uncomfortable. His only defense was to ignore me, which didn't work until he retreated into the venue.

Meeting Dethklok was also fun! I got to see my old pal Gene Hoglan again and "kiss and make up" so to speak. Despite losing his mother and dear friend Michelle Meldrum, he comes across as humble, sweet and endearing to those around him, even those who went on record as to defame and insult his character to bloggers and readers online and ask awful questions in his time of mourning. Gene Hoglan proves that he is truly a man of class. The same cannot be said for arrogant jerkoffs and big-headed pricks like Brendon Small, who really does not have a humorous bone in his body. Still smarting from his rude comments last year at a bar, I brought it to his attention, and to his face, that I thought he is and will always be a rude prick and that I hate his cartoons. All he could muster was a five-second staredown, before continuing to sign autographs and take pictures with fans. When I jokingly asked for a picture with him and he refused, I called him an "asshole" in front of the fans, which drew lots of stares and hushed whispers.

FINAL THOUGHTS - Despite all the drama, I left the Hammerstein extremely happy! Happy to mix it up with Mastodon and that douchebag Small one more time, and making amends with Hoglan. I finally got to see and understand why Mastodon and Dethklok tend to sell out the venues and came away with a greater appreciation for the music, even if I download them for free! :-)

Show Grade: A-

Type O Negative w/ Seventh Void, Destrophy and Dead Men Dreaming @ Nokia Theatre - 10/22/09

2009-11-02T12:47:00.001-08:00

A night dominated by the legendary Brooklyn doom/goth metal band Type O Negative that has its members venture off into party rock territory with Seventh Void and flocked with upstart bands (Dead Men Dreaming and Destrophy) who favor looks and flexing sweaty muscles over talent and creating mood.

DEAD MEN DREAMING - Pretty decent openers actually make the most of their extended time by singing randomly cheesy cover songs and actually making them work. They're onstage a bit too long, but the crowd doesn't seem to mind. A little more finesse and execution is needed for band and they may actually develop a following.... maybe! Set Grade: B-

SEVENTH VOID - the second-tier members of Type O Negative break away from the iron grip of frontman Pete Steele to produce a more rocking affair than the usual doom and gloom o the former band. Kenny Hickey does his best Chris Cornell impression at the mic while the rest of the band seem to follow along to a beat that is all their own. But there is no evidence to suggest that this venture is nothing more than just side project and will probably not be around once Type O eventually dissolves. They're typical for a rock band, but the change of pace away from Type O is a welcome one. Set Grade: B-

DESTROPHY - As good as these guys are, I can't help but wish for their set to end quickly so that Type O Negative can finally take the stage. From what I see, the band is pretty tight and the song aren't bad, but I just want to see the final act and go home already. No doubt the girls are digging the frontman, who plays like an amped-up James Hetfield but with sweaty muscled arms and none of the horrid tattoos. But in metal, looks don't matter much or make your band any better. Set Grade: B-

TYPE O NEGATIVE - Despite former Playgirl centerfold Pete Steele's shockingly overweight frame - complete with man-boobs! - members involved with other projects, and the absence of band keyboardist Josh Silver, the "Drab Four" (minus Silver) are still at the top of their game this evening. Even when the set tends to meander now and then, and quite often, they steer it back on course with some favorite cuts from albums past. The presentation is massive enough, decked out in green curtains and green lighting with the "circle around the minus" symbol that represents the band's moniker, and frontman/bassist Steele engages in some witty banter with the crowd and the briefly missing Kenny Hickey, who steps offstage to retrieve a new guitar but seems to be gone for minutes. Great moments come with show opener "Dead Again," the midway point of "Profits of Doom" and the epic encore of the 11-minute "Black No. 1". Set Grade: B+

AFTER THE SHOW

I personally got into some banter with Type O Negative/Seventh Void drummer Johnny Kelly about Facebook, and his reasoning behind it is simply retarded. He is not what you would call a bright guy. Hank Hell and Matt Brown of Seventh Void are gentlemen, and Pete Steele, aka Lurch, is.... quite a character! His sense of humor and wit is sharp and he seems to have answer for every question, no matter how ridiculous it may be. At one point, I ask him if there are plans for another Playgirl spread, to which he quickly replies: "Once is enough." And truthfully, at this point in his life, who would want to see an out-of-shape, fat and old Pete Steele naked?

Show Grade: B